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Return of the Jedi (1983)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
6/03, 5/17
5/17:
I might as well call this one Return of the Muppets because that's what the film has been all about.
George Lucas definitely went soft. It's very much a kiddie movie with low level of suspense. Not only are the muppets heavily
involved, but there's also a lot of rehashed material from the first two films, hence the lack of originality. Littered
throughout are uninspired performances.
Harrison Ford said he was bored of playing Han Solo that he wanted him killed off early so he could move on with his career.
That's why Harrison Ford was the last of the cast to be resigned after being offered a lot of money. When he did, his heart was
never in it, failing to resemble Han Solo.
The same thing happened to Carrie Fisher who once said, "I did so much cocaine on Star Wars set
that even John Belushi told me I had a problem." You can see her sporting a cocaine nail in several scenes. When Luke told Leia that
she was his sister, her reaction was like: "Oh...um, that's cool." By the way, what the hell happened to her hair? Mark Hamill
looks too old, and his face is greatly changed. Although he tries his best, his acting ability has been nonexistent for the most part.
As for the rehashed stuff, it's been a series of them. The beginning feels like I'm back at the cantina again in Mos Eisley
which is affixed with perhaps the worst scene of the trilogy: Jedi Rocks. Like the Hoth intro from the previous sequel, the
whole thing is too long and feels like a snag to get things going.
Then, the next thing I see is the Death Star. You know, I was actually confused about that for the longest time since the 80's
because I thought it had been completely blown up in Star Wars. It's like watching a
Friday the 13th picture or
something. Yet what's shown isn't the same model. Therefore, why couldn't George come up with something original?
Later, when everybody is in Endor, it's Robin Hood shit all over again; in fact, I was thinking of the one with
Kevin Costner and how his men set up the natural-made gimmicks to defeat the Celts in Sherwood Forest.
I admit that when I was a kid, I thought the Ewoks were cool and didn't see a problem. Defend them, I would. My goodness, I'm
now speaking like Yoda. But now, they're distracting and too small to be able to defeat the heavily armored Imperial
Stormtroopers and machines; it's not even possible with their primitive sticks and stones. Meanwhile, why not go above the
trees instead of riding through them at 120 MPH? Have some common sense, please. Afterwards is the most anticipated
final showdown between Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker. Once they started fighting, I felt like I had seen it all in
The Empire Strikes Back. Even Luke chops off his father's hand. How unoriginal.
What surprised me the most is how ineffective Darth Vader is. He's like nothing. Worst of all, the emperor keeps stealing the
show from him despite boring the heck out of me. When Darth Vader dies, he simply dies. It's a "who cares?" moment,
hence the absolute lack of tension throughout after it had been built up for so long in the first two films.
To wrap things up, Lando Calrissian and his buddies do the exact same thing as Luke did in
Star Wars by going to the
center of Death Star and blowing it up. My goodness, where the fuck is the originality here? Then, the movie just ends.
What a goddamn joke the franchise has been which is why I was never a Star Wars fan.
Despite the clean-up job through the release of DVDs, these three films weren't good back then due to clunky visual graphics,
simple plot, and terrible acting.
Jabba the Hutt is probably the most memorable character of the third part not because of what he looks like but how it's
a negative connotation for somebody who's called that. Oddly enough, George Lucas decided to insert him in one scene
for Star Wars, and they don't look the same. By the way, the sight of Leia in her bikini
while being chained to Jabba the Hutt is pretty gross.
Overall, I'm not surprised how Return of the Muppets has turned out to be, and it's because of Richard Marquand who's a
historically inferior director. He went on record as saying, "It is rather like trying to direct King Lear...with
Shakespeare in the next room." No, Richard...you just suck. It doesn't matter anyway because he died in 1987 at the age of 49.
I won't bother commenting on the actor change for the ending, but Hayden Christensen sure looks like a sex predator
and I don't know who the fuck that is because I've never seen the prequels before. Let's put this out of the way once and for all:
there's no "good" in Darth Vader...in fact, he never had it to begin with, period.
All in all, unlike the brain-dead suckers, I'm glad not to have paid a cent for anything that's
Star Wars-related and only borrowed the movies from the library.