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Sahara (2005)

Rate: 2
Viewed: 7/08

Sah05
7/08: Not a Matthew McConaughey picture, Sahara is too dumb.

It manages to rip off many films such as the Indiana Jones trilogy, Lawrence of Arabia, Professione: reporter, Spies Like Us, Rambo: First Blood Part II, The Mummy, GoldenEye, and The World Is Not Enough.

Matthew McConaughey and Steve Zahn passing for former Navy SEALs is hardly more believable than the existence of the Tooth Fairy. The Sahara Desert is the hottest, harshest, and most desolate environment in the world, and the filmmakers expect me to believe that these two guys can be there for the weekend with no problems?

Neither is the idea of them being handcuffed to a 150-pound steel flatbed and walking with it across hundreds of miles of sand with no food or water. On the way, they miraculously discover a trashed plane and an ironclad battleship and manage to get them to work. The most ridiculous part is the gold had been inside the battleship for at least 150 years! What the fuck have the Africans been doing the entire time...picking their noses?

While Matthew McConaughey's character fights some ninja, he touches metal objects. Now, given the setting is the Sahara, it has to be at least 150 degrees Fahrenheit, thus burning the skin off anybody just like how it hurts like hell when you touch the steering wheel of a hot car. Meanwhile, my favorite moment is when General Kazim nonchalantly said, "Nobody cares about Africa." Talk about 200,000 years of human history blown away in one fell swoop.

All in all, Sahara is for little kids.