B List of Movie Reviews
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The Babe (1992)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
6/14
6/14:
The Babe is a surprisingly truthful picture about Babe Ruth, the former New York Yankee slugger, but unfortunately,
it's filled with many myths and historical inaccuracies.
What's refreshing is it's not as sugar-coated as I've feared it might be. So, it's still a good baseball picture showing
what, I guess with a grain of salt, he was like back then.
On the other hand, it's possible that Babe Ruth's IQ was equal to the number of most home runs he hit in one season.
At least, John Goodman gives a great, believable performance.
All in all, The Babe is an enjoyable viewing despite the negatives.
Baby Boy (2001)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
5/19
5/19:
I had super low expectations coming into Baby Boy and decided to watch it only because the DVD was coupled with
Boyz n the Hood.
And boy...was I totally wrong. What a coincidence. Recently, I read two books by Jesse Lee Peterson, Scam and
The Antidote, about the current state of Black America: fatherless households, idle/joblessness, high rate
of incarceration, children born out of wedlock, multiple baby mamas, mooched-off mothers, males with feminine behavior or
Oedipal complex, black-on-black violence, gutter "language" called Ebonics, perverse definition of what being a man
means, angry black females, and lack of content in character.
Showcasing all of them, Baby Boy is a damning indictment against the black race. Contrary to what some people may
think, it's not a comedy like Friday or other similar crap films. It's raw, real, dysfunctional, and hard to watch.
What's interesting is how sex is used as a weapon to confuse and therefore control females.
Apart from John Singleton's brilliant writing which is filled with many highs and lows that have the ring of human truth,
the cast offers some of the best acting I've seen in a while. The following four should've been
Oscar-nominated: Tyrese Gibson (who's a splitting image of Terrell Owens), Taraji P. Henson, A.J. Johnson, and Ving Rhames.
Although I hate Snoop Dogg and don't ever pay attention to him, he's effective in playing a scary-looking guy with long,
grotesque arms which are gross to look at. Omar Gooding deserves some credit as Jody's blindly loyal "gangsta" friend. What
precludes Baby Boy from getting '10' from me is the last twenty minutes which comes off as too soft. Instead,
there should be a dramatic denouement like what happened in Boyz n the Hood to send a powerful message.
All in all, as harsh and heavy as Baby Boy is, it's an extraordinarily well-made movie.
Baby Doll (1956)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
3/10
3/10:
Where's the fun in watching a film about a spoiled, uneducated brat?
Elia Kazan tries to make a statement in Baby Doll, but there's one thing that's clear: he needed Marlon
Brando or James Dean to make a successful drama picture. That's why A Streetcar Named Desire and
East of Eden worked out.
Unfortunately, there's too much hubris in Eli Wallach which makes his character unlikeable. Karl Malden looks corny going
batshit crazy and trying to tear it up à la Stanley Kowalski. Carroll Baker is plain, useless, and not worth caring about
because she's a 20-year-old brat who sucks her thumb endlessly, sleeps in a crib, and has consensual sex relations. It's
called "low IQ." A rumor has it that Marilyn Monroe wanted the role. I think she would've been the better choice.
Baby Doll was once labeled "scandalous," "dirty," and "unholy." I chuckle at these adjectives because it's
anything but. By the way, the sight of these people looking healthy and pretty despite living in a dilapidated
house with barely any food has to be impossible.
All in all, the only films in Elia Kazan's oeuvre that have stood the test of time are the ones with Marlon Brando and
James Dean.
Baby, the Rain Must Fall (1965)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
7/09
7/09:
Baby, the Rain Must Fall is an oddity because it was made in 1965 and Steve McQueen was already an international
star after the release of The Great Escape and had to be handed this crummy project?
Luckily, he was able to shrug it off and begin his ascent to immortality when he signed up for The Sand Pebbles,
Papillon, Junior Bonner, and Bullitt, among others. The biggest problem with
Baby, the Rain Must Fall is nothing happens. There isn't an explanation, either. Steve McQueen doesn't do
much because he's given little to work with. He has no special moments. In other words, it's a very ordinary Steve McQueen
performance.
Lee Remick stares for hours as she effortlessly maintains her frigidity. How that woman got work in Hollywood
is beyond me. She's impossible to have chemistry with, and Steve McQueen certainly felt it. I can imagine him, out of
frustration, bashing Lee Remick's head against the wall.
All in all, Steve McQueen didn't make many films during his career, and each time he did one that wasn't worthwhile,
his talent was wasted.
The Babysitter (1995)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
8/20
8/20:
There's a point being made in The Babysitter.
Two male teenagers with an overactive imagination decide to visit the house where a good-looking girl has a
babysitting job. It turns out that she isn't interested in them, preferring to focus on her job.
Heavily influenced by alcohol, the father of the kids wants to make a play for the babysitter by getting away
from the party. At the same time, one of the boys has rape on his mind, and everything goes awry when the father
returns home.
The film works well this way with lots of back-and-forth between the house and the social adults-only party. It's
all about the hormones. Yet the director goes too far by adding two unnecessary parallels to the mix: the father's
wife wishing for an affair with the host of the party and their kid taking interest in the babysitter.
Good acting is what makes this film possible. The catalyst of the plot is Nicky Katt who's been underrated for a
long time. J.T. Walsh is well-seasoned to give a strong performance. All Alicia Silverstone has to do is to
look pretty and not do very much; she's effective this way.
All in all, The Babysitter is a well-edited erotic thriller.
Bachelor Party (1984)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
9/12
9/12:
This one has it all: drugs, hookers, bestiality, and more hookers.
Bachelor Party is a great comedy that provides a marathon of laughs. Sure, it has plenty of unrealistic situations,
but make no mistake: it's a very funny picture.
Tom Hanks is at his comedic best. He will remain so for the next decade before switching over to dramas, an area that
he excelled at, too.
All in all, Bachelor Party is the film to get if you want to laugh from start to finish.
Back Door to Hell (1964)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
3/25
3/25:
The only reason Back Door to Hell gets any look is Jack Nicholson.
Easy Rider hasn't come around yet, so that makes it five years of waiting.
Anything this early is a curio because how can anyone had missed him? Well, Jack Nicholson doesn't look fully
polished here and thus needs more seasoning. Instead, it's Conrad Maga who steals the show as Paco, but that's
not saying much because Jimmie Rodgers keeps diverting his face from the camera. Both never saw their careers
go anywhere afterwards.
Because of the bare-bones plot, Back Door to Hell doesn't feel like a movie but a TV episode. The action
is always weak and never daring, and nothing dramatic is shown. Then again, what do I expect when it was made
for eighty grand? At least, it's only 69 minutes long. Of what I've seen, I'm reminded of
Ambush Bay which is far better and more developed in every aspect.
All in all, Back Door to Hell is a nothingburger.
Back from the Front (1943)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
1/08
1/08:
Back from the Front is as tasteless as it can be.
All in all, the Three Stooges have to do a lot better than that.
Back to School (1986)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
11/06
11/06:
Rodney still gets no respect.
Back to School has a slow start, rolling with weak jokes, before Rodney Dangerfield finally shows up, and
the movie takes off from there and is thus uproariously funny.
When Rodney's character, Thornton Melon, was quizzed during the oral examination, his professor said to him, "I
have one question for you." He let out a sigh of relief before hearing, "...in 27 parts." Then, he whispered, "I
would love to break you in 27 parts."
What does Melon do when he's assigned a research paper on the works of Kurt Vonnegut? He hires the very same
author to do it for him. Lo and behold, Melon gets an F because the professor says he knows nothing about Kurt
Vonnegut. Genius.
Stuck in a long line during Registration Day? Melon's simple solution: start a rumor that Bruce Springsteen is
here on campus. His son is denied admission to the university? No problem. Just write out a check for a new
building that'll be named in his honor.
All in all, everything shown in Back to School is true about universities nowadays.
Back to the Future (1985)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
1/08, 7/20
1/08:
Back to the Future is excellent stuff.
I remember seeing the picture when it first came out in theatres in 1985. As great as the show is, Back to the Future
suffers from logic flaws.
Take one instance when the tree fell down over the cable wire. Why didn't Marty McFly remove the cable stuck underneath the
branch and then get it roped back to Dr. Brown? I mean, it's what most rational people will do. Another is the car
displaying different years: present, destination, and past. Yet how does it know where to go? Will the car land in Italy during
the Italian Renaissance or in Philadelphia during the America Revolution? Or is it going to remain in the same place every time?
Regardless, Back to the Future is a great, fun journey with many zany scenes and superb performances. I love the
characters, the story, and the uniqueness of the incidents and how one specific moment can change history. Michael J. Fox will
always be memorable as Marty McFly which is a cool name. Christopher Lloyd and Crispin Clover are superb, too.
If I pay close attention to what Marty McFly is doing, I can see how the little stuff makes a big difference, having
far-reaching consequences. Also, there's an additional suspense factor to the plot as everybody struggles to stay alive in order
to go back to the way they were. Anyway, is the film meant to convey the message that it's better to have cool, well-do parents
over dumb, geeky parents? It seems discriminatory.
All in all, Back to the Future is the one for all ages.
7/20:
Back to the Future is a classic sci-fi picture that's sure to delight everybody.
The time travel story is ingenious, especially when the son meets his parents when they're young and in high school. Michael
J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd are famous for their roles of Marty McFly and Doc Brown, respectively. The rest of the cast is
perfect.
All in all, Back to the Future had all the right ingredients to be the highest grossing film of 1985.
Back to the Future Part II (1989)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
1/08, 7/20
1/08:
Back to the Future Part II is a somewhat boring sequel.
The plot is a repeat of the original, and I can see what's coming ahead of time. It seems, in hindsight, the filmmakers
wanted to focus more on what would occur in the third part than dealing with the current story. Of course, the ending is going
to happen because I'm still alive; in other words, if the characters didn't succeed in their mission, my life wouldn't exist
anymore.
The conflict doesn't feel magnified enough. Why fix problems in the future when they've already happened? What about the
other people whose lives didn't turn out the way they had envisioned? I don't understand why the setting must take place thirty
years before or after 1985. How about 1957? Or 2003? Or 1976 for a change? What's so special about the number "30"?
The performances are okay, but Thomas Wilson, who plays Biff Tannen, is annoying because of his constant
screaming. He also eats up too much screen time.
All in all, Back to the Future Part II is a letdown compared to the original.
7/20:
I'll normally rate Back to the Future Part II very high, but it repeats many scenes from the original to my annoyance.
Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd are back, and they're fun to watch. Creativity is super high, and the
filmmakers do a nice job of covering all the bases to make sure the logic of time travel is sound.
I saw the movie maybe four times in the past, but what's unbelievable is two baseball predictions coming true since
the last time I saw it. One is the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series one year after 2015, ending their 108-year drought.
Two is there's now a Miami baseball team which was established in 2012. Thankfully, there's no Jaws 19.
All in all, Back to the Future Part II would've been better if it wasn't so repetitive.
Back to the Future Part III (1990)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
1/08, 7/20
1/08:
Back to the Future Part III has many logic problems.
One: When Marty McFly traveled to 1885 and stashed his car away in the cave, how come there wasn't another DeLorean that's driven
separately by Doc Brown?
Two: How about paying eighty dollars to Mad Dog Tannen? Doing so will have avoided all of the mess in the first place.
Three: If Clint Eastwood is a famous name in the Wild West, then there'll be no Dirty Harry, correct? I say this because
his Spaghetti Westerns weren't that popular in the States as the stupid fanatics would like have you to believe.
Four: During the ending, where did the train come from? It'll be unbelievable if the train was produced during the future.
Five: If Mad Dog was arrested, would it delay generations of the Tannen family, or perhaps the family would cease
to exist?
Six: Where's the marshal the whole time?
Seven: If Marty McFly is transported to October 27th of 1985, will he see his duplicate along with the original copy?
Eight: When Clara Clayton gave birth to two sons with Doc Brown, how come, during the new train scene, she still looks the same?
I don't like how the film ends. In many ways, it renders the previous sequel useless as if 2015 never happened. The
story isn't bad, regardless.
All in all, the Back to the Future trilogy has been a nice ride.
7/20:
I have to admit that Back to the Future Part III is a lot better movie than I remembered.
I know many comments have been made about Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd, but Thomas F. Wilson should be commended
for taking on multiple roles throughout the trilogy as Biff, Griff, and Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen. It's an impressive job.
This sequel is much better than part two because it's both fresh and original. Nothing is repeated. There's also movie magic
that's supplied by Christopher Lloyd. Of course, the filmmakers asked Clint Eastwood for permission to use his name which worked
out well. Again, it's cool to see how the events are intertwined to give a sci-fi edge to the film. They remind me of the TV
show Quantum Leap. Like the last two pictures, the special effects are ahead of time.
All in all, Back to the Future Part III is a great wrap-up of the trilogy.
Back to the Woods (1937)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
12/07
12/07:
Back to the Woods has some ups but lots of downs.
There's a joke here and there but not enough of them to make the short film consistently entertaining.
It's hard to say whether or not it's racist.
All in all, take a hard pass on Back to the Woods.
Backdraft (1991)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
5/12
5/12:
I remember seeing Backdraft during the early 90's and not liking it much.
After trying again, my sentiment remains unchanged. Despite the star-studded cast which includes Kurt Russell,
Robert De Niro, William Baldwin, Donald Sutherland, and Jennifer Jason Leigh, it's been mediocre. Only Kurt
Russell shines.
A lot of critics panned William Baldwin's performance, but he's as good as everybody besides Kurt Russell. The
chief reason why the movie doesn't work is the ludicrous plot. Worse is the unrealistic firefighting scenes.
Backdrafts don't occur that often in real life.
The idea of firefighters saving babies and kids every time a fire breaks out is overboard. They also keep
putting themselves in harm's way only because it looks cool. Impossible. In real life, they'll be mostly outside,
spraying water on the building to extinguish the fire. Back to the plot, why does the alderman assist the fire
inspector in his search for the cause of the victim's death? It's like he wanted to be caught on purpose which
makes no sense.
All in all, Backdraft is probably the best film made about firefighters, and it isn't even that good.
The Bad and the Beautiful (1952)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
3/14
3/14:
The Bad and the Beautiful is among best pictures of the behind-the-scenes showbiz genre.
So many films such as The Player,
An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn, and Swimming with Sharks
have failed to capture the essence of Hollywood's cutthroat business, but this one gets it right.
Obviously, Kirk Douglas has star quality written all over his face, and it shows in The Bad and the Beautiful. Without
question, he's a scene-stealer. Lana Turner gives a good but not believable performance because she's a star, not an actress.
So, I don't buy it for a second. It's not her best work anyway.
Gloria Grahame won the Oscar for her overrated supporting performance. Did she sleep with the Academy voters? The worst
and most unbearable of the cast is Dick Powell. Nobody acts like that in real life. Meanwhile, the story is interesting to
follow, but who cares? A glaring omission is the casting couch which was made to good use by many famous stars. Even for
both genders, having sex with those in power was usually the only way to appear in movies.
All in all, The Bad and the Beautiful has it all: story, acting, dialogue, and, for good or bad, the classic touch
of Hollywood.
Bad Boys (1983)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
4/25
4/25:
Bad Boys is the beginning of Sean Penn's overrated career as a leading man.
He tries to be tough but cries 2.5 separate times: the 75th minute mark and at the end. The half is
for attempting to at one point, but he decided to forego it; in other words, it's been a lot of bullshit
acting to reach for depth. Regardless, Sean Penn was 22 at the time and had the tattoo on his arm done for real.
I'm sure many were impressed about being immersed in the juvenile detention center, but this ain't tough. It's
rather almost a remake of Scum with a couple of backstories appended, and I
mean the 1977 BBC production, not the 1979 theatrical version, that was banned in the UK. Richard Di Lello
claimed he came up with everything on his own; I call foul on that, and I'm quite sure he saw
Scum first and was inspired to write an American version of it.
Check out his résumé to see if I'm right or wrong.
Sean Penn is Ray Winstone, and Eric Gurry is Phil Daniels while a combination of Clancy Brown, Robert Lee Rush,
and Esai Morales represents John Blundell. The prison plot is somewhat the same, but in
Scum, the guards were more closely involved and thus brutal. If there's
a battle between Sean Penn and Ray Winstone for the top dog position, the latter will win.
The acting is fine from start to finish, but the director lost control of some secondary characters by
adding too much stuff to make the movie longer than necessary. At first, it's mother who disappeared.
Then, the girlfriend is no longer shown after Mick escaped to see her. The radio exploded on Viking's
face, and what happened to him afterwards? How about Horowitz? At least, the second half is better by getting
to the point.
All in all, no matter how hard everybody tries in Bad Boys, the gritty realism of
Scum is unbeatable.
Bad Company (1995)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
1/09
1/09:
I expected Bad Company to be a fun movie because it had Laurence Fishburne and Ellen Barkin.
Instead, the picture turns out to be a mind-boggling disappointment because of the nonsensical plot. The more time I spend
deciphering it, the less I understand what the heck the whole thing is about.
However, Damian Harris' slick direction helps it to be sharp and appealing with plenty of style. Ellen Barkin
sure can be sexy, but it's too bad that she's wasted in this clunker. Everybody else is well-cast.
All in all, instead of Bad Company, the most apt title is Bad Movie.
Bad Day at Black Rock (1955)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
10/13
10/13:
Bad Day at Black Rock is a simple and effective picture that merits a place in my Best Films list.
Right from the get-go, the ominous feel of what's about to come is established, and the plot thickens every
second throughout.
Spencer Tracy is great as the one-armed stranger who shows up in a town that looks almost dead. Robert Ryan and his gang of
villains, which includes Ernest Borgnine and Lee Marvin, start to be threatened by his presence.
Between these two opposites, something is bound to happen sooner or later. It's by far the most interesting aspect of the film.
There's a neo-noir quality going on due to a femme fatale, sinister villains, town's
desolateness, and suspenseful buildup toward the climax.
All in all, Bad Day at Black Rock is among the greatest movies made.
Bad for Each Other (1953)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
2/24
2/24:
Bad for Each Other is a fine drama starring Charlton Heston.
Thanks to him and the intelligent script, it's a short fast-paced picture about medical ambitions and ethics. For the longest
time, there's no story; rather, it's this: is the doctor more interested in money or medicine? At first, he thought having a
steady stream of patients would set him up for life, no matter how vacuous their ailments were. They just wanted to be seen and
paid attention by a young, dashing-looking doctor.
Of course, Charlton Heston is too handsome to look past. He steals the show in every scene. Forget Lizabeth Scott; she's
nothing compared to him. At first, because of her silly character and the film title, I thought I was going to watch a
film noir, but it never materialized. So, why not come up with a better title like Security? At any rate, Dr. Tom
Owen will be fine without Helen Curtis; it won't take long for women to flock him, but he's almost too indifferent to care.
There are good points being made, especially when it comes to who's doing the actual work. Why should Owen let Dr.
Homer Gleeson take credit for something he didn't do? Besides, Owen doesn't need him because he's Moses and Judah Ben-Hur
all rolled into one. Oddly, the practice of "ghost surgeons" was a heavily discussed topic in its day. I shudder to think
of how bad it was back then.
All in all, unfairly dismissed by everybody, Bad for Each Other should be seen by fans of Charlton Heston and
intelligent screenplays.
Bad Girls (1994)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
7/08
7/08:
Well, it had to happen.
There exists a chick flick version of The Wild Bunch, and it's called *shudder* Bad Girls. The plot
is almost the same as the Western legend, and some of the editing smacks of Peckinpah's distinctive style. But it goes further
by disrespecting the film while being equipped with a poor screenplay and lame action sequences.
Meanwhile, I like the casting for two of the four prostitutes: Madeleine Stowe and Andie MacDowell. However, I'm not sure
about Mary Stuart Masterson who seems to be a lesbian.
I don't like the inclusion of Drew Barrymore; she isn't even in the same league as the first two actresses. Plus, she keeps
pulling the same crap that Michelle Rodriguez always does. Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio will make a better substitute. Dermot
Mulroney and James LeGros are terrible. Robert Loggia's role isn't magnified enough, and he should've been the main villain.
All in all, Bad Girls doesn't work on many levels.
Bad Influence (1990)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
10/03, 7/05, 5/08
7/05:
Bad Influence is both style over substance and substance over style.
It works because of bad boy Rob Lowe's captivating presence. His character is cold and manipulative. One
simple look on Rob Lowe's face, and it's easy to believe he's a natural all-American guy, but his smile deceptively
changes my mind. I love James Spader in this, too.
All in all, Rob Lowe gives the best performance of his career in Bad Influence.
5/08:
Although Bad Influence is a stylish thriller with outstanding performances by Rob Lowe and James Spader,
the novelty has been worn off.
The premise is too simple. It's hard to believe, given James Spader's character's background and social status,
he has almost no friends to rely on. Yet Bad Influence is a wonderful film which explores the seedy life
that one is oblivious to and gets drawn into it before realizing the mess he has gotten himself into.
Rob Lowe, of course, was pushed to the limits by the infamous videotape scandal, bringing the best out of him,
acting-wise. That's why I like to revisit the film for his performance.
All in all, Bad Influence is 100% Rob Lowe.
Bad Lieutenant (1992)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
7/03, 8/06
8/06:
Although I commend Harvey Keitel for his uninhibitedness, there's nothing special about Bad Lieutenant.
The movie fails because the plot is neither interesting nor meaningful. It just goes nowhere. There are redundant scenes
about a dirty cop's lifestyle that's spirally downhill via drugs, sex, and baseball. Yet do I care? No. Hence, it's what
killed Bad Lieutenant.
Harvey Keitel makes a travesty out of himself because his character isn't real, soulful, or worth saving.
Rather, I see an actor who's pretending. Look at the movie poster. What the fuck is he doing?
I blame director Abel Ferrara, who's also responsible for the backfire in
King of New York. His incompetence is at full
display in both pictures. To be a serious filmmaker, he must learn how to develop his characters who are worth caring about.
If Abel Ferrara can't do that, the film is a waste of reel.
All in all, Bad Lieutenant is a mess.
The Bad News Bears (1976)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
4/05, 11/13
11/13:
For the most part, The Bad News Bears is a funny picture.
It's pretty much due to Walter Matthau. He was a talented comedian who had a knack for delivering the goods with a
deadpan face. The kids are okay and thus tolerable. Of them all, Tatum O'Neal, the youngest Oscar winner who's also the
daughter of Barry Lyndon's Ryan O'Neal, gives the best performance and is able to match Walter Matthau line for line
throughout the film.
However, the championship game is when things start to go sour, causing the movie to shoot itself in the foot and be against what
the message is about. That's why people today hate baseball whether it's through playing or watching the
game. By the way, if you have to answer a movie trivia, make sure to remember the words "Chico's Bail Bonds." You'll thank
me later.
All in all, The Bad News Bears is a good comedy film, but the ending needs to be replaced in order to align with the intended
message.
The Bad News Bears
Go to Japan (1978)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
11/13
11/13:
No...no...no...the horror.
Thankfully, this is the end. Absolutely nothing works in The Bad News Bears Go to Japan.
What the hell was Tony Curtis thinking when he agreed to appear in this steaming pile of crap? Was he that desperate
for money or to relive the nostalgic memories of Some Like It Hot? On the other hand, Kelly Leak tries to imitate
Marlon Brando of Sayonara by wooing a young geisha. Why are Hollywood films like
that every time the Americans visit one of these Asian countries?
I've been clueless as to why the team has earned the privilege to travel to Japan to play a meaningless game with tons
of dollars wasted to make it happen. By the way, be sure to check out the pre-cut wood blocks during the karate demonstration.
All in all, the good news is that The Bad News Bears Go to Japan is the last of it.
The Bad News Bears
in Breaking Training (1977)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
11/13
11/13:
The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training sucks more than a thousand of vacuum cleaners.
The child actors are the worst. That kid who plays the effeminate-looking Carmen takes the cake for stinking up every
scene she appears in. Although William Devane brings a lot of energy to the film, his performance is a tad overdone,
especially during the baseball practices.
California Champions? The Bears don't look any better than they did on the very first day of practice in the original.
For them to get in championship form within several days to play in a rinky-dinky four-inning charity game, the filmmakers
are trying too hard to pull the wool over my eyes.
All in all, The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training should be smashed into pieces with a Louisville Slugger bat.
The Bad Seed (1956)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
5/14
5/14:
What should've been a simple 90-minute black-and-white horror film, The Bad Seed is a 130-minute non-stop
talky picture with one of the worst, most laughable deus ex machina endings I've ever seen.
Then, there's an added unnecessary finish by having all of the players bowing to the audience for the final
curtain call before proceeding to show Nancy Kelly spanking (what?) Patty McCormack for fun. Regardless, the pace
is slow and uneven; the characters will say their lines as quickly as possible and then slow down their cadence
when they have shorter lines. This technique makes it obvious that the film is a theatrical play.
Astounded as I am at the fact that three actresses of the cast were Oscar-nominated, they, save for Nancy Kelly
who's all right but nothing to get gaga over, are terrible. Eileen Heckart, who plays Hortense Diagle, overacts,
chews too much screen time, is too theatrical for her own good, and won't go away. Ditto for Evelyn Varden and
Henry Jones as Breedlove and Leroy, respectively. William Hopper, who plays the colonel, is a perfect candidate
to appear in Plan 9 from Outer Space.
The worst acting performance goes to Patty McCormack. She's a shining example of what an awful child star looks
like with no acting experience. It's one of the most pathetic portrayal of how a bad seed should behave. In fact,
the apt title of the film ought to be The Spoiled Seed.
And for the ending...my goodness. Let me make an educated guess how it happened this way. Because the characters
had talked for so long, the director, Mervyn LeRoy, ran out of time and money, so he opted for a hasty ending
for the sake of tying up the loose ends. Anyway, I blame the film's failure on him. No wonder why Alfred Hitchcock
turned down the chance to direct this turkey.
All in all, due to the circular conversations, theatrical acting, and complete lack of horror,
The Spoiled Seed is a BIG BORE.
Badlands (1973)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
11/13
11/13:
Badlands is an okay picture that's plays out like a pastiche of
Bonnie and Clyde.
However, not much happens. It's just a repeated cycle of different Midwest locations, felonious
law-breaking incidents, and superficial lines that are passed off for wisdom.
Although loosely based on the tale of a killer couple, Charles Starkweather and Caril Ann Fugate, that gripped the nation
during the late 50's, it's neither novel nor fascinating. Worse, it'll be done better in
Natural Born Killers.
On the other hand, Martin Sheen and Sissy Spacek aren't bad, doing the best as they can with the material.
All in all, Badlands doesn't have enough verve to be a worthwhile picture.
The Ballad of Jack and Rose (2005)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
12/14
12/14:
Talk about awkward: the kind that makes me go, "Um..."
It's what The Ballad of Jack and Rose has been like. So, let me summarize the plot:
Living on an island, Jack (Daniel Day-Lewis) and Rose (Camilla Belle), who are father and daughter, revive the
practices of failed communes during the 60's. At one moment, they were going to engage in a lovemaking session but only to
stop short of it.
Jack goes out the next day to transfer his pent-up sexual energy onto some woman he has been dating for four
months. Afterwards, he offers to pay her to move in with him and his daughter. She does along with her two sons. One is an
AC/DC punk, and the other has a weight problem and is an aspiring hairstylist whose aim is to give women boy haircuts.
During the first night, Rose sees her father having sex with the woman and decides to take off her clothes in front of the
hairstylist who resists her and insteads give her a butch haircut. A couple of days later, Rose, carrying a box
of a copperhead snake, observes from a distance in the dark a female giving the AC/DC punk a blow job in
a beat-up car. He sees Rose and decides to make his move to devirginize her a short time later during the same night.
The snake under the bed breaks free amid their brief romp and is left roaming around the house.
The next day, Rose celebrates her deflowering moment by hanging up the white bed sheet with a spot of a blood on it and declares
the sex experiment a success. Jack goes out to have a smoke, takes a look at the flying sheet, and becomes enraged because
he can't stand the thought of being beaten to it by a "scumbag." After breaking the AC/DC punk's legs and arm, Jack gives
his mother money to move out of the house for good.
Meanwhile, Rose breaks into a house that's still in construction, and her father sleeps over. They kiss for a moment before stopping short
to realize the error of their ways. The next day, he has a heart attack and dies in his sleep. Rose sets the house on fire
while regretting the fact that her father never banged her. Two years later, she's happily working in a nursery somewhere
in Vermont. The end.
So, what is it all about? I suppose that The Ballad of Jack and Rose is a subtle metaphor about controlled
incestuous feelings. Yep, that's what it must be because incest is a huge taboo in Hollywood which is almost never shown in films.
The pretentious ending is a disappointment because I prefer the girl to immolate herself along with her deceased father which
can be thought of as Easy Rider meeting
The Wicker Man. By the way, I'm sure that she'll be investigated for murder
because how can anyone prove her father died of natural causes?
Taking the Sean Penn route, Daniel Day-Lewis breaks down to cry more than 75% of the time and then calls it acting. So, why did
he agree to do this dreck? The easiest explanation is: his wife, Rebecca Miller, is the director, so anything for her.
Camilla Belle is pretty, which is why attempts at incest are overlooked, and is capable of meeting the standard,
acting-wise.
All in all, The Ballad of Jack and Rose is so bad and awkward that it's hysterically funny.
Bang the Drum Slowly (1973)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
10/16
10/16:
What do you think about the image of a young Bob De Niro sporting a huge black pompadour while having a wad of tobacco in his
mouth with some of the juice dripping down?
Well, that's what you'll see in Bang the Drum Slowly. The following year, Bob will transform himself into
Robert De Niro as we know him today, subsequently winning the Oscar for The Godfather Part II while getting
Mean Streets out of the way.
It's a mediocre baseball movie with a Gehrig ending. Hardly much happens. The pace
is slow. Vincent Gardenia, who got nominated for an Oscar for his supporting role, makes things a bit interesting
although he overdoes it. Michael Moriarty is boring and proves why he belongs in TV. No disrespect to him, he just
doesn't have it, but he's fantastic as Assistant District Attorney Benjamin Stone in Law & Order.
All in all, fans of Robert De Niro should take a look at Bang the Drum Slowly and marvel at the fact of how ordinary
he is.
The Bank (1915)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
8/07
8/07:
Finally, for the first time ever, I chuckled once through a Charlie Chaplin picture.
The Bank has a scene when Charlie looked at the male customer and wasn't sure if he's sick. So, he asked him
for a tongue check and got a lick for his stamp. Genius, is it?
Also, for the first time after seeing so many Chaplin shorts, The Bank tells a coherent story but is still
bogged down by the usual slapstick shenanigans. Is this a sign that things will finally start to improve by
getting out of the basement that's littered with '1' ratings?
The story reminds me of An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge which was written by Ambrose Bierce. If you're not familiar
with it, it's about a guy who escapes from his captors only to be hanged at the end because the whole scene he described was
a dream.
All in all, the techniques in The Bank are better employed such as the use of montage, the expression of feelings,
and the advanced, albeit sloppy, editing work as compared to the previous crap films by Charlie Chaplin.
Barbarians at the Gate (1993)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
7/20
7/20:
The viewer's enjoyment level of watching Barbarians at the Gate is going to depend heavily on
how well-versed he is in the matters of business.
I found some of the language a bit difficult to follow at times, but I get it on the whole. Yet Barbarians at the Gate
isn't what I call an entertaining film. By the way, what a great title, and I love the tagline as shown on the poster.
Two head honchos compete to take over RJR Nabisco through leveraged buyout (LBO) by outbidding each other with each
presenting a list of pros and cons. Honestly, that sounds boring. Anyway, F. Ross
Johnson lost out in the final bid round because his main motivation in life was to be filthy rich.
While the cast is uniformly good, there are two standouts: James Garner and Jonathan Pryce. I don't think I've
seen the former act this well, so kudos to him. If you ever want to see Fred Dalton Thompson
in a superman suit, here's your chance.
All in all, although I've never read Barbarians at the Gate, the book is probably more intricate and, therefore, better
than the movie.
The Barchester Chronicles (1982)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
5/16
5/16:
When the news broke of Alan Rickman passing away, a lot of people made a mention of his breakthrough performance in
The Barchester Chronicles and that it was a great miniseries.
So, I sought out a DVD copy and watched the whole thing. Man, it's torturous. I read a lot of classics and
can keep up with the language. But in The Barchester Chronicles, the plot never advances, and everybody
keeps dragging the same topic for nearly seven hours: the position of the hospital warden.
The miniseries is about pulling off the performances, chiefly the art of speaking perfect English, but there's
little of everything else. If the filmmakers spent more time on the plot to balance the equation, it would've
been enjoyable to watch. Honestly, the thespians are fine, and I have no complaints about any of them. Nobody
stands out; they're all more or less the same.
All in all, The Barchester Chronicles has left me disappointed, and there's no reason for it to
be seven hours long.
The Barefoot Contessa (1954)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
8/12
8/12:
As soap operatic as The Barefoot Contessa was, it didn't turn out to be that bad.
However, Ava Gardner was too old for the role. It would've been more sensible to give the part to Elizabeth Taylor who
was twelve years her junior. There's a tagline on the poster making a bold statement: "The World's Most Beautiful
Animal!" Eh, if I look at Ava Gardner's face in the film, she appears worn out, thanks to the heavy dose of makeup.
Meanwhile, there are times that some characters, most especially Oscar, spoke for too long. Edmond O'Brien
inexplicably won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor, beating out Lee J. Cobb, Rod Steiger, and Karl Malden
from On the Waterfront which is plain crazy. I thought he was the worst of them all who wouldn't shut the
fuck up and should've gotten a gallon bucket instead to drain his handkerchief in.
Speaking of Humphrey Bogart, if it wasn't for him, The Barefoot Contessa would've fallen apart because he's the
glue that kept it together. The fatherly relationship that his character had going with Maria Vargas is the chief reason for
sustaining my interest. If not for it, the film will have been nothing more than a simple soap opera melodrama in the vein
of Citizen Kane.
Furthermore, there are instances of weak character development. For one, how can a poor Spanish peasant speak English so
well? Why is Kirk Edwards one-dimensional? The oddest is the revelation of the count's blown-off private parts. I
thought the Hays Code was still in effect. At any rate, it's daring. By the way, check out the boy inside
the cantina at the beginning, and that's Enzo Staiola from Ladri di biciclette.
All in all, The Barefoot Contessa is a good movie, but I may notice more faults the next time I see it.
Barfly (1987)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
11/13
11/13:
Barfly features Mickey Rourke in top form.
If there's any doubt of his acting ability, it's laid to rest by seeing this along with his other brilliant
performances during the 80's:
Year of the Dragon,
9½ Weeks,
Homeboy, and Francesco.
Mickey Rourke steals the show from start to finish while outshining Faye Dunaway, a highly respectable actress, in every scene.
What helps the most is Charles Bukowski's writing to make alcoholic cynosure tolerable because
films like The Lost Weekend and Leaving Las Vegas are hard to care when the protagonist is an
unsympathetic drunk. There's plenty of character in Mickey Rourke's Henry Chinaski who views life in an interesting lens.
If I compare Mickey Rourke to other films in terms of how he acts, walks, and behaves, there's a dramatic transformation going
on. Hence, it's a shock how he went from John in 9½ Weeks to Henry in Barfly in the span of one year.
All in all, Mickey Rourke shows in Barfly why he's almost in the same class with Marlon Brando as far as Method acting
goes.
Barry Lyndon (1975)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
5/08, 7/13, 8/20
5/08:
Barry Lyndon is a superbly photographed flick that defines filmmaking in every way but can be emotionless, tedious,
and lifeless.
This is Ryan O'Neal's finest hour in acting. He did what Heath Ledger and Ryan Phillippe as well as thousands
of other flukes couldn't do: act good for the day but still be an overall bad actor. If there's anything I love the most,
it's the cinematography. The costumes are outstanding which are all genuine. Both were Oscar winners.
Stanley Kubrick's direction is exactly how an 18th century epic picture should be made. When I think of Barry Lyndon,
I think of standards. However, it's not a complete masterpiece as it falls short in plot and character. Also, there's a layer
of austere coldness throughout that repels me although it's typical of Kubrick's films.
All in all, Barry Lyndon needs to be seen for its breathtaking beauty, but don't count on being fully satisfied.
7/13:
Barry Lyndon had everything going for it until the third act, and thereafter, it fell apart.
Stanley Kubrick lost me by turning the epic, all of a sudden, into about everything else but the protagonist. When the epic
ended, the story didn't have a moral to impart. On the other hand, I love Ryan O'Neal's performance which is a rarity given
how his career has turned out.
All in all, I've enjoyed Barry Lyndon for the most part.
8/20:
Ryan O'Neal's finest hour in acting is showcased in Barry Lyndon which is one of the most breathtakingly beautiful
pictures ever filmed.
This time, I'm raising my rating from '9' to '10' and now view it as a masterpiece for an 18th century British period
picture. There are many things to like: the story, the acting, the costumes, the in/exterior sets (the
latter was shot on location in Ireland, England, and West Germany while the former in London), the deliberate pace, the coldness,
and, most of all, the cinematography. A precedent was set by setting up scenes through natural lighting with
only candles which was made possible with the aid of special ultra-fast lenses.
Ryan O'Neal is a tough actor to like because of his inability to emote. He had been good in a couple of films, but in
Barry Lyndon, Ryan O'Neal was born to play the role of Redmond Barry, later naming his son after him, and thus
should've earned an Oscar nomination.
All in all, Paths of Glory,
2001: A Space Odyssey, and Barry Lyndon are my favorite movies
by Stanley Kubrick.
Basic (2003)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
1/08
1/08:
John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson decide to reteam in Basic after working together in
Pulp Fiction.
I don't have a problem with their performances. As a matter of fact, they're great. The film was going well during the
first half hour by shaping into a mystery thriller. Another half hour had passed with things getting worse, and
I thought to myself, "Who cares?" and decided to take a step back. It proved to be a providential move because
tons of plot twists were being thrown at me while going round, round, and round until the end.
It's akin to putting one corner of a paper sheet to the opposite corner to make a loop which turns out to be nothing but
garbage. Hence, I gave up early on Basic, prefering to know who did it. The worst is the revelation of the victim's
race. That's when the film shot itself in the foot. When the closing screen credits rolled, I didn't realize John McTiernan
directed this turkey. Gee whiz, was he that washed up? Then again, he did direct
The 13th Warrior, an all-time box-office disaster.
Connie Nielsen, who plays the female investigator with a Mia Farrow haircut, is unconvincing and is therefore miscast.
I hate Giovanni Ribisi while everybody else, besides the two lead stars, is more or less mechanical.
All in all, forget John Travolta or Samuel L. Jackson; Basic is a waste of time.
Basic Instinct (1992)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
6/03, 2/05, 7/08
7/08:
Basic Instinct generated outrage among females and gay rights activists because they found the movie
highly offensive in terms of sex and violence.
To be honest with you, as it's my third time seeing it, I made sure to observe anything of that nature but
encountered nothing. Hell, Lassie Come Home had sickening graphic scenes
that should've been talk of the town.
Anyway, Sharon Stone gets her proverbial fifteen minutes of fame by flashing her beaver for about five seconds. She did it
slow enough that's impossible to miss. Besides, Sharon Stone acts better than ever.
Granted, there's a high degree of neo-noir quality going on, and the story isn't bad. Yet it's a dumb movie where
every piece of the puzzle must fall into place neatly without a hitch. In other words, the plot is too good to be true.
I have no doubt in my mind that Catherine Tramell is the killer, but I feel insulted the characters are dumb as rocks by
allowing themselves to be stringed along without thinking, hence the manipulative ending. Michael Douglas' character
wimps out big time because, like Ned Racine of
Body Heat, he's a marionette who willingly waltzed into a trap.
Given the high level of nudity, Basic Instinct isn't a sensual picture. In fact, the sex scenes are bland.
Less is always more. On the other hand, I'll like to see an half hour cut out for the sake of tautness.
All in all, Basic Instinct is a nice try for some sleazy fun, but it doesn't ultimately work.
Basic Instinct 2 (2006)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
7/08
7/08:
I recall a time during summer camp, I, for reasons that were never made clear to me, was forced to participate in a game
at one o'clock in the morning when my group was supposed to go into the woods and search for other campers.
Of course, I got lost, having been fed up with the whole thing, and made my way back to the cabin to go back to sleep. It's
exactly how I felt when I saw Basic Instinct 2. The film brings out the worst of the past decade: boring thespians,
emotionless facial expressions, poor script, rubbish ending, and no defined purpose. I wondered the whole time
why the setting took place in London.
There's plenty of nudity, but Sharon Stone doesn't flash her beaver like she famously did in the original, not that it's
important anyway. Her character Catherine Tramell creates a maze for the psychologist and thereafter wins at the end. Yet why
am I supposed to care? Can't she do something mundane and calming like...knitting, doing crossword puzzles, or
bicycling?
At one point, the psychologist's girlfriend was engaged in rough sex, and then she disappeared afterwards. But there's no
explanation why. Because of the poor reviews, it means there will be no third part. Good riddance. I guess
Sharon Stone's career as an A-list actress, having suffered a massive brain hemorrhage in 2001, is now terminated.
All in all, there's no point in comparing Basic Instinct 2 to the original.
The Basketball Diaries (1995)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
6/15
6/15:
The Man with the Golden Arm,
The Panic in Needle Park,
Sid and Nancy,
Less Than Zero,
Drugstore Cowboy, and
Rush are some of the notable films about heroin junkies.
Chances are there's nothing to uncover although an exception is made for
Requiem for a Dream by finally
getting everything right. Then, there came The Basketball Diaries in hopes of reinventing the wheel.
Mind you, I don't have any sympathy for drug addicts. That being said, it automatically marks the end of the
film for me. Strangely, The Basketball Diaries likes to glamorize drugs as a "cool" thing to do.
At the end, Jim Carroll comes out unscathed as if it's just a phase, and he's ready to move on with his life.
It's unrealistic, irresponsible, and stupid of the filmmakers. The real Jim Carroll died in 2009 at the age
of 60, probably from the side effects of his drug addiction. He was looking emaciated with missing teeth for
a long while. By the way, his poetry is horrible and not worth bothering with.
Leonardo DiCaprio has given only one superlative performance, and that's as Arnie in
What's Eating Gilbert Grape. Despite his inability to act
well sometimes, he can thank his pretty boy looks for continuing to survive in Hollywood. In
The Basketball Diaries, Leonardo DiCaprio thinks he only needs to look pathetic by letting his eyes
be dazed as much as possible. The funniest and worst acting moments are when he's bitching, moaning, wailing,
and sobbing for money. In truth, playing a drug junkie is one of the easiest roles anyone can take on.
Meanwhile, it's ridiculous to see Marky Mark taking advantage of the celluloid to show off his steroid-shaped
body when he has no business being an actor in the first place. If there's anything positive to say, it's David
Phillips' cinematography that saves the film. Although the feel has been theatrical, he does a nice job of
making it look surreal because there have been times that I couldn't distinguish whether it's real or a dream.
However, the basketball scenes are god-awful.
All in all, there are better films than The Basketball Diaries on drug addiction.
Basquiat (1996)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
5/14
5/14:
Jean-Michel Basquiat?
I had never heard of him. Only in the art world where pseudo-intellectuals reside would fawn over him.
Taking a gander at his stuff, I was like, "Huh?" It reminded me of those canvases that were painted by
elephants which can be found at the Philadelphia Museum of Art (or one of those silly places).
Basquiat doesn't have anything important to say. What an uninteresting person this "artist" is. Yet the
star-studded ensemble carries the film through, making my viewing bearable. And...that's about it.
All in all, Basquiat can be safely skipped.
Bat*21 (1988)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
5/18
5/18:
During the Vietnam War, U.S. Air Force (USAF) Lieutenant Colonel Iceal Hambleton was aboard an EB-66 aircraft
(call signal Bat 21) that was shot down by a surface-to-air missile on April 2, 1972.
Consquently, the search-and-rescue mission to locate him was the longest and the costliest in the history of
USAF, spanning almost twelve days which resulted in the loss of eleven lives and five aircraft and the capture of
two airmen. Was it necessary, even for one person? I think not.
Bat*21, mostly a two-man show featuring Gene Hackman and Danny Glover whose character never existed in real
life, is almost nothing to what actually happened, but it's a solid film, regardless. One reviewer, who was a
pilot during the Vietnam War, said the following:
"Having flown this same mission into NV I knew what I had to be prepared for. This crew in the movie seems to
be not paying attention as to what their job was. When I flew this mission, myself and my crew were silent and
no talking about lawn furniture. I was in radio contact with a navy ship who kept me advised to the migs that
were coming my way.
Also my ECM operator was busy jamming radar and I was busy avoiding missiles sent my way. Needless to say we
survived because we were alert and prepared and not talking about retirement. This is why I give it three stars
[out of five], it simply is not an accurate representation. Of the 100 missions I flew out of Takhli I cannot
remember any verbal chatter other than what was related to the mission. If in fact this is what happened, then
this would explain why they got shot down."
By the way, soldiers won't be stupid to get engaged in long conversations on radio while they're stuck in
combat zone.
All in all, although Bat*21 detracts too much from the facts of what happened, it plays well for a
Hollywood picture.
Bates Motel (1987)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
7/19
7/19:
The Psycho franchise has entered into made-for-TV territory with a radical title change: Bates Motel.
Originally proposed to be the pilot episode for a future TV sitcom, it never took off. That's understandable because there was
nothing to go on with. Who really wants to watch a sleazebag-looking guy running a motel that's turned into an adobe somewhere
in the middle of New Mexico? Nay that, the whole thing begins and ends with Anthony Perkins.
Bud Cort isn't bad and almost makes the whole thing work; he has good acting chops. But as soon as Lori Petty shows up,
down goes Bates Motel. She's too much. Had she been cut out, Bud Cort would be able to finish strong on
the basis of having a well-developed character.
Moses Gunn, I believe, is the first and only black actor to appear in any of
Psycho pictures but doesn't have enough
screen time. Gregg Henry has experience of having done something similar in
Body Double. That being said, I should've
seen the Scooby-Doo twist coming.
What's nice about Bates Motel, which is more of a drama than a horror film, is that it has two successive jump-scare moments
near the end. They remind me of what happened in The Exorcist III. Yet the direction veers off when a long
subplot is shown about why suicide is a bad idea, having nothing to do with Alex or his motel.
All in all, because the main highway was built during the 50's which routed the traffic away, Bates Motel, along with the
Victorian house, should've been demolished once Norman Bates was locked up in the insane asylum.
Batman (1966)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
8/08
8/08:
The origin of why many Batman movies had sucked over the years can be readily traced to this inferior picture with
Adam West and Burt Ward which is one of the worst ever made.
It's so unbelievably boring that I had to keep stopping the movie every two minutes to take a nap. The fight scenes look more
fake than anything in American Ninja 5 and are stupid, lame, and corny. In fact, they give a bad name to the word "camp."
Prior to seeing this, I had expected a lot of loud, neon words to indicate sounds during the fights. Yet I got puzzled
when I didn't see any until the last fifteen minutes. The worst part is the inane, repetitive dialogue. Every
time Robin said, "Holy...", I just want to fucking punch him in the face.
If I were anybody in the cast, I would be embarrassed for having taken a part in this lame costume stag picture. I bet
most of the budget was spent on the vehicles to fit the characters' theme. The submarine scenes and the like look like they
were done in a swimming pool while the shark looks more fake than Bruce from Jaws.
It's boring when I know Batman and Robin, aka Batnerd and Dickhead, will win, no matter how grave
the situation is. But it gets really, really boring when I'm drilled to death that everything can be predicted miles
ahead because of the dialogue filling in the details first.
Everything I see has been labeled; it's like helping a bunch of five-year-old foreign children to learn
English. The riddles are impossible to solve; hence, I have to be a schizophrenic to figure them out. Forget the plot
because there isn't any. Now, I understand why I bought a DVD copy of this movie for two bucks at some fleabag flea market, and
the seller was gleefully happy to see it gone.
All in all, the 1966 film version of Batman is the mother of all turkeys.
Batman (1989)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
1/03, 6/08, 3/20
6/08:
Batman is mostly lackluster.
Only Jack Nicholson's much deserved Oscar-nominated performance as the Tommy Udo-like Joker is worth watching. As far as the
franchise goes, his character is the best villain ever, having a terrific makeup. This brings up an interesting question: how
come Jack Nicholson gets all of the best lines? It's like he has his own personal screenwriter and everybody else is stuck
with third-rate hacks.
Michael Keaton isn't bad as Batman, and I like him the best for this particular role. Yet still, I think he could've
done more. Anyway, cool are the toys Batman has: Batmobile, Batwing, Batarang, and Batcave. The weakest point is Bruce
Wayne's need to reveal his identity of Batman to Vicki Vale. Really, it's not necessary because both have no chemistry
to start with. By the way, what an awful performance by Kim Basinger.
Having Robert Wuhl on board is another nail in the coffin. He looks like a slimebag, no matter how hard he tries to get rid of his
stupid grin, becoming a prime candidate to join the Joker's gang. The last fifteen minutes always leaves me falling
asleep every single time I see the film.
All in all, when I think of Batman, I think of Jack Nicholson's one-of-a-kind performance.
3/20:
Despite two actors being nominated for an Academy Award for the same character, there is one and only one Joker: Jack
Nicholson's.
His performance made Batman. If not for him, it's nothing but dark, mediocre crap with a weak screenplay. Oddly, Michael
Keaton plays second fiddle to Jack when the movie is supposed to be about his character. Kim Basinger is horrible
and has no emotional connection to what's going on. Robert Wuhl looks out of place.
Tim Burton has never been a good director to begin with, but he sure has a knack for creativity; that much is apparent
by the atmosphere of Gotham City. The darker it looks, the more ways he finds to differentiate with the exterior set pieces.
Save for Ed Wood, Tim Burton's trademark has always been ruining the last thirty minutes of any film; it's been the case
here which has put me to sleep every single time when the three principal characters climb atop the cathedral to have a showdown.
I never understood the need for Bruce Wayne to tell Vicki Vale that he's Batman. They just had sex, and all of sudden, he's
in love with her after a mere week? It's also stupid that his butler allowed her to be inside the Batcave. I know what Michael
Keaton looks like, even if more than half of his face is covered by the mask; hence, there's no way that anyone won't be able to
figure out his identity.
All in all, Jack Nicholson as the Joker is the only reason to watch Batman.
Batman & Robin (1997)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
10/03, 6/08
6/08:
Quick! What's the first thing that comes to your mind about Batman & Robin?
If you said, "The nipples," then yep...you're correct. Fans of the franchise have universally voted Batman & Robin as
the worst Batman movie of all time. It's hard for me to disagree.
I shouldn't be surprised because Joel Schumacher is the director. He goes overboard with the use of colors. I can
imagine him trying to decide for each scene: "What color should I use? Is red good? Or yellow? How about a pitch of orange and
some purple? I feel blue. No! Yes! No! More green! No! More yellow!"
Who in his right mind thought Alicia Silverstone and Chris O'Donnell had the acting chops or belonged in a blockbuster film?
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Uma Thurman are terrible, too. Replacing Val Kilmer with George Clooney is an improvement, but he's
hopeless as ever because there are two approaches to his character: be cute and show off his Cary Grant look.
The villains are boring by going through the motions. As always, the good guys win and the bad guys lose, and the world is a
one big beautiful place. Meanwhile, the action stunts are over-the-top ridiculous. It's no longer about who can perform them
realistically but who can pull off the sickest death-defying move of the day.
All in all, I'll never forget the nipples.
Batman Begins (2005)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
6/08
6/08:
After three straight disasters for the Batman franchise, I thought Batman Begins would overturn the
injustices they had committed.
But guess what? This might be the worst modern Batman movie of all time.
For the fifth straight outing, the plot is
essentially the same only that more mumbo jumbo is spewed out. It's also redundantly boring and pointless that's without
logic or substance. Most of the dialogue is cringeworthy, soulless, wooden, pretentious, and hollow.
There's another version now of how Bruce Wayne's parents died which means the previous four films have been discarded.
I don't get the part of Bruce Wayne living in Mandarin China, Tibet, or wherever the fuck he was at. Why? It doesn't
make sense.
As for the acting, the cast displays no traces of human emotion. Looking at the face of Christian Bale, no matter how
many films I've seen him in, he's still a robot, and I can't believe that he gets paid to "act." On the other hand,
Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman sold themselves out, having admitted to it years later. Gary Oldman, the second
coming of Marlon Brando's school of phony acting, once again hams it up. Can't he be any more ridiculous? Luckily for him,
Katie Holmes outdoes him in the worst acting category.
Whenever a scene occurs, it rolls for five to ten seconds before cutting away to another point of
view and then going back to the previous shot; thus, the result is lost in translation. Some of the shots are so musty-looking
that I can't see what's going on. The exterior sets are bland, ugly, and lifeless while the interiors are sometimes extravagant.
The clothes worn by the characters when Bruce was a child are supposed to resemble the 30's, yet the city looks modern.
Now, fast forward twenty years later, the clothes are back to normal, yet the city still looks the same.
All in all, movie critic Rex Reed said it the best: "Batman Begins is for morons."
Batman Forever (1995)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
8/03, 6/08
6/08:
The title of this picture should be Batman Sucks Forever.
There are many changes such as the actor for Batman, the actress for Batman's love interest, Robin, the villains, and the
director. Yet the only constant is that it's a dreadful bore.
Surprisingly, Val Kilmer receives more screen time and material than Michael Keaton ever did in the first
two films. Unfortunately, he's terrible, boring, and lifeless. In fact, I've had a hard time seeing him as Batman because
Val Kilmer is still the same fat lazy bum from The Island of Dr. Moreau.
For the third straight time, Batman feels the need (Jeez, this is
Val Kilmer...Nicole Kidman...Tom Cruise...Top Gun...I
got to stop with the connections) to give away his identity. For the third straight time, Batman/Bruce Wayne finds another
female while on the prowl and decides to be mysterious with her. And for the third straight time, the impossible-to-comprehend
plot is predictable; in fact, nothing happens.
One slight improvement over the previous part is the reduction of sexual references and innuendos which begins with
"Master Dick" and ends with "sexual fantasies." Is it just me, or do I see nipples on Batman's suit? Then, Joel Schumacher
goes further to show me the butt shape of his suit. The amount of violence looks somewhat toned down. Elsewhere, it's weird
to see many Batman logos everywhere. The Batmobile is retarded. In terms of the atmosphere and lighting, there are lots of
lights, especially in neon.
Chris O'Donnell is useless, and Nicole Kidman proves why she's one of the worst and most overrated actresses in
Hollywood. Tommy Lee Jones is unremarkably plain as Two-Face Harvey. If his role was played by Billy Dee Williams in the original
and he's black, then how come Two-Face Harvey is white? Jim Carrey overacts and goes
over the top in the hopes of topping the incomparable Joker played by Jack Nicholson. It's just not working for me.
All in all, Michael Keaton made a wise decision by not coming back for Batman Sucks Forever.
Batman Returns (1992)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
8/03, 6/08
6/08:
In Batman Returns, 90% of the total screen time has been granted to Penguin with the rest going to Batman.
It reminds me of the Spinal Tap band of being billed second behind a puppet show. Maybe they ought to re-title the film as
Penguin's Show.
Well, Batman Returns is boring, slow, and pointless. Most of the time, it's been
either Penguin or Catwoman. If not, then it's Max Schreck because obviously Tim Burton wants to pay homage to the actor who
appeared in Nosferatu.
Once again, Michael Keaton is right for the Batman/Bruce Wayne role yet has little material to work with. In fact, I think
Alfred the butler got more than he did. Tim Burton may be a genius when it comes to the visuals, but he's the master of
killing the movie with constant darkness and throwing the whole thing away on purpose during the last half hour.
All in all, Jack Nicholson has been greatly missed.
Bats (1999)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
6/16
6/16:
I like bats and think they're cool.
Therefore, I bought a DVD copy of Bats for thirty cents at Big Lots, no lie. After seeing it, I feel like I paid
thirty cents too much.
What I learned the most is that nobody knows how to keep the video camera absolutely still. Every time
something happens, the camera has to have a grand mal seizure. Hence, I can't see a goddamn thing.
All in all, everybody needs to simplify things by employing back-to-basic film techniques, and Bats
will be a better movie this way.
Battle of Britain (1969)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
2/15
2/15:
Because Adolf Hitler canceled Operation Sea Lion so he could prepare to invade Russia for Operation Barbarossa, it would mark
the beginning of the end for Nazi Germany.
The Battle of Britain, which is the first by air in military history, was the reason for the change in tide, thanks to
the English's unbroken spirit through sustained bombing of London and the limited fueling capacity of German planes.
It wasn't long before the Luftwaffe was rendered ineffective which was therefore taken out of the air due to an array of technical
problems, inexperienced leadership, and much-needed long-range bombers, among others. To capitalize on what happened, a
film was made: Battle of Britain.
Most war pictures invariably carry an all-star cast, and this one is no exception. As always,
it's distracting because what's happening keeps overshadowing the necessity of the gimmick. That's why
Tora! Tora! Tora! remains one of the best war pictures ever made despite the lack of big names.
With the exception of Laurence Olivier (sort of), I have no idea who the characters are
or what their functions are. Probably, to feel some sense of importance by giving a hand to show appreciation for
the services rendered by the British armed forces, everybody phones it in with nary a special performance among them.
There are several subplots that are immaterial to the overall battle. The relationship between Christopher Plummer's and
Susannah York's characters is the best example of this. I guess the blond-haired, blue-eyed Yorkshire lass is more concerned
about her boyfriend's looks after hearing about his crash and then meets an old-looking chap with facial skin grafts (who, by
the way, is Bill Foxley in the only film role of his career; he did suffer from burns during training mishap in the
air while as a pilot for the Royal Air Force). At any rate, he deserves it for bitching and moaning about her
possible relocation the entire time.
The aerial scenes, which can be spectacular at times, start out as a strength and, after a prolonged exposure, have become
tedious to watch, dragging the film longer than necessary. Worse, they look occasionally fake. In fact, I had a running contest
to decide whether an aerial shot was fake or not. At times, it's comical to see the frozen black dots against the clouds and
the silly pyrotechnic ball of fire whenever a plane blows up. The worst transgression of them all is the farcical bombing of
London. Obviously, the English capital looks safe amid the blazing fires.
All in all, it's difficult to capture everything that occurred in the battle for a two-hour film; hence,
Battle of Britain provides a general but incoherent idea of what happened.
Battle of the Bulge (1965)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
4/07, 1/25
4/07:
When former U.S. President Dwight Eisenhower comes out of retirement to have a meeting to denounce a
military picture for its gross historical inaccuracies, that's when you knew it's in deep trouble.
That's what happened to Battle of the Bulge. The filmmakers claimed it took place on a sunny day on
green grass in Spain when in fact it's supposed to be during the winter in the densely forested, snow-covered
Ardennes region of northern France and southern Belgium. Now, I present you the ingredients in order to create a
bad war picture:
1. Soldiers throwing their arms in the air before dropping to the ground without being physically shot.
2. Lack of blood.
3. A smattering of troops.
4. Lots of focus on big-name actors who end up making cameos.
5. Bad acting.
6. Corny characters.
7. Germans speaking English.
8. Tons of explosions.
9. Anachronistic vehicles rolling everywhere.
10. A running time of three hours.
11. Closing screen credits to show gratitude for the dedication and lives lost of men who fought in the
battle and/or war.
12. An avalanche of historical inaccuracies.
13. Telly Savalas.
Battle of the Bulge manages to have them all. I expect a war picture to be three hours long, but when it's
badly done, one hour is enough: a thirty-minute buildup, twenty-five minutes of fighting, and five minutes
to wrap things up.
There's a particular scene when an American soldier was running alongside a tank before throwing his arms up
in the air in anguish and then falling down. At no point had he been physically shot or shown with blood. Another
is when the soldiers were massacred by Germans, not a single drop of blood was spilled against the white snow.
Why is it that every time I see a war picture Telly Savalas must appear? He always plays the same obnoxious
character and manages to ruin the whole thing because all he does is to be gung-ho like a retarded moron.
Look at him siphoning gasoline and then spitting it out.
Fortunately, Robert Shaw makes the film tolerable enough for me to sit through.
All in all, why make up stuff about a battle for the sake of convenience, especially when it cost the
lives of thousands?
1/25:
Boring, silly, overlong, and rarely backed by facts, Battle of the Bulge is still the worst
WWII movie ever made.
Why Telly Savalas? Who cares about that stupid jackass? Ditto for James MacArthur as Lieutenant Weaver who
cost a man his life for nothing. What's with the soldiers throwing their arms in the air
whenever they're shot without being physically harmed? Why are the Germans speaking English? The director can't
even keep up with all of the subplots to save his own life. He even said before taking on the job, "The dialogue
was not remarkable, the character relationships nothing special—it seemed to me just another war picture."
As for the battle itself, it was the last offensive attack launched by the Germans. Had they succeeded, it
wouldn't have mattered; all they could do was delay the inevitable. As a result, the Russians would've gotten
to Berlin sooner and taken over more of Germany. The Nazis were simply running out of everything. You name it:
planes, tanks, gas, resources, soldiers, and so on. It's only because they decided to wage battle on two fronts
simultaneously.
Everything shown in Battle of the Bulge is patently false. The snow was pretty heavy at the time,
and they fought in the middle of a densely forested area. Oddly, the weather in the film cleared up many times,
having become sunny at the end, which meant the planes could come in but didn't. In reality, they had done so,
marking the biggest turning point of the battle. The epilogue says, "This picture is dedicated to the one
million men who fought in this great battle of World War II." Really, one million? Try adding two more zeroes
to that number.
All in all, everybody was lucky to have Robert Shaw on board to save Battle of the Bulge from earning a
rating of '1'.
Battlefield Earth (2000)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
4/18
4/18:
I couldn't believe that I was able to see Battlefield Earth for the first time.
It's one of the most famous bad films ever made, and after seeing it, I can quickly concur. The plot makes no
sense. Gold remains on Earth in the year of 3000? And it's still valuable? Yeah, right. I've figured it would be
either man-made or long obsolete.
I normally wouldn't have bothered with this ridiculous movie if John Travolta wasn't the star although seeing
Forest Whitaker did come to me as a shock. The latter had regretted his decision ever since. Great balls of
fire, what the hell was the poor man thinking? Was John Travolta so blinded by the prospect of being able to
sport dreadlocks for this film? I can't believe he still defends his work to this day.
Apart from money, the only reason why John Travolta decided to do Battlefield Earth is that he, a
long-time Scientologist, wanted to make a film that's based on a novel by L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of
Scientology. Meanwhile, I ask you: who's supposed to be the main star of the film: John Travolta or some guy
named...Barry Pepper?!? Come on, get these priorities straight. Already, I've forgotten what the plot is
supposed to be about, but that doesn't matter.
All in all, Battlefield Earth deserves a place in cinema hell as one of the most famous bad movies ever made.
Be Cool (2005)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
6/23
6/23:
I had seen Get Shorty plenty of times, but I didn't know there was a sequel to it until now.
Wow, Be Cool is a bad movie. If Vince Vaughn was awful in the
Psycho remake, he's even worse here. Cedric
the Entertainer...um, he "entertains"? I didn't recognize Dwayne Johnson for a while, but one thing is for sure: he's
a terrible actor.
Three luminaries from Pulp Fiction appear, but all are too good for this schlocky material. As for the story of an
aspiring music star, who cares? I hate the scene when Sin LaSalle shot a man to death in front of Nick Carr as if it's
a normal part of doing business in the music industry. Now, I wonder if some of the guys playing his bodyguards are currently
deceased from having *ahem* too much muscles.
All in all, John Travolta was perfect as Chili Palmer in Get Shorty, but in Be Cool, he's some guy with a bad
toupee.
The Beach (2000)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
10/19
10/19:
Leonardo DiCaprio gives a top two performance of his career in The Beach; the other is obviously
What's Eating Gilbert Grape.
Fresh, fun, tortuous, and engaging, it's been a journey, reminding me of the adventure that Sean Connery and Michael Caine
took in The Man Who Would Be King.
Leonardo DiCaprio's character meets a lunatic who tells him the existence of paradise at some unknown island before killing
himself. He thereafter sells the idea on two French tourists next to his room, and they both agree to go with him. They
arrive there which is actually a communal paradise that's eventually converted into an adult version of
Lord of the Flies.
I can understand the need to protect the secrecy of the island's location to keep out the stupid, obtrusive people, but there
are tens of thousands such islands all over the world. It can succeed either way, yet try to imagine living there without basic
necessities that we take for granted. Life will be quite hard; that's why I feel comfortable living in a stable home with
stores nearby, and all I have to do is drive a mile or two to get what I need. If I am hurt or sick, the doctor
is only a phone call away.
By the way, the island is called Koh Phi Phi Leh which is located in Maya Bay of Thailand. Unfortunately, the film studio
destroyed the natural vegetation permanently in attempts to make it more paradise-like. Thanks to
the popularity of The Beach, its tourism industry surged, resulting in severe damage to almost 80% of Thailand's coral reefs due to
beachfront hotels, boat anchors, and plastic waste dumped in sea. It's ironical considering what I said about these
"stupid, obtrusive people."
All in all, The Beach shows why utopia won't work.
Beach Party (1963)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
12/16
12/16:
The first of seven beach party films from American International Pictures that was a surprise box-office hit,
Beach Party is influential for creating the aforementioned genre.
The company had to borrow Annette Funicello from Disney because she was under contract. Instead of Fabian, Frankie Avalon was
cast alongside her. As a result, the beach party film craze began, and they hadn't looked back since then. Partly corny and
partly funny, Beach Party is somewhat enjoyable, but I have to admit, it's mostly dated which has some
good stuff while the story works.
The funniest and the stupidest is Harvey Lembeck's Edward Von Zipper who's a spoof of Marlon Brando's character
from The Wild One. Von Zipper could've become a star of his own show. A
revival of what he did will occur in two Eastwood's orangutan comedy pictures:
Every Which Way But Loose and Any Which Way You Can.
Bob Cummings isn't bad whose character is better than the one played by Frankie Avalon. But it's clear that Annette
is too dumb for him. By the way, when she criticized his (fake) beard, I was going to say her hair looked hideous.
Dorothy Malone stars, and believe it or not, she actually won the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for
Written on the Wind,
a Douglas Sirk soapfest tearjerker. Although Jody McCrea didn't star in many films, he was Joel McCrea's son, and his
resemblance to his father is uncanny. Vincent Price makes a cameo appearance at the end as the sleeping man with a large
hat over his head.
If you stay to the end, you'll see Candy Johnson's electric dance and a reminder to be on the lookout for Vincent
Price's upcoming film: The Haunted Palace. By the way, looking at the movie poster, um...what 10,000 kids?
All in all, Beach Party may be dated, but this is the original that started it all.
Beach Red (1967)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
7/14
7/14:
I get it already: war is stupid.
But does the message need to be repeated endlessly? What's shown in Beach Red has been done in countless
films, most notably All Quiet on the Western Front and
Platoon. I was often confused if it's supposed to take place during World War
II or Vietnam War. The pace is so slow that a snail can move faster.
As a director, Cornel Wilde is limited because he keeps looping the same cycle over and over throughout: pick a
character, make him recall memories by showing still images that resemble pornography, and have him walk through
the jungle. He even goes far enough to use war stock footage for the beginning. How boring.
Speaking of "shocking" wounds, I understand the dark side of war yet never witness any of the soldiers physically
shot as they fall down during live fighting. Weird, isn't it? The last ten minutes is an agony to sit through.
Moreover, the characters (none of the thespians can act) are eternally forgettable, and I don't care if they
survive or not. Oh, really...marines land on the beach to find Japanese soldiers drawing pictures, eating rice,
doing whatnots, and dressing up like them before making a surprise attack? Like it would happen during
World War II.
All in all, Beach Red is for kids under 12.
Beaches (1988)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
11/19
11/19:
I took it for granted that Beaches was going to be a special movie about friendship, but nothing like that ever happened.
What I got instead is Bette Midler screaming, crying, bitching, and moaning for attention. Why can't the J.A.P. shut the
hell up? As a result, she gets a lot of character development through abusive means while Barbara Hershey barely has any.
Let's be honest: Bette Midler is no leading actress. Barbra Streisand (think of
Funny Girl) has her beat by a mile in terms of class and beauty.
When Barbara Hershey's character died, it's an "oh" moment. I mean, who was she? I've never seen Hillary Whitney's parents,
friends, employees, co-workers, or anybody else except for her ex-husband and Aunt Vesta who disappeared after
showing up for a minute. Her terrible acting doesn't help, either, as she looks out of it most of the time.
Beaches tries hard to be about friendship, but C.C. Bloom and Hillary Whitney barely know each other and have no
chemistry; their relationship is so hollow, no matter how much time has passed, that they're strangers to
each other at the end. It's been astonishing.
Of course, a Disease of the Week has to be exploited to salvage the film in a desperate attempt to reach for that "specialness"
like Terms of Endearment or rather Brian's Song which came first by twelve years before the other two showed up.
It's a cheap ploy. Along the way, many characters simply drop out. John Heard looks constipated and
regretful by agreeing to appear in the movie. By the way, I thought I recognized her because she had to be the only one who's
able to pull it off: Blossom's Mayim Bialik for an uncanny look-alike impersonation of Bette Midler.
All in all, a glass of lemonade with heaps of fake sugar suddenly seems appealing as compared to sitting through
Beaches all over again.
Beachhead (1954)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
2/24
2/24:
Although the rating should be a point lower, there are several reasons to like Beachhead.
The technicolor serves Tony Curtis well as he looks impossibly handsome. It's why the girl fell in love with his character.
She sure forgot about her father's death in record time. The longer the show goes on, the better the group's chemistry is,
allowing me to get to used to their adventure. Frank Lovejoy is an asset while Mary Murphy is familiar as the love attraction for
Marlon Brando's character in The Wild One.
Of course, instances show up that are hard to believe. There have been many times that Tony Curtis and Frank Lovejoy are shown
wearing (Converse?) sneakers when boots will have made sense. Why did they dig a foxhole out in the open when they should be
hiding in the woods? That'll cut down their survival rate to near 0%. All a Japanese soldier has to do is
climb a tree and pick them off one by one.
How about the girl's bright blue dress? Anyone can spot her easily, especially when the Japanese are all over the place atop
the ridge. How were the Bouchards able to survive on the island for so long? I wonder what they did before the Marines
came along because it seemed to be working out for them. And they're French? Ha! No such accent can be heard whatsoever, but the
father's ability to speak Melanesian is something else.
The ending is ridiculous just like the Japanese soldier in his Pillsbury Doughboy uniform coming out of nowhere before he's
taken hostage. So, Tony Curtis jumps into the water, swims 100 yards, and throws a grenade to blow up the Japanese
destroyer that's supposed to be far away? It doesn't help when the filmmakers put the two reels together to make me believe
there's fighting on sea.
All in all, Beachhead isn't a great movie, but having Tony Curtis on board makes a big difference.
The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (1953)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
9/10
9/10:
Here's an interesting film from the 50's: The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms.
It's the first ever of its genre which spawned Godzilla-like pictures. Also, it's the first that's based on Ray
Bradbury's stories. The title is amusing because one fathom is six feet. Therefore, 20,000 fathoms makes it 120,000 feet which
is approximately twenty-two miles deep when the deepest known depth is about seven miles.
There are incredible scenes. One of them is the real-life fight between a shark and an octopus. Another is when the rhedosaurus
rampaged throughout New York City and also the roller coaster park at Coney Island which was a model. Third is the beast
crushing a lighthouse. Hence, the special effects surrounding the prehistoric freak must have been extraordinary back then.
However, The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms can be boring at times but is by no means outdated. I like the story
although it's redundant, having been beaten to death like a dead horse. It's comical seeing the rhedosaurus to be finally
taken down by a couple of guys in their KKK getups. I feel sorry for the poor rhedosaurus because he used to rule Earth 100
million years ago. After waking up from his hibernation, the animal has a technical right to be mad and go, "What are you
doing on my land? Get the fuck oooooffff! I crush YOU! *RAAAWWWRRR*"
All in all, The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, which cost $200,000 to make, is a must-see purely for film appreciation.
The Beast of War (1988)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
2/25
2/25:
Shot on location in Israel as a stand-in for Afghanistan, The Beast of War is a strange yet well-made movie.
The hardest part to overcome is the American actors playing Russians. Had they spoke the language, I
would've been okay with it. But still... On the other hand, if their nationality was switched, it wouldn't fit
the narrative because the Russians invaded Afghanistan throughout the 80's. Now, did Steven Bauer, a Cuban,
speak Pashto? Yes, he learned his lines phonetically.
The performances are generally good. I couldn't recognize Jason Patric until he finally took off his glasses.
George Dzundza looks slender compared to his Law & Order days. It may seem Don Harvey had done this sort
of thing before in Casualties of War, but that film came out a year
later. The Afghan guy with the sunglasses and pakol is Chaim Jeraffi, and he's better known as the parking
attendant in a couple of Seinfeld episodes: "The Wig Master" and "The Muffin
Tops." At first, some of the characters acted cartoonish, but they got better over time.
What separates The Beast of War from the pack of the war genre is the level of atrocity. I can see why people
were enamored with it based on how the envelope was pushed further than ever, especially in 1988. The only film
I can think of that did it earlier is Hamburger Hill while the story
somewhat reminds me of Southern Comfort due to soldiers not being
familiar with the terrain.
All in all, if you want to see a no-holds-barred war picture, The Beast of War is a fine choice.
Beat the Devil (1953)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
3/10
3/10:
Beat the Devil relies heavily on subtlety, so I've sat back to relax and enjoyed the treat.
The movie does feel like a cross between Casablanca and
The Maltese Falcon, yet there isn't a moment of clarity
in terms of where the story is heading. It can be annoying for some viewers, but I think it's well-paced and
interesting.
Acting-wise, Humphrey Bogart, as always, makes this special, and it's especially evident toward the end. John Huston is
still the master of noir storytelling. It's hard to go wrong with him.
All in all, Beat the Devil is strictly for fans of Humphrey Bogart, John Huston, and film noir.
Becket (1964)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
2/08, 1/22
2/08:
I want to say that Becket is an outstanding film, but it's not.
For starters, the costumes and the interior sets are nicely designed. Peter O'Toole gives his best but isn't as grand as
he was in Lawrence of Arabia. Now on to Richard Burton. Mind you, he was a fine actor and could play any character,
but I feel this one was too much for him to undertake. In short, Richard Burton looks overwhelmed by trying to
match Peter O'Toole ability for ability. That's when the film stopped working due to their weak chemistry.
On the other hand, I'm impressed with the screenplay. It's a refreshing change, and that's what acting is
all about. But the problem remains: it's still acting. What I want to see is a natural, smooth delivery of the lines. Hence,
Becket has failed me in this department.
All in all, Becket isn't boring, but the chemistry between the lead actors is lacking.
1/22:
You got to love Peter O'Toole and Richard Burton having meaty roles in the same film, and this time, it's Becket.
It received stupendous twelve Oscar nominations. Talk about an overkill because the movie is not outstanding by any means. It's
just decent which is about an obscure period in England's history that happened well...900 years ago. The biggest
WTF when it comes to historical accuracy is labeling Thomas Becket a Saxon when he was actually a Norman.
The only Oscar winner is Edward Anhalt for his screenplay adaptation which is thoroughly deserving. If not for his lines, Peter
O'Toole would've never been on another planet. As incredible as his performance is, it's hard to believe that he never won
an Oscar in his lifetime. On the other hand, Richard Burton is oddly reserved throughout. He's fine for the most part
but is more effective when he's allowed to shout from time to time.
Yet the scenes with Richard Burton and Peter O'Toole are what moves Becket. When it's either with others, the
pace slows down because nobody, save for an actor, can match their power. The one who did is John Gielgud, and hence, he
was awarded an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor.
All in all, Becket should be seen for the sake of Peter O'Toole and Richard Burton because of their effortless
dominance in every scene.
The Bedroom Window (1987)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
7/11
7/11:
Here's another stinker from Curtis Hanson: The Bedroom Window.
That man is incapable of directing an intelligent picture. Steve Guttenberg tries to do drama? Ha! What a laugh. No disrespect
to Steve, but it's very, very difficult to take him seriously as a drama actor without bursting into fits of laughter.
But I like him better in comedies.
For a while, The Bedroom Window was working out well, but it fell apart when Sylvia acknowledged Henderson during the
ballet show as if he's a harmless albino dude before she's about to be killed. That's when I went, "What the f...?"
Afterwards, the movie collapsed under its own weight. The last fifteen minutes is as absurd as it gets. Do you
now see what I'm trying to say about Curtis Hanson not being able to direct an intelligent picture?
Obviously, it's impossible for Terry Lambert to escape after what happened with Sylvia's murder because all the witnesses
will be pointing fingers at him. So, he's screwed, no matter what. Oddly enough, the cops don't pursue him hard
enough, letting him go free to do whatever he wants.
Meanwhile, I don't think there's any evidence linking Terry to other murders as far as forensics goes. So what if he
was spotted at the bar? It doesn't make a difference. Yeah...the contact lenses, brilliant. Maybe he got drunk and slept with
them on? It does happen, you know. Or perhaps he had a pair of glasses, too? It would've been a good moment in court when Steve
attempted to convert the drama picture into pure comedy gold by turning the tables around with this argument.
All in all, The Bedroom Window is silly.
Bedtime Story (1964)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
3/24
3/24:
Move over, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels...this is the original:
Bedtime Story.
David Niven is Michael Caine, and Marlon Brando is Steve Martin. The story is the same except for the ending
which is completely different. Having seen the 1988 version three or four times but not the other one until now,
I have to go with the latter big time because it's such a well-made movie.
The script is genius, that's for sure. Far better than Steve Martin, Marlon Brando is funny while his acting
is somewhere between On the Waterfront and
The Godfather. Do you know why? It's because he mastered the art of
comedic timing.
Unfortunately, David Niven isn't much of a funnyman which is the reason why he got upstaged by Peter Sellers in
The Pink Panther. As a matter of fact, if it was instead Michael Caine
just as he was in 1988, the results might have been interesting. On the other hand, Aram Stephan is good as
Jameson's partner in crime.
What hurts the film the most is the rear projection effect. It cheapens the whole thing. Obviously, none of the
stars was ever on the French Riveria but the sound stage. Had it been the other way around, it would change
the perception.
All in all, Bedtime Story has to be seen for Marlon Brando.
Before Night Falls (2000)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
4/25
4/25:
Reinaldo Arenas?
Mm...never heard of him. I'm surprised he merited a biopic after finishing watching Before Night Falls.
I learned some things: he was born in Cuba, turned gay, published some novels, had sex with guys, became a
prisoner, got shipped by the government to Miami in Scarface-style,
and died of complications from AIDS in New York City. See how long that took to read what I said? About five
seconds. That's the whole movie which took two hours and thirteen minutes. In other words, it's too fucking long.
I blame the director. He can't be showing random stuff against the landscape and a whole lot
of nothing in between. I looked at the timer a lot and asked myself,
"How much longer?" There must be plenty of substance, or there's no movie. It's simple as that. Try watching
The Greatest which recounted the events in Muhammad
Ali's life. It only lasted one hour and forty-one minutes, packing a lot of punch, regardless of the embellishments.
The other movie made up a lot of stuff as well while leaving tons out (you'll see by taking the time to read a
bit of the writer's biography). Ironically, I was thinking of a poorly made biopic which turned out to be
Basquiat and didn't realize it was directed by the same guy.
I don't want to beat up Javier Bardem because he did a fine job, but he was cast in a vanity role. It's one
of those movies that showcase the panorama of an actor. I can see he knows how to look this or that way in
several phases of the character's life with the ability to speak English and Spanish. In other words,
Before Night Falls is Javier Bardem's audition tape for Hollywood, and obviously, his profile rose
quickly afterwards.
As for the rest of the cast, I found some to be ridiculous starting with Sean Penn's two-minute cameo
appearance. Why is he in this? He isn't Cuban. Ditto for Johnny Depp. I was actually okay with him
being a transvestite. But when he played a different character later, that confused me as in "are we talking
about the same person or not?" What a boneheaded mistake. Oh, you didn't know Michael Wincott was in the movie?
Yeah, but he's impossible to recognize when he played the sweaty bespectacled prisoner who's interrogated in front
of the court. He isn't even Cuban. Why not get Andy Garcia or Steven Bauer? Nope, Olivier Martinez
was cast instead...a Frenchman!
All in all, Before Night Falls is an overlong biopic of little substance.
Before Sunrise (1995)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
4/06
4/06:
While watching Before Sunrise, I wanted to tear my hair out and yell, "WAYYYYYY TOOOOO MUCH TALK!"
The art of conversation has never been so thoroughly beaten like a dead horse. All Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy do is talk,
talk, and talk. There is no substance in what they say. It's just idle chatter.
Ethan Hawke's character is all about sex. He's also a pathetic liar when he mentioned that it wasn't what he's looking
for. His co-star Julie Delpy is too weak of an actress to get anything going and says nothing interesting. Worst of all,
they have no chemistry.
All in all, skip the bullshit called Before Sunrise.
Before Sunset (2004)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
4/06
4/06:
All Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy do in Before Sunset is talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, and talk.
No, no, no! Nnnnnnnooooooo!!!!!!!!!
It should be a prime candidate for the torture movie marathon with eyes forced open with clips on just like
A Clockwork Orange.
All in all, if I ever see a DVD copy that's either Before Sunrise or Before Sunset, I'm going to scream and
run like hell.
Before the Devil Knows
You're Dead (2007)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
10/18
10/18:
The title Before the Devil Knows You're Dead is ironical because it's the final film for Sidney Lumet before passing
away four years afterwards and it also depicts Philip Seymour Hoffman's character's heroin abuse that'll ultimately kill the
actor in 2014.
While watching it, I thought back to the great films Sidney Lumet had directed, and they were way better:
12 Angry Men, Serpico,
Dog Day Afternoon, Network,
Equus, Prince of the City, and
Q&A, among others. What an outstanding résumé.
Two prime commonalities of Sidney Lumet's films are solid acting and polished storyline, but when I saw
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, the melodrama is overdone although there's a bit of Tarantino touch.
More notably is the director losing out to the 21st century manner of filmmaking in terms of how the story is presented.
If there's anything I'm surprised at, it's the 43-year-old Marisa Tomei who's constantly naked. It isn't necessary
for her to do that. She already won an Oscar and therefore had nothing to prove as far as acting talent went.
All in all, thanks to the strong ensemble cast, Before the Devil Knows You're Dead is worthwhile, but Sidney Lumet
should've cut down the melodrama.
The Beguiled (1971)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
5/17
5/17:
Shot on location in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, The Beguiled is a strange Civil War picture.
The tale starts out innocently. Midway, it descends to a pornographic love triangle. A minor is thrown in as an
attempt to make things more interesting. The ending is finally reached which results in rare death for a Clint Eastwood's
character that's fitting for an Edgar Allan Poe short story.
But one thing is for sure: The Beguiled isn't boring. The acting is competent, the editing is upbeat, the
cinematography is pleasing to look at, and the pace moves well. Don Siegel and Clint Eastwood took a risk, and it paid off
well for them artistically.
Unfortunately, The Beguiled didn't do well at the box office due to Universal's poor marketing when it purposefully
fooled Clint Eastwood's fans into thinking it was going to be another action-adventure movie. This enraged him, marking
the end of his relationship with the company right after
The Eiger Sanction in 1975 which wasn't revived until thirty-three years later.
Here's an interesting fact: A Patch of Blue's Elizabeth Hartman committed suicide just three days before
Geraldine Page had passed away of a heart attack in 1987 after suffering from kidney disease,. Unsurprisingly, Clint
Eastwood had an affair with Jo Ann Harris during and after the filming. As usual, it didn't last long.
All in all, The Beguiled is the most unusual picture of Clint Eastwood's career.
Behind the Screen (1916)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
10/07
10/07:
It's another snoozefest from Charlie "I Am a Fucking Retard" Chaplin.
This time, it's called Behind the Screen when it should be Behind the Retard.
All in all, Charlie Chaplin is nothing but goddamn trash.
Being There (1979)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
4/25
4/25:
Forget Forrest Gump; this is the one to see.
Peter Sellers gives the best performance of his career in Being There. He's brilliant. What a hard
role to pull off: the ability to be oblivious in a childlike way yet be taken for a genius. The Oscar went
to Dustin Hoffman for Kramer vs. Kramer. Absolutely not; the Academy
Awards really hate the British. That belonged to Peter Sellers. It's too bad he died not long afterwards at
age 54.
Hal Ashby's magic is obviously there. It's the last masterpiece of his career. What the heck happened to
him afterwards? The answer is drugs. Anyway, Being There has a great story that's as airtight as it gets.
Unlike Forrest Gump, any questions about the believability of the entire
premise are put to rest; there are no lies or illogical moments. It's just that intelligence can be overrated.
The cast is wonderful. Melvyn Douglas earned an Oscar for the second time in his career. Jack Warden is
funny because, as U.S. President, he knows he automatically lost the upcoming election to Chauncey Gardiner
and won't admit it to his wife. Shirley MacLaine is fine but is rather silly. Then again, F. Scott Fitzgerald
was right when he said, "Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me."
All in all, you know Peter Sellers is the greatest when he's able to walk on water at the end of
Being There.
The Believer (2001)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
5/04, 12/07
12/07:
The Believer features a good performance by Ryan Gosling but has nothing significant to say.
There are many underdeveloped characters who come and go. They don't add anything useful, either. To pass herself off as
an actress, Summer Phoenix, who was River's sister, takes off her shirt to supply gratuitous nudity.
While watching the film, I thought of American History X which is
a silly picture yet with a clear message. But this one, it doesn't answer the fundamental question: "Why?"
All in all, Ryan Gosling shows in The Believer that he has the potential to be a great actor.
Bell, Book and Candle (1958)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
5/14
5/14:
Bell, Book and Candle is a weak '4' picture despite the wonderful re-teaming of James Stewart and the ever
beautiful-looking Kim Novak, despite her eyebrows which is an eek, after their timeless performances in
Vertigo.
Billed as a comedy, it doesn't qualify, mostly because Kim Novak doesn't know how to be funny like James Stewart. I
also wish they were given a better script to work with because the magic stuff is at once stupid and boring. It's akin to a
deflated tire that makes riding the bike sluggish.
The presence of awful supporting characters doesn't help matters any. At
least, the Seal Point Siamese cat gets the chance to be the star of the show, making the movie tolerable to sit through.
All in all, Bell, Book and Candle seems like a winner, but the ridiculous storyline dooms it.
Belly (1998)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
2/04, 6/08, 5/15, 4/21, 3/22
6/08:
Belly.
What is the title supposed to mean? Is it in reference to the digestive process with the end product being an excrement waste?
Is that what the film is about?
Anyway, I have to say this: the introduction is fantastic which initially gives me a lot of hope that the rest will
follow suit. Unfortunately, it's not the case. So many black films have been made about gangs and drugs, and this one is
no exception. The script isnt much of a challenge for the cast as the rappers-turned-thespians have the task of working
with first grade dialogue.
Often, it's hard for me to keep up with the characters because I fail to register their names, remember what they look like,
or understand their connection to the story. In fact, Belly is almost a plotless film. What's it about after
all: smoking the biggest blunts possible and drinking lots of alcohol?
Best described as a big-budget music video, it rips off scenes from many films such as
Scarface,
Boyz n the Hood, and Goodfellas.
Paying homage to Menace II Society, the characters mimic the gangsta
stance by aiming the gun sideways because it looks so cool which never works in reality.
The funniest moment is when Sincere decided his family should move to Africa. I suppose his lack of
education has prevented him from realizing it's a one big-ass continent that's composed of many different countries (the
exact number of them is still unknown to this day, believe it or not). And how in the hell are they going to work for money?
Do they know these African countries have the highest percentage of HIV/AIDS cases in the world?
All in all, because of the cinematography, Belly has high replayability value, but everything else makes it out
of whack.
5/15:
This is probably my fifth or sixth time seeing Belly.
It's because of Malik Sayeed's cinematography. I consider the introduction to be among the top 25 ever. Sadly, the
exponential decay in terms of quality begins to set in for the rest of the film.
Among the biggest problems is the lack of coherence. It has many subplots with almost none of them
connecting to each other. Whenever one occurs, almost the only reason for it is to pay homage to a famous scene of some
movie. A good example is the assassination of the Jamaican drug lord which is done à la
Scarface. Another is the
Malcolm X route by assassinating a minister which does nothing for the story. I'm not sure how he
could be a powerful figure anymore at the close of the 20th century.
When Sincere declared, "Let's go to Africa," the moron didn't realize that it's a one huge-ass continent. I can
imagine him walking to the counter for airline tickets and being asked, "But where in Africa?" At any rate, good luck to him
and his family in "Africa" because I don't know how living there is any better than the United States; in fact, it'll be a
hell lot worse.
Trying to keep up with the characters, especially their names and faces, has been a tremendous challenge because I don't know
who's who. That's why it's hard to follow the subplots by not knowing what they have to do with the grand scheme of
things. I wondered a long time why the film was called Belly. One theory is it's supposed to be about the
belly of the beast which is a big jungle for black wannabes in the drug trade. Another is how money-hungry they are. But how about
getting some education for a change? The public library is free, ya know, and they'll live longer this way.
All in all, it's Malik Sayeed's cinematography that gets the most credit for making Belly watchable in spite of many
headshaking flaws.
4/21:
DMX just passed away from a heart attack at the age of 50, and I thought of seeing Belly again.
The opening sequence is what ensures its high replayability value. A lot of times, I would joke that that's the whole film
right there (in fact, nearly the entire budget was spent on the intro) because it would go downhill thereafter. Now, my
opinion has changed.
One aspect that I notice the most is how smooth the editing is. Because of the transition from one scene to another, Belly
can be hypnotic. In a way, it feels like a long but highly-stylized music video with an overriding message that it's
about destruction. The dialogue, which is coupled with a voice-over narration, is fresh and sensible.
The acting is fine; the thespians emulate their characters well, and all were smoking weed and drinking for
real. It's like watching the black ghetto culture come alive with emphasis on fashion and style. The white guy who
recruited Tommy Buns to kill the minister is Frank Vincent, as in Billy Batts, who coached most of the cast to give believable
performances.
All in all, Belly is a rare film that actually improves over time through multiple viewings.
3/22:
Belly still holds up.
Bend It Like Beckham (2002)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
8/05
8/05:
Bend It Like Beckham is a charming picture about a female Indian teenager soccer player who has a crush on David Beckham.
Like basketball in Hoop Dreams, life centers around soccer which is thought
of as the sun. However, there are several
issues. The pace is uneven and choppy at times. There are several false endings. Just pick one and stick with it. Also,
too many tough real-life issues are presented.
The Beckham obsession was dwindling down a lot until "he" showed up at the end. The director should try to incorporate him
more in the film to keep me motivated since the title revolves around him. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers' character walks on
a dangerously thin line in regard to his coach-player relationship and then falls off which has left me disappointed.
All in all, Bend It Like Beckham is a well-done picture with a great screenplay and fascinating tense battle among
the members of an Indian family as a test of their values.
The Benson Murder Case (1930)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
7/25
7/25:
The bottom finally falls out for the Philo Vance franchise.
What went wrong in The Benson Murder Case? It's the script. The film may be 65 minutes long, but I
was already bored a third into it. Everybody kept talking so much that I was like, "Please kill somebody,
so we can get started."
As for the case per se, I guarantee nobody will be able to solve it. It's impossible to get clues. That's
because Philo Vance kept everything to himself. And then he'll have the greatest "aha!" explanation at the
end which has become so typical of future Agatha Christie films. Even how the murder is done on the top
of the stairs is patently absurd.
William Powell is okay this time, but I feel he's rather bored of it all, wanting to move on. Out is Jean
Arthur, in is Paul Lukas. The photography is nice as usual. I just wish the writing was less verbose with
Philo Vance being close to the core of how he was in
The Canary Murder Case.
All in all, The Benson Murder Case gives me a pause in determining whether or not I want to see any
more of the sequels.
Ben-Hur (1925)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
4/06
4/06:
Finally, it's over.
The 1926 version of Ben-Hur is a dreadful bore which is the reason why I don't care much for silent pictures.
I've been overcome by the sheer monotony.
All in all, the remake of Ben-Hur is a bazillion times better than the silent version.
Ben-Hur (1959)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
4/05, 4/06, 7/11
4/05:
Ben-Hur is a magnificent epic that's beyond belief.
It's a big-budget picture amassing over 15,000 extras. Rome has never been so glorious-looking since the fall of the empire.
The greatest and the most breathtaking climax comes during the chariot race. This scene is the reason alone the epic remains
an insurmountable work of cinema. Although it's the highlight, the movie is much more than that. It's interesting to notice
how the rise of Jesus Christ overshadows everything by making the suffering of others trivial as compared to his.
Memorable for the famous line "There's still enough of a man here for you to hate!", Stephen Boyd should've won the Oscar
for his role of Messala. His hate is the cornerstone of the story, and Stephen Boyd plays the character so well that he gets
my vote as one of the best villains ever. So, I'm disappointed to learn that he wasn't nominated for Best Supporting Actor.
Instead, it went to Hugh Griffith. Why?
All in all, Ben-Hur is a must-see spectacular epic in every sense of the word.
4/06:
Ben-Hur is a magnificent picture.
It'll never be equaled again in sheer grandness and brilliance. Forget the stupid, contrived CGI-made films. This is
the real deal. Outstanding performances are rendered by the ensemble cast throughout the picture. If Judah Ben-Hur is
the biggest star, then Jesus Christ overshadows him by a mile. What makes the film remarkable is the test of character,
morality, loyalty, and honor. One of the greatest screen scenes in cinema history is the chariot race at the Circus Maximus
in Rome.
All in all, Ben-Hur is a thrilling motion picture.
7/11:
Ben-Hur is the epic of all epics.
It simply has no equal and is the reason why people fall in love with movies.
All in all, Ben-Hur is a must-see masterpiece.
Berlin Express (1948)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
6/15
6/15:
Berlin Express is one of the better films noirs out there.
They say it's the first post WWII Hollywood picture that's shot on location in Allied-occupied Germany with Frankfurt and
Berlin in shambles. But this can't be true because The Search with Montgomery Clift had been done two months earlier.
Nevertheless, Jacques Tourneur employs many noir elements in Berlin Express.
Hence, thanks to Lucien Ballard's cinematography, it has a semi-documentary style that highlights the realism of the
surroundings which was made possible by the effusive low-key lighting to let out a great deal of the chiaroscuro effect.
Once the mystery gets going and the characters start to hit their stride, it becomes a train ride of thrills right to the end
with a lot of unpredictable twists and turns. In short, Berlin Express is high film noir heaven.
The cast is perfect and suitable to play characters of different nationalities which serve as a metaphor for cooperation
toward a common cause. So, it's hard to single out anybody giving the best performance. I like the ending
which gives some hope for a reconciliation between the United States and the USSR before the reality of Cold War begins to
sink in.
All in all, I prefer Berlin Express over Out of the Past, both directed by Jacques Tourneur.
Best in Show (2000)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
12/05
12/05:
Best in Show is no This Is Spinal Tap.
Rather, it's a tasteless comedy film with many sex innuendos and a few jokes. The subplots and the characters are
bland.
The most disappointing aspect is how unspecial Christopher Guest is. I was expecting a lot from him given what he did as Nigel
Tufnel. At least, it's a great job by Michael McKean and John Michael Higgins. Fred Willard isn't bad and can sometimes be
funny in an annoying way.
All in all, Best in Show is a big disappointment as compared to This Is Spinal Tap.
Best Laid Plans (1999)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
4/15
4/15:
Best Laid Plans is a movie that I had never heard of until now.
I was familiar with Reese Witherspoon and Josh Brolin but not Alessandro Nivola. Josh Brolin is funny in a pathetic way while
Reese Witherspoon is average, letting her deep blue eyes do most of the acting. Alessandro is a scene-stealer, making
the film work the most.
The winning feature is the unassuming plot that's predicated on unpredictability. However, I kept feeling there was a double
cross going on because too many coincidences were being piled on top of one another. So, the revelation isn't a surprise.
All in all, Best Laid Plans doesn't get a lot of love from the critics, but I like how it's low-key, unassuming, and
unpretentious.
Best of the Best (1989)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
9/03, 1/06, 5/10, 12/15, 2/20, 3/21
1/06:
Speaking of adrenaline, Best of the Best is a tremendous rush.
There are many beautiful shots of martial arts from both sides: the United States and South Korea. The plot is fascinating
and unusually different, showcasing the value of teamwork. I like the use of the black-and-white flashback for Tommy's
brother's tragic death which underscores the twist that's about to come. The movie becomes special at the end when
Dae Han offered himself as his brother.
I love the characters played by Eric Roberts, Chris Penn, James Earl Jones, Philip Rhee, and Simon Rhee. All have been memorable.
My favorite performance is from Eric Roberts who poured a lot of heart into his character.
All in all, Best of the Best is one of the most thrilling movies I've seen.
5/10:
There are three reasons why I watch Best of the Best over and over: Eric Roberts, Chris Penn, and the
South Korea national karate team's training montage.
They're compelling. Eric Roberts shows a great range of his thespic abilities and will always be the better
actor than his sister Julia. My favorite aspect is the value of teamwork. That's why the tagline
on the poster says: "A team is not a team if you don't give a damn about each other." It's a can't-beat.
All in all, Best of the Best is one of the best sports films made that's on the same level as Rocky
in terms of adrenaline rush.
12/15:
Best of the Best is one of those films I can watch over and over.
Terrific scenes appear throughout, and they're Rocky-esque. Great performances are given by everybody,
especially Eric Roberts and Chris Penn.
All in all, Best of the Best is the best Taekwondo picture ever made.
2/20:
Best of the Best is still underrated.
The cast is outstanding by playing memorable characters. The standouts include Eric Roberts, Chris Penn, Simon Rhee, and James
Earl Jones who has the best line of the film: "A team is not a team if you don't give a damn about each other." Phillip Rhee
and his brother are obviously the most experienced martial artists, putting on an excellent show.
Rocky films always have the best training montages ever. If I can think of a movie that rivals them, it's
Best of the Best with these five guys from the South Korea national karate team. Because of them, the film is taken
to another level, prompting me to watch it again and again. The showdown is quite good and never disappoints.
All in all, Best of the Best is inspiring stuff.
3/21:
Best of the Best has it all: acting, story, direction, and, most of all, editing.
Without the training montage of the South Korea national karate team, the movie will have been ordinary. Taking it to the
next level is Eric Roberts who pours in his emotion to create a believable character to root for. I love the showdown between
the two teams for the final act; it's what Best of the Best is all about.
All in all, Coach Frank Couzo said it the best: "A team is not a team if you don't give a damn about each other."
Best of the Best II (1993)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
4/13, 2/20, 4/21
4/13:
The cheesy graphics during the intro of Best of the Best II serve as a warning of what's to come.
Replete with shadow punches and kicks, it's a straight rip-off of
Lionheart with Wayne Newton
doing a bad imitation of Richard Dawson from
The Running Man. There are good-looking martial arts scenes.
Unfortunately, they're few and far in between.
It's disappointing that Eric Roberts' hair is cut short. At least, he somewhat pours emotion into his character again.
Sonny Landham, famed for playing Billy in Predator, is wasted. It's nice to see Simon Rhee as Dae Han again.
All in all, the top-notch quality that was seen in Best of the Best is not there in the sequel.
2/20:
Although there's plenty of martial arts action, Best of the Best II is not the same as the original.
Wayne Newton keeps reminding me of Richard Dawson in The Running Man, and the setup of the gladiator arena brings back
memories of Lionheart. What was Travis Brickley doing there? Fat, sweaty, and out of shape, he was never good to begin
with and could be wiped out by Tommy Lee. That's why Travis died in the ring after facing a mammoth bodybuilder
(Ralf Moeller). Frank Couzo can't be happy about failing to teach him anything of value.
Eric Roberts is less effective this time around. Reportedly, he felt compelled to come back to make up for the disappointment
of the original. Uh, really? I thought it was one of the best sports films made. Simon Rhee reprises his role as Dae Han, but I
would've liked to see more of him. Sonny Landham is okay. As a result, Phillip Rhee is the main show, hence the next two
sequels featuring him.
All in all, Best of the Best had originality, but none of it can be found in this sequel.
4/21:
Although not as riveting as the original, Best of the Best II is a decent sequel.
The nice part is that it changes up things. Instead of a sanctioned martial arts tournament, they go underworld with Wayne Newton
giving his best imitation of Richard Dawson. Some of the guys return: Phillip Rhee and his brother Simon, Eric Roberts, and
Chris Penn. I wonder what Coach Couzo thought of Brickley doing this sort of thing and then found out afterwards.
Former professional bodybuilder Ralf Moeller is a worthy adversary, but he reminds me of Attila in
Lionheart which
came out three years earlier. In fact, it and Best of the Best II are practically the same film, and there's a bit of
The Running Man going on, too. However, I don't mind because it's an entertaining movie. I wish Simon Rhee was
involved more often. At least, there's a lot of Sonny Landham.
All in all, it's hard to go wrong with Best of the Best II if you liked the original.
Best of the Best 3 (1995)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
4/13
4/13:
Direct-to-video or not, Best of the Best 3 is a damn entertaining action flick.
The low expectations probably helped the most. Compared to the second part, the plot is more compelling to
follow. The last twenty minutes, which is a reminiscent of
Cobra and Tango & Cash, is weak, but it doesn't
take away the positive attributes.
Although Eric Roberts and Simon Rhee are sorely missed, Phillip Rhee does a great job of putting the film on his back from
start to finish. Every time I see a scene of him performing martial arts, all I can think is this is the guy who
defeated the world champion Dae Han.
In short, Tommy can kick everybody's butt. That's why I find it hard to believe Donnie Hanson would be able to hold his
ground against him. The ending is impossible. All those guns sported by the criminals are enough to take Tommy down,
regardless of the fight outcome with Donnie.
All in all, Best of the Best 3 is a solid action picture.
The Best of Times (1986)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
6/25
6/25:
I don't like Ron Shelton's stuff.
His writing is often bland and talky, resulting in mediocre sports films like Bull Durham,
White Men Can't Jump, Tin Cup, and
Play It to the Bone. Sure, they have strong characters and a memorable scene or two, but that's it.
For some reason, Ron Shelton likes to feature white athletes past their prime trying to have one last chance
at glory. Hence, his blueprint is there for the taking in The Best of Times.
Because of Robin Williams, I had hoped the movie would be funny, but no dice. That's because of what I said
earlier. Sure, it's happened to guys like Cowboys' Jackie Smith during the third quarter of Super Bowl XIII
against Pittsburgh, Red Sox's Bill Buckner in Game 6 of the 1986 World Series, and Bills' Scott Norwood during
Super Bowl XXV against the Giants. But this is high school...nobody cares.
The first half is tedious: too much talking about nothing. When the all-important football game begins,
it's when I finally paid attention. Everything that happened beforehand explains why the film was such a huge
box-office stinker. At least, Kurt Russell saves the day by giving a classy performance. He's believable for a
former high school football great and almost looks like Joe Namath from a uniform standpoint.
All in all, you're better off fast-forwarding The Best of Times until the game starts than sitting
through the slog from start to finish.
Best Seller (1987)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
3/09
3/09:
Best Seller is a great thriller picture that showcases an unlikely combo of two characters with contradictory traits.
One is a virtuous cop who believes in the act of goodwill, and the other is a confident killer who believes in trampling
over anything to get results.
James Woods has a distinctive air of superiority that makes him outwardly arrogant, so it's appropriate that he's cast for
Best Seller. Partnering him up with Brian Dennehy, it's been an unstoppable ride of thrills and turns. The story is
unique and gripping with plenty of neo-noir traits.
There are three can't-miss scenes. One, when Cleve tried to prove Dennis he could have him killed within seconds during
his sleep, Dennis pulled the upper hand on him afterwards. Two, Dennis, on the plane, was gifted a watch with an inscription in
the back. Three, when Cleve decided to revisit the photo stand, he made the poor cabbie pay for it.
All in all, Best Seller is an outstanding movie, and James Woods is brilliant.
The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
9/13
9/13:
Directed by William Wyler, The Best Years of Our Lives is a moving, albeit long, film about several returning veterans of
WWII, but it's certainly not Best Picture material.
However, this one is the originator of the genre, that is, war veterans who are trying to adjust to their normal lives.
As far as acting goes, Myrna Loy is the winner. So, I'm surprised that she didn't receive an Academy Award nomination.
She's sublime and a true woman. Frederic March and Dana Andrews are very good, too. Virginia Mayo plays her part beautifully
well.
Harold Russell, a former soldier who actually served and lost his arms during the war, steals the show, winning two Oscars
for his performance. Oddly, he wasn't given a billing like the rest of the thespians. Won't that be defined as a discrimination
against people with disabilities, or is it because he's a nobody?
All in all, The Best Years of Our Lives is a feel-good movie, but it's too long.
Betrayed (1988)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
8/15, 1/25
8/15:
At least, Joe Eszterhas manages to keep the story calm in Betrayed.
Picking up where the trail left off from Talk Radio, it's an okay picture
about a fringe terrorist group of right-wing gun nuts who want to keep America as Christian and white
as possible.
The description may sound funny, but it's true. Although the concept is interesting from the get-go, the novelty
slowly wears off. Trying my best to stay with the plot, I kept looking at the timer only to realize there was
an hour to go and sighed afterwards. Nothing much happens as I wait for the predictable showdown. Finally, it
comes, but the ending turns out to be weak.
Tom Berenger, who could've been voted the Sexiest Man Alive in 1988, is perfect for the role. So is Debra Winger.
Yet they're emotionally limited. Hence, I've lost interest in their characters. Plus, Catherine's act of wanting
to quit from time to time wears thin. What I hate the most is the unnecessary romance subplot with
Michael. It takes too much tension away from her tug-of-war between love and hate for Gary. Why can't Joe
Eszterhas keep their relationship strictly professional?
Also, the idea of the FBI agents forcing Catherine to keep going with her undercover work in order to find
evidence is bizarre. Obviously, they should've set up shop nearby for surveillance work and plant agents around
the town to gather intel or witness events before filing charges for terrorism. It doesn't have to happen in
the eyes of law because conspiracy is enough for lifetime imprisonment under RICO. So, no...I'm not buying
Michael's story.
All in all, despite having most of the right elements in place, Betrayed needs more refinement.
1/25:
Raising my rating from '6' to '7', Betrayed looks better this time.
Director Costa-Gavras is known for making political films, starting with Z.
The subject of white supremacy militant groups in rural towns proved to be alluring for him, so he decided to
capitalize on what happened to Alan Berg, the subject of Talk Radio,
and merged it with the story of The Order led by Robert Mathews.
Tom Berenger may be the show as Gary Simmons, a totally normal-looking handsome family man with a messed-up
mind, but all the credit goes to Debra Winger for making the film suspenseful. While watching it, I
thought, "How is she going to get out of the situation?" At any rate, it's probably the most realistic
portrayal of what special agents deal with while undercover.
What bothers me the most is the idea of Katie as the only female going on these small and big missions with
Gary Simmons. Why her? How come the others aren't doing it, too? Will it be easier not to involve Katie by
telling her to stay home and take care of the kids in order to be ignorant of Gary's double life? The other problem
is the final five minutes. There's no point in it, and the show should've ended promptly after Catherine left
the room.
All in all, Betrayed is a well-made movie despite the several far-fetched elements.
The Betsy (1978)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
2/15, 1/25
2/15:
It's a surprise that many reviewers thought of The Betsy as a laughable, trashy soap opera.
On the contrary, I've found it to be a well-directed masterpiece, touching a lot of topics: incest, greed,
adultery, two-faced characters, homosexuality, murder, and selfish motives. Reminding me of
The Godfather Part III,
the intricate dealings of an automotive empire are deep. Keen is how Daniel Petrie put all
the information together smoothly to tell a complicated story.
Additional pluses are The Great Gatsby-like garb, the rich in/exterior
sets, and the opulence. Thanks to terrific acting, everybody is able to put in his or her two cents to
advance the plot. Several incestuous twists and turns are wild, marking the downfall of an automobile magnate's
family.
At his best with twinkling eyes, Laurence Olivier is delicious as the evil Wizard of Oz. Tommy Jones is
handsome while turning in one of the best performances of his career. Lesley-Anne Down is hot in a mild Joan
Collins way, hence the comparisons to Dynasty and Dallas. Robert Duvall has trunks for legs below
his tennis shorts, and Kathleen Beller bares all by going for a skinny dip.
All in all, The Betsy has to be seen.
1/25:
Reminding me of The Godfather Part III, The Betsy is
90% solid and the best film about an automobile magnate family.
Wealth, power, class, sex, and ruthlessness are the name of the game with some incest thrown in. Of course, it's
all trash. The film just needs to be converted into a miniseries to reach the epic territory. Laurence
Olivier steals the show. Tommy Lee Jones is terrific with nice supporting performances by Kathleen Beller,
Lesley-Anne Down, Robert Duvall, Jane Alexander, and Katharine Ross.
All in all, The Betsy has bad reviews, and they're completely undeserved.
Between Heaven and Hell (1956)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
4/25
4/25:
Not much in Between Heaven and Hell works.
I give it props for being ahead of time in 1956 by showing blood and men being shot. Other than that, the
backstory doesn't do anything for me. By the time Sam Gifford (Robert Wagner) arrived on some island in the
Pacific, I was past the point of caring and expected the usual. Of course, Sam will see
the light only because he's in a war!
Robert Wagner is fair, never doing anything special. When he's with Terry Moore during the flashback, I'm
reminded of A Kiss Before Dying which came out during the same
year. Broderick Crawford gets on my nerves when his character has the chance to rant. Finally, he's shot in
the head. Good riddance. The rest of the supporting cast (Buddy Ebsen, Robert Keith, Brad Dexter, and so on)
seems strong, but they have nothing to offer.
All in all, Between Heaven and Hell is too dull to make a difference.
Between Showers (1914)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
8/06
8/06:
So, what else is new in this Charlie Chaplin's film short: Between Showers?
Nothing. There's a lot of pushing and running around. Charlie Chaplin must think people are that dumb.
The way he laughs, it's like seeing the devil himself. At least, the plot
is an improvement over Mabel's Strange Predicament.
All in all, Between Showers is strictly for idiots as they have a lot in common with Charlie Chaplin.
Beulah Land (1980)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
6/24
6/24:
File Beulah Land under "What the Hell Were They Thinking?"
The downfall began right from the beginning with the introduction of the kids. Having failed to establish my connection to them,
especially their names, the show just went to the next part when everybody had grown up as adults. I was trying to grasp
what's going on in terms of characters and subplots but never could. Eventually, I stopped caring anymore. When Sarah Pennington
and Casey Troy embraced each other at the end, I felt nothing. No wonder why the adapted screenwriter opted for a
silly-sounding pseudonym: Jacques Meunier.
It was never an issue in Gone with the Wind, Roots,
and North and South. No matter how many characters were thrown at me, the filmmakers
took the time to develop them, and I was able to keep up with everything including the subplots. But in Beulah Land, I
constantly asked myself, "Who's Jubal?", "Who the hell is Annabel?", "Farrow...Farrow...uh?", "Where did Alonzo come from?", etc.
Why did Lesley Ann Warren have the most developed character to the detriment of everybody else except for a few? It's because the
timeline kept skipping ahead by seven years constantly. After forty-five years later, it's impressive how ageless most characters
were.
So many subplots would be initiated, but they're either hardly followed through or dropped altogether. Early on, Madeleine
Stowe's character got plenty of attention, and then, she stopped appearing anymore. Finally, she did just once for the school
opening with ten minutes left in the show after forty-five years for what must be the longest lesbian affair inside the bedroom in screen history. The similar thing happened to Don Johnson whose character was summarily offed. Talk about killing off two of
the biggest assets so early. Elsewhere, Floyd touched Sarah's hand, and all of a sudden, he escaped to the North before coming back
years later in regret despite looking full and healthy. For his reward, he was granted the job of an overseer so he could happily
whip the slaves into shape to do everything as they could to save the plantation for the white folks.
Not to be outdone, the filmmakers decided to insert a lot of historically inaccurate stuff to depict the Old South with a strange
zoom effect. The biggest jaw-dropper was teaching slaves how to read and write when it was a capital offense in Georgia at the time.
Then, there's the Utopian plantation life with happy black slaves who wouldn't think of leaving, no matter what, especially after
they had been, in fact, freed. I seriously doubted Sarah's painting of such seductive nature would've been either undertaken or
accepted. When the Union soldiers came over to do their worst, I was surprised to see them raping a pregnant black female but left
the rest of the white women alone. Obviously, the house should've burned down, but it's magically restored like new.
What I didn't understand was why the filmmakers set the show in Georgia when they shot the whole thing on location in Natchez,
Mississippi. Wouldn't it be easier to just state that instead? Being a lot closer to
North and South which actually came out five years later, I wouldn't say
Beulah Land was a rip-off of Gone with the Wind, but it had been certainly guilty of
it in some elements, most especially when a scene showed Lauretta being in the middle of countless seriously injured Confederate
soldiers.
All in all, Beulah Land is the worst TV miniseries I've ever seen in my life.
Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
9/03, 4/05, 7/20
4/05:
I immediately bursted out laughing after Axel Foley said, "Can you put this in a good spot? 'Cause all of this shit
happened the last time I parked here."
Beverly Hills Cop is great fun because of Eddie Murphy. Although it's marred by slow start, the pace is
eventually picked up to get the action going as soon as Axel Foley arrives in Beverly Hills from Detroit.
There's a funny scene of Axel trying to teach another black cop how to talk jive. Not impressed, he tells him he's
been hanging out too long with his white partner. I also can't forget when Axel got thrown out of the
store through the glass window and was therefore busted for disturbing the peace. The two dudes in Michael Jackson jackets,
Axel pretending to be Ramon at the Harrow Club, the banana incident, the stripper club scene, and the super-cop theory are
among highlights as well.
Gil Hill, a decorated Detroit police officer who's a newbie to the acting game, gives a memorable performance as
Inspector Todd. I like everybody else including Judge Reinhold, John Ashton, and Bronson Pinchot.
All in all, Beverly Hills Cop is comedy gold.
7/20:
Originally a Stallone vehicle, it's hard to imagine Bevery Hills Cop without Eddie Murphy.
It's been thirty-six years, but the film feels a lot more dated than I'll like to admit. The comedy isn't there that
much, but it's a unique policier with winning lines which resulted in an Oscar nomination for Best
Writing. Obviously, Eddie Murphy carries the show. Let's be real: a lot of the stuff that his character pulled off is illegal.
In the meantime, the rest of the cast, especially Judge Reinhold and John Ashton, is superb.
All in all, Eddie Murphy is phenomenal in Beverly Hills Cop.
Beverly Hills Cop II (1987)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
11/03, 4/05, 11/06, 8/20
11/06:
Beverly Hills Cop II is a highly watchable but average flick.
The bar set by the original is missed. I can only spot a couple of funny moments,
especially with Gilbert Gottfried, and that's it. Eddie Murphy is at his vintage best as Axel Foley. The on-screen chemistry
between John Ashton and Judge Reinhold when they're with Eddie Murphy is superb, and they work together very well.
On the other side of the coin, the plot is superficial; it's all about the looks and fast-paced action but not enough
substance. There are stabs to make fun of Sylvester Stallone's Cobra, but it did become one of the best neo-noir
pictures made.
All in all, Beverly Hills Cop II does an okay job of picking up where the original left off.
8/20:
Sequels have a notorious reputation of not matching consistency of the original, but that's not so for Beverly Hills Cop II.
Although the first is unique and creative although dated, the sequel is more fresh and fast-paced, thanks to
director Tony Scott who recently came off the success of Top Gun. Sure, the police tactics employed by the three lead
characters are illegal and unbelievable. However, if they're ignored, it's pure entertainment.
Another aspect to like is the secondary players. Everybody is perfectly cast to help the film stand the test of
time: Brigitte Nielsen, Jürgen Prochnow, Allen Garfield, Dean Stockwell, Gilbert Gottfried, and Paul Guilfoyle. Of course,
it's Eddie Murphy who's the star with Judge Reinhold and John Ashton getting in the act.
Unfortunately, both installments of Beverly Hills Cop are no longer comedies; they've become strictly policiers.
It's just that there isn't a lot to laugh at. Therefore, the teamwork among Eddie Murphy, Judge Reinhold, and John
Ashton is what gives the franchise a lot of gas.
All in all, the seamless transition from the original to the sequel for
Beverly Hills Cop should be appreciated.
Beverly Hills Cop III (1994)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
4/05, 8/20
4/05:
What a god-awful movie Beverly Hills Cop III is.
It shouldn't have been made in the first place. Hordes of moronic moments come to insult my intelligence. Amid them, not a
single time did I laugh.
Take one scene on the roller-coaster with Axel Foley saving the lives of two kids. How did he happen to know there's a rope
nearby? Where was the theme park rescue team for such emergencies? Why was nobody doing anything else besides staring?
Another one is when Axel finally used the Annihilator 2000. He defends himself by ducking behind a bench, but the bullets
that hit it are repelled as if wood is made of steel. When Axel stands up trying to figure out how to use the gun, the bad
guys aren't shooting at him.
All in all, the Beverly Hills Cop franchise is officially over.
8/20:
What a mistake for the guys to green-light Beverly Hills Cop III.
Inspector Todd is dead. No Bogomil, and no Taggert. Billy Rosewood is all alone. Forget Serge or the fact
that it's George Lucas.
Eddie Murphy doesn't look or act like Axel Foley. What's the point anymore? Well, he got paid $15 million...there's that.
It's weird to see Axel Foley and Jon Flint laughing at Billy Rosewood after he's been shot multiple times; has
it occurred to them that he's dying? The other two need to apply a tourniquet on themselves to stop the bleeding.
Why is the film called Beverly Hills Cop III when it takes place at Wonder World? Except for being shot in convenient
locations, all good guys are never hit by bullets while the bad guys have been. Can you remember the reason why Axel decided to
go to the amusement park? Well, I guess he has no last words for his late boss.
All in all, Ronny Cox wisely said, "They wanted me to be in Beverly Hills Cop III, but...I read the script."
Beverly Hills Madam (1986)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
1/24
1/24:
Beverly Hills Madam is very close to the truth.
Three books were published during the 90's and the following decade: You'll Never Make Love in This Town Again and its two
sequels. Prostitution is nothing new, and a madam running the business in Hollywood has gone for a long time.
What's impressive is the film foretold the story of Heidi Fleiss who got started one year later. Before her, it was
Madam Alex.
Because Beverly Hills Madam is a telefilm, it doesn't tell the full story. Many famous people such as actors, producers,
musicians, and politicians were big-time customers. Think of Jack Nicholson, Rod Stewart, Don Henley, Sylvester Stallone,
and Don Simpson. The Arabs, especially those who came from oil money, made up a great bulk of the clientele. The sex wasn't always
straightforward as some customers liked to get rough. After a while, the nature of business inflicted a toll on the
hookers who numbered in the hundreds, not just a handful, per madam.
Great-looking to begin with, the females came from broken homes and were often sexually molested by relatives. So, coming
to the business for the first time isn't a shock to them. Drugs are often abused so they can numb themselves going
through it. Eventually, they get broken just like how it happened to Claudia. Why they became hookers is it's
so easy to make thousands of dollars when the minimum wage was like three to four bucks an hour at the time. They also received
expensive jewelry and got to travel all over the world. A few paid their way through college by this manner. Surprised by
how well they were doing, friends wanted to be referred for this line of work.
Faye Dunaway does an excellent job. It's all supply-and-demand to her character who likes to live well while feeling
powerful. Yes, the bad stuff that her hookers go through...she's been there before. From time to time, they'll get
confused if it's Pretty Woman time for them, but it never happens. Why? Their johns
will remind them of exactly who they are: a whore.
All in all, despite holding back a lot of the bad stuff, Beverly Hills Madam is accurate for the most part.
Beverly Hills Ninja (1997)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
12/14
12/14:
Zero is the number of times I laughed throughout Beverly Hills Ninja.
Almost the final role of Chris Farley's absurd movie career before his untimely death, he once again delivers his usual
loud-mouth performance that's filled with such physicalness that's stretched to the extremes, failing to generate comedy
in anything he does.
Chris Rock is almost worse than Farley because...when was he ever funny? At least, David Spade is out of the equation.
Thank goodness. Instead, it's Liu Kang of Mortal Kombat who agreed to be part of this heaping pile of putridity.
All in all, stupid people love Chris Farley, and that's why they stay stupid.
Beyond the Law (1993)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
10/11
10/11:
A better film than Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man,
Beyond the Law provides an interesting
but mundane insight into an undercover cop infiltrating the underworld of drug-dealing bikers.
Why I say the word "mundane" is that I've seen it all before, starting with probably
Serpico. So, the topic is nothing
new. Also, Charlie Sheen fails to achieve depth for his character and doesn't pass for an authentic outlaw biker because
he looks too clean.
Another issue is it's not convincing. If director Larry Ferguson could bring out the authentic biker look like how
Michael Mann did with the prisoners from Folsom State Penitentiary for
The Jericho Mile, the film would earn respect from me.
So, it's disappointing to be cheated this way.
Yet I like Beyond the Law, regardless, because the subject matter is interesting and Charlie Sheen makes it fun. His
anger seems to be for real. Of course, he has a long history of alcohol and drug abuse and woman-beating
ways. On the other hand, Linda Fiorentino does nothing remarkable except to offer a gratuitous sex scene.
All in all, Beyond the Law requires authenticity to pass muster.
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (1970)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
3/10
3/10:
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls is one of the worst pictures made.
It's so poorly directed and edited that I had nightmares afterwards. The acting is across-the-board atrocious.
Pure nonsense is the dialogue written by none other than the sock puppet moron named Roger Ebert. It's the single number
one reason why I never read his reviews or believe the shit he says about cinema.
All in all, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls is trash beyond trash.
The Big Chill (1983)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
12/04, 1/13
1/13:
Is the music that makes The Big Chill, or is it the chemistry of the cast?
Either way, the movie is unforgettable for many reasons. Every time I see it, I keep thinking I'll see Kevin Costner
in the coffin. Sometimes, I've hoped for an explanation why Alex committed suicide, but after getting no answers, I
suppose it doesn't matter. What does is the group getting together to remind each other of what's most important in life.
Sure, there's a detectable WASPy vibe emanating from the clique, but if I ignore it by focusing on the chemistry, it becomes
apparent how special the film is. Nobody, as great as they all are, steals a scene.
All in all, I've seen The Big Chill at least five times, and it gets better each time and is one of the great 80's
classics.
The Big Clock (1948)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
10/15
10/15:
It takes a while for The Big Clock to get going, and when it does, I'm in for a thrilling ride.
The best performance of the show goes to Charles Laughton. His character, Earl Janoth, is set up for an epic fail in
the long run because he thinks he's the center of the universe. Hence, Janoth can't be any more wrong.
Ray Milland does a good job of getting things underway, but he's weak and unconvincing at times. That's why
The Big Clock isn't a strong film noir as I hoped for. Still, the story is interesting.
All in all, The Big Clock is a lot of fun to watch despite not being a huge film noir.
The Big Country (1958)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
5/14, 5/19
5/14:
Is The Big Country the Citizen Kane of Western films?
Absolutely yes. It hits many points well in a deep, allegorical manner the same way as many have felt about
The Searchers. Moreover, it's unique for being antithetical of everything that Western films usually are.
Of the star-studded cast, Gregory Peck has done it for me because he hits the right notes in diffferent situations. He also makes it
fun to watch because his character is interesting and offers a righteous model for everybody to follow. If not for him, I
doubt The Big Country would be the film as it is.
Charlton Heston, in an ironical twist, plays Messala for Steve Leech, and he's terrific. So is Chuck Connors who must be made
of granite rock. Alfonso Bedoya, as Ramon, is a pleasant equalizer. Burl Ives and Charles Bickford are masterful,
but an Oscar win for Burl? I don't think so. Jean Simmons is a nice surprise if I see how her character has become
the focal point of the story.
I never liked Carroll Baker's character, Patricia Terrill, from the get-go because there was something about her that didn't
seem compatible with Peck's character. Over time, it would be more and more pronounced. Throughout, I was hoping he
would come to his senses and dump her; hence, I wasn't let down.
The Big Country has more bad than good people; in fact, only three are good as compared to scores of them which makes
it a tough viewing, but director William Wyler navigates me through it with subtle reassurances. Afterwards, I must
say I was impressed with the final product although the running length did test me at times.
Here is a nice trivia from IMDb: "Then U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower gave the movie four consecutive showings at the
White House and called it 'simply the best film ever made. My number one favorite film.'"
All in all, The Big Country is a magnificent Western film.
5/19:
The Big Country is so good that you won't find more than a few that pack many lessons in one film.
It's one of my favorite Westerns with fine performances from everybody including Gregory Peck, Charlton Heston, Charles
Bickford, Burl Ives, Alfonso Bedoya (who died of a heart attack a month after the film was completed as a result of years of
heavy drinking), and Chuck Connors. Along with Burl Ives who won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor, many of them should've
been nominated as well. They're all outstanding and have varying definitions of what it means to be a man.
The Big Country is one of the best examples of how a widescreen shot should be properly implemented, showcasing the
vast land of California and Arizona. It's what makes an epic. Against it is the beautiful cinematography that does favors
for all characters involved. A reviewer from Amazon commented:
"One of my favorite parts: in the credits/introduction scene the film opens with a wagon moving fast on a dusty road. Smoke is
pouring out of the wheel axle. Not many people know that the axles had to be regularly greased on a trip of any distance and a
practical unit of distance back then was 'wagon greasings.' That being the number of times you had to stop to do the greasing."
Another made a funny but wise comment: "The Big Country is only the greatest western ever made! As a dad of
daughters, I had my girls watch this film numerous times beginning at young ages. I told each of them: Be like Julie, and NOT
like Pat. I told each of them: Find and marry a man like Jim McKay NOT like Steve, and certainly NOT like Buck Hannassey."
All in all, perfectly illustrating the feuds between neighboring families, The Big Country proves everybody who partakes
of them will be a loser at the end.
The Big Easy (1986)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
8/06
8/06:
Prior to watching The Big Easy, I was expecting a slick neo-noir.
Instead, I saw a comedy show. Using the phrase "The Big Easy" to describe New Orleans over and over is a surefire way
to ruin a picture. So, I guess having it too easy led to the tragedy of Hurricane Katrina. A cheap shot, I know.
Silly dialogue, inept characters, and ludicrous subplots have become too much. Ellen Barkin's character should've been
more powerful than as portrayed because she's, after all, the district attorney for the state (or New Orleans, I suspect).
All in all, The Big Easy is a stupid picture.
The Big Heat (1953)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
7/14
7/14:
Having seen some of Fritz Lang's pictures and thinking of them as hokey, The Big Heat actually rises above his crap
but is still hokey.
Glenn Ford should mostly share the blame with the director because he's a terrible actor who's not right for the role.
His character is on a hate binge? Stop trying to make me laugh.
As for the rest of the cast, Gloria Grahame isn't bad but can do much more. Pre-silver-haired Lee Marvin shows potential
that he'll make most out of. Everybody looks badly overdressed, and the dialogue doesn't sound up to par, either.
All in all, The Big Heat is too ridiculous to be taken seriously as a film noir.
The Big Knife (1955)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
8/21
8/21:
Since the release of Sunset Boulevard in 1950, Hollywood hadn't been dark again until The Big Knife came out five
years later.
As strong as the cast is which includes three future Oscar winners, it's Jack Palance who gives the most powerful performance,
leading to the shocking end. Ironically, Jack Palance managed to outlive everybody else in real life. Given his odd-looking
Patrick Swayze face, the rumor is that the former boxer, while serving in the military, was bailed out of a flaming bomber
plane, so he was forced to have a reconstructive surgery.
Yes, the film is stagy, which stays within the confines of nearly one set, and has problems with editing in spots, but the
writing is a masterpiece and the way Jack Palance makes it come alive is amazing. What a shame he wasn't given an Oscar
nomination. It's the most complex character of his career. Ida Lupino, Shelley Winters, Everett Sloane, and Wendell Corey
are great, but Rod Steiger may have overacted a bit.
When Charlie Castle said his back was hurting, it's most certainly a metaphor of how spineless he's in the face of
pressure, regardless of his massive physique. Still, it's a surprise because he had plenty of support from his wife and agent
to go against the grain. As gregarious as Charlie was, he ultimately didn't redeem himself at the end. The suicide is
a stupid move on his part.
In a way, the story feels like what happened to John Garfield (he played Charlie for the Broadway show) who died of a heart
attack at age 39 from the stress of dealing with the communist scare which affected everybody in Hollywood. Sure,
it may be about others as well. Hoff, who's played by Rod Steiger, is probably an amalgam of the former studio czars, Harry Cohn
and Louis B. Mayer, with a bit of Howard Hughes thrown in. Patty Benedict is Hedda Hopper.
All in all, thanks to the masterful writing and Jack Palance's powerhouse performance, The Big Knife is as noir
as it gets.
The Big Lebowski (1998)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
2/04, 6/06, 10/10
6/06:
I don't think there has been a neo-noir that's both hysterically funny and true to the outline of a film noir
until I saw The Big Lebowski.
Memorable characters come and go. Clever is the plot that's full of well-written dialogue which is heavily laden with
profanity and a dry sense of humor.
Jeff Bridges is The Dude. Motivated by weed, bowling, and White Russian drinks, he's the hippie version of Sam
Spade, Jake Gittes, and Philip Marlowe all rolled into one. However, John Goodman's character is too much.
All in all, The Big Lebowski is the best neo-noir comedy made.
10/10:
The Big Lebowski, as great as it is, doesn't hold up well against the test of time.
I'm turned off by the bowling dream scenes. They don't seem to have any significance. At the same time, John
Goodman's character is annoying and plain unlikable.
Still, it's a funny picture with plenty of memorable moments that spoof noir elements. What I like the most is how
stupid The Dude is and how effortless he's been in solving the mystery. He just progresses from one event to another by
stupid, random luck.
All in all, The Big Lebowski is worth watching for fans of the film noir genre.
The Big Picture (1989)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
4/25
4/25:
The Big Picture is the first film directed by Christopher Guest of
This Is Spinal Tap fame.
This is as accurate as it gets. Thousands and thousands flock to Los Angeles annually in the hopes of becoming
famous, and many were voted the most popular or best looking during high school and/or won beauty pageants.
Most never succeed and end up waiting tables or doing shit jobs to make ends meet. Those who do usually take
around ten years, and all of that is solid, hard work and sometimes luck. It's extremely rare that somebody
gets placed on the top right away upon arrival. Just ask Jack Nicholson, Robert De Niro, and Mickey Rourke.
As for Kevin Bacon's character Nick Chapman, it's impossible to judge until I see between
two and four pictures of his to decide if he has something or not. No matter what, quality isn't a priority
to Hollywood. The bottom line is net profit and...will always be about net profit. If a director makes shit
pictures that happen to be enormously profitable, the studio will be happy with it. Why do you think cinema in
general has been sucking the last 25 years or so and will continue to? Awards mean nothing, either, if these
movies can't make money.
It's not the end of the world for Nick if he doesn't get what he expected. He needs to aim lower and
do the grunt work before moving up. I'll say the best time to be a director was from the 30's to the 50's,
especially with the rise of television, or the early 60's and most of the 70's when the studio system got
caught in an upheaval because the formula stopped working, as
evidenced by Easy Rider,
Macon County Line, and
Gone in 60 Seconds, and it's willing to take a chance on anyone.
Whatever the circumstances are, there are assignments in news, TV shows, sports, documentaries,
commercials, music videos, and porn. Or they can make their own films just like Francis Ford Coppola, Brian
De Palma, and Martin Scorsese. The main thing is to keep working to create a résumé and establish networking
connections, and something will come up which is to say "opportunity meets preparation." This advice pretty
much applies to all kind of jobs in the profession.
It's common that the final product will be almost nothing like the initial idea. There are always meetings
and meetings with lots of input to modify this or that. Producers, who mostly deal in financing
and putting movie packages together, are often replaced because millions of dollars are on the line and many
are reluctant about green-lighting anything much due to high rate of failure. That's why most scripts or ideas
never go beyond the development phase. The Player does a nice job of
illustrating this.
Back to The Big Picture, Martin Short gives the best performance. I wonder if an agent was like him.
Kevin Bacon is fine, but his character is predictably shallow and only cares about himself. Ironically,
he directed only one film called Loverboy, and it's among the worst I've
seen. The rest of the cast is solid with plenty of unexpected all-stars. It's Teri Hatcher's
screen debut, and of course, she was going to hit big albeit in television.
All in all, aspiring filmmakers should check out The Big Picture, and they're also encouraged to
read some Hollywood biographies to understand the process more.
The Big Red One (1980)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
6/04, 4/06
4/06:
The Big Red One is my favorite Lee Marvin picture.
It makes most of his potential, military-wise or acting-wise. A poetic war film, it's unfortunately beset by poor acting from
the supporting cast. The best part is Lee Marvin carrying a young Holocaust victim. It's the final fitting image I have of
him that does his acting career justice.
Meanwhile, the cinematography is terrific. The adventure tour of World War II through many European countries is
marvelous as well, having reminded me of Saving Private Ryan but with less grittiness.
All in all, The Big Red One is the best acting job of Lee Marvin's career.
The Big Sleep (1946)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
3/09, 9/20
3/09:
I read the book many years ago and wondered why Raymond Chandler called it The Big Sleep.
After seeing the movie, I think I get it now...in the literal sense. What hasn't changed at all is how convoluted and
incomprehensible the plot is. As a matter of fact, I was unable to follow the sequence of the events in the book despite my
best efforts.
The performances are fair, but the thespians have little to work with. Humphrey Bogart, who doesn't look physically good, may
have stepped into the shoes of Philip Marlowe quite nicely but fails to convey the same persona that made him an icon in
The Maltese Falcon. Lauren Bacall is ineffective and looks all wrong for the role. Let's face it: she's a one-hit
wonder who's dire need of acting lessons. Now, who's that girl in the bookshop?
All in all, every time I think of The Big Sleep, "confusing" is the first adjective that comes to my mind.
9/20:
It was 1939 when Philip Marlowe appeared in Raymond Chandler's debut novel The Big Sleep.
Seven years later, Humphrey Bogart had the privilege of playing the hard-boiled detective for the cinematic adaptation of
the book, and the result is film noir heaven. Still, my feelings are mixed: it's a good movie, but the plot is
extremely convoluted. Even the screenwriters and Raymond Chandler himself couldn't figure out who killed Owen Taylor. Almost
as annoying is Bogart touching his earlobe repeatedly.
There are many unanswered questions like "who did what?", "why?", and "what happened to the cryptic notes?" However, if
I choose to ignore them, the rest of the film is doable because of the atmosphere. Unfortunately, the writing isn't
as memorable as I hoped for compared to Farewell, My Lovely with Robert Mitchum who played Philip Marlowe to sheer
perfection.
Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall were electrifying in To Have and Have Not, but in The Big Sleep,
their chemistry runs on a lower wattage. To Lauren Bacall's credit, her character does the most work, getting Marlowe's
attention while he's focused on the case at hand. No matter what, they're the main attraction of the show.
There are several pretty women who were subtly rejected by Marlowe the babe magnet. One of them is 19-year-old Dorothy Malone
at the bookshop. Next is Martha Vickers, as Carmen Sternwood, who had a bigger role which ended up on the cutting room floor
because she kept upstaging Lauren Bacall. She didn't have much of a career afterwards and died at 46 from a cancer of the
esophagus. As Eddie Mars' wife, Peggy Knudsen is another looker.
You'll hear Marlowe using the phrase "red points." It means dead bodies. Cars with a "B" sticker affixed on the lower
right corner of the windshield is due to wartime rationing of gasoline; hence, the driver is allowed to have a maximum of
eight gallons of gas per week. By the way, there couldn't be an 1860 edition of Ben-Hur because it wasn't
published until twenty years later. Interestingly, the Best Picture winner wouldn't be released until thirteen years
after The Big Sleep although there's an older film version but quite honestly...who saw it?
All in all, forget the plot and just enjoy The Big Sleep for the sake of soaking in the film noir atmosphere.
The Big Sleep (1978)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
9/20
9/20:
The 1978 version of The Big Sleep is the worst Philip Marlowe movie made.
Robert Mitchum looks way off after giving a perfect hard-boiled performance in
Farewell, My Lovely. Forget
Oliver Reed and James Stewart; they're no good, either. What the heck happened? Michael Winner is to blame by
failing to understand the meaning of neo-noir.
Instead of Los Angeles where it always takes place in all Philip Marlowe stories, this one is set in London. I
have no idea how this is supposed to help the required ambience. It was all correctly done in
Farewell, My Lovely.
The next mistake is the dialogue which is sheer awful and not Chandler-esque the least bit. What's with the stupid window
lettering: "Philip Marlowe - Commercial and Civil Investigations"? Another weird part is the voice-over bit that suddenly
appears at the hour mark when it should be natural to hear Marlowe's thoughts throughout. The lines during the final five
minutes finally sounded better, but it's just too late.
Candy Clark is an acting tragedy. She gets my vote for the worst performance of the 70's. Her character is a certified mental
retard. Martha Vickers played her better in the Howard Hawks' production. As Camilla's older sister, Sarah Miles is
ugly as hell and has been drinking her own urine for over thirty years in real life (go ahead...look it up if you don't
believe me). Robert Mitchum must have been so drunk to let himself be kissed by them.
Michael Winner made a lot of changes to Hawks' version, and they're all terrible. I prefer the confusing plot in the other film
because it's well-paced. Because of the uninspired performances, I couldn't wait for the 1978 film to end not
long after I started playing it. Who cares about the pornography angle? It wasn't a big deal during the late 70's as compared
to the 40's.
All in all, if Robert Mitchum can't or won't be the vintage Philip Marlowe, what's the point of remaking
The Big Sleep?
The Big Steal (1949)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
2/24
2/24:
Robert Mitchum and Jane Greer pair up again after appearing in the memorable film noir entitled
Out of the Past.
This time, it's for The Big Steal. What helps a lot is the film was shot on location in Mexico compared to
Macao a few years later which was mostly faked in the back studio lot. Hence, it scores points
for authenticity.
Although the film was directed by Don Siegel, I actually lost faith in him because the first hour wasn't getting my attention
because of the long car chase despite several nice tricks along the way. Finally, things got better in the last twenty
minutes, thanks to Robert Mitchum and Jane Greer showing chemistry for the first time. So, it ends well. However, the inclusion of
William Bendix's character makes little sense once he revealed the twist.
Now, remember when Robert Mitchum was arrested for marijuana possession and people thought it was going to ruin his career?
The Big Steal happened to be filmed during the time, and Howard Hughes wasn't worried about it but had a
hard time finding a supporting lady for him. When Lizabeth Scott found out about Mitchum's arrest, she dropped out in fear
of the damage that it would do to her career. At the same time, Jane Greer was being blackballed by her ex-boyfriend Howard Hughes who
finally relented to giving her the part because he couldn't get anyone else. Jane Russell was available, but he didn't want her
tainted by being associated with Robert Mitchum. Either way, the film was a box-office hit by capitalizing on his notoriety.
By the way, it's surprising to see Ramon Novarro, a one-time sex symbol, in the film. Looking considerably aged by the
late 40's due to alcoholism, he was a big star during the silent era, and his most famous role was
Ben-Hur. That's not the
William Wyler one but the black-and-white picture going all the way back to 1925. Ramon Novarro knew how to speak
Spanish because he was born and raised in Mexico. Incidentally, they should've put in translated subtitles for
The Big Steal because I had no idea what the characters were saying in Spanish.
All in all, The Big Steal is a decent light film noir picture, but
Out of the Past is far better.
The Big Town (1987)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
12/12
12/12:
I blame the director for not making most of the characters in The Big Town.
As great as the cast is, virtually all characters are shallow. Imagine how good the film would be had the opposite
happened. Nonetheless, the topic isn't a problem, and the setting and the atmosphere are well-orchestrated.
All in all, I'll take The Big Town over The Cincinnati Kid any time of the day.
Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
9/05
9/05:
Rubbish and stupid, Big Trouble in Little China is a schlock film by John Carpenter's standards with Kurt Russell
giving the worst performance ever.
The lead star should be mightily embarrassed of himself for playing such a fake character. Had he been more himself,
the movie would give off a better feel. That's why Tango & Cash worked out.
By the way, the thespians speak their lines one by one in an orderly fashion as if they're in a staged play. It grows
worse and worse over time.
All in all, Big Trouble in Little China is a trashy Oriental wannabe fantasy-comedy flick.
Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (1991)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
4/09, 1/20
4/09:
I feel like I lost a million of brain cells after watching Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey.
It's so bad that I want to punch Alex Winter in the face. Some scenes are nauseous and should thus be classified
as vomit-inducers. Honestly, I fell asleep six times during the film because my eyes wouldn't stay awake for longer than ten
minutes. There's a plot? Forget it; it's either absent or brain-dead.
All in all, Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey is one of the worst movies I've seen.
1/20:
Raising my rating from '1' to '3', Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey is still a terrible movie.
Here's what I don't get: if one can travel to any point of time, then why not just kill Bill and Ted when they were
babies or their mothers before they were born? If not, they can time travel a bit back. Then, we'll have a series of
time travels ad infinitum for the sake of preserving or altering history.
During the Battle of Bands near the end, Bill and Ted thought of what they needed to do to counteract De Nomolos, but
how can that be if they didn't have their own phone booth? By the way, why does De Nomolos show up in class at Bill & Ted
University to explain his plan when he should've kept it a secret? These are some of the instances that have
plagued the overdone, brain-dead plot.
The dialogue is painful to listen to although the acting isn't problem. It's fun to see William Sadler as the Grim Reaper.
By the way, I've never heard of the rock band named Faith No More or the home improvement chain Builders
Emporium which went out of business two years after the film's release.
All in all, Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey is a bad sequel.
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
6/03, 4/09, 1/20
4/09:
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure ingeniously combines three things: history, time travel, and idiots.
The concept is unique, but the movie is inconsistently funny. I like Keanu Reeves as Ted but not Alex Winter because
of his creepy-looking eyes. If their characters turned out to be potheads, it would explain their airhead behavior.
The Maltese-born actor Terry Camilleri as Napoléon Bonaparte is the best character. His most hilarious moment is when he went
bowling and let out a scream of profane words in French. The tie-in with Waterloo and waterslides is a stroke of genius.
All in all, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure is a charming film that works well at times.
1/20:
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure is a clever movie that combines comedy, time travel, and history with two brain-dead
high schoolers topping them off.
Keanu Reeves had gotten a lot of grief for his character that was carried over to
Parenthood. At one
point, he thought his epitaph would read: "Here lies Keanu Reeves. He played Ted." Fortunately, Keanu Reeves was able to
shed off the image by giving solid performances in
Point Break, Speed, and The Matrix. Now,
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure is surprisingly an obscure film in his oeuvre. Regardless, he's perfect
as Ted. However, because of his eyes, Alex Winter is still a creepy-looking guy. Either way, they're fine together.
There are clever lines to connect the historical figures with names. In Napoléon Bonaparte's case, it's waterslides
for Waterloo. Bill and Ted thought Julius Caesar was the "salad dressing dude." "All we are is dust in the
wind, dude" is the shortened version of Socrates' quote: "Our lives are but specks of dust falling through the fingers of time.
Like sands of the hourglass, so are the days of our lives." When the English Duke said, "Put them in the Iron Maiden," it
excitedly made Bill and Ted think of the heavy metal band. Also, Ted thought Joan of Arc was Noah's wife.
Brilliant stuff.
All in all, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure is a well-done 80's high school picture.
Billion Dollar Brain (1967)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
7/25
7/25:
That's why I have Ken Russell on my Worst Directors list.
The man sucks, having effectively killed off the Harry Palmer franchise. Michael Caine had this to say:
"Russell was an emotional genius. Billion Dollar Brain is a highly complicated thriller which needs
a draftsman. The last thing you need is an emotional genius. We never quite realized we had a lunatic
genius on our hands. He was the least ideal man to do a thriller. What he has is this passion to make
thundering great messes." If I were him, I would nix the genius part.
In other words, why didn't Harry Saltzman bring back Guy Hamilton? The director knew what he was doing in
Funeral in Berlin. Billion Dollar Brain never makes sense. Hence,
it's appropriate that Donald Sutherland, at one point, asked, "What's going on?" In many ways, it feels like
everybody was making up shit along with bad editing. The last thirty minutes is a perfection summation of Ken
Russell's directorial style.
Michael Caine as Harry Palmer? Ha! He's more like an incompetent dunce who's lured into a trap without
understanding what's going on. There have been plenty of times he should've died but was somehow allowed
to live. By the way, it's Françoise Dorléac's final film as she, who's Catherine Deneuve's sister, died
in a car accident during the same year.
All in all, Billion Dollar Brain is an embarrassment in the espionage genre.
Billy Bathgate (1991)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
4/14
4/14:
Apparently, the early 90's can be characterized as the mob revival era in cinema.
Such films include Goodfellas,
The Godfather Part III, Miller's Crossing,
Bugsy, and Mobsters. The last three were awful. Bugsy contains some of the worst
acting I've seen. In fact, I have to say everybody has been miscast.
Dustin Hoffman doesn't strike me as a gangster. Nicole Kidman lets her vagina do the acting. Loren Dean is next to hopeless.
Steve Buscemi badly needs a tan. Bruce Willis misses his hair a lot. Steven Hill should've stayed with Law & Order.
The story is pathetic. When the end comes, I'm left saying, "That's it?" At least, it has nice cinematography, making
my viewing a bit bearable.
All in all, Dustin Hoffman should've pulled a Billy Bathgate on the kid.
Billy Budd (1962)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
10/11
10/11:
The "welkin-eyed" Terence Stamp makes his feature film debut in Billy Budd.
Hence, he was rewarded with an Academy Award nomination, the only one of his career. It's a well-deserved achievement because
Terence Stamp is something else as Billy Budd. Peter Ustinov's masterful direction makes the movie a wonderful viewing experience.
You may think Billy Budd is another run-of-the-mill mutiny-on-the-ship picture, but it's not. The Herman Melville story
is a study of human emotions. I was surprised at the outcome in the last thirty minutes but agreed with it, regardless.
All in all, Terence Stamp is special in Billy Budd.
Billy Jack (1971)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
9/08
9/08:
The first adjective that comes to my mind for Billy Jack is misguided.
Billy Jack claims to be a pacifier yet resorts to martial arts to solve problems. The violence on screen is staggering. I find
the message totally inappropriate, nonsense, and juvenile. There are various solutions, but violence is never necessary.
All in all, Billy Jack is 5% interesting but 95% crap.
Billy Liar (1963)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
9/13
9/13:
Billy Liar is a good portrayal of a pathological liar, and the world is full of them.
Everything seems to work out all right, but Julie Christie's presence is unnecessary. It's not a fun film to sit through as
the topic will get old fast because I once knew somebody who lied all the time. Of course, like a Ponzi scheme, the person
will hang on from one lie to another until he's exposed for what he is. When that happens, it's not a pretty picture.
All in all, Billy Liar is the cinematic paragon of a pathological liar.
Bio-Dome (1996)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
2/25
2/25:
Alec Baldwin reportedly told his brother Stephen if he agreed to go ahead with Bio-Dome it would end
his career.
Well, the prediction didn't happen exactly as expected, but Stephen Baldwin sure sucks in acting, having done so
many rubbish pictures afterwards. No A-list star would be caught dead appearing on the same screen with Pauly Shore.
He's just so unmercifully unfunny. There's not a single laughter out of this train wreck from anyone else.
I didn't realize it before, but Denise Dowse kind of looks like Kamala Harris.
Given the incomprehensible concept of a bio-dome, I thought, "What could go wrong?" Well,
for starters, the building is in Arizona. Do you have any idea how hot it gets over there? And there's no roof
to block out the sun? The air conditioner has to be on all the time, transporting air from outside which will defeat
the whole experiment from the get-go. Otherwise, why not kick the two morons out immediately and proceed with
whatever the idiotic plan this team of scientists have in mind?
Look at the size of the bio-dome. Are you shitting me? Everybody is going to be bored in no time. There's hardly
anything to do. Additionally, they will run out of oxygen because when one breathes out, it'll build
up carbon dioxide inside that supposedly airtight container. What if the group doesn't like somebody? Ever heard
of a book called...Lord of the Flies!?!? In the name of science, the
two white bimbos must have makeup on daily, but why?
As a matter of fact, there's a real bio-dome in Arizona, and everything I've said is exactly what happened during
the so-called experiment inside Biosphere 2 (only because Earth was thought of *drum roll* Biosphere 1) which
lasted from 1991 to 1993, resulting in total failure along with too much cheating to circumvent the issues. The
goal was to try to create a similar environment on another planet. Well, I can safely tell you that...it will
never work!
To make matters worse, according to Wikipedia, "much of the original data have never been analyzed and are
unavailable or lost, perhaps due to scientific politics and in-fighting." That's at least $150 million down
the drain for nothing. Almost everybody on the team was at best a theater performer. So much for
science. They were also in a cult called Theater of All Possibilities and correctly predicted everything that could
go wrong before stepping into Biosphere 2 for the first time!
All in all, a documentary about Biosphere 2 would've been a good idea at the time instead of
green-lighting Bio-Dome, and it happened in 2020: Spaceship Earth.
Bird (1988)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
3/18
3/18:
I had seen many Clint Eastwood's films, sometimes repeatedly, but Bird wasn't one of them until now.
It's impressive. Forest Whitaker is given a leading role for the first time in his career and makes the most of it. He's
always been an underrated talent.
Not much is known about Charlie Parker. In fact, there are no more than four written biographies about him, and I had
the unfortunate luck to select Kansas City Lightning, which was authored by Stanley Crouch, because the book stops abruptly in
1940 when Charlie Parker was about to start his run of greatness yet there were still fifteen years left in his life.
Having said that, I suppose Clint Eastwood had to make do with the scant material on Charlie Parker who
wasn't actually famous nationwide during his time. That's why Bird feels repetitive: Charlie fucks up, shoots his arm with
heroin, stays down, picks himself up after having hit rock bottom, and gets back to playing the alto sax once again to show
what he's made of. Hence, the movie is too long to watch all of that.
Yet it's a remarkable performance by Forest Whitaker. He is Charlie Parker, but Clint Eastwood doesn't do enough to explore
what makes him so great. There needs to be more of that. The constant back-and-forth between past and present makes the
plot hard to follow at times.
All in all, Bird is a good start to become interested in Charlie Parker.
Birdman of Alcatraz (1962)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
6/05, 7/20
6/05:
Playing the role brilliantly well in Birdman of Alcatraz, Burt Lancaster achieves a remarkable transformation by
becoming Robert Stroud, a world-famous ornithologist while locked up in federal prisons most of his life.
John Frankenheimer's direction is masterful, making the story absorbing. Hence, the film length ceases to matter. It's
easy to generate thoughts of what Robert Stroud could've done differently.
All in all, although mostly fictional, it's hard to deny the power of Burt Lancaster's performance in Birdman of Alcatraz.
7/20:
If I'm forced to think quickly of a masterful performance by Burt Lancaster, it's as Robert Stroud for Birdman of Alacatraz.
It's right up there with From Here to Eternity,
Elmer Gantry, and The Swimmer. But
boy...he's touching for 143 consecutive minutes in Birdman of Alacatraz. There's a lot to like:
the direction, the black-and-white cinematography, the screenplay, and the supporting cast. It only takes thirty
minutes to be hooked, and after that, the movie is impossible to stop.
Ironically, Robert Stroud was allowed to have birds in Leavenworth but was denied the privilege at Alcatraz. A lot of what the
famous prisoner did for the field of ornithology is factually true, but he was also an "extremely difficult and demented inmate who,
though highly intelligent, was a vicious killer and a violent psychopath."
All in all, because of From Here to Eternity, Birdman of Alcatraz,
Elmer Gantry, and The Swimmer,
among others, I'm sometimes compelled to say Burt Lancaster was a better actor than Marlon Brando.
The Birds (1963)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
12/05, 12/13
12/05:
The Birds is a nice, memorable, and beautiful Hitchcock film, but, because of the running length, it's hard for me
to sustain attention long enough.
I like the acting the best which is especially strengthened by the intensity of the relationship between two female
characters: Melanie and Annie. Rod Taylor plays his part well and is sort of the Cary Grant type. However, Jessica
Tandy is so out of place as the mother that she doesn't blend in well with the others.
Although impressive, the bird scenes are too long, and they become tiresome, causing me to make fun of the special effects.
That's why Steven Spielberg made sure to show Bruce less often in
Jaws to heighten the suspense. Alfred Hitchcock
should've learned the concept of minimalism.
All in all, The Birds needs a better editor to do the film justice.
12/13:
There are many parallels between The Birds and Night of the Living Dead.
Both aren't different except the latter is superior to the former in all aspects. There are numerous flaws, and I shall
go through some of them.
One, the conversations among the characters are mindless drivel. Then, all of a sudden, they've become meaningless because
terror has taken over their lives.
Two, the frigid mother is the most laughable part. She thinks she's the Queen of England, but who cares about the stupid bitch?
Three, remember the scene when the blonde woman stood outside the schoolhouse, having a smoke while pretending to be cool?
After seeing the birds behind her, she runs inside and warns the teacher. Then, they lead the schoolchildren to outside. Now,
now, now...why the hell are they leaving the building for another when the first was sufficient to ensure their safety?
Four, I don't see anyone using a gun the entire time. Come on, can we have some common sense here?
Five, there isn't any explanation for the birds' behavior. It's probably a chemical attack. At least, George A. Romero learned
a valuable lesson from this mess by explaining why the people had been transformed into the living dead.
Six, why doesn't somebody ponder about driving right away to San Francisco?
Seven, I don't care about the characters. Whether they live or die, it doesn't matter.
Eight, the birds look fake. The double reel strip trick has aged a lot by now.
Nine, there isn't much of a plot. Birds attack people. Okay, so what? They'll go away soon.
Ten, remember the last scene when the blonde woman discovered birds in the room before being savagely attacked? The wise thing
for her to do is cracking open the door a bit to take a look inside before closing it fast. But what
does she do? She goes in there just out of fear like that. Why?
All in all, I would respect Alfred Hitchcock more if he fixed the tagline on the poster for The Birds:
"It could be the silliest motion picture I have ever made!"
Birdy (1984)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
6/25
6/25:
Birdy is a strange movie.
I'm confused: are Al Columbato and Birdy supposed to be closeted homosexual lovers? If that's a negative,
then what has attracted Al to Birdy? It can't be the birds, right?
Either way, Nicolas Cage and Matthew Modine have given outstanding performances although what the latter did
seems like a ploy to win an Oscar for Best Actor. Fans of the former should also check out
Racing with the Moon, which also starred Sean Penn, because it
feels like an extension of his character in a prequel way. And yeah, Nicolas Cage took out two of his front
teeth to play Al.
Birdy can't be borderline mentally retarded since he speaks too well. Is he a high-functioning autistic person
or perhaps somebody with Asperger syndrome? I'm not really sure. Perhaps mentally disturbed? Or can it be
depression that Birdy would rather be left alone by the world so he could focus on birds only? Eventually,
what happened during the Vietnam War has cracked his head wide open. I doubt he would've been allowed in the
military in the first place anyway.
I was going to give the movie a '9' until the last ten minutes happened. What a poor ending. It would've made
sense if Birdy flew himself to death. Sometimes, the dialogue isn't that good. It's just gibberish talk. Hence, the
screenplay needs to be refined a bit more. I like the mix of birds and the story that's similar to how it was
done in Equus but with horses. By the way, the guy who played Al's father should
be familiar to fans of Seinfeld, and it's Sandy Baron as Jack Klompus.
All in all, Alan Parker isn't an impressive filmmaker, but he did a good job with Birdy.
The Birth of a Nation (1915)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
5/05, 9/08
5/05:
After seeing The Birth of a Nation, Woodrow Wilson famously said, "It is like writing history with lightning, and my
only regret is that it is all so terribly true."
Whether the quote is true or not is besides the point. The film's place in the annals of cinema is undeniable. It forever
changed how movies were made. Hence, D.W. Griffith is the father of film.
It's understandable that modern viewers will find The Birth of a Nation terribly boring. But they must realize
there was nothing like it before. The director discovered ways to tell a coherent story, which has been the standard since then, and took
advantage of the power of editing that became fully realized by Sergei Eistenstein in
Bronenosets Potyomkin.
All in all, The Birth of a Nation is film history.
9/08:
The Birth of a Nation may be the most important made in the history of cinema because it completely altered
the way how movies were made.
All great films can trace their origins to The Birth of a Nation because it was the first to tell a cohesive story, the
first to use film as a medium of art, the first to go longer than ten minutes and still succeed in sustaining people's attention,
the first epic picture, the first to use special effects, the first to use the concept of narration, the first to engender
controversy, the first to be very financially successful, the first to showcase many filmmaking techniques, the
first to rely on something else than the cast to carry the film, and the first to be screened at the White House.
Yes, it's been nearly a century since the silent film was made, and the excitement of watching it has gone
down tremendously. But it's impossible to judge the seminal piece of work because it had no peers to begin with.
All in all, when D.W. Griffith made The Birth of a Nation, he was far ahead of his time.
Bitter Moon (1992)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
4/15
4/15:
My, my...how far Roman Polanski has fallen.
Bitter Moon is the beginning of his descent, never mind his Oscar win for directing The Pianist
which was undeserved. It tries too hard to be the next 9½ Weeks but
fails miserably in all aspects.
Most of the blame lies squarely on Roman Polanski's wife, Emmanuelle Seigner, who's unsexy and can pass for a man
with a thing for S&M. Some of her scenes are so farcical that I've been forced to laugh despite her seriousness.
Cast for the role that's meant for James Woods, Peter Coyote tries to give F. Murray Abraham a run for his money
as the most dramatic storyteller with no understanding of how life works. Maybe it explains why his character
could never get his book published. Never a factor, Kristin Scott Thomas has thankfully a small amount of screen
time. On the other hand, Hugh Grant is a delight who has great lines in terms of reaction while listening to
Oscar's story.
As for the film, it runs too long, is repetitive and circular, and keeps belaboring the point. After hearing
something two or three times, I was like, "I get it already. Can we just move on?" But no...it must be reiterated
to death until everybody, probably Roman Polanski most of all, is exasperatedly satisfied. At least, the ending
is fitting because it's what I had been expecting.
All in all, Bernardo Bertolucci did it already in Last Tango in Paris
by exploring one male's fantasy of degrading the female sex, so why must Roman Polanski be so pathetic to repeat
it?
Black Angel (1946)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
11/15, 12/24
11/15:
Dan Duryea and June Vincent light up the screen as possible star-crossed lovers in Black Angel, a
simple film noir directed by Roy William Neill.
It's as if they belong together. The story is engaging, and the mystery is interesting to follow. Nothing
predictable happens, especially when the killer is revealed.
Style is all over the film with great-looking apparel. Peter Lorre's presence is a bonus to make it darker than
usual. Other characters are perfect to reflect the noirish setting of Los Angeles.
All in all, Black Angel is one of the better atmospheric films noirs from the 40's with terrific
performances by Dan Duryea and June Vincent.
12/24:
I know I was high last time on the pairing of Dan Duryea and June Vincent in Black Angel, but now, I
realize that the latter is just ordinary.
Nevertheless, it's the best performance of Dan Duryea's career. The plot twist is a huge surprise yet makes sense.
Imagine being the wrongly convicted's wife and going through all of the work with the true killer. Peter Lorre has
always been a bad guy in the annals of cinema, but this time, his character had nothing to do with
the case. That's another shocker. Hence, what a fine dark picture Black Angel is.
By the way, that's not George Sanders but Freddie Steele. Yeah, they look almost alike. Believe it or not,
Steele was a middleweight champion of the world in boxing, having fought in 142 matches and lost only five times.
All in all, filled with a lot of strong noir elements, Black Angel needs to be seen because of
Dan Duryea.
Black Christmas (1974)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
10/14, 12/19
10/14:
Black Christmas is regarded to be one of the earliest slasher films made that's highly influential in the making of
Halloween and Friday the 13th.
The acting is quite good which keeps the tension taut throughout. Of the cast, there are four standouts: Olivia Hussey as the
poor Jess, Margot Kidder as the unfettered Barb, John Saxon as the neo-noir detective, and Marian Waldman as the
whiskey-loving housemother.
The last fifteen minutes of the detectives trying to trace the calls is terrifying. Oh, how the obscene phone calls are that'll
never stop coming. They're so bizarre that the feeling of terror is doubly heightened. Many times, slasher pictures have a
whodunnit angle to keep me guessing until the killer is finally revealed. But not in Black Christmas. I'll never know
who did it, and it's such a great film this way.
All in all, Black Christmas is high on suspense but low on redundancy that has plagued many slasher films.
12/19:
Before there were Scream, Friday the 13th, and
Halloween, there was Black Christmas that's the
granddaddy of them all in the slasher genre which got lost in the shuffle of infuential horror films.
It's a suspenseful picture with a terrific whodunnit mystery. Nobody knows who did it. I think it's either Peter
or he had a partner, but it can't be him the whole time. Whoever made the calls must have lived in the
house and had bad childhood memories that was filled with sex abuse. At any rate, ambiguity is the chief reason why
Black Christmas gets the respect it deserves.
The cast is fantastic save for Margot Kidder who tries to ruin things by playing a brazen character. For me,
it's Olivia Hussey who makes the film work. John Saxon is her equal on the other side to amp up the terror. The weird
obscene phone calls are unforgettable, setting the tone. By the way, the actor who plays Peter is Keir Dullea aka Dave
Bowman from 2001: A Space Odyssey.
All in all, subtle and effective, Black Christmas is among the greatest scary movies made.
The Black Dahlia (2006)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
7/08
7/08:
The sport of decathlon should add one more Herculean event: watching a bad movie nonstop for at least two hours without
falling asleep.
To start it off, I suggest The Black Dahlia. Every minute or so, I would do three things in no particular order: check
my watch, ask myself "What the fuck is going on?", and pray for the DVD player to break down. Poor acting, plodding pace,
irrelevant subplots, extravagant interior sets, pathetic imitation of the neo-noir style, hokey dialogue, millions of
cigarettes, aimless direction, and nonsensical plot are among the chief problems.
Sporting a long résumé of appearing in worst pictures, Josh Hartnett continues to suck like never. Scarlett Johansson can't
act well enough to save her life and looks stupid wearing a heavy red lipstick while showing off her
oversized breasts. Aaron Eckhart overacts while trying too hard to be the next Jeff Bridges.
The Black Dahlia isn't a neo-noir but a fraud noir. In every scene, a character tries to be
hip by emulating the 40's pictures by taking out a cigarette from the silver case, playing with it a bit before
lighting it, and pretending to be cool while blurting out wannabe words.
Every time a subplot is being played, I think to myself, "Okay, a girl is murdered," then "okay, there's a love triangle," then
"okay, the mother is crazy," then "okay, the father is Noah Cross," then "okay, they're promoting war bonds," then
"okay, he's interested in the other girl," then "okay, Waldo is somewhere," then "okay, we can't find Waldo," and finally
"okay, fuck Waldo because I'm totally lost."
All in all, I should be awarded a gold medal for having sat through the torturous junk that's called The Black Dahlia.
Black Dog (1998)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
8/23
8/23:
I give points to Black Dog for having plenty of action.
However, the plot is so stupid that the faults have to be looked at. The filmmakers claim it has unique action
scenes with trucks, but the Mad Max franchise had already been there. At least,
they're better than Duel. When I thought the movie was over, they decided to add
another ten minutes of Meat Loaf getting his way to sour the show even further.
Going back to the plot, I don't understand why Red sent his goons to intercept the truck when the cargo had been
sitting in his shop for a while. Instead of what they did, why not shoot out the tires or, better yet, stage an
accident ahead to slow down and therefore stop the truck? Since guns are involved, why not put them in a mini
U-Haul truck? It's easier to deal with this way.
While the characters were on the road, I began to think about logistics. Okay, they took the wrong way and went
through the Appalachians, but it's a lot of work, having to go through the steep grades. Trying to get on I-95
is fraught with obstacles because of the weight stations. Yet in the movie, they stopped at one? That's why I
suggested U-Haul. Just take the local roads although the trip will take a while, especially for a truck with
heavy load.
All in all, Black Dog is the beginning of the end for Patrick Swayze's A-list status.
Black Hawk Down (2001)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
2/25
2/25:
Black Hawk Down is without context and therefore is a pointless violent war picture.
It leaves out an inconvenient fact: American soldiers killed hundreds, if not thousands, of innocent Somali
civilians, women and children among them, during their time there. The events, namely the Battle of Mogadishu,
happened on October 3 to 4, 1993, but the conflict started way, way before that when the Americans killed
73 people including innocents and elder members of Mohammed Farah Aidid's Habr Gidr clan during a peace meeting on
July 12. This mass murder event changed the tide, causing the United States and the United Nations to be
the enemy in the eyes of the Somali National Alliance (SNA). Not only that, but there were also other incidents as
according to Wikipedia:
"Human rights abuses and killings by peacekeepers, U.S. military airstrikes in heavily populated neighborhoods
resulting in civilian casualties, forced evictions for U.N. compound expansions, and the difficulty of receiving
legal recourse for wrongs committed by United Nations forces all inflamed the growing animosity of the civilian
population of Mogadishu."
Ann Talbot wrote the following in her article entitled "Black Hawk Down: Naked Propaganda Masquerading
as Entertainment":
"In the weeks leading up to October 3, the Rangers had earned themselves the enmity of the civilian population
of Mogadishu. Three times a day Black Hawks would harass the city's residents flying along the streets below
roof level before soaring back up to hundreds of feet in the air. This activity was popular with the Rangers
who told [author Mark] Bowden it was like riding a roller coaster. Sometimes they would hover low over flimsy
shacks blowing them apart, or over a crowded market place tearing people's clothes from their bodies or even
ripping babies out of their mothers' arms, in a practice the pilots called 'rotor washing.'"
1,000 dead Somalis? Nope. It was around 200 to 300, resulting in 18 dead Americans which is the highest
body count since the Vietnam War. The biggest question is: what was the United States doing there in the
first place? What business did it have in the middle of the Somali Civil War? That's exactly what I was thinking
while watching Black Hawk Down. Before the incident occurred, the Americans bombed a dense neighborhood,
killing a family of 8 and injuring 34, which made the U.S.-Somalia relations much worse. The Battle of Mogadishu
was a major fuck-up perpetuated by the United States.
These idiot soldiers, who had to be illiterate to begin with, were truly brainwashed and died for nothing. All
they wanted to do was kill? They weren't Americans but mass murderers. No wonder why every Somali, even the friendly,
was enraged, having decided to fight and aid alongside the SNA on October 3 and 4. But the movie depicts them as
lunatic black barbarians when they were in fact organized. After the whole thing was over, President Bill Clinton
decided no more and had his troops pulled out. That's because the United States' involvement in the Somali Civil
War was a fucking mistake from the get-go with absolutely nothing to gain.
Pietro Scalia won the Oscar for Best Editing? It's so bad that I had been left drained at the end because it was
too long and pointless. There's no message or story...just a lot of senseless killing for the sake of showing
beautiful carnage on screen. I would've given the Oscar to Slawomir Idziak for Best Cinematography because it's
unique. Making matters worse, all of the soldiers' faces are totally indistinguishable with none of their names
worth remembering. As a result, during the fighting, it felt like they were in three or four places at once.
The only reason I was able to connect with some of them is that they starred in
Pearl Harbor.
Oh, yeah...Eric Bana's and Josh Hartnett's brief speeches at the end? Simply the worst. Ewan McGregor plays a
character whose name was changed because the real guy raped his six-year-old daughter repeatedly. That's the U.S.
military for you along with its high rates of alcohol/drug abuse and suicide. Hooah...what fucking idiots. No
Somali was ever hired to act or provide technical advice which is to say...their perspective doesn't matter! The
Americans didn't fight alone during these two days; they were greatly aided by Pakistani and Malaysian troops.
All in all, what happened for real that led to the Battle of Mogadishu is a monumental embarrassment in
United States history, and Hollywood had no business in turning it into a cash cow, that is, Black Hawk Down.
Black Narcissus (1947)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
4/14
4/14:
Despite the rich cinematography, Black Narcissus is a horrid movie that failed to entertain me the slightest bit.
There's no plot to speak of. The crazy nun angle is too far left-field to believe. Undeveloped characters come out
of nowhere and then disappear for good. Casting Jean Simmons, an Anglo-Saxon, as the whitewashed Indian is a racist gimmick.
Even her character is a farce to watch. One billion Indians, and the producers couldn't find somebody to take on her role?
On the other hand, I have no clue what the deal is with Sister Clodagh, who's terribly played by Deborah Kerr. Her
character is not well-developed. She'll oddly reprise the role in
Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison while wearing the same sartorial whites.
All in all, Black Narcissus is among the worst films I've ever seen.
Black Rain (1989)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
6/04, 2/17, 3/19
2/17:
It's my fourth time seeing Black Rain, going back to when it was first released in 1989.
The first three, I had been sour on the film, thinking of it as something cool but nothing interesting. Now, my opinion is
completely changed, and I have to say it's an underrated stylish policier with an excellent Michael Douglas performance.
What I hadn't noticed before is the Blade Runner-like cinematography. Maybe it has finally looked the best when the
video was remastered in high definition. I just didn't notice it. Now, I love the look. It's very Japanese neo-noirish.
Also, kudos to screenwriters Craig Bolotin and Warren Lewis for making the story gripping. They never replicated the same
success for the rest of their careers.
Michael Douglas, Andy Garcia, Ken Takakura, and Yûsaku Matsuda (who sadly died from bladder cancer not long after the
filming wrapped up) are excellent. When the actors have to, they'll pull their weight to make the film look ultracool,
and they did that for Black Rain. I'm surprised that Kate Capshaw helped out, too, given my hate for
her after what happened in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
All in all, Black Rain is an underrated American-Japanese neo-noir policier with dark, moody cinematography.
3/19:
Black Rain is still an outstanding policier with terrific performances and breathtaking cinematography.
You should have no doubt of Michael Douglas' acting ability because this guy knows how to amp it up. Andy Garcia is perfect as his sidekick.
Ken Takakura provides a nice, heartfelt dose of humility for Michael Douglas' character. Yûsaku Matsuda plays a memorable
bad guy in Sato; the actor sadly died from bladder cancer after the completion of filming.
The most winning feature is the cinematography. It's reminiscent of Blade Runner, showing a neo-noir contrast between
darkness and neon lights in Japan. Hence, it should've been nominated for an Oscar during that year.
All in all, Black Rain is a visually captivating policier with a strong story and acting.
Black Robe (1991)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
4/20
4/20:
"Packs twice the punch of Dances With Wolves."
Um, right. It's more like one millionth. If you are mathematically confused, that's five zeroes to the right of
the decimal point and then a 1. In other words, I felt nothing during the film, and I was bored stiff, even after
hearing the religious babble talk from the guy himself.
It's because Bruce Beresford is a mediocre director. That's why it took him four years to get the money altogether
to make Black Robe happen. Either there must be something exciting happening like
The Last of the Mohicans or there's no movie. If it's going to be
all scenery, a paddle through the river, and an experience of cultural differences, I'll rather take a trip to some
foreign country.
To be fair, I give the film high marks for two aspects. The first is the cinematography. It's quite good much of
the time which was shot on location in Lac Saint-Jean, Saguenay Region, and Saint-Felix d'Otis, Québec, Canada,
with the rest done in Rouen, Seine-Maritime, France. The other is the cast that's almost 100% American Indian who
speak their own language a great deal of time. When I say "almost," Sandrine Holt, who plays Annuka, is half Chinese
and half white as in British. Come on, why? At least, its batting average is way high as compared to
A Man Called Horse when it had many Indian characters played by white
people.
All in all, being similar to The Mission minus star power, Black Robe
is a handsome-looking, although unexciting, period picture about Jesuits and Indians.
Black Sheep (1996)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
7/14
7/14:
Some things are unexplainable.
A case in point: Chris Farley. Evidence: Black Sheep. The film is so bad, unfunny, and pointless.
Whenever Chris Farley performs a stunt, he'll become a volcano before erupting angrily. He does this in every movie. Is
that what he calls comedy? On the other hand, David Spade is literally a spade. He just sits there and does
nothing when I want to smack his smug face with a spade.
The film was made in 1996, and Chris Farley died the following year. When I found out the news, I thought
it was good riddance, signalling the end of his horrible "comedy" career. The details surrounding Farley's death were
funnier than all of his movies combined.
All in all, Black Sheep makes me feel icky.
Black Sunday (1977)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
1/14
1/14:
Although both deal with international terrorism, Black Sunday is more thrilling than
The Day of the Jackal.
What matters the most to red-blooded Americans is Super Bowl Sunday. Hence, the buildup to the much-anticipated
climax is deliberate and methodical. The performances by Robert Shaw, Bruce Dern, and Marthe Keller keep the plot
moving until the incendiary point of no return. Having two teams, the Dallas Cowboys and the Pittsburgh Steelers, play each
other is beneficial to heighten the realism.
Awe-inspiring is the stunt work of dealing with the blimp that's 10,000 feet above. The fast-paced
editing, which depicts people in fear of the blimp that's coming toward them above the stadium, takes the film to
another level, causing it to be at once dramatic and overblown.
All in all, John Frankenheimer scores another thriller in Black Sunday.
The Black Swan (1942)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
1/14
1/14:
The Black Swan is a fantastic picture if you enjoy misogyny.
After showing so much sex abuse, the ending has been sugarcoated to reflect the warped ideals of
Hollywood. The supposedly epic sword duel between Waring and Leech is what killed the film the most. Director Henry King was
basically saying, "Ah, fuck the climax. Let's just fast-forward it and wrap up the film."
Sure, the colors are nice and pleasing to the eye, and the script is well-written. Yet the boredom keeps overcoming me. There's
no chemistry between Tyrone Power and Maureen O'Hara. As a matter of fact, their performances are terrible. I don't understand
why a notorious pirate would be granted the governorship of Jamaica by the English monarchy.
On the other hand, the title is The Black Swan, but the ship per se isn't shown that much and also plays an
unimportant role throughout. So, why not give it a different title to reflect the movie better, something like...The Woman Beater?
All in all, The Black Swan should be sent out on the plank.
Black Widow (1954)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
8/14
8/14:
Black Widow has been classified as a film noir by Fox Studios, but it's certainly not.
Hence, the company needs to re-evaluate the definition to understand what consitutes one. The first forty minutes
is slow. After the Vertigo-like twist has been applied, I'm on a Hitchcockian
roller-coaster ride until there are fifteen minutes left.
Thereafter, the pace slows down while I find out who did it which has been given away by the film title.
The cast is more or less okay, but Ginger Rogers (is she a certified actress?) is overbearing and pretentious
while George Raft looks out of place. Peggy Ann Garner's character isn't believable, either, for pulling off
the scheme. The plot is somewhat dumb and uninteresting because who lets a stranger stay at his apartment in
New York City while he's out working during the day? The moron got what he deserved.
All in all, Black Widow is an all right picture that drags a lot and is more of a soap opera murder mystery.
Black Widow (1987)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
5/25
5/25:
Black Widow is an overlooked film in the neo-noir genre.
The style is impeccable in the tradition of Body Heat, thanks to the
outstanding cinematography by Conrad L. Hall, with shades of Zalman King. I kept thinking that Brian De Palma
directed it, but it's Bob Rafelson who did. Having Theresa Russell aboard goes a long way. She's believable as
the black widow. Debra Winger is on the other side, pursuing her, and may have fallen in love with her. At the
minimum, there's respect for each other through discovery.
The only negative is the jumps. For example, Margaret was in the process of acquiring William McCrory. After
they married, the next thing I know is Catharine is in Hawaii with another rich guy. In other words, I'm left
to assume that McCrory had been poisoned to death with penicillin. This happens frequently throughout the film.
That's why I had a hard time deciding between '7' and '8'.
Speaking of black widows, it's ironical to see Terry O'Quinn as Debra Winger's boss in Washington, D.C. The
most famous role of his career was a bluebeard-type in The Stepfather
which came out during the same year as Black Widow. By the way, if you found the guy with glasses
weird-looking during the poker game (he mentioned the result of the Skins game afterwards), that's David Mamet of
The Untouchables and
Glengarry Glen Ross fame.
All in all, Black Widow defines the term extremely well.
The Black Windmill (1974)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
7/25
7/25:
Michael Caine does espionage for the umpteenth time, and it's called The Black Windmill.
Don't be fooled by his participation, the cover, or even the title. It's quite mediocre in all respects, thanks
to the deliberate slow pace. The message is clear: Michael Caine is as emotionless as he can be about his
character's son being kidnapped.
I don't get Drabble helping Major Tarrant escape. What is the point of that? He got the diamonds, and
it should conclude the business which means there's no sense in guarding or letting Tarrant's son be alive
any longer. Because of what happened earlier, Drabble is therefore killed by Tarrant.
Remember when Tarrant made phone calls to various people and told them to rendezvous at the windmills in Sussex?
Harper, I get. And also Julyan. That's it. Who else can there be? I ask this because I didn't see any more
suspects beyond them during the film.
All in all, Michael Caine should've done another Harry Palmer film instead of The Black Windmill.
Blackboard Jungle (1955)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
7/13
7/13:
Although I'm sure the viewers felt the events in Blackboard Jungle were unrealistic when it first came out, I, a former
teacher, can tell them it's the opposite and will vouch for it based on my experience of working in such schools.
I can relate to the first-year teacher, excellently played by Glenn Ford, who starts out as idealistic by wanting to convey
his love of learning to his students and transform their lives. I had the same mindset when I first entered the teaching
profession. Then, the unthinkable happened. The education system was nowhere near what I expected. It was an awful truth
that I had to accept. Throughout the year, I never felt that I belonged there or didn't appreciate being the enemy of the
students for no apparent reason.
As a secondary mathematics teacher, I had to keep lowering my standards, and when they still couldn't meet them, I had to lower
them even more until I hit rock bottom because nobody, save for a dozen or so, had the necessary basic skills or academic discipline to succeed in the
classroom. By the end of the year, I decided that I had enough of the students and the whole education system and that the money
wasn't worth the mental and physical drain I was enduring week in, week out. Eventually, I quit for good and
became part of the statistic that half of the new teachers leave the profession within the first five years.
Anyway, Blackboard Jungle reminded me exactly of what I went through. I had many episodes that were similar to what
happened for Mr. Dadier except I would never bring anything valuable to the school. Actually, I wished I saw
the film first before I became a teacher, causing me to change my mind and select a different career path to
save myself the trouble.
All in all, everything as shown in Blackboard Jungle is true.
Blade Runner (1982)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
3/06, 11/15, 2/24
3/06:
What I like about Blade Runner is the futuristic look of the world.
The cinematography, most especially the ambience, is excellent, reminding me of the Tex Murphy PC games which include
Under a Killing Moon, The Pandora Directive, and The Overseer. However, the story is threadbare. Even
worse is the slow pace, causing me to fall asleep.
All in all, hopefully, I can stay awake the next time I see Blade Runner.
11/15:
It's my third time seeing Blade Runner, and my opinion has been steadily improving.
However, one constancy about the sci-fi neo-noir is it moves very slow. Also, there's not much to see of the
futuristic world although it's understandable that the vision as presented was way ahead of its time in 1982 which is to be
expected because of 2001: A Space Odyssey's Douglas Trumbull whose work was eventually
taken over by David Dryer.
The acting is fine, and the story is well-presented with a voice-over narration. It's just that the pace needs work to
get things going. A big bonus of the DVD release is the improved look of the picture.
All in all, Blade Runner would've been better if it wasn't so slow.
2/24:
Maybe they should've set the time to 2419, yeah?
Of course, we've made past 2019, and the current world looks nothing like what's shown in Blade Runner. This time,
I'm calling it a sci-fi neo-noir masterpiece. The Director's Cut helps enormously. When I first saw it, the ambience
was too dark, and it was hard to make out much. Plus, the slow pace was hurting the film a lot, but now, it's better.
It goes without saying you'll never see anything like Blade Runner which is a Philip K. Dick adaptation just like
Total Recall. What an amazing job by everybody for making it in 1981. It's a stunning
accomplishment, indeed.
The story is simple: Harrison Ford is a Blade Runner and his job is to kill robots, hence Replicants, who have illegally come to
Earth. That's the whole movie. The purpose of the Voight-Kampff test is to measure the empathy of responses; the more
questions there are, the harder it is to escape the fact that the testee is a Replicant.
In the past, after Rutger Hauer's character died just like that, I was confused, but I now see why: he had four years to live, and
by the time the film started, he only had about two days left. The performances are outstanding: Harrison Ford,
Sean Young, Rutger Hauer, and so on. But the cinematography is mindblowing which is an Oscar winner for sure. The movie
appears to have been shot on location in Japan, but it never was. The Bradbury Building and the Ennis House are featured
a great deal as well as in other films such as
The Thirteenth Floor, Wolf, and
The Day of the Locust.
At the beginning, I thought the filmmakers were going to reveal Deckard as a Replicant, but it never happened. If it was
otherwise, I wouldn't have accepted it because he acted like a human being the entire time. I know there was
a moment that his eyes showed off a red glow like a cat, but it's a cheap trick. So, ignore that.
All in all, Blade Runner is in the same class as 2001: A Space Odyssey
for the sci-fi genre.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
10/02, 2/15
2/15:
The Blair Witch Project was the most-talked-about film of 1999, but I didn't pay attention.
In 2002, I finally came around to find out what the fuss was about by proceeding to see it. Well, the movie turns out
to be a one big nothing while failing on many levels.
Instead of going on a camping trek to document a local legend, the three characters argue among themselves like fucking
crybabies who haven't a goddamn clue about camping. They bitch, moan, and whine about the conditions and being lost in the
woods. I was like, "Can you calm down and shut the fuck up?"
Obviously, they don't know how a compass works even though they did bring it with them along with the map they probably
had never studied. Most of the time, I was wishing for them to die horribly in a Deliverance way.
Before I started the film, I knew the whole thing was fake. Hell, I knew that going back to 1999 because there's no
such thing as ghosts and the supernatural. But to watch The Blair Witch Project and be told of strange things
happening as they narrated what they're seeing is insulting to my intelligence.
Of course, nothing is happening. People can do a lot of tricks in the editing room. Suppose, for the sake of argument,
the video footage was real and the events were real. Why would the cops release it to the public? Anyway, I can't believe
the people bought into the hype. I guess the line "there's a sucker born every minute" has never been so true.
All in all, The Blair Witch Project is proof positive why shaking the camera never works.
Blame It on Rio (1984)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
7/25
7/25:
Let me guess why the bad reviews for Blame It on Rio: they were absolutely jealous of Michael Caine.
Yeah, that must be it. Classified as a screwball comedy, the movie is quite funny but perverted. Two pairs of
father and daughter go on a vacation in Rio de Janeiro, and one of the girls falls in love with the other
father who can't make up his mind to whether end it or keep going. It'll be easier for Matthew to understand
the issue if his daughter happened to get on with the other father.
Michelle Johnson gets the most credit for setting a lively pace. She was 17 years old at the time of filming.
Michael Caine and Joseph Bologna are happy to oblige by doing their own thing to give the show more gas. I like
how the filmmakers had the former to narrate the tale in a flashback style. However, the ending is weak.
It needs some tweaking because there's no way Matthew and Karen will stay together after all.
The biggest disappointment is Demi Moore. What a joke of an actress. If she's copying what Brooke Shields did
in The Blue Lagoon while Michelle Johnson is baring everything, why
bother doing Blame It on Rio in the first place? Get somebody else! Oddly, as Demi Moore's character's
father has his hands full, he seems to be unconcerned about what she's been doing at nights and staying out so
late in Rio de Janeiro.
All in all, despite the sleazy premise, Blame It on Rio works well for a spontaneous comedy film.
Blast of Silence (1961)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
4/16
4/16:
Allen Baron tries hard to make Blast of Silence a gritty underworld gangster picture but falls short at it.
Right from the outset, it's the cheesy narration that does nobody favors as far as style goes. However, it's the
nice-looking black-and-white cinematography that keeps it afloat, giving the movie a true New York noir look.
Allen Baron, whose acting style reminds me of Robert De Niro's, is effective and looks the part of a hired Italian assassin. He
walking around the city isn't a bad idea, but it feels like an excuse to fill in the time. Worse is the clichéd ending.
All in all, Blast of Silence proves to be an auspicious start for Allen Baron, but it's a shame that his career never
took off in either acting or directing.
Blazing Saddles (1974)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
2/24
2/24:
After seeing a couple of Mel Brooks films recently, I thought I would check out Blazing Saddles for the first time.
So, they made a comedy that's based on racism? Um, okay...bad taste. Every time somebody says the word "nigger," it feels like it was done
for shock value. I would've understood if it was about a black man getting skewered by the whites before hitting back at them
in the long run, but it didn't work out that way. Instead, Blazing Saddles per se got trashed when the characters came out of
the actual production into the real world which quickly told me that I had wasted my time on the movie.
If anything, it's the writing that stands out. Parts here and there are ingenious, but I hardly laughed. There are plenty of
dated references to Hollywood and others like Howard Johnson's (I was like "Gee...what the hell happened to it?"). It's
hard to believe the film was a huge box-office hit back then, but I wonder what percentage of the ticket buyers were black.
Luckily, Mel Brooks would redeem himself by producing Young Frankenstein and
Silent Movie.
All in all, Blazing Saddles has made Mel Brooks look very bad on top of playing a Yiddish-speaking American Indian.
Bless the Child (2000)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
5/20
5/20:
Quick!
Think of the movies that are most closely associated with Satan and children. If you came up with
The Omen and Rosemary's Baby,
then you'll find absolutely nothing new in Bless the Child.
Of course, the plot is interesting as it subtly makes a mockery of Scientology, but I've seen this before many
times in inferior motion pictures. Nothing ever happens at the end; the bad guy just wimps out and dies. The
overused CGI looks cheap. There's a scene that feels like Child Abduction 101. I wouldn't be surprised if a
real-life kidnapper confessed that his modus operandi was patterned after it.
Kim Basinger is okay but is often monotonous. At this point, her days of a bankable leading actress are over.
Using his extensive experience from NYPD Blue, Jimmy Smits comes to Kim Basinger's rescue by giving a
strong performance to keep the film afloat.
You may see Christina Ricci's and Ian Holm's names on the DVD cover, but they're in the movie for five
minutes max. At least, Wednesday Addams has her head lopped off. It would be nice if they stayed on for a
longer period of time. Playing the nun, Lumi Cavazos is well known for
Como agua para chocolate, and I didn't know she could
speak English.
Dark City's Rufus Sewell gives an adequate performance, but his character
is worthless because what exactly does he want to do after coming into supreme power? Holliston Coleman is
too normal for an autistic kid. The protagonist's heroin junkie sister, who's played by Angela Bettis, is
annoying and should've been immediately disowned. Notice the huge age difference between her and Kim Basinger:
twenty years.
As for Cody's abandonment, the law is on Maggie's side. New York says, in order for the involuntary termination of
parental rights to occur, "the parent has intentionally abandoned the child for six months or more" and calls it
a class E felony which includes a prison term of up to four years, a probation term of five years, and a fine.
Therefore, Maggie should've filed for legal custody at the beginning and was within her rights to call the cops
to get Cody back after she was kidnapped. It shouldn't be a problem afterwards because she can furnish the proof
in terms of child care, something that her sister will never be able to produce.
All in all, because the plot is too similar to The Omen, there's no
reason to see Bless the Child.
Blind Fury (1989)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
1/09
1/09:
The last time I saw a Rutger Hauer film was in 1988, it was Wanted: Dead or Alive, and that's no kidding.
Actually, my friends rented the movie by mistake because we were supposed to see Die Hard. From that day on, I never
wanted to see a Rutger Hauer movie again because of his stoic personality and weird facial looks.
The reason I picked up Blind Fury is that I saw a ninja on the DVD case because I'm a
sucker for ninja movies. Waiting for the ninjas to appear, they never did, so it's safe to say I got suckered twice over.
Now, what the heck did I see? It's a stupid oddball, goofy picture that defies rationality. The weirder the plot becomes,
the worse it is. There are so many times that Nick Parker should've died. Just set up a sniper somewhere and hit him
from one hundred yards or have ten men shooting at him with machine guns. At least, it has a great moment when a couple of
rednecks threw the woman out to steal her car before getting shot at and Tector said, "That's one reason I always voted for
gun control." By the way, did the main villain die after all? It doesn't seem so.
All in all, Blind Fury is a stupid movie that was made for little boys.
Blind Side (1993)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
9/23
9/23:
Blind Side is manipulative.
The solutions are obvious, but the Kaines choose to either ignore or not pursue them. One is going to a lawyer.
They did it, but his enterprise was tax, so he referred the couple to a criminal attorney. So, what happens next? Nothing. At any rate,
exploring legal avenues would've avoided everything that had happened including a restraining order
for Shell. Hiring a private detective is a good idea, too.
Then, there's the physical beating of their secretary. That alone is enough to involve the cops to put Shell away for a
long time. Anything he says, especially in regard to what happened in Mexico, won't matter. Unbelievably, it's never
followed up. Doug Kaines said he was getting a gun, but nothing happened. When Shell was trespassing inside the house
with criminal intent, Doug did have the right to shoot him dead based on the castle doctrine. See, getting
a lawyer will have helped, so he'll know what his rights are.
Of course, nothing ever happens. The Kaines just let Shell encroach more and more, no matter what. The
police badge? Who cares? It's no longer relevant, having been taken from the scene of crime. Skipping over the border was the
best thing the Kaine had done because they would be untouchable going forward, provided they didn't go back again. Worst of
all is the fact that Shell "saw" what happened. Yeah, right...it'll be an unbelievable coincidence. Giving him a job is the
stupidest thing that the Kaines had done.
Ron Silver and Rebecca De Mornay are generally fine, but it's Rutger Hauer's indestructible character I can't stand the
most. Hence, he ruins the movie. The formula is familiar, having been done before in Cape Fear although it's a
lot closer to the remake: the Kaines are the Bowdens while Shell is Max Cady and the rape victim is the secretary in the place
of Diane Taylor/Lori Davis. Naturally in the world of cinema, the only way to solve the dilemma is killing the bad guy.
All in all, the downfall of Blind Side is Rutger Hauer along with the annoying manipulations.
Blindside (1987)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
7/14
7/14:
Blindside is a nice-looking neo-noir picture that falls apart when it comes to the plot.
I've had a lot of trouble following the mystery. Devoid of emotion, Harvey Keitel's one-dimensional acting makes it hard to
root for him. At the same time, I feel sorry for his stripper girlfriend.
At least, Michael Rudder gives a memorable performance as Freelong because he's so hammy and over the top that it's easy to
make fun of him. After being blindsided (hence the title) by the ending, I've come to the conclusion that the film isn't good.
It just needs more clarity since there are many random scenes that don't add up in the grand scheme of things
All in all, Blindside is better than either Blow Out or
The Conversation.
Blink (1993)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
6/13
6/13:
Michael Apted has a hard time deciding what he wants Blink to be about: a blind musician who's able to see again
(I guess so), a murder mystery thriller, a romantic picture, or dating among co-workers.
During the process, her guide dog is hurt during the process and is thereafter forgotten. However, the
murder mystery is the most interesting aspect, hence the whodunnit guessing game. Everything else has been
distracting, and the ending is lamebrained although the cast is okay for the most part.
All in all, Blink needs more work.
The Blob (1958)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
5/08
5/08:
By the looks of the creature that's supposed to be "indestructible," I think the appropriate title of the movie should be
The Boob.
What's lost in the muddle is that it's the first role ever for Steve McQueen (Yes, the same Steve McQueen of
The Great Escape fame). Understandably, he didn't want to be
associated with it in fear of embarrassment.
Hence, he turned down a small sum of money plus ten percent of the profits, opting for a $2,500 payday. Little did he know
that the film went on to be a smash hit, grossing four million dollars and then eventually $40 million.
It's obvious that Steve McQueen was the only one of the cast with acting chops, but he needed more time to develop. How he went
from a nobody to an international movie star in the span of five years is remarkable. Anyway, the problem with The Boob
is the monster isn't shown enough. The whole thing feels like it was done on a miniature set. As a matter of fact, that's
how they did it.
The setting looks it takes place somewhere in Southern New Jersey, but really, they shot the movie in Phoenixville,
Pennsylvania, which is approximately thirty miles northwest of Philadelphia. On the other hand, the ending is among the
worst of all time.
All in all, if not for Steve McQueen, The Boob would've landed on my Worst Films list.
The Blob (1988)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
6/03, 5/08
5/08:
Better than the original, The Blob remake isn't great as I've hoped it would be.
Sure, it has more action, less conversations, and more scenes with the Blob. Even a kid gets killed which is a rarity in
horror pictures. Kevin Dillon is a nice replacement for Steve McQueen. Uh, nice hair, Kevin...not. It could've had me
fooled for the Blob.
Director Chuck Russell does a good job of pinpointing the problems from the original and then correcting them, but he fails
to entertain me. Yes, there are plenty of horror and Blob moments, but slow pace is the problem.
All in all, when I think of The Blob, the 1988 version immediately comes to my mind.
The Blockhouse (1973)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
2/25
2/25:
Upon the completion of The Blockhouse, I had to find out right away if what I saw did happen.
After looking up the internet, I have to say...no. Had it been true, the men's names
would've been published. But there's nothing at all. What a fascinating story it would've made. Sure,
Le Blockhaus was written by Jean-Paul Clébert, but the book is so obscure that it's probably more
fictional than not.
However, nothing I've pointed out takes away how good the movie is. It's certainly among the hardest types to
produce on screen because there's only so much the survivors can do to fill the time while being trapped in
a room with barely anything for entertainment. As a matter of fact, it makes for a strong version of prisoner's
dilemma: do you want to suffer in a concentration camp or be stuck in an isolation hole for years with
only food and wine?
Of the cast, Peter Sellers may be the only famous name, but performance-wise, everybody is mostly on the same
level with Jeremy Kemp standing out somewhat. I was surprised when Kemp's character died because he seemed to be
the strongest of any with plenty of fat on him. By the way, the director shouldn't have added the following
line after "This is a true story about seven men" at the beginning of the film: "Only two will survive." Just let
the viewers find out by watching it first.
What bothers me about the claustrophobic ordeal is that I wasn't able to see anything in regard to
the blocked passage toward the top. What if all seven worked together to remove the debris, however long it
took? Also, I refuse to accept that the walls are very thick all the way around. There has to be a spot somewhere
that's only one-foot thick or less. Then, the men can make a hole through it and dig their way up.
I don't believe the story for the most part. Sure, people can tough it out for at most two years, but
five...six...seven years? Not possible. One, the food will be spoiled. Two, it's hard to eat the same thing over
and over without much of variety. Three, there are no fruits or vegetables, leading to vitamin deficiency. Ditto
for lack of sun exposure. Four, if wine is all the survivors have, then no...they will need water.
All in all, in the vein of Alive, The Blockhouse is a fascinating film
with realistic cinematography, and I've learned a lot about survival: physically and psychologically.
Blood and Wine (1996)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
12/19
12/19:
In his autobiography Blowing the Bloody Doors Off, Michael Caine credited Jack Nicholson for pulling him out of
his semi-retirement to star in Blood and Wine because he was no longer getting leading roles while being
dissatisfied with the quality of movies he had appeared in.
Settling for less by becoming a character actor in a supporting role, Michael Caine gives a classic Michael Caine performance
that made me go "wow." Pathetic, bereft of subtle social skills, and seemingly down-and-out, he's just too good. The
big treat is watching him and Jack Nicholson together in many scenes. In fact, it's the only worthwhile aspect of the film.
The rest isn't good. Stephen Dorff is awful; his role was supposed to go to Ethan Hawke who could've done a
better job. Playing an overdressed maid, Jennifer Lopez isn't a competent actress, often using her beauty as a crutch. I've always
hated Judy Davis ever since I saw A Passage to India. The story is mediocre, having been done to death a hundred times
before.
All in all, Blood and Wine is a by-the-numbers heist picture, but it's worth watching for Michael Caine's superlative
acting.
Blood for Dracula (1974)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
9/13
9/13:
Good Dracula pictures are rare.
In fact, it almost never happens. But chalk up Blood for Dracula among the best made. It presents an
intriguing tale...something different that's straight out of Andy Warhol Pop Horror. The premise is Dracula being required
to drink virginal blood in order to live; otherwise, he'll throw up. On the other side of the coin, to save the life of a
virgin who got bitten by Dracula, she must be immediately deflowered.
Hence, it's a soft pornography film which can be excessive for a while, thus the cheap quality. However, Paul
Morrissey doesn't lose the focus as he steadily carries the momentum of the story from start to finish.
The characters are played well by the thespians, and they do a good job of bringing international flavor to the table, fooling the
audience into thinking it's a genuine Hammer Horror picture. The murder of Dracula is an interesting twist. So is
Joe Dallesandro's brutish character. As a bonus, Roman Polanski and Vittorio De Sica appear for a short time.
All in all, Blood for Dracula is worth watching for something different.
Blood In, Blood Out (1993)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
9/08
9/08:
I put off Blood In, Blood Out for a while for several reasons:
1. It's almost three hours long.
2. My fear of made-for-TV feel.
3. Taylor Hackford who's a hit-or-miss director.
Finally, I worked up my motivation to see the movie although I was intrigued by the rave reviews.
Now, I can say that I wasn't disappointed at all and that I was rather captivated by the story for three straight hours.
Blood In, Blood Out is everything that Once Upon a Time in America is not. It has a turning point which
makes everything crystal clear. I love the authenticity through the portrayal of
the Chicanos. At first, I was worried of being inundated by the flaunting of their nationality, culture, and
mannerisms, but it never happened
Across the board, the performances are outstanding. A fault is that the setting was supposed to take place
during the 70's and 80's when it's been the 90's throughout.
All in all, Blood In, Blood Out may be the best film that Taylor Hackford has ever directed.
Blood Lake (1987)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
4/25
4/25:
It's pretty easy to make a slasher film.
Blood Lake shows anyone how. Shot on location in Cedar Lake of Canadian County, Oklahoma, it goes well
at first with some of the dialogue being funny. By the time everybody is boating and water skiing, the momentum
starts to go away. It's made worse when they gather around the table to play quarters. The film is back on track
in the last twenty minutes, but the killer named Jed looking out in front of the drained lake is pointless.
The biggest issue is editing. It sucks so bad that the filmmakers should've learned how to storyboard. That starts
with watching Alfred Hitchcock's well-known films, most especially the shower scene in
Psycho. All of the kills in Blood Lake are badly done. I'm surprised
that nobody tried to study Friday the 13th movies over and over to
understand what it takes to get the money shot.
I give credit Doug Barry (Mike) for setting the tone. The rest of the cast is either okay or pitiful. But they
need to know how to produce appropriate reaction for different situations. For instance, two dead bodies
are pointed out to Doug Barry, and all he can feel is "That's too...bad." Being scared or shocked isn't hard,
and it's called "practicing."
After what happened, no cops show up to investigate. Hm...plausible? Doug Barry, who also wrote the script,
would want to redo the scenario. Good horror movies have definite villains. Think of Jason
Voorhees, Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, and Candyman. But Blood Lake? Nope, Jed gets my vote for the
most underwhelming killer of all time in silver screen history.
All in all, I don't mind the cheap quality of Blood Lake, but it could've been done a lot better if
everything was developed to the fullest before going ahead to shoot the film.
The Blood Oranges (1997)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
9/20
9/20:
Because I'm a fan of Angels & Insects, I sought for another film by
Philip Haas which turns out to be The Blood Oranges.
Barely seen and negatively reviewed by the public, it's a good, intelligently made movie. The cinematography is
top-notch, and it's nice to see each scene ending with a red fadeout to mimic the color of a blood orange.
I've always liked Charles Dance, and he's a strong actor who plays a formidable villain in films such as
The Golden Child, Last Action Hero, and
China Moon. However, I hadn't seen him be either nice or cast
in a leading role. Hence, The Blood Oranges is a refreshing change on both counts, and Charles Dance is excellent.
I didn't realize he was buff. The German-born actress Sheryl Lee serves as the catalyst by playing a sexually free character.
Otherwise, the Zalman-esque picture won't have worked. Colin Lane and Laila Robins aren't bad, either.
To accept the premise, it'll require an open mind to soak in the whole thing; otherwise, adopting a
negative perspective will be the fait accompli. Whether or not to approve the idea of an open marriage is the central
philosophical point that takes place in Ilyria which is another word for Utopia or...perhaps Cyril's sexual fantasy to come true?
Two opposing forces occur through Cyril and Hugh. One sees the untraditional arrangement as perfectly fine because
his attitude is "why not?" while the other just can't get past the concept of him doing it to his amenable wife although
Cyril's woman is there for the taking. Either way, there are no easy answers, yet the damage is everlasting because the question
is: could the perverted, sadistic photographer's suicide have happened so soon?
All in all, like Angels & Insects, The Blood Oranges is intelligent filmmaking.
Blood Simple (1984)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
7/08
7/08:
I was almost ready to give Blood Simple a rating of '1', but a couple of things had stopped me from doing so.
One, the cinematography is nicely done which gives the atmosphere a neo-noir feel. Two, there are plenty of
Hitchcockian techniques that are fun to experience.
Now, why do I hate the movie? It's the pace that feels like one foot per hour. I got frustrated several times to the point
of yelling, "Come on, get the fuck moving!"
The performances are terrible and crappy. If I ever see Frances McDormand's face one more time, I'm going to punch her front
teeth in. I can already hear her Fargo-like reaction, "Oh, how awful!" Dan Hedaya is Dan Hedaya. Michael Walsh is
fine; I have no qualms with him whatsoever.
But it's John Getz whom I hate the most. He's one of the few reasons why the film slowed down a lot. He could've won
some contests as the most boring human being alive. I'm not surprised to see his résumé
post-Blood Simple consisting of mostly bland films and TV shows. John Getz is dull, period.
Although there's a twist that looks dumb at first and then begins to make sense later, it's still a stupid picture. First
of all, there's almost nobody around. People can't be this dumb. Plus, the bar would've stayed open to accommodate the
usual barflies. The others would've known about Marty's death and called the police. Instead, the town is totally
abandoned, and the only residents are the principal characters. In the meantime, why bury the body in a field at some farm
nearby which is so close to the house?
All in all, Blood Simple proves why slow pace is the death of any film.
Blood Work (2002)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
1/03, 5/08
5/08:
After seeing Blood Work for the second time, my rating hasn't changed.
Clint Eastwood is almost vintage Dirty Harry. I'm thinking of how he acted and moved better compared to how dead and tired
he looked in The Dead Pool. Unfortunately, the most annoying part is Paul Rodriguez. He takes the fun away with his
irritating presence and loudmouth talk. When he disappears, the film is considerably improved.
After Clint Eastwood's character got his mojo back by starting to investigate cold cases, Blood Work was on the verge
of being a great detective picture until the identity of the killer became obvious. It's frustrating because
I would be yelling at him, "It's staring right in front of your face!" or "It's that dude!"
There's one small problem which defies logic. The killer, as we know, is babysitting Torres' godson, but I'm taken to a later
scene that shows Clint Eastwood's character pulling out his shotgun and shooting at the car that had been following
him. In other words, how can the killer be in two places at the same time? The last thirty minutes is a letdown because I
already knew who the killer was, making it all pointless.
All in all, Clint Eastwood is back in his Dirty Harry form, and what he should've done in Blood Work is
give the "the most powerful handgun in the world" speech to Paul Rodriguez and how his head will be blown clean off.
Bloodsport (1988)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
5/12, 7/21
5/12:
Bloodsport is among Jean-Claude Van Damme's best films.
It's based on Frank Dux's accomplishments. A simple internet search will lead you to this inevitable conclusion:
Frank Dux was a fraud who happened to have watched Enter the Dragon one too many times when he was a kid.
Nonetheless, it doesn't take too much away from Bloodsport, showing what an underground tournament should look like.
Jean-Claude Van Damme has a breakthrough role, becoming an international star who'll go on to appear in pretty good action
films.
However, Donald Gibb and Leah Ayres get in the way constantly. The last five minutes is corny, effectively killing
off the ending. No sane world-class fighter will have sex prior to the main event that he has worked so hard for. What Frank
Dux did isn't believable given how much he used meditation to build his self-discipline.
Bolo Yeung's character always wins all fights in every film until the final one and then loses it every single time. It's
Enter the Dragon all over again for him, and he even goes so far to say, "But bricks not hit back."
All in all, Bloodsport is a highly watchable picture that'll make time go fast.
7/21:
A breakout film for Jean-Claude Van Damme, Bloodsport is a quick watch, but it's cheesy most of the time.
Honestly, Kickboxer is better in all aspects. The story is fresher, the action edgier, and the martial arts
less fake. In Bloodsport, it's just a lot of fights, and Bolo Yeung the Hong Kong bodybuilding champ does the same
stuff in many martial arts films before and after. He even paraphrases a famous line from Enter the Dragon.
Meanwhile, you should feast your eyes on the inside of Kowloon Walled City as it doesn't exist anymore.
Now, we turn attention to Frank Dux himself, the notorious spinner of many tall tales. Notice the ending of the film which
spoke of his accomplishments. They never happened. There's no such thing as the Kumite, not like the one as shown in
Bloodsport. If it did exist, many fighters would've never made past two or three hard-fought battles and still be
ready for the next one in such a short span of time.
All in all, Bloodsport is an easy watch, but it's not a good movie.
Blow (2001)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
12/03, 6/25
6/25:
Blow is a well-made biopic of a major drug dealer from the 60's to the 90's.
The only issue I have with the film is the sympathetic tone. It's insulting. That being said, I didn't care
about George Jung or his daughter. The filmmakers should've thought about the lives lost to the drug
abuse that went on back then. As a matter of fact, director Ted Demme died of a heart attack "which may
have been related to cocaine later found in his system during an autopsy" within one year of the film's release.
Most of what's shown is true. The names of George Jung's associates have been changed such as Diego Delgado
and Derek Foreal for Carlos Lehder and Richard Barile, respectively. At the time, when the film was released,
George Jung was still in prison and got released in 2014 before dying seven years later.
Johnny Depp gives a fine, straightforward performance as the protagonist. He doesn't have to wear makeup or
be weird, and therefore, he's a better actor this way. It's funny that his character's father is played by
Ray Liotta who, of course, would be okay with everything because he used to be Henry Hill in
Goodfellas. Who knew Paul Reubens could act post-Pee-wee?
All in all, Blow deserves a place in the Best Drug Films list.
Blow Out (1981)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
2/06
2/06:
It's a good thing that John Travolta saved Blow Out from being a full-blown turd.
His co-star Nancy Allen is bad. The camera work is so awful that I've been made dizzy by it. Even worse,
the wafer-thin plot is dumb which contains more holes than a sieve. If the governor is killed, where's
the FBI during the investigation? Where are the reporters?
All in all, Blow Out is stupid.
Blown Away (1994)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
9/10, 7/20
9/10:
The best part of Blown Away is the intensity of Jeff Bridges' eyes before an explosion.
How he does it is sublime as evidenced in the movie poster. However, the rest is rubbish.
Since when does a conflict escalate to mano a mano if there's a terroristic attack in a major city, especially
with the use of bombs? This never happens as it's almost always handled by the local bomb squad along with the help of
the FBI, the ATF, the national guard, and the military.
The story behind the relationship between Ryan Gaerity and Liam McGivney (cute Irish names) has always been unclear to me.
I've never understood it, no matter how many times I've seen Blown Away. The dialogue is ridiculous,
making for a bad impromptu Irish skit show.
There's a particular scene, or rather two of them, when Gaerity was praying to himself while being next to the impact of
bomb. Don't you think that's rather cutting it too close? By the way, why does he wait until the last second to kill Jimmy
Dove's woman and her daughter? Just get it over with already.
All in all, the trailer of Blown Away is more exciting than the film.
7/20:
I've got to love the sight of Jeff Bridges' eyes every time there's an explosion.
Other than that, Blown Away is a mediocre film that moves slow and has many contrivances. Then, when there's a bomb
that's ready to blow, the action is fun to watch. Ironically, it happened during the Boston Marathon in 2013, so where was Jimmy
Dove when the city needed him?
Jeff Bridges and Tommy Lee Jones are terrific, but the quality of the material lets them down many times over. Forest
Whitaker is wasted big time, and it's weird to see Cuba Gooding, Jr., in a tiny role. I don't think Jeff and Lloyd Bridges
had ever appeared together in a film before, so it's a nice treat.
All in all, Blown Away is worthwhile only to see Jeff Bridges' reaction to an imminent explosion.
Blow-Up (1966)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
11/11
11/11:
Okay, there's a photographer who shoots some pictures of a couple having a makeout session.
Then later, it turns out to be a murder by blowing up certain frames on big gloss sheets and discovering the truth. And in
the midst of all this, he does nothing about it, and the movie ends. Wow. Consider me enlightened. Not. Basically, it's what
Blow-Up is all about.
Honestly, this is a waste of my time. I'm so sick of films that are overpraised. At least, David Hemmings
gives a decent performance, and he looks like the original James Spader. By the way, the filmmakers couldn't get The
Who for the music scene? Gee, that's a bad imitation of Pete Townshend.
All in all, I've been misled by a combination of the trailer, the positive reviews, and the short description of Blow-Up.
The Blue and the Gray (1982)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
8/15
8/15:
The Blue and the Gray is 80% soap opera and 20% Civil War.
Although the war stuff is pretty good, the soap opera scenes act as a filler and are overwhelmingly too much. The time spent
to keep up with the stories of the characters has been wasted. Most of the characters appear and drop out shortly
after, only to resurface later with a brief cameo appearance or two, just to remind me that they're still there.
When the historical parts of Civil War appear, they're fascinating to watch. Although I'm aware of many,
there are a couple that I didn't know before such as the branding of cowards and the use of hot air balloon for reconnaissance
purposes.
However, the level of realism isn't high enough. The fall of Vicksburg came before Lincoln's Gettysburg Address,
not the other way around. As good as the First Battle of Bull Run is, it's too short. The Civil War has a
reputation for mega battles, involving upwards to 100,000 troops at once on the same field which was something that never
happened before in world history.
Another disappointing aspect is, when I thought it was going to cover a lot of events, it cheats me by either skipping them or
relaying the news indirectly . Hence, I never got to see them. The good examples are the Battle of Gettysburg (why
bother with the newspaper's location and then tease me the entire time?) and the Lincoln's assassination at Ford's Theatre.
As of the cast, there are no standout performances. I like how plain-looking the thespians are, as evidenced by their costumes,
to reflect the times.
All in all, The Blue and the Gray is somewhat disappointing for a Civil War picture.
Blue Chips (1994)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
10/03, 8/15
8/15:
Blue Chips is a weird departure for William Friedkin who's more suited to edgy action and psychological thrillers.
The biggest positive is Nick Nolte's performance. I just wish that he had more to work with; there's not enough depth for his
character, and the complexities of the situation aren't complex enough. In other words, Blue Chips is too simple.
By the way, the basketball scenes are boring to watch; maybe that's the point. To get a good feel of
the corruption that still continues in NCAA sports is to read Confessions of a Spoilsport and
Beer and Circus by William Dowling and Murray Sperber, respectively.
I'm surprised that, since universities receive federal and state money, Congress allows this level of corruption
to go unchecked because college students are shelling out hundreds of thousands of dollars for their education but to be
sacrificed for the sake of glory in football and basketball. It's immorally and fundamentally wrong, and it's consumer fraud, period.
Hence, sports have no place in college and should be permanently separated.
Back to the film, Ron Shelton is the screenwriter. I don't like his movies because his stories have always been full of
shit. The right man for this project should be David Ward, and he, as evidenced in
The Program, would've gotten the job done correctly.
All in all, Blue Chips is a misfire in the examination of corruption in big-time college basketball.
Blue Crush (2002)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
7/06
7/06:
How cheesy Blue Crush is.
I might as well call it Blue Cheese. Puke-filled acting, laughable dialogues, and embarrassing scenes are some of
the problems plaguing this nefarious chick flick.
Of the three principal leads, one acts like a full-blown tomboy who might have a transgender identity crisis,
the second looks like she's pushing fifty, and the third is as dull as ditchwater. They drive around in a Beach
Boys car with a surfboard atop it. Come on, how lame is that?
All in all, if you want to watch a real surfing movie, go with The Endless Summer, not this godforsaken crap
called Blue Cheese.
The Blue Dahlia (1946)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
8/14
8/14:
I had high expectations for The Blue Dahlia which is routinely on lists of films noirs to see.
But sadly, it's a snore. Nothing seems interesting. The guy who kept yelling about the "monkey music"
is annoying and unbearable. Many scenes are heavy in noir, and the dialogue, although too slick to be believable,
indicates it. However, the story doesn't hold sway over me enough. It lacks the verve to get the pace going.
The most salient aspect is the number of conveniences. An example is the scene when Veronica Lake's character picked up
a stranger in the middle of the rain. But why? The ending takes too long to get to the point, and when it finally comes, the
question of "who killed Helen?" doesn't matter anymore. After the identity has been revealed, it doesn't make sense.
All in all, fans have said Veronica Lake was a scarlet back then, but how ordinary and unimpressionable she looks in
The Blue Dahlia.
Blue Hill Avenue (2001)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
6/23
6/23:
Blue Hill Avenue is nothing original.
There have been hundreds like it. Now, what's Allen Payne doing in this? Wasn't he satisfied with
New Jack City,
or were there no other roles out there for him? If Nino Brown saw Gee Money like this, he would make him recite
"Am I my brother's keeper?" again before shooting him dead in cold blood.
The dialogue is awful and cheesy. There's no reason for the movie to be over two hours long. It's a tale of two halves: the
kids and them again as adults. While the Tristan and Simon have been partially developed, the final two aren't.
So, who are they? I don't know them and which goes to which kid. Everybody is a drug dealer, having
killed hundreds, if not thousands, of people, so answer this question for me: why do I have to care about these four guys?
Save for Allen Payne, William Forsythe, and Clarence Williams III, the cast is doing this for an audition tape in
the hopes of landing something better. Well, it didn't work out because I had never heard of them. But I was 100% right about one
guy who looked unbelievably fat: Michael Taliferro who passed away from a stroke in 2006 at age 44.
All in all, if I don't care about the characters, the film becomes impossible to like, hence the failure of Blue Hill Avenue.
Blue Ice (1992)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
4/25
4/25:
I like this character for Michael Caine compared to Harry Palmer of
The Ipcress File,
Funeral in Berlin, and
Billion Dollar Brain.
Blue Ice starts off well with great writing and a steamy hot love affair between Harry Anders and
Stacy Mansdorf who's played by the ever-underrated Sean Young. By the time she asks him to track down an
ex-boyfriend, the movie starts to go away by revealing its ugly made-for-TV quality. Afterwards, it has
difficulty in returning me to the fold, but there are successful parts.
For a while, given the neo-noir aspect, I was thinking, "How nice if it had Bob Hoskins," and then he
appeared out of nowhere despite not being included in the opening credits. Ian Holm is a good addition as well,
but he shooting at Michael Caine during the showdown and missing him completely for so long is unbelievable.
Make no mistake: this is Michael Caine's show, and he is at his vintage best.
Some of the highlights are the Dalí-esque torture scene and Harry Anders running away
from the straddle carriers in a cat-and-mouse game at the docks of Tilbury. Sean Young is terrific
and has strong chemistry with her co-star, making the pace go quickly when they're together.
All in all, because of the potential shown in Blue Ice, it would've been neat if they made a series
of movies featuring Michael Caine as Harry Anders.
The Blue Lagoon (1980)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
4/25
4/25:
The Blue Lagoon may be infamous, but I found it honest, daring, well-made, and totally believable.
The critics have done the film a great disservice by focusing on the nudity and incest. I didn't see anything
inappropriate or exploitative but was rather surprised that Randal Kleiser, director of
Grease, went so far for purity reasons. For shooting the film on location in
Fiji, Jamaica, Malta, and Vanuatu, Néstor Almendros received a Best Cinematography Oscar nomination.
If anything, the acting can be a downer at times. However, I don't consider it as a negative because Brooke
Shields and Christopher Atkins, who were 14 and 18 respectively at the time of filming, played two characters
who didn't know anything much. How they behaved, reasoned, and did things is fitting in light of what happened.
It would've been more believable if Richard and Emmeline were brother and sister, not cousins. At any rate,
I'm glad Sean Penn and Jodie Foster were rejected for the roles; that would've been so bad.
As for the black natives, critics laughed them off for being unrealistic. How would they know? Most likely,
the blacks were uneducated and didn't want to cross over a certain line for spiritual reasons just like the two
principal characters. Some said Richard and Emmeline didn't do much sexually. Had they done so, that
would've made for a boring movie, effectively turning it into porn.
All in all, The Blue Lagoon doesn't deserve the hate it has gotten over the years.
The Blue Max (1966)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
3/14
3/14:
The Blue Max is the Top Gun of WWI films.
The incredible performances, the dramatic storyline, the brilliant cinematography, and the well-constructed dogfighting scenes
make this one compelling. The ending says it all.
Back then, a fighter pilot was called Flying Ace whenever he recorded at least five kills, but in this film, the valor is
changed to the Blue Max which has a nice ring to it. This time, it's for twenty kills. Obviously, the man who's
the most associated with this image is Manfred von Richthofen aka the Red Baron. A highly anticipated moment in
The Blue Max is his appearance which helps elevate the film as a whole.
The quiet but intense rivalry between George Peppard's and Jeremy Kemp's characters is a treat, but even better is the
presence of Ursulla Andress who dominates every scene whenever her fancy is piqued. Therefore, the envelope must be pushed
further. James Mason's General Count von Klugemann makes things more interesting whenever he ups the stakes which leads to
everybody's downfall at the end.
All in all, The Blue Max is a unique masterpiece and is one of the most thrilling war pictures I've seen.
Blue Sky (1994)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
11/16
11/16:
Halfway through Blue Sky, I was thinking of Oscar material for Jessica Lange, who reminded me a lot of Barbara Bouchet
in In Harm's Way, but I didn't know she won it until I looked up the internet afterwards.
I might have agreed with the assessment, but honestly, Blue Sky fell apart during the third act, taking down Lange's
performance. Maybe she going topless had a lot to do with the win. The problems began with poor editing as evidenced by
the awkward transitions from one scene to another. Then, Tony Richardson decided to speed things up to finish off the movie.
The ultimate result is a hopeless mess.
If the director took his time with the story by developing it more, then Blue Sky might have been a better
film. Tommy Jones and Jessica Lange had a thing going, and it was working out to their benefit. So, Tony Richardson's
untimely death in 1991 may have a lot to do with it.
Interestingly enough, the film was completed in 1991, but Orion Pictures' bankruptcy problems forced it to be shelved until
1994. Blue Sky didn't do well at the box office, taking in $3.4 million against a budget of $16 million. It's hard to
believe that people would've heard of the film; I know I didn't, and it took me twenty-two years to discover Blue Sky.
Jessica Lange's character is a common staple when it comes to being recognized by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.
Jane Fonda did it first in 1979, receiving a Best Actress nomination for The China Syndrome. Meryl Streep was next
for Silkwood which was made in 1983. Jessica Lange finally became the first Oscar winner of this class. Then, Julia
Roberts repeated this formula, winning the Oscar, by lifting off most of Jessica Lange's performance when she did
Erin Brockovich in 2000. Of course, it's all ridiculous.
All in all, Blue Sky is a good example of how poor editing can kill a film.
Blue Steel (1990)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
10/07
10/07:
Masterpieces, I have seen. Good films, I have seen. Turkeys, I have seen.
But when it comes to Blue Steel, there's simply no explanation. Hands down, it's one of the worst, stupidest pictures
I've seen in my life. The movie reeks of horrid...I mean really, really horrid...acting.
Jamie Lee Curtis fails the eye test for a female in blue. Ron Silver...wow, he gets my vote for the most annoying,
unattractive, and schizophrenic psycho with hideous-looking teeth. As I type this, I still can't get over the absurd ending
and the thought of Ron Silver hiding behind the hot dog vendor machine with his shoes showing in the middle of the street.
How can Jamie Lee Curtis' character stay awake for four or five days straight without sleep and still look good? Anybody with
common sense knows sleep deprivation for this long is a serious handicap when it comes to performance.
Oddly, at the beginning which is the stickup scene, nobody sees the gun. I mean, what the heck? It only takes
a second to recognize that it's a gun. When the robber dropped it, should it be apparent, by the clanging sound, that it's a gun
or some kind of weapon hitting the floor?
Worst of all, after everything has happened, nobody takes the word of a rookie cop seriously. Then, she gets suspended. After
that, she's promoted to the rank of detective! Brilliant! Why not name her the Chief of the Police
of the United States while they are at it?!?
All in all, Blue Steel is utter shit.
Blue Velvet (1986)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
4/08, 5/11
4/08:
My feelings for Blue Velvet have run the gamut of high and low.
Although I don't think the movie is a masterpiece yet, it has a lot of good things despite the shortcomings.
David Lynch's direction shows an array of technical excellence. The feel is of the neo-noir kind that's,
unfortunately, not well-sustained throughout.
As great as Dennis Hopper is as Frank Booth, he doesn't get enough screen time to show off more of his sinister ways.
Kyle MacLachlan isn't bad, but there are times that he did look miscast. Laura Dern, who's a David Lynch's favorite, is flat
and may be wrong for the role. Isabella Rossellini steals the film by playing a mentally disturbed and sexually abused
character.
All in all, Blue Velvet, a bizarre cross between Body Double and
The Crying Game, is a true David Lynch picture.
5/11:
I feel better about Blue Velvet this time and now consider it a masterpiece.
The movie is as surreal as it gets. From the get-go, I see an everyday town which embodies the spirit of Americana.
From there, the image slowly transitions into a dark, seedy subculture that involves drugs, killing, sadistic methods,
and rough attitudes. Frank Booth is the symbol of it all. Jeffrey Beaumont and Sandy Williams' innocence is about
to be sullied by the madness of the situation. The two distinct worlds coming together is what makes the
film fascinating to watch.
The way Jeffrey went about his sleuthing reminds me of Craig Wasson's character in Body Double which was inspired by
Hitchcock's Rear Window. The final twenty minutes is as shocking as it gets, and that's the genius of David Lynch.
All in all, dreamy and idyllic yet dark and sinister, Blue Velvet is unique.
Blue, White and Perfect (1942)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
2/09
2/09:
After watching Blue, White and Perfect, I was dying for a good, old fashioned detective movie because
I never got the treatment.
I don't, for the life of me, think of Lloyd Nolan as anything but a
bland, common, and boring guy. The direction veers off the track in a big way when the three characters
(Shayne, O'Hara, and Shaw) talked about things that weren't relevant to the plot.
In regard to the twists, the surprise comes when O'Hara is revealed as an FBI agent, but isn't his feigned ability to speak
Spanish a dead giveaway? How can the ship be devoid of passengers? And nobody raises the alarm while there's a shooting?
All in all, the film should be re-titled as Bland, Whatever and Dated.
The Blues Brothers (1980)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
6/25
6/25:
The Blues Brothers isn't a movie; it's a music video...a very long one at that.
Having put off watching it for years because of the unbelievable running length (148 minutes), I asked myself,
"Is this supposed to be a comedy?" They usually are an hour shorter. Anyway, it starts off well with John Belushi
and Dan Aykroyd at the Joliet Penitentiary. Then, they receive instructions to begin their "mission
from God." After that is when the movie began to fall apart completely with zero rooting interest for the
Blues Brothers who happen to be common criminals.
Sure, there are nice musical numbers involving James Brown, Aretha Franklin, and Ray Charles, among others, but
I have to ask this simple question: why not use any of them and stay put to raise $5,000? Mission accomplished.
The movie is over. Or...why not the orphanage go to a bank and ask for a loan by putting up the building for
collateral?
Instead, I'm forced to watch lots and lots of car chases as if it's another bad sequel to
Smokey and the Bandit. They might as well call it
The Blues Brothers and the Bandit. The last thirty minutes is patently overdone with all these cops,
national guardsmen, tanks, helicopters, and so on. How about the destruction inside the mall? Gee whiz.
What's with Carrie Fisher? It makes absolutely no fucking sense. At one point, she blew up a building, and it
looked like everybody but the Blues Brothers died. She shoots off missiles and whatnot throughout the film
and misses her primary targets constantly. Maybe work on the aim more first, so the movie can end sooner?
This is supposed to be funny? I didn't laugh once. In fact, I fell asleep. That's what I mean about the running
length that's made possible by the deliberate slow pace which is a huge liability. Maybe it's John Landis who's
one of the worst directors ever. I've known for decades that John Belushi was overrated. There's nothing special
about him. When he died of drug overdose, I didn't care.
All in all, The Blues Brothers is a dinosaur.
Bobby Deerfield (1977)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
2/25
2/25:
I avoided Bobby Deerfield for decades because I knew it was going to be a bad movie.
Finally, I took the plunge for the first time ever, and...no shock. Al Pacino had a great decade during the 70's,
and this, his first failure, is the one that broke his string of four straight Oscar nominations. He'll pick
himself up again in the next film ...And Justice for All, earning
another nomination.
A terrible actress in general, Marthe Keller is no Faye Dunaway. I even got Anny Duperey mixed up with
her given their looks and almost similar-sounding characters' names: Lydia and Lillian. One of the biggest mistakes
is letting Marthe Keller control the picture as soon as she first showed up when it's supposed to be Al Pacino.
They have no chemistry, and it's never clear what he sees in her, even after their pathetic conversations.
The first half is a waste of time and has occasional sucky editing. At least, it's nice to see the photography of
Italy by Henri Decaë who's one of the best in the business. After the twist is revealed during the second half,
it's easy to be reminded of Love Story, causing Al Pacino to find his groove
in the hopes of salvaging Bobby Deerfield after sleepwalking most of the time. Well, the tactic didn't
ultimately work. His character should've asked himself, "How come I met the woman at the clinic?" Now, cue the
theme music of The Twilight Zone.
Initially, I thought I would be watching a dreadful racing picture, but it's more of a diversion. At any rate,
the most serious issue is the script which is surprisingly adapted from a novel by Erich Maria Remarque who's famous
for All Quiet on the Western Front. It's very bad and
full of nonsense, enough to invoke unintentional laughter, such as:
"You're from a secret place in America?"
"I have always heard that the man who race in cars...that the car is really nothing but an extension of the penis."
"Somebody told me that the intestine is 32 feet long. But we control only the first few inches of it."
"I can do an imitation of Mae West."
The last line was said by Al Pacino. Imagine that, and then, die of shame. When Lillian told his character,
"Take off the glasses, and in three blocks you will not be recognized," that's easy for her to say when the
person is a race car driver. Let's try the line again when it's really Al Pacino, and he'll be instantly mobbed
before taking a few steps.
All in all, Bobby Deerfield can be safely skipped over unless you're hell-bent on seeing Al Pacino's
imitation of Mae West.
Body Double (1984)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
4/05, 7/06, 9/12
7/06:
A hybrid between Vertigo and Rear Window, Body Double, notwithstanding the slow pace, is a beautifully
made neo-noir thriller.
Responsible for the movie to get going, Craig Wasson and Gregg Henry give great performances. However, Melanie
Griffith is artificial and thus wrong for the role.
What makes it compelling is the subject of voyeurism. There's the thrill of being in Craig Wasson's shoes
as he explores the paradox happening in a rich lady's life. As a result, the plot thickens for a long time, but there are a few
dead giveaways that have made me question the reality of the situation. Hence, the ending doesn't come to me as
a surprise. Nevertheless, I've enjoyed the movie.
All in all, Brian De Palma proves in Body Double that he's a graduate from the Alfred Hitchcock School of Filmmaking.
9/12:
Although manipulative and unrealistic, Body Double is well-directed for a mystery thriller neo-noir that
explores the world of voyeurism.
Brian De Palma is well known for paying homage (read that as "stealing ideas") to Hitchcock pictures. Hence, Body Double
is Rear Window with some elements from Psycho. It
actually picks up where Dressed to Kill left off despite having been made later.
Craig Wasson is excellent by playing an everyman character with flaws. The most interesting aspect is the convergence of overcoming the
claustrophobia and the revelation of the mystery. Although a good actress, Melanie Griffith's performance is poor and
artificial. She can do better than that.
All in all, Body Double is a big treat for Brian De Palma fans.
Body Heat (1981)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
10/07, 9/10, 1/21
10/07:
Kathleen Turner. William Hurt. Body Heat. The sultry neo-noir of the decade.
Lawrence Kasdan pens an average love story, but everybody puts in the effort to make it extra special through acting,
cinematography, setting, atmosphere, and mood.
William Hurt and Kathleen Turner are magnificent. Both have turned in outstanding performances throughout the 80's, but they
will forever be remembered for Body Heat. I've read rave reviews about Mickey Rourke's performance, but to tell
you the truth, he doesn't do anything for me. That's okay. Mickey Rourke will go on to do some special pictures.
All in all, of all neo-noirs made during the 80's, Body Heat is the first to see.
9/10:
My second viewing of Body Heat has caused me to drop the rating from '10' to '8'.
I don't like how the plot unfolds. It reminds me of how The Usual Suspects went down: just too linear and simple.
Nevertheless, Kathleen Turner and William Hurt are top-notch. The cinematography is breathtaking which is the chief reason for
Body Heat being the neo-noir as it is.
All in all, maybe I'll change my mind the next time I see Body Heat.
1/21:
Body Heat still holds up well but loses momentum after the murder of Edmund Walker.
Lots of people had started their careers or were in the nascent stage when the movie was made, and they're William Hurt, Mickey
Rourke, Ted Danson, Lawrence Kasdan, and Kathleen Turner in her screen debut. It's an amazing collection of new talent
in a single film. The best part is the cinematography. It's sultry in a neo-noir way. Of course, comparisons
with China Moon with Ed Harris and Madeleine Stowe are unavoidable, but this is the original, being the
Double Indemnity of the 80's.
William Hurt is perfect as Ned Racine; the mustache does the most of work for his character. However, Kathleen Turner,
a Lauren Bacall look-alike, is merely okay despite starting out well. Their chemistry is excellent during the first half, but
it's virtually gone afterwards.
What bothers me a lot about the story is how small the world is. I see Ned Racine and Matty Walker. Then, Racine's lawyer
friend and the black detective show up. A few people appear momentarily and then leave. That's it...no cops, no technicians,
and anybody else concerning the case which is hard to believe.
Prior to the murder, Ned and Matty were getting it on in a hot and heavy way. Afterwards, it's like they didn't know each
other. Both planned the scheme a lot beforehand, but neither understood what it took to keep quiet, never worrying about
their phones getting tapped or being overheard by others when discussing the events or what to do next. Either way, Ned got
taken big time, and there's no reason to feel sorry for him: he was born a fuck-up. His two friends knew the whole time
that Ned was the murderer but couldn't believe he did it.
All in all, despite some faults, Body Heat will always be regarded as a neo-noir classic.
Body Language (1995)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
2/19
2/19:
Tom Berenger does it again: making bad films better by his mere presence.
Continuing his run of erotic murder mystery pictures, Tom Berenger stars in Body Language, a trashy potboiler that
never succeeds as a rip-off of Body Heat. At least, Nancy Travis has real moments, and it's easy to believe how
her character feels about Gavin's unwarranted self-destruction.
It's a major turn-off when the femme fatale happens to look like Jodi Arias. In the middle of nowhere, Gavin is
almost a victim of a random automobile accident, they meet, and trouble begins from there on. What happens next is
predictable as ever.
All in all, Body Language is about a dick doing the thinking for the man.
Body of Evidence (1992)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
10/13
10/13:
I don't know who thought Madonna could act or was all that special back then because she has single-handedly killed
every film she's been part of.
No matter how often Madonna is naked or tries to be sexy, it doesn't work. In fact, she looks lame doing it. Maybe if
Madonna was replaced by either Kathleen Turner or Sherilyn Fenn, Body of Evidence would be a lot better than it is.
Everybody else saves the film from being a complete dud. It's the expert acting of Willem Dafoe, despite his
lack of zero chemistry with Madonna, that makes it interesting to watch.
The biggest issue, other than Madonna, is the smell of a setup from the get-go. Perhaps it's Jürgen Prochnow's name during the
opening screen credits that serves as a dead giveaway. From thereon until the aftermath of the rendered verdict, the outcome
becomes predictable. The court case is rather silly. When an important defendant elects to testify, it usually takes days, not
just mere minutes, to complete the process.
All in all, Body of Evidence would be better if Madonna wasn't cast in the first place.
The Bodyguard (1992)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
6/03, 12/15
12/15:
The Bodyguard is a good example of life imitating art (or is it the other way around?).
Reaching the apex by uttering the infamous line "crack is wack" during her interview with Diane Sawyer, Whitney Houston had
issued many adamant denials that her life was spiraling out of control despite numerous photos of her looking like a
full-blown emancipated drug junkie. Her death in 2012 came to no one's surprise.
Hence, The Bodyguard is a mirror of Whitney Houston's life except the movie should have revolved around drugs, not
a homicidal stalker. Making it unbearable to watch is Whitney Houston's bitchy attitude. Throughout, I asked myself two
questions: "Why does Frank Farmer want to bother with this stupid black whore?" and "What does he see in her that I don't?"
It's bad enough not being to escape the sight of Whitney Houston's cake-layered facial makeup. But it's worse when the
movie runs for two hours with a minimal plot and fast, choppy editing. Everything moves so quickly that my eyes can hardly
keep up with the action. It has been a cycle of fear, hesitation, argument, and moving on. The finale must happen because
there's no other way to finish it off. Besides, what's with The Godfather references?
Although I had seen The Bodyguard at least four times, I didn't realize the script was meant for Steve
McQueen and Diana Ross. That explains why Kevin Costner's haircut looked like Steve McQueen's. At any rate, he does a good
job as Frank Farmer and is the reason why the movie didn't sink any further.
All in all, Whitney Houston is the single worst thing about The Bodyguard.
Boiler Room (2000)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
8/19, 10/19
8/19:
Boiler Room makes it nice for me to be behind the times because it's a movie that was news to me and I had already
considered Wall Street among films of the decade for the 80's.
When I saw the guys watching the Oliver Stone masterpiece, I was impressed when they showed off their memory by reciting
every single line. In the 80's, when Wall Street came out, traders across the country wanted to be Gordon Gekko; he
was practically God to them.
What's important is accuracy. That's why there's a strong disclaimer shown before the movie began. Back then, people
didn't trade online; they had stockbrokers making trades for them over the phone. It cost a huge deal of money to do so. Those
who were inside and/or possessed a seat had the most knowledge and access to information.
The trouble was that many people had no idea of the intraday action and that the only way to find out was to scan the newspapers
for closing prices and price changes the next day. Because there was no internet, it was easy to create companies out of thin
air and sell shares to the completely uninformed public. Once the internet became the mainstay, trading platforms started to be
offered which cut out the stockbrokers as the middlemen which was good news overall, ending the deceptive practices as shown
in Boiler Room that destroyed many people's lives financially.
There are many great performances, and the best comes from Nicky Katt. He's too good and sadly doesn't
get enough credit for it. Ben Affleck is a close second because of his Alec Baldwin-esque speeches.
At least one of them should have been nominated for an Oscar. I've never been a fan of Giovanni Ribisi and hate him, but in
Boiler Room, he gives the performance of his career. His character reminds me of myself. Vin Diesel, Ron Rifkin, Thomas
Everett Scott, and Nia Long are hands down excellent.
While emulating Glengarry Glen Ross, Boiler Room references many films such as
The Godfather, Goodfellas,
Wall Street, and Reservoir Dogs.
Atop them are excellent lines such as "Don't pitch the
bitch," "Anybody who tells you money is the root of all evil doesn't fucking have any," "There is no question whether you'll
become a millionaire. The only question is how many times over," and "Don't write wood."
All in all, to say that Boiler Room has been awfully accurate will be an understatement.
10/19:
I'm knocking down the rating of Boiler Room by a notch, but it's still a good movie with great writing.
The acting remains excellent as ever, and Nicky Katt and Ben Affleck are the true standouts. Giovanni Ribisi is weaker
now but still gives the best performace of his career. I think too much time was spent on Seth and Abby's romance
which isn't relevant to the central story. Ditto for the conflict between him and his father that feels worn out over time.
By the way, if you're confused how Michael Brantley makes his money, it goes like this. He first buys, say, a
million of shares of a penny stock. Then, he has his employees to make a pitch to their clients to do the same.
When the stock price starts to going up because there's a lot of buying activity, Michael can unload his shares to make
a huge profit. After he has sold them all, the price therefore goes below the original buy price which will transform
J.T. Marlin's clients into bagholders. This illegal scheme is what Wall Street calls "pump and dump." That's how "rips" are
generated for Michael's employees as he passes on some of his profits to them.
All in all, Boiler Room is the current millennium's mishmash of
Wall Street and Glengarry Glen Ross.
Boiling Point (1993)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
6/04, 3/18, 2/21
3/18:
Jimmy Mercer is a cop who'll reach the boiling point when he finds out his prostitute-girlfriend was banging the
criminal that he was trying to apprehend for murdering his partner.
Anyway, the last time I saw Boiling Point, I gave it a '5'. Now, it's a '7'. The neo-noir policier
isn't a bad movie, and I like the entertainment value that it brings to the table.
The plot is smart. It's pretty simple: never
trust Red for anything or he'll sell you out at the end. Wesley Snipes is always fun to watch. So is Dennis
Hopper who plays an all-world sleaze. Viggo Mortensen looks young and handsome.
All in all, Boiling Point is a solid, straightforward cop picture with good pace, a strong storyline, and a terrific
cast.
2/21:
So many coincidences, and one of them involves a hooker sleeping with Jimmy Mercer and also Red Diamond...talk about gross.
Often stated to be Wesley Snipes' movie, Boiling Point is, to me, 50% his and 50% Dennis Hopper's. Once again,
it's a good picture with a strong cast, an engaging story line, and solid detective work. The main weakness is the death of
Russo; who cares about him?
Talk about the names involved: Wesley Snipes, Dennis Hopper, Viggo Mortensen, Lolita Davidovich, Dan Hedaya, Seymour Cassel,
Valerie Perrine, Jonathan Banks, Tony Lo Bianco, Tobin Bell, James Tolkan, Paul Gleason, and Christine Elise. It's the
biggest reason why the film works; almost everybody is well known in something or other.
All in all, it's hard to go wrong with Boiling Point.
The Bond (1918)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
11/07
11/07:
The Bond marks the first time a Chaplin film short has a background that's full of black.
It's close to saying I can actually enjoy watching a Chaplin film that's all black for ten minutes.
All in all, Charlie Chaplin is a certified mental midget.
The Bone Collector (1999)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
12/02, 5/04, 5/24
5/24:
When The Bone Collector was theatrically released, I correctly identified the killer when he first showed his face.
Hence, forget about the middle; the entire film is nothing more than a wild goose chase in the spirit of
Seven. As interesting as the filmmakers have tried to make it in terms of forensics science, the
last thirty minutes is a big letdown. Why kill everybody else and leave clues to let himself get caught easily when the main
goal is Lincoln Rhyme's death in the form of payback? Talk about mixed-up priorities.
Then, we have the mother of them all: Lincoln Rhyme and Amelia falling in love with each other.
So...what is it about her that got his attention over a NYPD crime technician of, say, ten years plus experience? Her slutty eyes or
her pouty lips? I've got to love the finger porn going they had going for a minute.
At least, Queen Latifah's character was killed when it should've been done earlier. She's annoying. I wish the same happened for
Amelia. Quadriplegic and all, Denzel Washington is okay, but it's strange that his character sat on the bed in the dark
at the end when he should be staying in touch with Amelia. Yet what's the big deal if his character could be killed? It's
what he wanted from the beginning.
All in all, The Bone Collector passes the eye test for an A-quality picture, but rip-offs of
Seven can be constantly felt.
The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
8/03, 2/05, 5/17
5/17:
I finished reading The Bonfire of the Vanities for the second time and went to the film to see how it
compares with the book.
I know it has a notorious reputation for being one of the worst book-to-film adaptations ever, but honestly, it's
not bad. The only misgiving I have is the casting of Morgan Freeman. As much as I like him, his cartoonish
character ruins the film. I was thinking more of Daniel Benzali for the part because of his white bald look.
As for the rest of the cast, it's perfect. While reading the book, I imagined Tom Hanks as Sherman McCoy, Melanie Griffith as
Maria Ruskin, Kim Cattrall as Judy McCoy, John Hancock as Reverend Bacon, Saul Rubinek as Jed for Lawrence Kramer (why the
name change anyway?), Donald Moffat as John Campbell McCoy, and F. Murray Abraham as Abe Weiss. Bruce Willis as Peter Fallow
is interesting because his character is supposed to be English.
Just like Snake Eyes, the best part is the opening Steadicam shot. It has to be tough to pull off. The rest
of the film is fine, but I wish there were more incorporations of well-known Bonfire phrases such as "social x-ray,"
"the girl with the brown lipstick," and "the Master of the Universe." Tom Wolfe saw the film more than three times but felt there
was something missing. Yeah, I agree with him. I'm not sure what it is, apart from Morgan Freeman, and it seems to follow
the outline of the plot faithfully. Yet there's still something missing.
All in all, The Bonfire of the Vanities was the book of the decade for the 80's, and Brian De Palma has done a good
job by trying hard to match Tom Wolfe's vision of how the events went down but fails to make it Wolfesian enough.
Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
6/03, 7/05, 4/06, 9/11
7/05:
Because of the full range of colors, Bonnie and Clyde is a beautifully photographed film.
Warren Beatty has never been this good throughout his overrated career. Rewarded with her first Oscar nomination, Faye
Dunaway scores a big hit on the third try that'll set her up permanently in Hollywood. Both have chemistry that's
impossible to duplicate. Gene Hackman and Michael J. Pollard are memorable, but Estelle Parsons, the lone player to
win an Oscar for acting, gives an overrated performance.
All in all, a lot of credit goes to Arthur Penn for his brilliant, masterful direction, and Bonnie and Clyde ranks
among the greatest films made.
4/06:
Made in the sixties, Bonnie and Clyde is a brilliant 30's gangster picture with impeccable performances.
By focusing less on blood and more on character development, it's transformed into a beautiful picture because of the
relationships among the gang. The cinematography takes it further that becomes transcendent. There isn't a more magnetic couple
than Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway. They are why the film works. The former has never acted better in his life while the latter
has never looked sexier.
Many people are familiar with the famous ending but not this trivia.
Arthur Penn worked on a film called The Chase with Marlon Brando and Robert Redford. Watching the speed of
action for a particular scene, Brando suggested that Penn use a slower speed to make the action more dramatic. He heeded
his advice and would apply it for the ending of Bonnie and Clyde.
All in all, Bonnie and Clyde is among the fifty greatest films made.
9/11:
Given the similar style, Bonnie and Clyde can trace its origins to a film noir:
Gun Crazy starring John Dall and Peggy Cummins.
Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway, once again, have never been this good. Gene Hackman and Michael J. Pollard are fun to watch.
Estelle Parsons doesn't deserve the Oscar win.
All in all, Bonnie and Clyde has high replayability value.
Boobs in Arms (1940)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
1/08
1/08:
Boobs in Arms was working until the Three Stooges hid themselves in the punching bags.
Then, the film fell apart. Also, having Richard Fiske as the sergeant hurts the short a lot because the sight of him trying
to fit in is awkward. Incidentally, he served in WWII and died in Le Croix, France, on August 10, 1944.
All in all, Boobs in Arms is another dud of many for the Three Stooges.
Boogeyman (2005)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
2/06
2/06:
Boogeyman is stupid.
By taking advantage of many tricks in the book, it tries too hard to scare the bejesus out of me. At the same time, I can't
look past the lousy camera work, the sophomoric plot, and many nothing-happens moments. Established rules are routinely
broken. Hence, I've given up trying to figure out what's valid and invalid.
If the Johnny Depp look-alike has been free of the Boogeyman for fifteen years, then why does he want to reinitiate the bad
memories? What is he trying to accomplish: give himself a heart attack for free of charge from the lifetime of mental torture?
All in all, Boogeyman flogs the horror genre to death for being a legless horse.
Boogie Nights (1997)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
12/02, 5/04, 3/07
3/07:
Welcome, Boogie Nights, to my list of Most Overrated Films of All Time.
Let's begin with the cast. Many try too hard to be cool. Almost every single one of them, Marky Mark, Heather Graham, Don
Cheadle, William H. Macy, Julianne Moore, and John Reilly, is guilty of this. The way they talk sounds corny.
On the other hand, Luis Guzmán, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Burt Reynolds, who has publicly denounced the film despite
receiving the first Oscar nomination of his long career, aren't bad. It's because they can act. Thomas Jane and
Alfred Molina, who has the best scene, are excellent, too.
There's no plot to speak of. It's just porn, drugs, and loss of their shit. Like
Dazed and Confused, it's been
a flow of 70's coolness with scenes ripped off from
Saturday Night Fever and Goodfellas. The porn part is
what gets people's attention. Hence, the viewers must automatically think Boogie Nights is a great movie because it's
American of them to say so.
Most of the characters aren't interesting to get to know. Take Becky Barnett, the black porn actress. Her purpose is uh...?
And Scotty? I get it for the umpteenth time that he's fucking stupid and a goddamn pervert. Reed Rothschild brings what to
the table? Rollergirl is the dumbest, most useless character on skates. Amber Waves, who the fuck cares about her problems?
All in all, overdosing on cool, Boogie Nights makes no important statements.
Boomerang (1947)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
11/15
11/15:
The more titles 20th Century Fox released as part of its Noir series, the less film noir they were.
Number 16, Boomerang, is exactly that. Don't get me wrong: it's a good movie, albeit with the feel of a reunion among
members of On the Waterfront, about politics, the power of media, police torture, courtroom procedure, and the
court of public opinion.
However, the story isn't gripping enough. On the other hand, Dana Andrews gives a strong performance.
It's too bad that he wasn't recognized for his work. I've always thought of him as an exceptional actor back then.
If there's anything that caught my interest, it's the coerced confession from the alleged murderer via systematic police
torture which is 100% illegal and unconstitutional. This kind of thing will be thrown out of the window during
the appeals process. The reason why it doesn't work is that the subject will say anything just to stop the torture.
All in all, I've enjoyed Dana Andrews' performance in Boomerang which is an above-average courtroom drama picture.
Boomerang (1992)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
6/05, 7/20
6/05:
Boomerang is an enjoyable motion picture with across-the-board great performances, most especially by Eddie Murphy
and Robin Givens.
Despite the sexual language, there are many good moments, and the production values are high, ensuring a worthwhile
viewing experience for adults. Critics called Boomerang a comedy, but it feels like a drama to me.
All in all, Boomerang happily fulfills what has been long missing in black cinema: a frank play on sex.
7/20:
Although intelligently crafted with high quality, Boomerang is strictly for adults that walks a fine line between
sexy and crass.
How people talk and behave while working for the cosmetics company, it's wonder why a massive sexual harassment class action
lawsuit hasn't happened yet. Their leader is Marcus Graham who fosters it with his supposedly "suave" lothario attitude. Hence,
it's difficult to root for him to be together with Angela in light of the fact that he slept with the unbelievably
old Lady Eloise.
At the same time, I understand Jacqueline Broyer is the female version of Marcus Graham, but is it clear that
everybody is kind of gross despite his or her immaculate exterior and that there are zero males to root for unlike the characters
of William Holden, Humphrey Bogart, and Cary Grant in romantic films during the 40's and 50's? They had class to begin
with. Yet Boomerang gets away with all because it's such a well-made movie.
The writing, acting, and costume design are outstanding. Everybody does an excellent job of making this
kind of picture that has been long missing in black cinema. Given the sexual content, Boomerang needs to be judged
fairly since it's on the same level as Carnal Knowledge and
Alfie.
Eddie Murphy gives one of the best performances of his career, and Robin Givens
matches him beat for beat. Strangé is exactly what I think of Grace Jones: stupid and extreme. Hence, how touché the "It Stinks
So Good!" fragrance commercial is. I love her director, who's played by Geoffrey Holder, and I knew he was trouble
when left alone to his own devices.
All in all, Boomerang isn't for everybody, but it deserves credit.
The Boondock Saints (1999)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
5/18
5/18:
The Boondock Saints is an indication of obsession with comic book films run amok.
An amateurishly made movie, it's uneven that's often over the top in writing, acting, and, most important of all, themes.
The main characters claim to be all about vigilantism, yet once Rocco the idiot enters the picture, it has to be
free-for-all violent to the point of glorification. I couldn't believe my eyes when Willem Dafoe's character, an FBI agent,
took their side.
Everybody sounds corny when they attempt to mimic the style of conversations from Quentin Tarantino's and Guy Ritchie's films.
The Catholic prayer speech is ripped off from Jules Winnfield's recitation of Ezekiel 25:17 passage in
Pulp Fiction, cheapening the film even further. When Rocco got angry and slammed his fists down on the table in the
dining room, his gun went off, blowing the cat into bloody smithereens against the wall. I didn't think the scene was funny
or cool.
Among the fewest saving graces is Willem Dafoe. He has rediscovered his Oscar-caliber form as seen in
Platoon and
therefore carries The Boondock Saints most of the way. However, I don't think he believed in the material that much; the
strength of the script is what enticed his interest in the first place. Willem Dafoe probably knew that he had nothing to lose
by being silly and inappropriate.
Sean Patrick Flanery and Norman Reedus are terrible actors, so they have to resort to different tricks to look "cool" as often
as possible to mask their deficiencies. David Della Rocco, who's not bad at times, overdoes his performance. Billy
Connolly and the rest of the cast are a joke.
The plot is too stupid to believe with the last twenty minutes going haywire. Death Wish made sense, but the action was
illegal. But here, it's murder, and innocent people are almost always caught in the crossfire.
All in all, The Boondock Saints is a wannabe Quentin Tarantino/Guy Ritchie movie with some John Woo thrown in.
The Boost (1988)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
4/20
4/20:
The Boost is perfectly tailor-made for James Woods.
It's a top five performance of his career. Nobody could've played the role of a charmingly smooth, fast-talking
salesman better than James Woods. His chemistry with Sean Young was electrifying, and the fallout of their real-life
relationship became legendary during the late 80's that wouldn't stop there for her.
After the completion of The Boost, Sean Young stalked James Woods so badly that he had to file a restraining order
and then a $6 million lawsuit against her for sending him hate mails and pictures of corpses and dismembered animals,
krazy gluing Woods' penis to his leg, making threatening phone calls, putting him and his then fiancée on anti-abortion mailing
lists, and leaving an iodine-splashed headless baby doll on his doorstep. Nobody knew for sure what happened
between these two or if there was truth to any of these stories.
Sean Young was fired by Oliver Stone and Warren Beatty during the makings of Wall Street and
Dick Tracy, respectively, for
failing to tow the line. Most of all, she achieved a lasting notoriety by dressing up as Catwoman on
The Joan Rivers Show to win the role for Batman Returns after being left
off Batman cast due to breaking
her arm by falling off a horse.
That's why Sean Young disappeared after the 80's despite being a good actress with star quality. I think refusing to give into
the sexual advances by powerful men played a big role in her decline. Anyway, Sean Young has done an excellent job in The Boost.
On the other hand, it's nice to see Steven Hill. He looks like himself as if it's just another Law & Order episode. John
Kapelos and Kelle Kerr are fun to watch, and of course, their characters only care about themselves. If somebody lacks wealth,
he's no good to them anymore.
All in all, there may have been tons of anti-drug movies in existence, but The Boost ranks among the best of them.
Borat! Cultural Learnings of America
for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of
Kazakhstan (2006)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
4/25
4/25:
I once interested a friend into seeing
Borat! Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, and she
flat-out refused.
Not knowing why, I proceeded with the film and had to stop it in five minutes to find out online if lawsuits were
indeed filed. Many had been by various groups. Reluctantly, I went back in to finish the rest.
It's the most monumentally offensive movie I've seen in my life. Nothing was funny.
The following is a true story. When I was in junior high, there were three boys who liked to crack really,
really lame but harmless jokes. One day, they took their antics too far that were Borat-esque which
persisted for a while. Students became sick of them, and finally, the authorities had it and decided to do
something. They stopped, but their reputations were forever ruined. Nobody wanted anything to do
with them. As a result, they disappeared into oblivion during high school. To this day, I cannot remember
their names.
Sacha Baron Cohen is Jewish. That gives him the license to mock his own religious group. Instead of what
I saw in the film, I want him to go to Auschwitz, Bergen-Belsen, Dachau, or Treblinka and pull the exact
same shit in front of everybody. He won't do it because he is gutless. I want him to go to any Muslim city
in the Arab world and insult everybody. He won't do it because he knows he'll be lynched. I want him to go
to any black city in the United States and call everybody a "nigger." He won't do it because he knows he'll
be killed within one minute.
All in all, Borat Sagdiyev is the definition of a tier three sex offender who belongs in prison for life.
The Border (1982)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
6/16
6/16:
Here's a worthy film in Jack Nicholson's résumé: The Border.
A highly similar film to Anthony Mann's Border Incident, it's a surprisingly good neo-noir
thriller by Tony Richardson, a director whom I don't think much of. Although there's a feel of a Peckinpah rip-off, the
noirish atmosphere of El Paso is perfectly set up, and the characters are well-developed.
It's sort of Kafka-esque. Mexicans are all over the place, running back and forth across the border. The patrols round them
up and ship them back to Mexico only to see them again the next day, hence the repeated scenes.
Jack Nicholson is excellent and has long considered his work the best of his storied career. There's
a good reason why his character just wants to feed ducks. Valerie Perrine, playing the wife who must keep up with the Joneses
which further complicates her husband's life, turns in the performance of her career. Shannon Wilcox cranks it up with her
uninhibitedness. Harvey Keitel is Harvey Keitel.
All in all, The Border is a gem.
Border Incident (1949)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
10/14
10/14:
Border Incident is a perfect example of a story-driven film.
The editing and the narration are what makes it compelling to watch. Although the cast is mostly bland, it's James Mitchell
who gives the best performance as Juan Garcia the common peasant bracero. Because of his face, Ricardo Montalbán sticks
out too much like a sore thumb.
Border Incident is as every bit film noir as it can be. There's a great deal of docu-drama which heightens
the realism of the atmosphere. It doesn't pull punches, either, as a shocking scene of murder is shown. The quicksand scene
is also thrilling.
What's interesting about the whole migrant worker scheme is that it's relevant today not only in Mexico but also
everywhere in the world for various ventures such as sex and drugs. That's how people become victims as they're converted to
slaves due to dire financial circumstances and end up being forced to repay the debt as a promise for their freedom. Usually,
they wind up dead after having outlived their usefulness.
Farm work is no joke, and most Americans are not willing to do it, so that's why Hispanic immigrants are more than happy
to take over and earn the kind of money that won't be matched if they did the same job in their native countries.
All in all, the problems shown in Border Incident continue to this day.
Born on the Fourth of July (1989)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
7/05, 2/13, 9/19
7/05:
You can hate Tom Cruise all you want, but there's no denying that he gave the best performance of his career in
Born on the Fourth of July.
The story of Ron Kovic is tragic but all too common. It explores how dangerous idealism can be because when the harsh
truth is discovered for the first time, the effect it has on the person is devastating.
Willem Dafoe and Caroline Kava turn in marvelous supporting performances. Tom Cruise has great scenes with both of them
individually. The best is when Ron Kovic had an argument with his mother and yelled "Penis! Penis!" in the house as if
it's such an unholy word.
By the way, what a job by Tom Berenger when he gave the Marine Corps speech. Only he can pull it off due to his
credibility of having turned in an Oscar-nominated performance as Sergeant Barnes in Platoon.
All in all, Born on the Fourth of July, a brilliantly directed film by Oliver Stone, is the one that Tom Cruise should
be remembered for eternity.
2/13:
Born on the Fourth of July is the best film that Tom Cruise has ever done in his storied career, and it's his eyes
that did it.
Most importantly, the credit goes to Oliver Stone for making the film seamless and moving. He also takes advantage of
Ron Kovic's autobiographical story to tell how one disabled Vietnam veteran went from an idealistic patriot to a cynical,
jaded hater because of the lies that were spoon-fed to him.
All in all, say all what you want about Tom Cruise, but there's no denying that he proved in Born on the Fourth of July
he's a great actor.
9/19:
If you want to look for Tom Cruise's best performance, it's on full display in Born on the Fourth of July.
I finally read Ron Kovic's autobiography and have to say the movie is better. The book is more of a feeling which is
personal and powerful. Oliver Stone captures it perfectly well on screen, being the reason why he won the Oscar for
Best Director.
Born on the Fourth of July is an interesting movie because it's about a corny guy who's idealistic.
To put his feelings into action, he decides to serve in the Marines Corps and gets shipped off to the Vietnam War.
It's not until the impact of being shot that left him a paraplegic when he realizes the whole thing was a mistake.
Hence, is it his fault or the country's fault?
One reviewer said the movie was too long and bombastic. I disagree. Born on the Fourth of July is an epic of
somebody's life, and there are a lot of highs and lows. It's a moving picture, and a lot of people can relate to it just
like The Best Years of Our Lives,
Coming Home, and The Deer Hunter.
Once again, Tom Cruise is brilliant as Ron Kovic who spent a year preparing for the role by immmersing himself
into the character. It's the best performance of his career which is hard to believe because he's an action
star as of lately. But to give a performance like that, it speaks to Tom Cruise's greatness as an actor.
All in all, having been twelve years in the making and thanks to the success of Platoon, Born on the Fourth of July is
an outstanding cinematic achievement by Oliver Stone and Ron Kovic.
Born to Kill (1947)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
10/08, 5/10
10/08:
Lawrence Tierney had a notorious bad boy reputation for most of the century.
Many people weren't aware of him until he made appearances in
Reservoir Dogs and an episode on Seinfeld.
Show me an actor who measures up with him, and I guarantee that it's not even close. People, even his co-stars, were literally afraid
of being around him. To understand what he was like, I recommend reading
An Uneasy Evening with the Noir Legend by Eddie Muller.
Born to Kill has solidified Lawrence Tierney's image as the no-frills, no-thrills tough guy actor.
His menacing eyes and presence show why he isn't the guy to mess around with. Claire Trevor's character tries her best, but
she's really playing with fire the entire time.
From a psychological standpoint, their relationship is interesting: how the submissive female can't get enough
of her dominant male partner. It happens all the time in real life which is a well-documented fact in serial killer
cases. The reason for loss of points in the rating is that the plot is uneven. Other characters
don't pull enough of their weight.
All in all, Born to Kill is Lawrence Tierney's show.
5/10:
Hoping for an improvement in my re-evaluation of Born to Kill, it's still not a good picture, lacking a lot of substance.
Lawrence Tierney, who dominates the film with his presence and his eyes, is less effective the second time around.
Clare Trevor tries too hard to portray her character as a femme fatale. I think the sister is better-looking.
Walter Slezak, who plays the detective, bears an uncanny resemblance to John Goodman.
All in all, the only good thing out of Born to Kill is Lawrence Tierney.
Born Yesterday (1950)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
5/16
5/16:
In 1950, Born Yesterday's Judy Holliday beat out Gloria Swanson of
Sunset Boulevard for the Best Actress Academy Award.
Yes, it's shocking. But why? Everybody knows Gloria Swanson's performance as Norma Desmond is unforgettable,
magnetic, and timeless. An icon in film noir, she defined the word femme fatale and was crazy as far as crazy
went. She still stands the test of time and is part of film history. Two of her quotes are forever classics: "All right, Mr.
DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up" and "I am big. It's the pictures that got small."
Judy Holliday as Billie Dawn? Unbelievable. Nobody knows who she is today. As for Born Yesterday,
it's an okay film but is definitely not a comedy. However, I like it better than
Educating Rita with Michael Caine and Julie Walters.
The best performance award goes to Broderick Crawford as the restless fast-talking, ball-busting Harry Brock who won't
stop giving orders to people around him. He reminds me of Paul Douglas who ironically played the same character for the stage
version. On the other hand, William Holden is great. So is Judy Holliday who's fun and quirky. They have nice
chemistry together with no bad scenes between these two.
All in all, Gloria Swanson should have won the Oscar, not Judy Holliday.
The Boston Strangler (1968)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
9/14
9/14:
Despite the semi all-star cast, nobody can save The Boston Strangler from being a pedestrian stinker.
The blame lies squarely on Richard Fleischer's shoulders for his inept direction. Whose bright idea was it to go
for the gimmicky split-screen technique? It makes things worse. Every time the technique is used, the intended
effect is never reached because there's a long awkward pause while the action is attempting to materialize. However,
I'm able to put up with it in the first hour because the film does well in other aspects. Then, by the time the
Boston Strangler is apprehended, it's all downhill thereafter.
The torture is watching Tony Curtis speak utter nonsense for half an hour which goes nowhere. That kind of stuff
belongs in an improv workshop at some actor studio. Henry Fonda adds no value to the story, and George Kennedy
doesn't do much, either. It would be easier if the cast was replaced with lesser known actors because the all-star
treatment proved to be no difference.
Obviously, the material has been made up because nobody read Gerold Frank's book. Hence, lots of
factual information including the measuring man ploy are missing. Of what I saw, the most ridiculous part, apart
from the multiple personality disorder crap and the whole confession thing, is Hurkos as the omniscient psychic when
he was, in fact, a certified fraud.
All in all, The Boston Strangler is a disappointing picture with a lot of crap.
The Bostonians (1984)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
6/25
6/25:
As a fan of Merchant Ivory pictures, I find The Bostonians a huge letdown.
When the opening credits reeled off the names of the B-list cast which included three Oscar winners, I was
like, "Really?" I had hoped for the best, but nope. The movie died ten minutes into it, and the rest of the
way became an impossible bore, no matter how great the costumes and cinematography could be. Where was the
lesbian love the entire time?
It all starts with the lifeless script by Ruth Prawer Jhabvala that's based on Henry James' novel. As a result,
there's nothing the thespians could do to give the film a pulse. I have no idea if it's among the author's
weakest works due to not having read the book. There's only so much feminism I can take in one sitting.
Meanwhile, I don't see why people have to beat up Christopher Reeve for being wooden or give an Oscar nomination
to Vanessa Redgrave. But I have to point out the miscasting of Madeleine Potter (who?) as Verena Tarrant. If she's
supposed to be desirable to both sexes, namely Basil Ransom and Olive Chancellor, it's wholly unconvincing.
Instead, the filmmakers should've gotten Bernadette Peters.
All in all, the Merchant Ivory team has to stick with a British-majority cast as long as the screenplay is
strong enough to warrant a film.
Boudu sauvé des eaux (1932)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
2/09
2/09:
Congratulations to Jean Renoir for landing on my Worst Directors list.
La Grande Illusion, La règle du jeu, and Boudu sauvé des eaux (which is translated as
Boudu Saved from Drowning in English) all have failed to make an impression on me. I just don't get them. France's
cinema must be seriously joking. The latter is among the worst movies I've ever seen.
Reminding me of Charlie Chaplin, Boudu is one of the most despicable, useless characters I've ever laid my eyes on. He should
be thrown into prison for various sexual offenses and rape.
All in all, Boudu is best left drowning in a creek of crap.
Bounce (2000)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
6/24
6/24:
Bounce is a gimmick movie.
The plot device is an airplane crash. It's just a matter of when and how the guy would break the news to the widowed wife after
he gave his airline ticket to her husband. In between is a lousy script, forcing me to wait a long time for the other shoe to drop.
I don't appreciate the perversion of the whole thing. It's like Buddy Amaral told Greg Janello, "When your plane crashes and kills
you, I will take your wife. All right, man. Have a nice flight." Greg would be like, "Uh...okay. I guess." After Abby finally
found out, she would start saying, "Why, God? Why? What sort of mean trick you've pulled on me? What did I do to deserve this?"
While at it, the director has to put on a cheap move by having Mimi Prager supply the twist when Buddy should be the one to tell
Abby. The irony is that he slept with both women. What a gross thing to think about. Hence, the DVD cover is misleading by amping
it up as a 100% romantic film. Buddy simply took advantage of Abby only because she's emotionally vulnerable. Suppose it doesn't
work out? Then, what Buddy has done is wreck Abby's one year of work to build herself up.
The performances are okay. Making for an awkward pair, Ben Affleck seems sincere while Gwyneth Paltrow has played the same thing
over and over. How they talk slows the film down a lot. On the other hand, Johnny Galecki overdoes his part while Caroline Aaron
plays a weak supporting character to Abby.
All in all, Bounce doesn't work, thanks to an immature writer who has no understanding of life and tragedy.
The Bourne Identity (1988)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
8/23
8/23:
For a long while, I didn't know there was a telefilm for The Bourne Identity.
Between the original and the remake, the former is close to Robert Ludlum's book while the latter is mostly made-up.
That being said, it still doesn't mean the original is better. In fact, it's totally average and a non-thriller at that.
The trouble is everything, but I like the location shots. 1988 was the year that Die Hard came out, and this
means The Bourne Identity is dated in comparison. It shouldn't have been three hours long; a lot of parts
need to be taken out to speed things up.
Richard Chamberlain is no better than Matt Damon. He's boring. So is Jaclyn Smith who's pain in the ass as the querulous Marie
St. Jacques. At first, she's screaming and crying. Then, it's all good, and they have a silly love scene. Now, she's back to
her whiny self. In short, her behavior has been back and forth a lot.
What's not clear to me is: is David Webb also Jason Bourne? I don't think the movie answered the question. It
turns out that, in the book, he killed a double agent named Jason Bourne and thereafter took his name prior to being recruited by Treadstone.
No matter how hard David or Marie the "therapist" tries to tell me he's no assassin, he's really an assassin as evidenced
by the number of kills thus far.
All in all, I prefer the Matt Damon version over the telefilm for The Bourne Identity.
The Bourne Identity (2002)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
3/03, 8/23
8/23:
In spite of being written almost from scratch, the remake of The Bourne Identity is passable enough.
Matt Damon accomplishes what Richard Chamberlain couldn't do: not be boring. As a result, it's an easy movie to swallow. That's
because it keeps moving without a snag on the way. The international flavor is nicely applied which is a slight upgrade
over the telefilm's setting.
However, the plot only makes sense if Jason Bourne turned out to be a robot. Otherwise, it's not possible because he got shot
in the back twice, behaved like a machine, performed kung-fu moves mechanically, fell down several flights atop a body
and walked away without a serious injury, and had a weird scene or two with Franka Potente. For a minute, Chris Cooper
copies what Tommy Lee Jones did in The Fugitive by barking out commands in a similar manner.
All in all, The Bourne Identity may be somewhat bland, but it's a decent actioner.
The Bourne Supremacy (2004)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
8/23
8/23:
Imagine putting your thumb in front of the TV screen, blocking out 30% of the image right in the center.
That's what it has been for me while watching The Bourne Supremacy as far as the action scenes go. It doesn't help,
either, when the camera is constantly shaking. Well, I'm not seeing anything new: there's a long chase
(Ronin, anyone?)
and the hero wins at the end. In fact, the sequel is the original all over again. To make matters worse, I can't recall most
of the scenes; in other words, it's been a blur.
Matt Damon is fine and perhaps acts less mechanical this time. Killing off Franka Potente's character is a good idea; once it
happened, she's instantly forgettable. As for Joan Allen, it's a low point of her career...so serious and devoid of any human
qualities. Having sold herself out, she's a better actress than that.
All in all, showing what's been done a hundred times before, The Bourne Supremacy is uninteresting.
Bound (1996)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
10/17
10/17:
Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly decide to go hot and heavy in Bound, a stylish, sexy crime picture.
Taratino-esque conversations was all the rage starting in the mid 90's, and Bound became infected by it in order to
score points. The technique works, and the language remains fresh to this day.
I have to say that I'm impressed with Joe Pantoliano. He can be over the top sometimes, but in this film, he
plays the character perfectly: rough, crass, and fluid with a way with words. It's strange to see the lack of
interest that he has in his pretty wife who knows how to sex it up.
The story is mostly run-of-the-mill, but with enough panache in acting and writing, Bound rises above mediocrity.
Because of their directorial success, the Wachowski Brothers got the green light to go ahead with
The Matrix, and the rest was history.
All in all, in spite of Gina Gershon's poor acting performance, Bound musters enough to earn a rating of '6'.
Boxcar Bertha (1972)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
11/06, 5/22
11/06:
Nothing in Boxcar Bertha works for me.
I don't understand why I'm supposed to be interested in the protagonist. What is the story about? Poor Martin Scorsese who
tries to be the next Dennis Hopper.
The first fundamental lesson of filmmaking is: develop the characters. The second lesson is: make me care about them. The
third: get to the point. The fourth: don't fuck around too much. The fifth: get to the point already. The sixth: don't fuck
around too much.
All in all, if you've seen Bonnie and Clyde, you've seen Boxcar Bertha without having actually done so.
5/22:
Raising my rating from '3' to '5', Boxcar Bertha is very average.
Okay, it's the Great Depression, and hobos are moving about and doing what they can. But Martin Scorsese, for his second
film, fails to make me care. Didn't he realize that Bonnie and Clyde came out five years before and that he was being
a hack in the process?
At least, it would serve as a training ground for Scorsese, and afterwards, John Cassavetes wisely advised him: "Marty, you've
just spent a whole year of your life making a piece of shit. It's a good picture, but you're better than the people who make
this kind of movie. Don't get hooked into the exploitation market, just try and do something different." And the result was
Mean Streets.
The cast is fine, but they don't play interesting characters. Martin Scorsese appears as a john at the end. While the
photography is nice, don't be fooled by the book title Sister of the Road: The Autobiography of Box-Car Bertha
because it's a work of fiction.
All in all, just think of Boxcar Bertha as a practice film for Martin Scorsese who has obviously
done better afterwards.
The Boxer (1997)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
10/11, 2/22, 3/23
10/11:
I guess it's a cardinal rule in Hollywood that, to be taken seriously, one must play a boxer.
This is what Daniel Day-Lewis did in *drum roll* The Boxer. And why? Now, the real question is: did he succeed?
Well, Daniel Day-Lewis does well in what he can do, and it's a decent performance. Yet I don't feel what he did is in the same
league as My Left Foot and
The Last of the Mohicans. After appearing in The Boxer, Daniel
Day-Lewis won't do a film again the next five years.
On the other hand, the whole IRA crap kills the whole thing for me because I just don't care. Even worse is the somewhat weak
chemistry between Daniel Day-Lewis and Emily Watson. At least, the rest of the supporting cast makes up for it; they're
all very good.
I remember seeing The Boxer in 1997 and thinking of it an unremarkable picture. My sentiment still rings true
now. In fact, I have no idea what crime Danny Flynn served fourteen years for. Sometimes, I view it as
Blown Away
all over again with Daniel Day-Lewis and Gerard McSorley for Jeff Bridges and Tommy Lee Jones, respectively, minus the bombs.
All in all, The Boxer is only watchable for Daniel Day-Lewis, but it's not a "wow" performance by any stretch.
2/22:
You got to love Daniel Day-Lewis in a serious drama role.
The Boxer doesn't disappoint the least bit. In fact, it finally holds up very well after all these years. What I
like is the IRA backstory serving as the political force to keep two lovers apart yet they refuse to be. It's also unpredictable,
and I didn't see the ending coming. In reality, Harry was a liability, and had he stayed alive, the direction of the IRA's
mission would've gone the wrong way.
The supporting cast is excellent: Emily Watson, Brian Cox, Ken Stott, and Gerard McSorley. They make the film possible.
Of course, there's no The Boxer without Daniel Day-Lewis. It's his quiet intensity that's effective.
He has a great line: "I'm not a killer, Maggie, but this place makes me want to kill." Well, I don't blame him.
The word is that Daniel Day-Lewis trained like a boxer for three years, and it shows in the film. Jim Sheridan
first conceived the idea of a biopic about Barry McGuigan (the world flyweight champion from Ireland) but decided to go
in a different route that loosely mirrored his story with an added twist. Yet the real-life boxer stayed on to train
the actor and thought highly of his talent which was good enough to contend with any top ten middleweight boxer in the world.
Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I think Danny Flynn stopped fighting because the white spectators wanted him to
kill a black man. The ref had been mindful of their intentions, hence his insistence to keep the match going
despite the black fighter looking totally finished. If that's not the case at all, then it's about honor in the ring.
All in all, The Boxer shows why Daniel Day-Lewis is one of the finest actors ever.
3/23:
Daniel Day-Lewis is the best at what he does: turn a seemingly small role into a powerhouse performance.
The bleak panorama of boxing and politics in Northern Ireland is brilliant. Two-time Oscar winner Chris Menges'
cinematography has a lot to do with it. At first, The Boxer appears to be a boxing movie with a bit of politics,
but as time goes on, it's transformed into a love story with lots of political forces involved. Having Daniel Day-Lewis
on board goes a long way while the supporting performances are strong.
All in all, fans of Daniel Day-Lewis will love The Boxer.
Boxing Helena (1993)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
10/10
10/10:
Because the premise of Boxing Helena mostly takes place in dream, where's the controversy?
How stupid of the critics. Anyone can dream anything. That's why it's called a "dream." Anyway, the movie is terrible and
boring, reeking too much of David Lynch's style. Of course, it stars somebody from Twin Peaks. Hence, David's daughter
directed it, but had she ever heard of originality? After the film's release, Jennifer Lynch's career fell apart.
The acting is all right, and nobody makes a difference. The story and the pace are the major problems; it's
not interesting, and things move slowly.
Sherilyn Fenn, who's recognizable from Two Moon Junction, seems to have a knack for appearing in
this type of films, so I guess the genre suits her well. It depends on the right director in order to maximize her potential.
Julian Sands, who's a better actor than this, can't save the film, either. The ear piece...is he trying to mimic
Brando's trademark? Bill Paxton looks like a fool with the silly hairdo and muscle shirts. Can you say "overdone"?
The writing was on the wall as soon as I saw the aftermath of the truck accident with Helena. There's no way that
anyone would have survived it without proper medical care including I.V. fluids, blood transfusions, medication, and
fancy equipment.
On the other hand, the cinematography looks nice, but is it typical of David Lynch's films? I guess Jennifer asked her daddy,
"Can I borrow your crew for a while?" The tagline of the movie poster says: "THE MOST TALKED ABOUT FILM OF THE YEAR." That's
funny because almost nobody saw it in 1993. By the way, Boxing Helena bankrupted Kim Basinger who initially agreed to
star in it but backed out after reading the revised script which required her to be nude in some scenes.
All in all, when Madonna turns down a film like Boxing Helena, it's a warning for everybody else to stay far away from
the turd.
The Boy Who Could Fly (1986)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
8/20, 3/22
8/20:
Here's a forgotten 80's classic that ranks right up there with Harvey and
Field of Dreams: The Boy Who Could Fly.
This movie ran a lot on HBO, and I hadn't seen it again for thirty years. I remember everything, especially Fred Savage and
his character's stupid obsession with G.I. Joe. The best part is the Peter Pan-like movie magic by Eric and Milly as they
fall down from the roof and then come soaring fast over the spectators.
Of course, it's Lucy Deakins who gives the most outstanding performance. Jay Underwood is a big part of the story. Making his
screen debut, Fred Savage was, once upon a time, a pretty good child actor. These three are primarily responsible for making the film
work. I've forgotten that Bonnie Bedelia and Fred Gwynne also star.
For a long time, I didn't understand why Eric was different from others; that being said, it was a movie from the late 80's
and autism wasn't that well-understood back then. After seeing The Boy Who Could Fly again, everything now makes
sense. Yes, the CGI looks outdated with the strings and all, but who cares?
There are a couple of fun facts. If you see the boy trying to climb up the beam of a trellis (or something like that) and
getting down from it and also doing something on the bridge as a girl tried to pick a flower from the tree, it's Jason Priestley
although his face is never shown despite the unmistakable outline. While Milly and Geneva are drunk and watching some random
MTV show, the guys doing the silly tongue stuff are the following directors: John Carpenter, Tommy Wallace, and Nick Castle
(I have no clue who the fourth person is, but somebody said it's Warren Carr).
All in all, there's a lot to like about The Boy Who Could Fly, and it's a shame that the film is obscure today.
3/22:
The Boy Who Could Fly is still a great movie with strong performances.
Boycott (2001)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
7/21
7/21:
Boycott is a hard-to-watch replay of what happened during the 1955-56 bus boycott in Birmingham, Alabama,
given that it had already been covered in King with Paul Winfield.
I don't know what's worse: the drunk handling of the camera or Jeffrey Wright's fake acting. I guess the former takes the
cake because trying to watch every minute of the film has been challenging. There's no reason for it
because the acting for this sort of material should be enough to shine through.
Nobody will ever top Paul Winfield's magnificent portrayal of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. What Jeffrey Wright is trying
to do is a big step down. The performance of his right-hand man by Terrence Howard is awful and not ministerial enough.
Having been completely absent in King because of his homosexuality, the
addition of Bayard Rustin as King's key adviser is interesting here.
I've been hating recent films that cover events that happened decades ago because of the robotic behavior shown by the cast.
People were calm and natural in King while everybody is so damn serious and gung ho in
Boycott. It's ridiculous and artificial. The visual gimmicks don't help, either.
All in all, you're better off seeing King than Boycott.
The Boyfriend School (1990)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
3/16
3/16:
I saw The Boyfriend School (which was originally titled as Don't Tell Her It's Me) on HBO in the early 90's
and found it to be an intriguing movie.
Then, I hadn't seen it again until now. I thought it would be good, but alas, no. For starters, The Boyfriend School is
lame. Steve Guttenberg does his best, but he's a corny guy, no matter how hard he tries to avoid it. Regardless, I'm
impressed with the transformation of his character.
The big downer is Jami Gertz. Never being much of an actress, she has a weird-looking face with an unattractive pointy jaw which
explains why her Hollywood career mostly ended in 1992 with two more films left in her oeuvre. Jami Gertz's character
isn't likeable and is shallow, making me think that Gus can do much better than her.
I hate Shelley Long, the cross-eyed actress who quit Cheers. But she's okay in the film by staying out of the
way and doesn't try to be annoying when the attention is on her. The nauseous cooking moments are clichéd which dates back to
Hitchcock's Frenzy.
All in all, The Boyfriend School is pure cheese as in, with a fake New Zealand accent, "I am Lobo. I hunt alone. I
need no one."
Boys Don't Cry (1999)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
12/04, 1/14
1/14:
Some actors and actresses give a performance that will never be topped for the rest of the year.
Hilary Swank did it in 1999 when she played Brandon Teena in Boys Don't Cry. The first time that I saw the film about
which was about ten years ago, I didn't realize it was the same actress from The Karate Kid Part III. Needless to say, I
was shocked.
Watching Hilary Swank play Brandon, I actually believed she was a he. Having said that, it's been a dramatic turnaround
for her by going from a bad actress to one of the best in Hollywood. Her performance in
Million Dollar Baby further cements it.
Back to Boys Don't Cry, the story is tragic, full of bigotry, and human. Thanks to the cast,
most especially Chloë Sevigny, it's a well-played masterpiece from start to finish that's a superbly handled by
Kimberly Peirce, a welcome change for achieving a huge break in the male-dominated profession.
All in all, buoyed by Hilary Swank's masterful performance, Boys Don't Cry is one of the most important films made
about hate crime.
The Boys from Brazil (1978)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
3/14
3/14:
It takes a while for The Boys from Brazil to get to the bottom of the mystery.
I was thinking of the duplicates to be based on the charlatan doctor, but the intended cloned person of interest
did surprise me which ultimately made sense. That being said, it brings an interesting perspective to the cloning debate.
Thus, The Boys from Brazil is a better movie than Village of the Damned, but the questions still linger.
It's such a bad idea to burn the list which should be preserved for monitoring purposes, that's all.
As for the performances, Gregory Peck, a thespian whom I've normally dismissed due to his wooden acting, is surprisingly good
and effective as the doctor. It's a different role for him because, to the best of my knowledge, he has almost never
played a villain before. The only film I can think of is Duel in the Sun. Laurence Olivier, who was in
poor shape during the filming, does as much as he can, and he's still the master of his profession. James Mason is
forgettable because of the small amount of screen time that's granted to him.
All in all, The Boys from Brazil is an enjoyable yarn of mystery thriller.
The Boys Next Door (1985)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
3/20
3/20:
Penelope Spheeris gets one thing wrong about the two protagonists: they're not serial, but spree, killers despite the
matter-of-factly opening sequence.
What I like about The Boys Next Door is the realism that's almost on the same level as
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. However, it holds
a lot back and isn't as edgy as I've hoped for.
Angry about getting no offers for two years after the predictable failure of Grease 2, Maxwell Caulfield gives the
best portrayal of a soulless killer in the making.
He and Charlie Sheen do a good job of what it's like to be loser characters, Roy and Bo, and kill freely
without thinking about the consequences. If not for the former, the latter wouldn't have thought about going that far,
but he got caught in the momentum. Interestingly, Charlie's father, Martin Sheen, played the
same exact character in Badlands and tried to talk his son out of it before he was cast as Bo.
All in all, Penelope Spheeris made good movies before she sold out to direct mainstream comedy crap.
The Boys of St. Vincent (1992)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
2/21
2/21:
Pretty much the film to foretell what's to come, The Boys of St. Vincent highlights the cover-up of child sexual abuse
at the hands of priests and their leaders.
It's not only the Catholic Church but every religion denomination that's part of the problem. The setting may be
Newfoundland, Canada, but it has happened all over the world for centuries. Even the nuns have done it. Church leaders and
government officials knew all about the child sexual abuse that went on but did nothing because the bottom line was money
and power. By the time they started to, it's too late.
Monetary settlement has been the common end result to make these cases go away, but the damage is forever on both sides
including a steep decline in attendance and religious faith. For the most part, church leaders have steadfastly refused to
acknowledge what happened. Back then, to take care of it, they would transfer priests, who were often uneducated, to
different schools and monasteries around the country and use religion to deflect the blame.
I loved the villainy shown by Henry Czerny's characters in
Clear and Present Danger and Mission: Impossible, but he's
pure evil as Brother Peter Lavin. Because of him, some of the scenes are difficult to watch. At the same time,
great performances are rendered by everybody in the cast, but Johnny Morina stands out the most as Kevin Reevey.
All in all, disturbing or not, The Boys of St. Vincent makes for an excellent viewing of why there's zero reason for
children to be sexually abused and for adults of any profession to hold an inviolable right to the assumption of being above
reproach.
The Boys of St. Vincent:
15 Years Later (1992)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
2/21
2/21:
The Boys of St. Vincent: 15 Years Later deals with the aftermath in light of what happened in the original film.
Although the child actors don't come back and are therefore replaced by their adult counterparts, none
of the power has been lost. It's still a disturbing picture that's correct on many levels. The keys
here are rage and the long-lasting psychological damage felt by the physically and sexually abused children.
Once again, Henry Czerny is outstanding by playing a sick, twisted, and manipulative fuck. Having ruined many
people's lives, he's beyond help and belongs in prison: a true sex predator with no remorse. Interestingly, when
Peter Lavin embraced his wife in a weird way, he did the same thing to the boy in the first part. As 25-year-old Kevin Reevey,
Sebastian Spence is also excellent. It's his court testimony that's the most dramatic.
I don't blame the wife for not knowing the whole time there was an evil side to Peter. Once Chantal heard about the
allegations, she only saw the goodness in him. That's why she had to be there in the courtroom to listen to the truth
from Kevin Reevey. This is the kind of stuff that cannot be faked, and she started to realize, being prompted to
confront Peter in private afterwards for what's a powerful scene.
All in all, The Boys of St. Vincent: 15 Years Later is a perfect follow-up to the original.
Boyz n the Hood (1991)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
10/03, 11/04, 10/05, 10/10, 4/19
10/05:
Having seen the movie many times and comparing it with the others of black cinema, I'm convinced that
Boyz n the Hood is among the greatest films made.
Look no further than the edgy opening sequence which sets the tone for the rest of the way. Ice Cube gives the most
brilliant performance of the cast, especially how he delivers his lines. What a surprise that he wasn't nominated for an Oscar.
When I think of the movie, Doughboy comes to my mind first.
Cube Gooding, Jr., Morris Chestnut, Tyra Ferrell, Laurence Fishburne, and Angela Bassett, among others, are impeccable and
will always be memorable. The scene with Ricky and Tre, after they see the red Hyundai Excel, is unforgettable and powerful
and is why Boyz n the Hood has been catapulted to the top.
All in all, Boyz n the Hood is the best work of John Singleton's career.
10/10:
Ice Cube has never been this good as he was in Boyz n the Hood which is one of the most powerful films I've seen.
It can't be any more dramatic than the scene when Tre yelled out to Ricky after the sight of the red Hyundai Excel. Simply put,
Boyz n the Hood is the game changer of the genre and sets the standard that all black films are forever burdened to match.
All in all, Boyz n the Hood is as real as it gets.
4/19:
John Singleton passed away today, and what did I do tonight?
Watch Boyz n the Hood, of course. It's an amazing, powerful film that belongs in the top 100. I read the
following comment on Yahoo:
"I worked in the business at the time Boyz was released. Been to thousands of showings, thousands of movies, and this
was the only time I went into the theater packed with loud, rowdy noisy kids. When the movie ended, it was dead silence. People
left orderly and respectful, reflective and contemplative. It takes a great director to make such powerful message to the
public."
To this day, I'm surprised that Ice Cube never got an Oscar nomination. It's just phenomenal acting. His character,
Doughboy, was intelligent, and I wish he put his energy into something more constructive.
John Singleton shows the impact of fatherless boys versus boys with fathers. It's demonstrated by Furious Styles who guides
Tre and teaches him how to be a man and make the right decisions. There are also golden tickets such as college and sports for
anyone who desires to get out of the 'hood in South Central Los Angeles that's constantly besieged with crime and pervasive
police patrol.
The most powerful moment is when Ricky was about to lose his life. Think about how far he had come
to this point of his life. He didn't deserve to die just because of the touchy-feely behavior during that night at the
drag. The rest of the film is sad.
In 1986, John Singleton worked as a security guard for a Pee-wee Herman film and approached Laurence
Fishburne with his script for Boyz n the Hood which got him cast. Fishburne would have a great memorable
scene with Angela Bassett at the French restaurant that allowed them to be paired up again for their Oscar-nominated roles in
What's Love Got to Do with It.
Talk about life imitating art: Lloyd Avery II, whose character killed Ricky, joined the Bloods, got arrested for a double
homicide, and was sentenced to life in prison before being killed there. Dedrick Gobert, who always had a
pacifier in his mouth, was murdered at a drag race in Southern California a few years after the release of Boyz n the Hood.
Lexie Bigham, who gave the football back to young Ricky, died in a car accident in 1995.
All in all, John Singleton left behind a legacy in Boyz n the Hood.
Brainstorm (1983)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
7/15, 10/21
7/15:
I tried hard, but Brainstorm consistently failed to grab my attention.
The concept is cool, and I love the cinematography of virtual reality. But the overall output isn't engaging enough
to draw me into the story which can be choppy at times. Unsurprisingly, because some of the photography shots were
familiar, director Douglas Trumbull previously worked on the special effects for
2001: A Space Odyssey and The Andromeda Strain.
Meanwhile, the characters are cold and distant for me to care about. It's like they live in another world that feels
corporate, and I don't have much in common with them. At any rate, the acting is fair. I'm surprised at how limited Natalie
Wood is. Looking back to her work such as
Splendor in the Grass and This Property Is Condemned, Natalie Wood was
dominant and assertive, yet in Brainstorm, she's subdued and impassive. It would be the final film of her career
as she died in a boating accident under mysterious circumstances.
All in all, Brainstorm proves that Douglas Trumbull isn't cut out to be a movie director, but he's one of the best
when it comes to special effects; ironically, the film's message is how he felt about Hollywood, leading him
to quit the business.
10/21:
Brainstorm is a high-concept sci-fi picture about ethical issues of emotional manipulation through virtual reality.
Of course, the military has to get involved. It's all about the brainwashing. So does the porn industry but for a
different reason: big bucks. In fact, porn has been the leading leader in cutting-edge video and internet
technology. If not for it, there'll be no Super 8 projector, Polaroid camera, VHS, Betamax, DVD, Blu-Ray, or quick
transmission of information over the internet through high bandwidth. By the end of the 70's, porn accounted for over 50%
of videotape sales. If they're the first to come up with whatever, the rest of the entertainment industry follows.
On the same level as 2001: A Space Odyssey, the visual effects, especially when they're more real
and high-impact, are mind-blowing as ever. The film was actually made in 1981, but its release was delayed for two years due
to Natalie Wood's untimely death. MGM was going to pull the plug for good, but director Dalton Trumbull convinced the studio
that Brainstorm was salvageable. Okay, who cares if it ultimately didn't make money? It's a good film, regardless.
The cast of headliners is impressive as it includes three Oscar winners: Christopher Walken, Louise Fletcher, and Cliff
Robertson. All are excellent. Yes, the pace is a bit slow, but they, along with Natalie Wood and Joe Dorsey, succeed in
pushing the ideas through.
All in all, Brainstorm was ahead of its time, and the movie still works today.
Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
1/05, 11/06, 12/12, 11/16
11/06:
Jeez, there's not a single decent performance from this turd of a picture.
Bram Stoker's Dracula is weighed down by the ineptitude of the cast trying to achieve naturalism or stay
faithful to their characters based on the book.
Anthony Hopkins acts like the pompous jackass that he always has been. Winona Ryder overdoes the drama. Cary Elwes looks like
he doesn't belong. Neither does Keanu Reeves. Gary Oldman tries to turn every scene into an Oscar-winning clip,
and the ugly red-headed girl wants to make me believe she's the most beautiful of them all.
It makes me wonder, by replacing the all-star cast with low-key players, that Bram Stoker's Dracula
will look better as a result. Or perhaps, in true Godfather fashion, we can go with Marlon Brando as Van Helsing;
Robert De Niro, James Caan, and Al Pacino as Lucy's suitors; Sofia Coppola as Mina; and Nicolas Cage as Count Dracula.
Meanwhile, there's a lot of information that's left out from the book which is crucial to the buildup of the story;
hence, I feel cheated at times. However, it does have delicious cinematography, being
exactly how I imagined some of the key scenes from the book.
All in all, what a silly picture Bram Stoker's Dracula is.
12/12:
Okay, my opinion of Bram Stoker's Dracula is now improved, and I think it's not bad at all.
The performances are good enough to float the picture, but I can't tell if Gary Oldman was overdoing his part to try to win
the Oscar. Nevertheless, he's the central figure of the story and is the reason why the film works. I like
to revisit it plenty of times because of Michael Ballhaus' lush cinematography.
All in all, Bram Stoker's Dracula may be the best film adaptation although it doesn't capture everything in
the book.
11/16:
Bram Stoker's Dracula is the most faithful adaptation of the book.
There are scenes that capture the pivotal moments very well. I feel like everybody had understood the spirit of the
penned story. The other is Michael Ballhaus' rich cinematography that's blended with the fantastic-looking visual effects.
In fact, if you took them away, the high replayability value would be lost. Hence, he should've received an
Oscar nomination for his work.
The cast isn't bad; they, even down to Keanu Reeves, are whom I imagined the characters to be. However, the
acting, especially from Winona Ryder, can be slightly unconvincing at times. I just don't see how her character loves
Dracula. Anthony Hopkins (who also plays the priest telling Dracula that Elizabeta's soul was damned) gives a bizarre
rendition of Dr. Abraham Van Helsing.
Gary Oldman, as much as I dislike him, gives the best performance of the show although he tends to go
overboard. Notwithstanding the fact that they never got along on the
set, he did make Winona look good, so she has to give him credit.
All in all, although it's not possible to capture everything in two hours, Bram Stoker's Dracula does the book justice.
Braveheart (1995)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
1/05, 4/08, 9/20
4/08:
Braveheart was the surprise Oscar winner for Best Picture of 1995.
I saw it at the theatre because of the thrilling trailer which looked like a must-see. When I finished the epic,
there hadn't been anything like it before. The impression I carried the most from it was Mel Gibson taking the battle scenes to a new
level. How the horses were slaughtered was a sight to behold.
The reason why I'm skeptical about giving Braveheart a rating of '10' is that it can be a bit silly at times,
not projecting the 100% look of a Best Picture Winner consistently. Instead, it feels like a fun epic with a
great story to boot.
Nevertheless, I still love Braveheart. It's a fantastic moviegoing experience. The performances, especially by
Mel Gibson for being Mel, Patrick McGoohan for having the best lines, and Angus Macfadyen for showing emotions through his
eyes, are terrific. The realism is a can't-beat which includes how dirty the characters are through their teeth, clothes,
and hair.
All in all, Braveheart is the best film that Mel Gibson has ever done.
9/20:
Apart from Rocky, Braveheart is the most satisfying choice made by the
Academy Awards for Best Picture.
I can tell that Mel Gibson did his homework by watching old films, most especially
Spartacus. Faces are used a great deal to
convey emotions. Characters...big, small, clean, dirty, and nameless...they all play a large role in scene after
scene with many of them being memorable. Passion is easily felt throughout the wonderful storytelling with a strong script
and some of the most brutal medieval battle scenes ever filmed.
Mel Gibson is perfect as William Wallace. Two powerful performances are given by Patrick McGoohan (who has the best lines of
anyone) as Edward Longshanks and Angus Macfadyen as Robert the Bruce. There are also others which are too numerous to list.
Twenty years ago, I visited Edinburgh Castle in Scotland, and there was a statue of William Wallace. This film was
the only way I would know who that was which took a great deal of liberties with actual history. No matter what, it's still an entertaining
show that won't fail to please everybody of all ages.
All in all, Braveheart is the last great war epic motion picture made.
Break Up (1998)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
4/20
4/20:
Bridget Fonda, who's normally a terrible actress, gives the performance of her career in Break Up, hitting
the right notes of emotion.
It's a strange movie about domestic violence with touches of neo-noir. This one has three odd characters who
are played by Hart Bochner, Kiefer Sutherland, and Steven Weber. Only Kiefer Sutherland's comes off as a good guy, but he should
work on his empathy more.
There's some confusion about Jimmy's hearing threshold. Many reviewers thought she was deaf, but that's not correct as she's hard
of hearing which probably happened not long ago. Bridget Fonda is consistent about it. Her character is also dumb on many
levels yet is smart when it comes to escaping which is part of the battered woman syndrome.
I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the TTY that was correctly used by Jimmy. Now, there are three modes of communication:
Full, Voice Carry Over (VCO), and Hearing Carry Over (HCO). The first is for both ends who want to type to each other directly,
the second is for talking on the phone with the other end seeing the text of what he said (that's the method Jimmy used), and
the third is for listening on the phone with the intention of responding back in text. The TTY isn't used much nowadays due to the advent of the
internet and Video Relay Service (VRS).
All in all, Break Up isn't everybody's cup of tea, but it's an interesting, well-done neo-noir thriller
with a strong Bridget Fonda performance.
Breakdown (1997)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
2/15
2/15:
The first half of Breakdown is reminiscent of Spoorloos.
Then, it falls apart when the filmmakers decided to make a superman out of Kurt Russell's character even though he
was initially afraid for a while.
Shaking off his cowardice, he does everything that's physically impossible for an ordinary person: staying awake for
forty-eight hours straight, being full-on mentally alert, never going to the bathroom, not eating or drinking anything, and
performing a lot of climbing activities that'll max out his forearms.
The moment when the camouflaged truck came out of nowhere and cut off the red SUV with Massachusetts plates is a warning sign
of what's to come. The ending of the archvillain meeting his fate is ridiculousness upon ridiculousness in a go-for-broke
extravaganza. If the ordinary route could be instead taken, it would turn into a better film by exploring the missing person angle. So,
it's been a waste of Kurt Russell, James Walsh, and Michael Gainey's collective talent.
All in all, Breakdown is an apt title because that's what happened to the film.
Breaker Morant (1980)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
5/17
5/17:
Breaker Morant is one of the best films made for three different genres: war, courtroom drama, and military.
The reasons are two: excellent acting and striking cinematography.
The star of the show is Edward Woodward, a Michael Caine look-alike, who's well known for playing the lead character in
The Wicker Man. Although he's outstanding, it's Jack Thompson who steals the show as Major J.F. Thomas who defends
three soldiers accused of war crimes.
The cinematography is what keeps Breaker Morant fresh. In fact, it looks so modern that the whole movie might have
been shot in this day and age. So, many kudos to Donald McAlpine.
To this day, nobody knows the full story of what happened, but one thing is for sure: the soldiers were guilty.
Also, the trial set a precedent that, according to IMDb, "the Australian Army refused to ever again allow their troops to
be tried by British court-martial. All future charges against Australian soldiers would be put before fellow Australians."
Like always, war blurs the line between right and wrong. Oftentimes, soldiers who commit crimes on a daily basis get away
with it. Thus, being caught red-handed or doing something that's so flagrant is a surefire way to be finally tried in court.
All in all, if you have to pick one Australian picture to see, make it Breaker Morant.
Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
7/15
7/15:
By directing Breakfast at Tiffany's, George Axelrod transforms Truman Capote's unfilmable novella into a filmable screenplay.
Apart from retaining the names for a couple of characters and several key moments, one thing that the film and the novella have
in common is how equally bad they are. The latter is more of a character sketch for Holly Golightly while the former is
more of a love story between her and the narrator which didn't originally happen. There are also other stripped
elements causing the movie to resemble the novella hardly.
If Truman Capote was dismayed by this fact, it's because he was an overrated writer to begin with. His
reputation mostly rested with In Cold Blood. Afterwards, he was famous for being famous. As for the film, Truman Capote
wanted Marilyn Monroe instead of Audrey Hepburn for the role of Holly Golightly, but how could it have worked out if she had no
acting skills to begin with and was drunk out of her mind most of the time? Anyway, Marilyn Monroe died the following year
after the film's release.
To analyze Breakfast at Tiffany's is to start with Audrey Hepburn. My, my, my...where do I begin? She was
never an actress but a model to begin with. That's why nearly all films had her wearing unique clothes which is
a major distraction. Consequently, she's transformed into a walking fashion show, rendering the film as an afterthought.
All I can remember of Audrey Hepburn's performance is her silly outfits, serving as an excuse to make the
movie better than it actually is. I'll say she captures 60% of Holly Golightly as depicted in the novella, but I think
she could do better. Although too old to play Holly, Audrey Hepburn is perfect for the role, but it's impossible to overcome
her pretentiousness.
George Peppard, whose career is only remembered for his role in the immensely popular TV sitcom The A-Team, is
one-dimensional as Paul V-A-R-J-A-K, but he does a good job of not letting his performance bother me.
If there's anything I hate, it's the dumb decision to cast
Mickey Rooney as the Japanese neighbor for the sake of comic relief which turns out to be
absent. Hence, it's highly recommended that you watch
Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story to feel the full effect. Blake Edwards
would regret the move, but he should know better because it's one of the several characters not in the novella.
Besides, his constant use of the party scene motif is tiresome. On the other hand, Patricia Neal gives a memorable, if
mysterious, performance as 2-E, which is another character not in the novella.
Now, the following story is the best part: John Frankheimer was slated to direct
the film with Marilyn Monroe in mind. When she was replaced by Audrey Hepburn, Audrey insisted the producers to buy out
John Frankheimer's contract because she had never heard of him. Consequently, he went on to direct
The Manchurian Candidate which
is one of the greatest and most unforgettable movies of all time, and we have the stupid, ditzy birdbrain to thank for it.
All in all, Breakfast at Tiffany's is an overrated and outdated piece of crap.
The Breakfast Club (1985)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
3/03, 4/04, 6/25
6/25:
Serious conversations and kids are like oil and water; they don't mix.
That's what I thought while watching The Breakfast Club. These high schoolers are obviously from the
upper middle class by the way they spoke. John Bender? I've never met somebody from the wrong side of the
tracks to be this eloquent. Everybody's problems sound low-level. Let's try the following for a change:
Male student #1: There's a bully who stalks me before, during, and after school. He likes to punch me
on my arm or my head several times each day. This has been going on for years. I've been cutting myself on my
wrists, my arms, my legs, and so on.
Female student #1: My father died a while ago. My mother is on crack. I have eleven brothers and
sisters, and I am the oldest. We live in a motel, and I have to work after school from 3 to 11 PM to make
ends meet. I have another job on weekends, working ten hours per day.
Male student #2: I have AIDS. I've been pissing blood daily. My doctors say I have a couple of years
to live. Any ideas? Oh, yeah...I am not gay; I got this from blood transfusion.
Female student #2: My brother won't stop touching me. We would have sex all the time. I told my mommy
and daddy, but they won't believe me. I'm afraid of going to the cops because it will break up my family and
I'll be placed in a foster home.
Male student #3: I live in the projects. There are drug dealers all over the place. Almost every day,
there's always somebody killed. I have to put up with it every time I step out of the door for school,
groceries, whatever. Somebody robbed me last week, and that was like the 20th time this year.
Real problems, you know what I mean? Then again, why would they say this to each other despite not being
friends? Oh, yeah...whenever there's a monitor needed for detention, s/he always stays in the room and
actually watches the students! At least, none of the young stars, save for Emilio Estevez, stayed
relevant after 1986. That's because they were all bad!
All in all, when Judd Nelson threw up his fist at the end, that's how I felt by not wanting any more of
The Breakfast Club.
Breakin' (1984)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
11/20
6/06:
What started in a 1983 documentary called Breakin' 'n' Enterin', many of the same guys stayed together to make
Breakin', the breakdance picture on steroids that went on to be a box-office smash.
That's what the movie is all about: dance, dance, and dance. And it's not a bad thing. The two nice aspects about it are
clean language and no sexual stuff. Given this rarity, Breakin' is enjoyable because it's about
the characters who follow their passion.
I have to say that I'm impressed with one scene at Venice Beach. I see everybody dancing, and then, out of the blue,
there's somebody familiar in black spandex, prompting me to say, "Is that really him?" Yep, it's Jean-Claude Van Damme. By
the way, the tall friend with black curly hair next to him is Michael Qissi who played Tong Po in
Kickboxer.
1982 to 1984 was when Van Damme tried to break into Hollywood while working in odd jobs after coming over from Belguim.
Breakin' marked his first screen role before Bloodsport made him an overnight international
star four years later. Another well-known actor also made his screen debut, and it's Ice-T. Who knew they would be
bigger than the lead stars?
There's another scene that'll make you go, "Hmm, I believe that's Michael Jackson's signature move." Not many
people know this, but it's Michael Chambers who helped him perfect the moonwalk after Michael Jackson saw him perform it on
some TV show a year earlier. He would show it off in Motown 25: Yesterday, Today, Forever on May 16, 1983. Chambers
also taught him other moves as well.
Alfredo Quiñones, Michael Chambers, and Lucinda Dickey are outstanding, but the male dancers didn't like Lucinda Dickey because of
her gymnastics background. On the other hand, I'm surprised to learn that she barely did any more movies and disappeared not
long afterwards. Alfredo and Michael are very good in dancing, and it's to Lucinda Dickey's credit for keeping up with
them although she did know how to dance. In fact, she should've been the star in
Flashdance instead of Jennifer Beals.
All in all, forget about the negative reviews for Breakin' because it's a fun movie.
Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
11/20
11/20:
Widely regarded as a bad film, Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo is still good fun just like the original.
The main characters return, and they have a marvelous time. There's a ton of nonstop dancing, so it must have
taken a great deal of choreography to set up the dance sequences.
Sure, the story is simplistic: it's all about saving a community recreation center, and why not? It did happen for real to the
Westlake youth center Radiotron that's located in MacArthur Park of Los Angeles, but the rally didn't work out. It was
therefore demolished to make room for the mall.
The most impressive scene is when Michael Chambers performed dance moves on the wall and then the ceiling. Ordinarily, I
wouldn't say so for films nowadays, but it was made in 1984. So, it's neat which was accomplished by rotating the
room that was borrowed from A Nightmare on Elm Street.
All in all, Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo is about having a good time.
Breaking Away (1979)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
11/13, 11/21
11/13:
Thanks to Dennis Christopher's charming performance, Breaking Away is a classic bicycling romantic picture.
In an odd way, it's the antithesis of Ladri di biciclette. Dave is happy and easygoing while Antonio is sad and
stressed out. One pretends to be an Italian and rides the bike for fun while the other is a real Italian and needs the bike
for his sustenance. One has a good ending while the other goes out on a sad note.
Meanwhile, the group feel among Dennis Quaid, Jackie Earle Haley, Daniel Stern, and Dennis Christopher is almost the best
thing going. Unfortunately, the film suffers from continuity problems, interrupting the momentum. It's more noticeable when everybody
is into his routine, and then, all of a sudden, things change. Dave stops being a fake Italian, and the group starts going away.
In other words, Breaking Away is a tale of two halves. That's why I can't go any higher than '8'.
All in all, Breaking Away is a rare treat because it's a bicycling picture, having led to the next and more
superior film: American Flyers.
11/21:
Breaking Away is a nice coming-of-age buddy picture that was overrated back then.
There aren't many bicycle movies, so I'll take whatever that comes to my way. What's interesting about the cast is the
three supporting actors (Dennis Quaid, Daniel Stern, and Jackie Earle Haley) broke out while the main star (Dennis Christopher)
never did. Yet it's Christopher, along with Paul Dooley, who gives the best performance.
One nice thing about Breaking Away is that it's random. Scene after scene, they have no connection,
but somehow, the movie flows well. Shot on location in Bloomington, Indiana, it has charm that can only be captured in foreign
pictures. The bike race at the end is thrilling.
All in all, Breaking Away is a harmless, fun movie that people will instantly like.
Breakout (1975)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
12/08
12/08:
Once upon a time, Robert Duvall had a head full of hair as evidenced in Breakout.
As usual, Charles Bronson displays his stoic persona and impressive sinews of his sleeveless arms. Randy Quaid gets
to show off his early comedic talent, and he's a funny guy. Jill Ireland, who sports too much makeup, can't hold
her own and fails to keep up with the rest of the cast.
There are quality scenes from time to time, and several of them has excellent stunt work. One fat male
character is shot in the back, and he falls out of the helicopter at least fifty feet in the air and goes through the roof of a
storage building. Yet the biggest problem is the lack of energy throughout. Director Tom Gries goes too far to try to
be the next Sam Peckinpah from the get-go. He'll give it up which thankfully brings the film back to normal.
The tagline "No prison is strong enough to hold Bronson!" is misleading. He was never a prisoner at any point. Whoever
thought of it didn't see the movie. If you can believe this, the pilot said that Bronson's character would need like
at least three thousand hours to be efficient in flying a helicopter, but he only learned how to in less than five.
All in all, Breakout needs more energy to be exciting enough.
Breathless (1983)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
6/16
6/16:
If you want to see a film with Richard Gere making a total ass of himself, then I recommend Breathless which is
a 1983 remake of Jean-Luc Godard's À bout de souffle minus the famous jump cuts.
To be honest with you, Richard Gere isn't bad. Watching him act like a jackass with bipolar disorder takes some while
getting used to. Eventually, that's all the movie has going for it. His co-star Valérie Kaprisky is useless. She
just stands there and is indecisive about anything while he does everything possible short of jumping jacks.
By the way, at the beginning, Richard Gere is shown singing a Jerry Lee Lewis song. Then, there's a
moment when he shook his head back and forth. I just realized he did look like the Killer himself. Ironically, Jim
McBride, the director, will go on to do Great Balls of Fire! with Dennis Quaid.
All in all, because of Richard Gere's antics, Narcissism sounds about right.
Breeders (1986)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
11/19
11/19:
A throwback to the 50's low production values, Breeders is a respectable yet suspenseless horror movie that's
tits and ass galore.
I have to say that I'm impressed with the body makeup effects. It's definitely first-rate, even for 1986, rivaling
The Howling and An American Werewolf in London. Obviously, it and
the copious amount of nudity kept me awake every ten minutes or so.
Headlined by a cast of nobodies, the acting, most especially from Teresa Farley who's deadpan, leaves a lot to
be desired, but the script isn't bad with plenty of good ideas. We've got aliens raping Manhattan's virgins to breed new
ones, a female model snorting a line of cocaine before taking her clothes off to stretch for a while, and a white slime
pit that's full of naked women. What more can you possibly want? The best of all is: it's a short movie with a sweet
running time of 77 minutes.
All in all, low-budget and exploitative at the hands of a gay porn director, Breeders is the kind of film
that can be found in the back channels of cable TV at 3 o'clock in the morning.
Breezy (1973)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
7/17
7/17:
Directed by Clint Eastwood, Breezy is one of the more interesting, off-beat pictures I've seen in a while.
It reminds me a lot of Harold and Maude but with the genders reversed and minus the weird cult stuff. The biggest
strength is the acting.
It's impossible to go wrong with William Holden, and he's great in anything. Always at ease, he's perfect for the role.
Kay Lenz is natural and fun to watch. These two, despite their age difference, make a good couple. If you look
closely while they're strolling along the boardwalk, you can spot Clint Eastwood in white jacket looking over the pier.
All in all, Breezy is a wonderful romantic movie with great chemistry between William Holden and Kay Lenz.
Brian's Song (1971)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
8/03, 10/04, 2/05, 5/06, 4/12
5/06:
James Caan and Billy Dee Williams.
They're absolutely unforgettable in Brian's Song which is among the greatest, most powerful movies ever made. It's also
one of the saddest. The running scene with them alongside each other while they gasp for air is the most defining scene.
All in all, Brian's Song is not just a football film; it's a story of two human beings.
4/12:
Brian's Song is a timeless classic.
James Caan and Billy Dee Williams will always be remembered as Brian Piccolo and Gale Sayers, respectively.
All in all, Brian's Song proves that a made-for-TV picture with a simple moving story is infinitely better than a
pointless violent film with an overblown budget.
The Brides of Dracula (1960)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
1/08
1/08:
The Brides of Dracula is the Plan 9 from Outer Space of Dracula films.
The sheer ineptitude has left me searching for answers of how anybody could be this stupid. Because of the lustful cinematography
(a common trademark among Hammer Horror films), I was ready to give the film a '2' until I saw the godforsaken ending. It
has to be seen to believe. I've watched a lot of Dracula films, but I've never seen a man, whose neck is bitten
by a vampire, use a steaming hot poker to his wound and then recover from it.
Sydney Pearson is the special effects man for The Brides of Dracula; his work should leave the heads of many in his
occupation shaking. Whenever a bat appears, which is not once but many times, I can see the reflection of light on the
strings. David Peel, who plays Count Dracula, is the funniest thing since the sight of Adolf Hitler in his oversized trousers.
An openly gay man in real life, he retired from acting after this film to become a dealer of antiques.
Boy, I have to go back to the ridiculous ending. Dr. Van Helsing jumps on a rotating blade that's attached to the
old-fashioned windmill in order to create a shadow of cross, killing Dracula for good. Hence, this spectacular effect is an
indication that anything resembling a cross will stop Dracula. My, my, my...why hadn't this been thought of before?
I don't get why a Daphne Moon-looking girl is needed to set Baron Meinster free. It'll be a lot simpler to use a
female servant to get the job done. If the mother is so concerned about freeing her son, then why receive visitors inside
the castle? Holy water is thrown on Dracula's face, and his facial features are badly damaged. So, my question is this: why
not throw a large bucket on him? That should finish him for good.
All in all, The Brides of Dracula has shamed itself in front of all Dracula films in existence.
The Bridge at Remagen (1969)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
2/24
2/24:
Why is George Segal in The Bridge at Remagen?
That guy is so annoying. I can picture him complaining about every little thing. At the end, his character felt sad because he
lost his thieving friend. Then, Angel came back, and he's all happy. But losing others didn't affect him one bit?
First, everybody wants to blow up the bridge. Now, they don't want to. Who cares either way? It's a stupid bridge. By the way,
where was the German 15th Army? They never showed up.
Like A Bridge Too Far, I don't know what's going on. Nobody explains anything. It's
just fighting and a French girl undressing for a minute. Tanks, planes, and machine guns...bring them on, who cares about me? I'll do
everybody a favor by dying of boredom for two hours. At least, the lone bright spot is Robert Vaughn, a 100% American who probably
couldn't pass a German test in high school if his life depended on it.
All in all, The Bridge at Remagen is too ordinary to make an impression for a WWII film.
The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
4/03, 11/03, 12/04, 6/24
6/24:
"Madness. Madness!"
The Bridge on the River Kwai is one of the best war movies ever made. What's nice is the straightforward story: build
a bridge for the enemy and blow it up before it's put to use. Of course, Colonel Nicholson's actions are treasonous. He
should've been killed by his own men.
Although there's a point to making the most out of the situation by giving his men something to do, it's still a stupid thing
to do. That's why Major Clipton (James Donald) is the representative for the audience. Historically speaking, the soldiers are
treated far too leniently in the film compared to what happened during the building of the Burma Railway. By the way,
it's too bad about William Holden's character. He really had no motivation to go back, and it ended up costing his life.
The performances are outstanding. Alex Guinness won the Oscar for Best Actor. As Colonel Saito, Sessue Hayakawa was nominated,
but I have to say William Holden deserved it more. Jack Hawkins does his part well. The whole thing was shot on location in
Ceylon (present-day Sri Lanka) as a stand-in for Burma (present-day Myanmar).
All in all, The Bridge on the River Kwai is a unique motion picture.
A Bridge Too Far (1977)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
6/04, 1/09, 2/24
1/09:
A Bridge Too Far has some high points, a few low, and lots of everything else in the middle.
I won't go so far as to say it's a spectacular WWII picture, but it does well enough to capture the look and feel of what
happened. The best parts are the tanks, the airplanes, and, most of all, the parachute scenes. They all look cool. There
are couple of problems that keep recurring throughout.
One is the plan. The goals are never made clear. I just don't understand what's happening. The map should be
visually taken advantage of with a voice-over narration to educate me.
Two is the cast. Yes, it's full of who's who of the decade, but is it necessary to have them all in the same movie? Why
not limit the players to Dirk Bogarde (who actually served in WWII and was part of the Operation Market Garden)
and one more big-name actor to reduce the distraction?
If there's anything I remember the most, it's the scene when the soldier died after running to grab the supply canister
which was revealed to be filled with maroon berets. That's taking it too far becase WWII was justified compared to
the Vietnam War.
All in all, A Bridge Too Far is an above-average WWII picture that's barely understood.
2/24:
My rating remains unchanged for A Bridge Too Far.
It's not a terrible movie, but there are obvious issues. Despite the running length of almost three hours, Geoffrey Unsworth's
beautiful cinematography is what sustained my attention. Sure, it's nice to look at the paratroopers landing on the field, the
tanks, the planes, the soldiers, the military uniforms, and the all-star actors, but clarity is never achieved.
Everything is busy; they're moving equipment. Problems are everywhere, and the fighting is constant. Okay...what exactly
is going on? Why can't somebody explain it to me? Robert Redford is on the bridge and waves to Michael Caine. All of a sudden,
the former is on some road far away, telling somebody in charge what he should be doing. Yet what ultimately became of the latter's
troop? The movie stopped showing them anymore.
Ryan O'Neal as a general? Ha! He looks far too young, but it's almost true of the man himself who was 37 at that time. James
Caan has the best scene of anyone. How did his character know his fellow soldier was still alive when he went to pick him up
and the body was clearly dead with a gunshot wound in the head? James Caan is like an invisible man when he drove through the woods
that's teeming with dozens of Germans and they all miss him completely, even at point-blank range. I never see him again
afterwards, prompting me to ask, "What does his character have to do with Operation Market Garden?"
By the way, ever wondered why the words "Market" and "Garden"? The movie never explained.
The goal was to create an invasion route into North Germany by taking over nine bridges in Netherlands, which was
controlled by the Nazis, with the U.S. and British airborne forces (Market) and crossing these bridges with the British land
forces (Garden). The trouble? In spite of sending approximately 41,000 soldiers to there, the Nazis had a strength of 100,000 which
was overwhelmingly enough to deflect the surprise attack.
Another question I had was: why couldn't the tanks go off the road and drive through the countryside? Again, the movie never
explained. It's because the ground was too soft for it to happen along with the numerous dikes and drainage
ditches. Anyway, why was I shown the ropes that were meant for the gliders to be pulled by the bigger aircrafts if none
of the scenes would make use of them in the air?
Director Richard Attenborough only did the film so he could get the financing to go ahead with his overrated
Gandhi. In that
process, he sold out Lieutenant-General Frederick Browning when the whole idea had been Field Marshal Bernard Montgomery's
which was approved by General Dwight D. Eisenhower. Some of the problems were as follows: landing points being too far away from Arnhem,
not enough transport aircraft to spread the dropoffs over a few days instead of all at once, bad weather in
England and Netherlands, failed radio support, and slow troop movement. As a result, WWII didn't end in time by Christmas
1944 as anticipated. Hence, the Soviets were the first to arrive at Berlin in May 1945.
All in all, A Bridge Too Far is fine for what it is, but it's hard to tell what's going on most of the time.
A Bright Shining Lie (1998)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
7/15
7/15:
I was with A Bright Shining Lie until the last half hour, and then it started fall apart by overreaching
to make a big statement that's too complicated for a simple film.
In other words, it's better to read the book to understand the full story. One mistake is showing instances of
Vann's infidelity. They don't add much to the grand scheme of things. Instead, director Terry George should expand the Vietnam
War to help me understand the circumstances better. Instead of trying to cover everything as possible, he should
focus on the most important parts.
I'm not a fan of Bill Paxton and don't think much of him as an actor, but I'm impressed with his performance here. I like
how he keeps himself in character military-wise. However, Bill Paxton can do much more because he
has a lot of potential to be special.
All in all, A Bright Shining Lie is the mild version of Platoon that succeeds in showing the political side of the
war.
Rate:
4
Viewed:
4/15
4/15:
I find Brighton Beach Memoirs too Jewish.
I don't know whether or not Neil Simon was making it up as the story went along because nothing I saw seems
realistic. Not only that, but it also comes across to me a typical theatrical play that should've stayed within the
confines of Broadway. Jonathan Silverman, an all-time bad actor who sucks so bad in trying to be funny, ruins the movie
by talking about sex constantly.
Eugene Jerome is a borderline sex offender for all intents and purposes. Already obsessed with the topic, it's what he
aspires to be. His life is complete when he's handed by his older brother a pornographic picture of a French girl.
The rest isn't up to par; in fact, it's no different from an Arthur Miller's play but has a happy ending. The
trouble is: I don't care about the family because the characters, especially the mother, are unlikeable and not worth
caring about. That's why I lost interest early on, hence the perpetual drag of trying to finish the movie.
For a while, I thought Brighton Beach Memoirs was going to be a light comedy fanfare. Yet Neil Simon decided to go
for a dramatic tone by focusing on the conflicts within the family. It doesn't work because the movie has to be either comedy
or drama but not both. Plus, Eugene slowly revealing himself as a full-blown sex pervert doesn't help matters any. By the way,
at the beginning, he breaks through the fourth wall to narrate about the little things that he notices but eventually
abandons the practice.
All in all, Neil Simon probably got nostalgic about living in the 30's and 40's and decided to write a play about it when
he should've kept the whole thing to himself.
Bring It On (2000)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
6/25
6/25:
If there's a "sport" that's more dangerous than football, it's competitive cheer.
Bring It On wants me to think it's cute and fun when in reality is not. What most people don't know is
the numerous injuries that happen behind the scenes. Remember practice makes perfection, and it doesn't
always mean things will go as planned on the first try. And for what? It's not uncommon to read news about a
cheerleader becoming paralyzed in a stunt gone wrong.
When I watch these girls getting thrown up in the air, doing the pyramids, and so on, I simply cringe. It means
legs, arms, knees, ankles, hands/wrists, and, most of all, heads potentially slamming against the catcher or the
ground. The higher they go, the more dangerous it is. According to one article, "experts attribute
cheerleading's danger to three things: inadequate safety measures, improper training, and competitiveness."
In fact, the National Center for Catastrophic Sports Injury (NCCSIR) reported that cheerleading accounted for
65% of direct catastrophic injuries to all high school female sports participants and 70.8% of catastrophic
injuries to female college athletes from 1982 to 2009. Also, "over 26 years, they [statistics annually tracked
by Mueller's organization] show disabilities or deaths caused by head or spine trauma are almost double for
female high school cheerleaders than that for all female sports combined: 73 'catastrophic
injuries'—including two deaths—from the fall of 1982 to the spring of 2008. Gymnastics was second,
with nine injuries."
Back to the film, the part I wondered the most is "where were the coaches?" I didn't see any kind of adult
supervision. This is high school, for goodness' sake! Should the stunts go wrong, good luck to the higher-ups
when it comes to lawsuit time. More disgusting is the sexualization of female cheerleaders, especially when
a male fingered one of them while hoisting her up. Therefore, I won't be surprised to learn there are tons of
sex abuse going on just like gymnastics.
How about that national championship at the end? I say, "Who cares?" All of the characters are either unlikeable
or cheesy. It's like watching a cult. The material is beneath Kirsten Dunst's talent. While Jesse Bradford is
the absolute worst with Gabrielle Union and the rest of her squad coming in a close second, Eliza Dushku gets
points for never being corny.
All in all, Bring It On is wrong on a lot of levels.
Bring Me the Head
of Alfredo Garcia (1974)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
6/13
6/13:
I hate to say it, but Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia is too silly.
It's an overwrought symbolic picture with the infusion of many typical Peckinpah elements. Sam did it better in
The Wild Bunch, Straw Dogs, and
Junior Bonner. The poem is there, but the pace isn't. It takes too
long to get to the point, and when it's arrived at, all I can do is laugh. Warren Oates has never been hammier.
Benny decides to drive hundreds of miles just to sever a wanted head and comes back while people are killed
during the process. Not much is said for a long time. At the end, Benny determines that the hooker is worth
killing for when the fact remains she's only a hooker. Oh, come on...spare me the nonsense self-righteous crap.
All in all, Sam Peckinpah has to do way better than Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia.
Bringing Out the Dead (1999)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
3/20
3/20:
At the hands of Martin Scorsese, the 90's has been littered with many stinkers, and Bringing Out the Dead is among them.
The best part is the insight into the work of the Emergency Medical Services (EMS) system. I have a lot
of respect for the workers, and it's a tough job that's plagued with high turnover and suicide rates. Understaffing is a
chronic issue. Stress, fatigue, and lack of sleep are what EMS workers deal with, leading to burnout and causing them to
leave the profession in droves within five years. They work in 24-hour shifts and sometimes longer if you can believe that.
Unfortunately, for Bringing Out the Dead, Martin Scorsese wants to dwell on the relationship between Nicolas
Cage's and Patricia Arquette's characters, effectively killing the momentum. The last hour is a drag to sit through
with Noel often coming in and out for pointless reasons.
Nicolas Cage gives a decent performance and is thus watchable. Of the three partners that he rides with, Ving Rhames
is the best; he's funny and crazy at the same time. John Goodman is fair, but Tom Sizemore is clearly nutso which
explains why he ended up having drug problems.
Another nice thing is the cinematography. Many films have a tough time of making the sirens to be less visibly annoying, but not
in this: it has a nice amount of intensity that doesn't get in the way of what's happening. Plus, the constant
use of dark ambience in New York City is well done.
All in all, Bringing Out the Dead has a lot of potential, but it wastes too much time on unimportant characters.
Broadcast News (1987)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
7/15
7/15:
Broadcast News is similar to Network but goes in a different direction.
For William Hurt, it marks his third of three consecutive Oscar nominations with the others being
Kiss of the Spider Woman
and Children of a Lesser God from 1985 to 1987. That's
why the 80's was the best decade of his acting career, and he's so good in this.
Also, picking up Oscar nominations, Holly Hunter (the role was written for Debra Winger, but she dropped out due to her
pregnancy) and Albert Brooks are perfect complements to William Hurt, and these three make a great trio, leaving me
impressed with their chemistry.
Holly Hunter's character, Jane, reminds me of Faye Dunaway's Diana Christensen in Network. She's fun and interesting
yet is serious and passionate about her work. Tom Grunick, to advance his career, puts on a façade around Jane, and the
interview when he shed crocodile tears is the most telling moment of who he really is. In other words, Tom is a good
salesman, and she bought it hook, line, and sinker. Jane is crushed (which is a smart move on Aaron's part when
he asked Tom about the number of camera crews used in the interview) because she believes in real news, not infotainment.
Infamous for having a hilarious epic meltdown as the fill-in weekend news anchor, Aaron is an interesting middleman who has
a mostly platonic relationship with Jane and tries to warn her about not getting romantically involved with Tom Grunick. Yet
she finds out the hard way. After the massive layoff of workers in the news department, their relationships start to change
for the worse, and they go in separate ways. When the trio meets again years later, Tom doesn't care about the past,
having viewed his former coworkers as stepping stones and thus moved on with his life as a successful news broadcaster.
By the way, Jack Nicholson, who's uncredited, has a nice small role as the news anchor which caught me by surprise. He would
have been good at it in real life because he looked credible and believable. There you go: news is about selling the
story.
All in all, it's the performances of William Hurt, Holly Hunter, and Albert Brooks that make Broadcast News
a fascinating picture.
Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
2/08
2/08:
Well, I finally got around to seeing Brokeback Mountain.
Regarded as a "gay cowboy western," I had avoided the picture for a while because I couldn't stand corny films. To my surprise,
the label doesn't fit it that much.
The first thirty minutes is dull until things start getting hot when Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) piques Ennis Del Mar's
(Heath Ledger) curiosity. From there on, the ball gets rolling. However, at the end, the movie turns out to be average overall.
The conversations fail to be interesting, the two lead characters aren't fascinating, and there's no substance whatsoever.
Nobody looks aged over time, either.
Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger, both terrible actors, should be commended for taking risks. Yet they can do more to make
the romance believable. By the way, when the heavyset
dude walked inside the trailer and then came out, I wasn't paying much attention to his face. When I finally did,
I was like, "Is that him? Randy Quaid?" Wow, how the hell did he gain so much weight? Is it just me, or has everybody
grown massively fat these days?
All in all, Brokeback Mountain is a lackluster, slow, and unsubstantive picture about love between two homosexual
cowboys.
Brokedown Palace (1999)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
11/02, 10/23
10/23:
Midnight Express is the gold standard, and Brokedown Palace does a decent job of coming close to it.
The story is essentially the same: a U.S. citizen goes to a foreign country, gets arrested for drug smuggling, and is therefore
sentenced decades in prison. This time, it concerns two recent female high school graduates. I don't sympathize
with them and can tell how Yankee Hank was feeling about their situation which is indifferent in a
yeah-I've-seen-all-of-this-before way.
It's an interesting moment when Darlene's father was waving at Alice and telling her in a smiling way, "I hope you're proud
of yourself. You're a schemer. You're a manipulator. And you think that I don't know you? You are dead wrong. The only thing
that has ever come out of your mouth is lies." It made me think that there's much more to the story. Unfortunately,
the movie won't go that far enough.
No matter what, it's a compelling tale. I saw Brokedown Palace in 2002 and had never forgotten it. The acting is generally
good. Claire Danes is okay for the most part, but I don't care much for her or Kate Beckinsale's characters. It's the idea of
being stuck in a foreign country for a crime that's better off committed in the United States that grips me. Of course,
the whole thing is believable as it has happened to some American females in Thailand.
All in all, Brokedown Palace is the female version of Midnight Express.
Broken Arrow (1996)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
5/08
5/08:
Because of John Travolta, despite not having enough screen time, I've been able to endure Broken Arrow for the
most part.
So, instead, I'm given lots of Christian Slater and his co-star Samantha Mathis. The former is fine and does a good job. But
it's the latter who ruins the show with her irritating presence and has no talent for acting.
The film has good pace, but the ludicrous plot takes some time for me to get used to. At least, John Woo doesn't
overplay style over substance while the climax is at best anticlimactic.
All in all, Broken Arrow is easy to watch, but John Travolta's screen time should be expanded to allow it
to become a better movie.
Bronco Billy (1980)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
10/05
10/05:
Bronco Billy is one of the true greats.
It's a definite Western film with a quirky romantic story. I love everything about it. This is Clint Eastwood
at his best. He makes a lot of personal statements about life. The cast is great, even down to Sondra Locke. What works
the best is the chemistry.
All in all, Bronco Billy is an underrated Clint Eastwood masterpiece.
Bronenosets Potyomkin (1925)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
3/06, 8/15
3/06:
Bronenosets Potyomkin, which is better known as Battleship Potemkin, is a groundbreaking film for the use
of montage, and the Odessa Steps scene is one of the greatest and most famous ever.
Silent films used to be static, making themselves intolerably boring to watch. But when this one came out,
Sergei Eisenstein changed the way how movies should be presented. As a result, they're easier to digest as a form of
entertainment.
The idea of montage is to reduce the dullness of the scene because of the camera standing still when cutaway shots can
make it more happening to maximize the effect on viewer's emotions. Hence, Battleship Potemkin changed
everything in terms of editing.
All in all, Battleship Potemkin, like The Birth of a Nation, is one of the most influential movies made.
8/15:
There's a good reason why Bronenosets Potyomkin, which is translated as Battleship Potemkin, is
one of the most influential films in world cinema.
It changed everything how the scenes should be edited. Back then, silent pictures used to be static as the camera
stood in one place while various actors moved around on the same set in full view. It was easy for the viewers to fall
asleep because there was no energy to keep them awake constantly.
What worked in Battleship Potemkin is the power of montage which is, simply put, the cutaway shots.
Things happen quickly, keeping everybody awake, and the pace is fast and furious. The story is told in a series of
images rather than words, evoking feelings. The greatest scene is the Odessa Steps. Its power
is still unbelievable. Brian De Palma will pay homage to it via the train scene in The Untouchables.
Today, such editing is commonplace, and we take it for granted. But when the film first came out, the technique was
revolutionary. Therefore, everybody should see the Russian masterpiece for film appreciation. However, as much as I hate to
say it, it's boring to watch. There are scenes that drag, the story is somewhat incomprehensible,
and the rapid pace of montage can be overwhelming at times.
All in all, Battleship Potemkin will always have a place in the annals of world cinema.
A Bronx Tale (1993)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
11/21
11/21:
Whaddya know?
Robert De Niro...the director. A Bronx Tale marks his debut, and he won't do it again until 2006 for
The Good Shepherd. The coming-of-age film starts off awkwardly by borrowing too much from the first act of
Goodfellas. Yet the more time is spent on plot development, the better
it is.
Then, there's the problem of young actors who may have been miscast. In the long run, they somewhat look the part,
but it's tough for me to get used to them. Robert De Niro is strangely not the star but shows up enough to lend
some weight. Instead, it's Chazz Palminteri who takes over and does a decent job. Joe Pesci has a cameo appearance
somewhere along the way.
As a matter of fact, Chazz Palminteri wrote the play, going back to 1989 when he was a struggling actor, and
Robert De Niro saw his one-man act show on Broadway a year later. That's how A Bronx Tale became reality.
Many instances in the story happened to Chazz, whose name is actually Calogero, when he was a kid. There's a
lot of Italian authenticity throughout the film.
All in all, A Bronx Tale is surprisingly a well-made, sensitive movie that's solid in all aspects.
The Brood (1979)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
5/08, 7/15
5/08:
The Brood is one of the darkest and most intelligent horror films I've seen.
It's also terrifying, scary, and different. Once again, David Cronenberg shows why he's a better director than David Lynch
when it comes to working with radical concepts. Oliver Reed is superb as Dr. Raglan for setting the tone of the film.
Samantha Eggar helps him by taking it to another level in the last fifteen minutes.
The unsolved mystery with the children has me thinking of Nicolas Roeg's film
Don't Look Now with Donald Sutherland
and Julie Christie. When the revelation comes, things start to click, thanks to David Cronenberg for sticking with the rules
of the game. Interestingly, to write the screenplay, David Cronenberg was inspired by his ex-wife while they
were in the process of being divorced.
All in all, The Brood is one of the best horror pictures made.
7/15:
Of David Cronenberg's oeuvre, I consider The Brood the best he has done.
What I hate about horror pictures is the idea of a masked killer with propensity for creative deaths who refuses to be
stopped until there are one or two survivors left before being easily dispatched. It's stupid, boring, and tripe.
Thankfully, The Brood is the total opposite of it.
David Cronenberg delivers a story that's driven by two parallel threads: things that are happening to the little girl and the
role-play therapy sessions between her mother and the psychotherapist. What's not immediately clear from the outset is the
connection between these two. When the revelation is made in the last fifteen minutes, it clarifies what the mystery is all
about.
A fine actor in his time with piercing eyes, Oliver Reed gives the best performance of the film. He's adept in increasing
the intensity of horror as the mystery deepens. When it's finally figured out by the father, Oliver Reed has a terrific, suspenseful
scene in the shed at the end. I also love the title of the book The Shape of Rage which is a metaphor of what's to come.
Oliver Reed's seriousness also lends credibility of The Brood as a horror film. It's evidenced by the
handling of his patients during the therapy sessions which makes the nature of the subject darker than anticipated. Then, it's
Samantha Eggar who complements him and thereafter takes off on her own for a chilling, grotesque finale. I guess David
Cronenberg must have really hated his ex-wife.
I like to think of the film as an allegory of how the children are victims of broken marriages. The father is
emotionally distant and absorbed with his work while the mother is selfish and only cares about her needs. Stuck in the
middle is the girl who's traumatized by the changes in her life because she's not being cared for and is left to fend for
herself.
The selection of the word "brood" for the title is interesting as it has double meanings. On one hand, it means
"children of a family." On the other hand, it means "to think a lot about something in an unhappy way." Both happen
simultaneously in the film as the artifically-made children become instruments of the mother's rage, hence the title of
the psychotherapist's book.
All in all, The Brood is an intelligently crafted horror picture at the hands of David Cronenberg with great
performances by Oliver Reed and Samantha Eggar.
Brotherhood of Justice (1986)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
7/14
7/14:
Brotherhood of Justice has some well-known faces of the 80's and features a catchy plot.
It's almost similar to the book called The Wave except on a smaller scale that's based on real life events
that took place in Forth Worth, Texas. On the surface, vigilantism seems like a good idea, but problems with it
run deep because the fine line becomes blurry as to what constitutes justice and whose standard it's based on.
That's why the concept will never work.
Hence, these matters are best left to law enforcement; if they don't do their job properly, then contact the
media to make the facts known and demand action. So the description says that the film was made for television.
Hm, it doesn't show.
Keanu Reeves once again turns in a decent performance that's consistent with the era. Of course, there are several
similarities to Point Break. Evan Mirand is convincing as Mule, and I don't
know why his career never took off afterwards.
Billy Zane's character is amusing because, in one scene, he's aggressive and is ready to nuke everything and then
he's pummeled by Keanu Reeves and wants to be left alone by the gang since he's too pissed and
ashamed at once. Kiefer Sutherland seems to be a threat as a plot device but, for some
weird reason, disappears for a long time until the end.
All in all, Brotherhood of Justice is a catchy 80's flick that gets the message across about starting an
all-white gang for the misguided purpose of righting wrongs.
The Brown Bunny (2003)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
12/20
12/20:
Talk about an unbelievably notorious film.
It only takes one scene for The Brown Bunny, and that's the oral sex between two Hollywood thespians.
Then again, Vincent Gallo and Chloë Sevigny aren't exactly what I call "mainstream."
Had the film stopped afterwards, then yes...there's no point anymore. It would be described as a gratuitous,
self-centered piece of work for Vincent Gallo. Once the revelation was made to fill in the rest of the details, what had
happened hitherto made sense, enough to turn it into a complete picture that's somewhat similar to Gallo's masterpiece
Buffalo '66.
To be honest with you, I hate the title. A better substitution should be
The Loneliness of a Sexually-Frustrated Long Distance Driver. Anyway, The Brown Bunny is a different movie which
is as indie as it gets. In fact, many such pictures,
Professione: reporter and Zabriskie Point for example, were made
during the 70's, but nearly all didn't work out because they had ultimately become vacuous.
I can understand why some people called the movie boring because not much happens and there are a lot of shots of Vincent
Gallo on the road, showing what they normally see nowadays. Yet there's a point in the atmosphere that he's trying to establish,
hence my suggested title. It's the close-ups which bother me more, but I've gotten used to them after a while.
All in all, The Brown Bunny is Easy Rider meets
Paris, Texas but with the addition of a shocking sexually explicit scene.
Brubaker (1980)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
1/20
1/20:
Brubaker is a liberal's wet dream about how to run a prison the right way.
What I saw in terms of penal reform is nice and all in theory, but convicted criminals, especially murderers and rapists,
don't need anything more than just the basics. They also shouldn't be trusted at all times to perform
administrative tasks, live in a commune, or be let out as free men to take care of business. That's the most shocking aspect
of the film, not how they were treated in a brutal manner as depicted in the first thirty minutes.
Today, what's shown in Brubaker is not a reality anymore; all prisons are up to standards minus the overcrowding
and staffing problems. Yeah, there's the issue of violence. As long as prisoners remain confined and are sometimes
killed, it doesn't matter to me. I merely view it as one problem less.
Robert Redford looks great; I mean, it's an outdoor fashion show for him, and his hair is immaculate.
Having said that, I don't think I've missed the point, but the filmmakers clearly have.
I hate incomplete shots. In the film, they're 10% short of being complete before moving on to the next. Apart from
the overall lack of character development, the editing is a problem because the movie feels episodic, touching
a lot of topics, and then, all of a sudden, a hundred of prisoners are digging holes and looking for skeletons. At one point,
they're shown playing polo(!) with fresh horses. How I envy them...prison life must be great.
All in all, despite the negatives, Brubaker is gritty and worth watching, and having Robert Redford on board is a big
bonus.
Bruce Almighty (2003)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
5/06
5/06:
Bruce Almighty starts out funny during the first half.
Then, it nosedives before bursting into flames. Prior to seeing the film, I thought about what anyone
would do if he was granted Godlike powers. The list would be as follows: be shamefully rich, collect many beautiful women, and
annihilate people who are despised the most.
Bruce Almighty came close to my predictions but stupidly requires a conscience. At the end, it fails to teach a
lesson while joining the long line of films that incorporate lots of CGI crap. Morgan Freeman shines and has good scenes.
Speaking of them, the one I like the most is when Jim Carrey, all of a sudden, became truthful and melodramatic during
his prayer.
All in all, the concept for Bruce Almighty isn't bad, but I wish it's more developed.
Brute Force (1947)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
7/14
7/14:
What's disgusting about Brute Force is how manipulative the film is and how far it is from the truth.
I guess, to Hollywood, the warden and his prison guards are the bad guys while the prisoners are the good guys. Remind me
again why I must root for the latter group. So, the reason for Burt Lancaster's character's escape is to be there for
his girl's life-saving operation. Um, okay...
Also, the movie is sometimes preachy, talky, melodramatic, and overly sentimental.
There are some unrealistic parts such as the warden chickening out, the prisoners being innocent of their crimes (all with
the same femme fatale story) and having total freedom of movement with no guards, the doctor releasing
confidential information to a prisoner, and the warden publicly announcing his resignation.
Meanwhile, Burt Lancaster's presence overwhelms everybody. Consequently, he was
destined for bigger pictures with real stars. Hence, you're better off watching
Birdman of Alcatraz.
The rest of the cast, except for Charles Bickford, belongs in B pictures because they can't act or look the part.
All in all, Brute Force is pure Hollywood hokum.
A Bucket of Blood (1959)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
2/09
2/09:
A Bucket of Blood borders between brilliant and unique but is robbed of its greatness in the final five minutes.
In a way, it's reminiscent of The Twilight Zone with a bit of
The Little Shop of Horrors thrown in. The
personality shown by Walter Paisley (Dick Miller) is intriguing and fascinating. Antony Carbone's performance is also good.
What I love is the blend of horror with comedy which is a rare achievement, something that Alfred Hitchcock wasn't able to do
when he directed The Trouble with Harry. Other delectable elements are the atmosphere, the beatnik characters,
and the substitution of poetry for logic.
My lament about the last five minutes is the failure to run the ball to the goal line. Roger Corman just had it
when he put the attention on Carla after discovering the true figure inside the statue. It'll be similar to
Miles Bennell's reaction to Becky Driscoll's transformation during
Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Instead, the
momentum evaporates quickly and ends with an okay final shot.
All in all, A Bucket of Blood is a well-done horror/comedy picture with a great script.
The Buddy Holly Story (1978)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
6/25
6/25:
Despite starting off slowly and looking dated, The Buddy Holly Story has the same arc as
La Bamba and Selena.
Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and Selena Quintanilla-Pérez were tragically killed at ages 22, 17, and 23,
respectively. Gary Busey deserves the Oscar nomination by delivering a one-man show; he's very believable
as Buddy Holly. This is the film that should define his career. Gary Busey did his own singing and played
the guitar.
I waited a very long time for the song "Peggy Sue" to come on, but it was saved for last which is fitting
enough. However, a bit more after that last concert in Clear Lake, Iowa, isn't shown, so you'll have to
watch the ending of La Bamba to get the rest of it. As a result,
Buddy Holly's wife found out through a TV announcement and suffered a miscarriage the next day. However,
they didn't get along, and their marriage was heading for divorce.
There are some things not mentioned in the film. Buddy Holly was born to a musical family. His last name was
actually "Holley," but it was misspelled as "Holly" on a contract. He had opened for Elvis Presley and played
with him a few times after that; musical career began for the former in 1954 while it was the following year
for the latter. Oh, the loss of Buddy Holly's front teeth? It never occurred prior to appearing on
The Ed Sullivan Show but at another time.
After what happened in Nashville, Buddy Holly and the Two Tones (or the Three Tunes) was banned from using
the same songs for five years, so that led to the name change: The Crickets (it's how the Beatles was
inspired in terms of what to call themselves), having absolutely nothing to do with what they heard
during one practice session in Lubbock, Texas, as shown in the film. By the way, "Buddy Holly and the Crickets"
never appeared on any label until 1962. Similarly, the names of two other bandmates, Ray Bob Simmons and Jesse
Charles, are made up when it should be Joe B. Mauldin and Jerry Allison.
All in all, thanks to Gary Busey's tour-de-force performance, The Buddy Holly Story is worth watching.
Buffalo '66 (1998)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
7/05
7/05:
Buffalo '66 showcases the talent that Vincent Gallo has for filmmaking.
Shot in twenty-three days, it's a unique movie that's dark and gritty with surreal characters. Although the pace is slow
at times, the atmosphere, the story, the cast, and the direction are sensational. There's an aesthetic
quality which makes it real. So, it's a good job by cinematographer Lance Acord in his feature film debut.
Buffalo '66 represents a dying breed of such filmmakers. There have been a lot of fine pictures over the years,
but as cinema transitions to the digital age, it may be among the last true high-quality independent pictures.
All in all, Vincent Gallo shows in Buffalo '66 that he has passion for the dark, gritty subject matter.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
8/08
8/08:
For some odd reason, while reading through the opening screen credits, I was looking for Nicolas Cage's name.
But it's actually Paul Reubens, the former Pee-wee Herman, who pretends to look like him and succeeds well at it.
Anyway, Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a boring picture that tries too hard to be hip like
Scream with some
Clueless moments thrown in.
The performances are bad. Neither Kristy Swanson nor Luke Perry is believable. I'm disappointed with Donald
Sutherland. He can do better but decides to phone it in. Watching his character to die is pathetic enough. When
he inquired about the location of Buffy's mole, Donald Sutherland's ugly-ass-looking mole in
Revolution just flashed across my mind.
When Buffy complained of having cramps every time a vampire was near her, why didn't it happen every single time?
If at least a hundred of Buffys had died, then why keep choosing them? Ever heard of the expression: "If it's broke,
fix it"?
All in all, Buffy the Vampire Slayer isn't what I call a comedy.
Bug (1975)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
1/25
1/25:
Before William Friedkin made a movie called Bug starring Ashley Judd and Michael
Shannon, there was a 1975 film with the same title.
Both have nothing in common as far as the plot goes, but the latter does with Saul Bass'
Phase IV
which was made a year earlier. They focus on scientists trying to solve the insect problem before the world
will be overcome by it; eventually, the results are disastrous.
One can only wonder what was going on in James Parmiter's head when he set out to be Victor Frankenstein
of the newly formed flying firebugs. In short, it's safe to say he went insane. I can't believe he's
so stupid to leave the box unlocked and twice at that.
In real life, the insects are called Madagascar hissing cockroaches which can be kept as pets (if you can
believe that). They're harmless and don't scratch or bite. That being said, anyone who had them on their
bodies were okay with it. But still, they're gross-looking creatures.
The performances are fine, but it's pretty much Bradford Dillman's show. There are truly scary moments.
However, the storytelling sucks. There are scenes of places being burned down, people getting killed in
residential homes, and firebugs dominating the land where the fault line is, yet these incidents are never
followed up. Ditto for the odd remark made by Parmiter's colleague when he said that
he hadn't seen his wife for "weeks" given that she showed up like the day before.
I don't know how much contribution William Castle made to Bug, but whatever the answer is,
it's far better than the gimmicky films he used to produce during his heyday such as
House on Haunted Hill and
13 Ghosts. It would be the final work of his career before passing away in 1977.
All in all, Bug is a scary movie that's ultimately done in by the lousy plot.
Bug (2006)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
9/08, 7/15
9/08:
What I was expecting out of Bug was a cheap horror flick by a burned-out director, long past his prime, who
needed the money to pay his bills.
Instead, it turns out to be one of the most bizarre, disturbing, and intense films I've seen. To start with Ashley
Judd, I'm darned impressed with her performance, especially how radically changed she is acting-wise compared to the past.
I admit that she took the Charlize Theron route to make her drug-addled character to be pathetic as possible. Michael Shannon,
who's unfamiliar to me, seems to have achieved a breakthrough as Peter Evans and is the catalyst.
Honestly, I don't view Bug as a horror picture, and it's neither a drama nor a sci-fi. Mainly, it's a psychological
love story in the harrowing sense. Although some parts have tried to make me cringe because the logic of the story keeps
getting stupider and stupider by the minute, I can't help but enjoy the creative artistic license that William Friedkin took
with the material. Over time, I've slowly realized how good it is and how well it pertains to mental illness.
All in all, I want to revisit Bug someday because I feel giving it a '10' isn't out of the
question; it's just that I wasn't prepared for the intense cinematic experience.
7/15:
Upping my rating of Bug from '9' to '10', it's a unique, intense work of art about mental illness.
The gasoline-soaked finale is still unbelievable and crazy. Although Ashley Judd was struggling on her own from the outset,
it's not until Michael Shannon shows up that things start to click. They're extraordinary and complement each other very well.
It's the level of their conversations that's cerebral and fascinating which probably gripped
William Friedkin's interest in the first place. Both of the thespians should've been nominated for an Oscar because
they're convincing and real.
Also, I love Harry Connick, Jr.'s appearance which occasionally occurs throughout the film. As strange as it sounds, his
character Jerry Goss, a dangerous criminal, turns out to be the most sane person. The way he tried to make sense into his ex
is honest, but there's nothing he can do about the situation because Agnes has been sucked into the riptide that's
created by Peter Evans, a full-blown paranoid schizophrenic who's proficient in telling sophisticated lies about some kind
of a conspiracy involving the army.
I won't go so far as to call Bug a horror film. Being along the lines of David Cronenberg's early sci-fi stuff,
it's a psychological picture that's, believe it or not, a love story. The only thing I hate is the awful camera work which
thankfully doesn't last long.
All in all, William Friedkin's directorial achievement of Bug proves that he's still in top form.
Bugsy Malone (1976)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
4/24
4/24:
When I saw who the director was for Bugsy Malone, I knew what to expect.
The trouble with Alan Parker is that he tends to go in circles by repeating the same formula every ten minutes because
there's barely any story. Hence, two gangs are at war with each other for the possession of "splurge guns." To fill in the time,
it's about the look and fashion through quick editing with snappy dialogue.
I admit that it makes fun of every gangster picture that came out during the 30's and 40's. Along with the cars which can only
move by pedals, I'm impressed with the concept of kids acting like adults, but it can sometimes feel creepy because of the makeup
à la JonBenet Ramsey. Yet I don't understand them being hit with whipped cream (or pies?); does it mean they're
"dead" or rather taken out of the game? I'm only asking this because of the huge food fight at the end, rendering everything
that happened to Fat Sam's gang moot.
As for the cast, only two stand out: John Cassisi and Florrie Dugger as Fat Sam and Blousey Brown, respectively,
while Jodie Foster is truly awful as in "she can't act." The rest is fine. Virtually everybody was under 17 years
old at the time of filming. Don't be fooled by their singing; almost the whole thing was dubbed by Paul Williams which is the
reason why he nabbed the film's sole Oscar nomination (Best Original Song Score). By the way, John Cassisi did live up to his
image by pleading guilty to money laundering and bribery in 2015 and served time in prison for about 1.5 years.
All in all, Bugsy Malone is ingenious but not a well-directed picture.
Bullet (1996)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
10/10
10/10:
Fans of Mickey Rourke can rejoice by seeing his underrated performance in Bullet.
Julien Temple, who's responsible for the gritty and offbeat documentary
The Filth and the Fury
about the famous punk band The Sex Pistols, gets a lot of credit for bringing an über cult feel to the table.
Among the cast, the standouts are Ted Levine and John Enos III. Adrien Brody should be cut out. I hate
his irritating presence and even more so after thinking of his overrated performance in The Pianist.
Somebody take away his Oscar, please.
Back to Mickey Rourke, it's probably the best work he has done during the 90's. A lot of his choices during the time have been
downright unbelievable, causing him to squander his potential.
All in all, Bullet is an arresting film that's trashy and different.
A Bullet for Joey (1955)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
12/17
12/17:
Borrowing some elements from White Heat and
He Walked by Night, A Bullet for Joey is a dated late
entry in the film noir genre.
In fact, to label it a film noir is a stretch because it's not. I guess Edward G. Robinson
and George Raft, their second film together after fighting each other over Marlene Dietrich's affection in Manpower,
must have needed the money.
Although a great actor in his own right, Edward G. Robinson's biggest flaw is hammy persona. It certainly
shows here. All he does is walk through the door and get people in positions while smoking his cigar.
George Raft, mob ties and all, should've retired at least two decades prior to the 50's. He looks like a dinosaur. When
George Raft found out that his co-star paid a writer $5,000 to polish up his dialogue, he doled out the same for himself. Ah,
what egos during their heyday.
Once upon a time, Audrey Totter was beautiful but looks aged in the film. She's less than effective as Raft's moll. When
I saw George Dolenz for the first time, I immediately guessed who that was and got it correct because his resemblance was
uncanny. He's the father of Micky Dolenz of The Monkees.
All in all, A Bullet for Joey is a sad late stab at film noir.
Bulletproof Monk (2003)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
4/06
4/06:
Bulletproof Monk is another addition to the long line of martial arts films cashing in the CGI wave while ignoring
physics.
It's a nice treat, but not a whole lot, to have Seann William Scott on board because without him, the movie will have died.
There's no story, period. It's all about the crap karate stunts. Well, I'm falling asleep.
All in all, Steven Seagal's early films look like Citizen Kane compared to Bulletproof Monk.
Bullets or Ballots (1936)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
11/07, 4/24
11/07:
Bullets or Ballots is Goodfellas of the 30's.
It's one of the leanest, meanest pictures I've seen. Plenty of tough guys come and go. The pace is fast and furious with
a lot of twists and turns. It's about the double-crossing, honor among thieves, and the succession of top dogs.
The cast gives across-the-board outstanding performances. Edward G. Robinson has never looked better. Humphrey Bogart shines.
Great writing is done by Seton Miller with the help of Martin Mooney. It's a taut story that's filled with sharp dialogue.
However, Bullets or Ballots is one of the few films that I wish it had a happy ending.
All in all, Bullets or Ballots is maybe the most underrated gangster picture to come out of the 30's.
4/24:
I wonder why I rated Bullets or Ballots so highly, and afterwards, I can see why.
It's the complicated tale of how Johnny Blake took down the city crime syndicate by pretending to be on the out. Then, the idiot
mob boss decided to let him in and showed him how everything worked. Of course, Nick Fenner was having none of it. Then again,
he started the whole mess by gunning down Ward Bryant which proved to be the biggest mistake of his life.
The true reason why the Mafia's power went unchecked throughout the 20th century was that J. Edgar Hoover did nothing about it,
preferring to focus on the Communists while enriching himself. Hence, the Mafia made so much money through bootlegging,
prostitution, gambling, loansharking, racketeering, and drugs, among others. The film's plot was so simple that anyone could've
done it back then, but nobody in the government did.
In their first of five films together, Edward G. Robinson and Humphrey Bogart are fine, but they're nothing special. The
actions of the former's character are illegal, but it's what they used to do back in the day. It can be confusing to tell if
Edward G. Robinson was for real because he used to be Little Caesar. On the other hand, Joan Blondell
is okay. By the way, Bullets or Ballots is a stupid title because it doesn't have anything to do with elections. The
numbers racket is mostly true as portrayed which did big business in Harlem.
All in all, Bullets or Ballots makes for a fair viewing when it comes to 30's gangster pictures.
Bullitt (1968)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
3/03, 1/06, 11/11, 6/15
1/06:
The difference between Bullitt and most policiers is the no-frills, no-thrills old fashioned cop work.
That's how Steve McQueen wanted it done. And of course, the reward for sitting through the film is the greatest car chase ever
in cinema history.
My favorite part is the clash of personalities between Frank Bullitt and Walter Chalmers. What makes the former likable is
his cool persona, and what makes the latter unlikable is his forceful insistence. However, it might have been a better picture if
the sappy romance was downplayed a bit.
All in all, Bullitt is slightly dated and slow-paced, but Steve McQueen is still the King of Cool.
11/11:
Having watched Bullitt again, my opinion hasn't changed a bit.
It's a no-frills, no-thrills policier that'll influence the making of Dirty Harry and
The French Connection. Steve McQueen is perfect as Frank Bullitt, and so is Robert Vaughn as Walter Chalmers. On the
other hand, Jacqueline Bisset is distracting and remains the weakest link. Obviously, the key scene is the high-speed car
chase through the streets of San Francisco. Of course, the opening title sequence is a must-see.
All in all, Bullitt is among Steve McQueen's greatest hits.
6/15:
This is the one that started it all.
Bullitt is the most influential film that started off the wave of unique policiers such
as Dirty Harry and The French Connnection.
Steve McQueen founded Solar Productions, and the first film was Bullitt. His goal was to make a
film that represented his vision, that is, as little dialogue as possible, a simple plot, a city setting, authentic
location shots, high realism in police procedure, and the best car chase ever as the showpiece. While at it, Steve McQueen
searched for the right director, and he found one in Peter Yates because of his work Robbery. What
he wanted out of him was the understanding and vision of how car chase should go down. And the rest was history.
Steve McQueen plays Frank Bullitt, a no-nonsense cop who doesn't mince words, and when he does, it's usually a
conversation killer. He follows the letter of the law and gets results. That's why there's nothing flashy going on.
It's all straightforward. Steve McQueen is perfect as the eponymous lieutenant as he puts his Method acting to work
and makes most of the minimalism with his facial expressions.
Frank Keller's award-winning editing coupled with William Fraker's cinematography transforms Bullitt into a stylish
policier that's unlike a lot of policiers. It's the last fifteen minutes that makes a point of how facial
expressions can be effective for a thrilling movie.
Of course, the car chase, which is one of the best in cinema history, is unforgettable, powerful, and jolting. What's brilliant
is the over-the-shoulder shot that makes me feel like I'm inside the car. Almost rivaling it is the title
sequence by Pablo Ferro. Once I'm through it, that's when I knew I would be in for a ride.
Apart from the sometimes deathly slow pace, the worst part is Jacqueline Bisset. Although she's not a
scene-killer, the high allotment of her screen time is unnecessary. There are several scenes with her character and Frank
Bullitt, especially after the incident at the San Mateo Thunderbolt Hotel, that are superfluous. Minimized shots
of her should be enough to show their relationship in a subtle way. In fact, the less of her, the better.
Although Steve McQueen is the star of the show, it's Robert Vaughn who steals the film as Walter Chalmers. Every time Walter
appears, I'm like, "He doesn't look pleased." Hence, he's a scary guy because of his political clout. I love Don Gordon as
Steve McQueen's sidekick, and he has an interesting face. Robert Duvall is in it for a short appearance which
helps enhance Bullitt more. Simon Oakland, who had a brilliant part in Pyscho, is fun to watch. Everybody else is
sinister-looking.
All in all, Bullitt is among greatest San Francisco pictures made with the one of the most stylish title sequences
and the best car chase ever filmed.
Bully (2001)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
4/21
4/21:
A big fan of Kids after first seeing it in 1995, I knew what to expect from Bully, but Larry Clark manages
to up the extreme factor by a notch.
It's an accurate story in general of what happened to Bobby Kent in southern Florida during the early 90's. Let's be real:
the guy deserved it. He having been murdered by seven people probably saved dozens of future victims.
To make matters worse, each of the killers was an utter idiot, casually telling everybody what happened not long
afterwards. All were quickly arrested, tried, and sentenced. Some of them are still serving time in prison. It's probably
the easiest murder case these cops have ever come across.
On the same level as River's Edge, Bully lives up to its promise of being raw and unflinching. There are some
disturbing scenes that seem shockingly exploitative, but Larry Clark has a story to tell. Things become more tame
during the second half as hilarity is ratcheted up by the characters showing off their shit-for-brains level of thinking.
The funniest actor has to be Kids' Leo Fitzpatrick who plays Hitman. What a complete fake he is. Calling it the
best work he ever did, Brad Renfro was arrested during the filming for attempting to steal a 45-foot yacht. Nick Stahl plays
a troubled sickie, but it's a great acting job. Michael Pitt is outstanding, so is the rest of the cast.
All in all, anytime you start a Larry Clark film, be prepared for what you're about to see.
Bulworth (1998)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
9/05
9/05:
Warren Beatty pretends to be a wigger in Bulworth to get his political message across.
It's a nice try but no dice. Funny yet disappointing, the plot covers no new ground and is the same old same old,
going nowhere. In the meantime, the amount of profanity uttered by the characters is too much to bear.
The acting, except for Oliver Platt, is so-so. Halle Berry is largely wasted.
All in all, Warren Beatty overraps Bulworth to death.
The Bunker (1981)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
1/14
1/14:
Having read The Last Days of Hitler by Hugh Trevor-Roper, I find The Bunker an accurate portrayal of
what happened.
Even so is how Anthony Hopkins acts as the Führer. Although it's practically the same film as
Hitler: The Last Ten Days, he gives a better performance
than Alec Guinness because, instead of playing himself, he's
fully immersed as Adolf Hitler, showing a dramatic decline in his facial features and mental state.
As evidenced by the accomplishments of the Third Reich, there's a profundity of apathy and delusions of
grandeur about the state of affairs while the Allies are closing in on Berlin. Apparently, Germany's cause has
become pointless, considering the millions of people who have died during the war, because it's all about Hitler.
On the other hand, I like how the characters resemble to the actual participants which can be uncanny sometimes.
All in all, although too long by at least thirty minutes, The Bunker offers an accurate glimpse of how
Hitler met his fate.
The 'Burbs (1989)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
7/05, 6/10
7/05:
The 'Burbs is a hysterically funny picture.
The cast is outstanding: Tom Hanks, Carrie Fisher, Rick Ducommun, Bruce Dern, Corey Feldman, and Henry Gibson.
Their characters' wacky method of sleuthing with no experience or evidence on hand makes it a fun picture to watch.
Also, the camera work and the bizarre moments add fuel to the fire.
All in all, The 'Burbs is an underrated comedy classic.
6/10:
The 'Burbs is still a hysterically funny, camp picture.
The story is fun to follow, and the mystery story is what keeps the momentum going. Some of the scenes take the film
to another level, adding more to the wacky, zany fun. Great acting is rendered by the cast, most especially Rick
Ducommun and Bruce Dern. Once upon a time, Tom Hanks was a gifted comedian.
All in all, The 'Burbs is an underrated comedy gem.
A Burlesque on Carmen (1915)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
9/07
9/07:
A Burlesque on Carmen is a forty-three minute Chaplin film short that succeeds mightily in boring me to death.
Wait a minute. Say it again. How long? Forty-three fucking minutes long. The next one, which is Police,
was the final picture for Essanay Company before Charlie Chaplin signed a contract with Mutual Film Corporation.
So, what happened to the Essanay Company? It went out of business in 1916.
All in all, I now understand what Colonel Kurtz meant in Apocalypse Now: "The horror...the horror..."
Burn! (1969)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
11/08
11/08:
Burn! finally brings out the best in Marlon Brando, and when he gives a superlative performance, the film is elevated
to another level.
That's the Midas touch Marlon Brando had. What I particularly like is the realistic portrayal of slaves and the
unconventional style of camera work. At times, the scenes can be unclear, but the complex plot starts to make more sense
as time goes on.
Almost to the end, I'm surprised to realize that Marlon Brando's character is actually a villain as in somebody
"who sells war." That's why the movie is so good. This is a new territory for him. Even Marlon Brando thought
he did his best acting in Burn! I have to say that it's true but rather in the top five.
All in all, Burn! provides an excellent insight into colonialism and how a banana republic can be formed for a Central
American country and is a rarity for showcasing Marlon Brando at his absolute best.
The Burning (1981)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
10/07
10/07:
The Burning is marred by lame start but gets better over time, evinces camp in
Meatballs style, and finishes well.
It's a good horror story, reminding me of Friday the 13th, especially the second and fourth parts. The style is
well done, and the camera work is expert with the cast turning in good performances. Young Jason Alexander of
Seinfeld
fame makes his screen debut. By the way, The Burning is among the early films financed by the fledgling
studio Miramax.
All in all, The Burning is one of the better 80's slasher flicks.
The Burning Bed (1984)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
11/20
11/20:
Based on the true story of Francine Hughes, The Burning Bed is a motion picture example of battered woman syndrome.
With that being said, it's not an easy watch, even for 75 million people when it was first aired on television in 1984. If
The Burning Bed was theatrically released instead, Farrah Fawcett should've gotten an Oscar, and it's the best
performance of her career. I'm not going to see a better description of an abused wife.
Sad to say, it happens across the country. When a battered wife reaches the breaking point, she usually kills her husband,
her kids, and/or herself because it's the only way to end the pain. In many cases, she ends up in prison for life, and
sometimes, it's an undeserved punishment after enduring years of spousal abuse.
People will say, "She should have left when given the chance," but they really don't get it. Emotional attachment is
the most overriding reason why the wife stays in the abusive relationship, preferring to see the good more than the
bad in her husband and thinking they can drive out the latter in the long run through love.
The other reasons can be for their kids' sake and the lack of finances. It doesn't help, either, when the wife has no meaningful
support system to rely on, having been enabled by relatives of either side to go back, sometimes because of religion. Most of all,
she's confused by deciding what's the right thing to do, and victims like her are often uneducated to begin with.
Believe it or not, spousal abuse, which included rape, was something that police departments didn't care about back then. It
became the most underreported crime in the United States by the 70's. The Francine Hughes case changed everything which led
to the passage of the Violence Against Women Act a decade later which "established a national domestic violence hotline,
forced all states and jurisdictions to recognize and enforce victim protection orders, and provided funding for domestic
violence training for law enforcement officers, among other provisions."
I have to mention others for giving outstanding performances. If Paul Le Mat was likeable in
American Graffiti,
well...forget about it when you see him in The Burning Bed; he's pure evil. Grace Zabriskie plays his character's
awful mother. I can't think it's easy for them to be these people. It's great job by Richard Masur for putting on a
serious face about these matters.
All in all, The Burning Bed shows why domestic violence is senseless.
Burnt Offerings (1976)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
11/19, 12/19
11/19:
Once in a while, a film comes along that gets everything right, and this time, it's Burnt Offerings.
I initially watched it for Oliver Reed, and he didn't disappoint me one bit. I think he's one of the few greatest actors
in horror movies, having given excellent performances in Paranoiac and
The Brood. Once again, Oliver Reed is magnificent in Burnt Offerings.
Karen Black gives the performance of her career. What she did is Oscar-worthy. She made the film work, and Oliver
Reed merely helped her.
The all-time great actress Bette Davis is wonderful in her own way. I don't think I've seen her be like this in a horror
movie before. Eileen Heckart and Burgess Meredith are memorable, even if it's only for ten minutes, helping
set the tone of what's to come.
Belonging in the same league as Don't Look Now,
Rosemary's Baby, The Changeling, and
Black Christmas, Burnt Offerings is 90% acting and 10% terror. Like the foggy cinematography, the
well-written screenplay, and the effective use of the chauffeur (kudos to Anthony James for his creepy look), I'm
impressed with the subtleties shown by the thespians: their use of words and how they behave. It all makes sense.
The final ten minutes is the very definition of the phrase: "The suspense is killing me." Oliver Reed is so brilliant for
making it happen that the ending is shocking. It's the one that made me go, "Damn," and then
watch the movie all over again. Remember his immortal words: "What's the catch?"
What I appreciate is that there are no cheap tricks. Far too many movies do this, and they
get ruined. I'm tired of something that's moved or knocked over by an apparition or something else that's unexplainable.
I'm also tired of special effects getting in the way because the filmmakers think they're "cool." There's nothing like
them in Burnt Offerings, save for one moment when Oliver Reed's character was seized by the crazy vines.
By the way, if the Dunsmuir House looks familiar, it's the same one used in Phantasm. Burnt Offerings was the
first film to showcase the house which is located in Oakland, California, and it has been in various movies thereafter
such as A View to a Kill and True Crime.
All in all, Burnt Offerings is the number one suspense picture.
12/19:
Make no mistake about it: Karen Black is the show in Burnt Offerings while Oliver Reed is magnificent.
All in all, Burnt Offerings is a rare successful haunted house picture.
Bushwhacked (1995)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
6/16
6/16:
Mental retards and people who act like baboons and troglodytes will absolutely love Bushwhacked.
Daniel Stern acts like a full-blown moron. Does he realize how stupid he looks? Or is he just blind by the almighty dollar?
I'm not going to bother commenting on the rest of the film or the dreadful child stars.
All in all, Bushwhacked is a giant piss stain on Daniel Stern's résumé.
A Busy Day (1914)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
9/06
9/06:
A Busy Day is awful.
Watching Charlie Chaplin's movies makes me want to think of violent thoughts. Marlon Brando wrote in his autobiography
that Charlie Chaplin was the most sadistic person he had ever met.
All in all, A Busy Day is among the worst pictures ever made.
Butch Cassidy
and the Sundance Kid (1969)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
6/03, 6/08, 6/17
6/08:
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid is what I call a Western classic.
Paul Newman and Robert Redford make the best duo ever in cinema history. It's the most famous picture of their careers.
The finale is brilliant when their characters are surrounded by the Bolivian army and they're ready to come out with
their guns blazing.
Great writing, great dialogue, great chemistry, great cinematography, and great music are the hallmarks of
the film. Three scenes are absolute classics: "Hey kid, how good are you?", Paul Newman and Katharine Ross riding on the
bicycle with the song "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head" playing, and the timeless ending.
I remember being surprised when I saw the unveiling of AFI's 100 Greatest Heroes & Villains that Butch Cassidy
and the Sundance Kid were chosen 20th for heroes. They must be fucking kidding me. Since when they were heroes?
They robbed banks and trains for a living. They were just likeable and handsome, that's all.
All in all, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid will always stand the test of time.
6/17:
Some scenes I remember the most about Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid are the beginning, Paul Newman and Katharine
Ross on the bicycle as the song is playing, Paul Newman bursting out laughing after hearing Sundance's confession, and the
ending which is top five ever.
They're the reasons why I keep coming back to the film again and again. Paul Newman and Robert Redford are perfect, and
it's hard to think of another duo topping their chemistry except for the two guys in Midnight Cowboy.
It's a surprise that neither was nominated for Best Actor.
The reason why I'm giving the movie a '9', not '10', is that it can drag in spots, especially during the chase across the
frontier and what's happening in Bolivia. Also, Katharine Ross is the weakest link; she's flat and not important.
Burt Bacharach's Oscar-winning music is great and timeless, and the quotes are legendary such as:
-"What happened to the old bank? It was beautiful."
-"People kept robbing it."
-"Small price to pay for beauty."
"Hey Kid! How good are ya?"
"Rules? In a knife fight?"
"Boy, I got vision, and the rest of the world wears bifocals."
"Why, you crazy? The fall will probably kill you."
"Kid, the next time I say, 'Let's go someplace like Bolivia,' let's go someplace like Bolivia."
"Who are those guys?"
"You just keep thinkin', Butch. That's what you're good at."
All in all, it's hard to believe that Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid was widely panned by critics when it first
came out.
BUtterfield 8 (1960)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
10/08
10/08:
Elizabeth Taylor was dying from double pneumonia, which was actually caused by too much booze and pills, three
weeks prior to the Oscars.
Having gotten better in time, she was able to attend the show. The Academy, feeling pity, decided to award her the golden statuette
for BUtterfield 8. Not long afterwards, she recovered fully and went straight back to work,
this time for Cleopatra.
Today, many agree that it's one of the worst Oscar-winning performances ever. Elizabeth Taylor had already conceded
to the sentiment and didn't think much of the movie, calling it a "stinker." And I wholeheartedly agree with her.
A terribly average film, the first half is dull and slow before the pace is picked up in the next half,
ultimately going nowhere. There's no plot, either. The worst and most hated character is played by Laurence
Harvey who comes off as conceited and selfish. At one point, he went raving mad over a fur coat, but I should be
appalled by how many animals were killed for it to exist.
All in all, Elizabeth Taylor looks beautiful in BUtterfield 8, but her Oscar win is a travesty.
The Butterfly Effect (2004)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
12/07
12/07:
When The Butterfly Effect first came out, critics ripped Ashton Kutcher's performance apart.
But I never got around to seeing it until now. After finishing the film, I have to say I'm damned impressed.
Because of the plot, it's mesmerizing that it feels like Quantum Leap meets 12 Monkeys.
The first half is brilliant, but as soon as I'm past the first hour mark, it stops being good with the possiblity of going
south. I was puzzled, and then the twists and turns came. The second half finishes well. I love the novel concept, especially
how the chain of events is constructed. Ashton Kutcher, to be honest with you, isn't bad.
All in all, the negative reviews for The Butterfly Effect are unjustified, and the film
should and will gain respect over time.
The Butterfly Effect 2 (2006)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
1/08
1/08:
Talk about wasting time.
After seeing The Butterfly Effect 2, it appears that nobody involved with the sequel understood what the original
movie was about. None of the thespians can act. Not a trace of human emotion is found among them.
After the protagonist gets his girlfriend back alive at the half hour mark, he should be satisfied about it.
But noooo...he wants the perfect life. After trying to make it happen, he becomes frustrated with the results and
decides to kill himself. The end.
Uh, you know, that's part of life. I can reveal a secret to him for free of charge: nobody is perfect. Shocking, isn't?
The ending suggests a third part. Stop right there. Just vanish, please.
All in all, The Butterfly Effect 2 gets my vote for landing on the Worst Films list.
By Candlelight (1933)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
6/24
6/24:
Elissa Landi can be thanked for ruining By Candlelight.
She's so awful that I can see her as a tramp and a gold digger a mile away. Hence, there's no way the butler will be that
easily fooled if he works for a prince and comes in regular contact with such people. Unsurprisingly, Elissa Landi's
career lasted for another four years with one pathetic comeback in 1943 before quitting the business for good.
Paul Lukas is just okay. I don't know if he's miscast, but his acting isn't seasoned enough to meet the challenge. At
least, Nils Asther nails his part very well as Prince Alfred von Rommer. Some of the fault can be attributed to director
James Whale, especially when it comes to the unexplainable jump from the prince's apartment to the train and the
unbelievability of the butler and the maid pretending to be royalty. It'll be grounds enough for termination.
There are worthwhile scenes. One is the prince and his butler having a method (play the piano, lights go out, a kiss,
and the candlebra) that's repeated every single time a woman visits the apartment. Two is the butler and maid making a jaunt to
the village which includes a carnival and a night dance. Three is the prince assuming the butler's role.
All in all, if James Whale got a better actress than Elissa Landi, By Candlelight would've worked out more
favorably.
By the Sea (1915)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
7/07
7/07:
As the sun goes up, here's another stinker by Charlie Chaplin.
This time, it is called By the Sea. He's a one sadistic fuck.
All in all, I can't stand Charlie Chaplin's shit-eating grin.