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Pet Sematary (1989)

Rate: 2
Viewed: 2/11

Pets1
2/11: Oooh...a spelling mistake in the title Pet Sematary.

After I read the reviews by others, some found it a very, very scary movie. Scary? Really...scary? Perhaps they're still afraid of ALF. Anyway, can somebody come up with better material than this junk? I was literally waiting for the story to come, but it never did. The film is an exercise in idiocy, and the following is as common sense as it gets.

First of all, don't buy a house in front of a road that's full of large speeding trucks. Do some research. Second, if the family is going to move there, then at least put a fence around the area to protect the little ones. Third, while at it, keep the damn cat inside the house and never let it out. As a matter of fact, if that occurred, then none of the subsequent events would've happened.

Fourth, if the cat is dead and nobody but the girl cares, then why bother bringing it back from dead? Just admit the truth and get another cat. Or better yet, don't ever get a pet again! Fifth, for a medical doctor, Louis Creed doesn't act like it. He keeps getting a heart attack whenever the cat jumps out of nowhere. What a wimp. Ditto when dealing with cadavers. Also, for a supposedly busy medical doctor, he sure has a lot of free time on his hands.

Sixth, how about that wife? What a frigid woman. I can imagine what Denise Crosby thought when she was little, "Oh, one day, I will be an actress and do important films." Yeah, what a great career decision...now, she can go play with a yo-yo. Seventh, if the baby got hit by a truck, they should file a lawsuit against the company, but don't be stupid to get in the truck for a ride after hitchhiking.

Finally, we come to the worst part: Blaze Berdahl. Will somebody please throw her to the middle of the road, so she can get hit and be left for dead? How about that performance by Stephen King? He can't even play a priest to save his own life. Let me get this straight: if the baby returns from the dead and acts normally, how is Louis going to explain this one? Yeah, I thought so. He better has another ready after burning the bodies of Jud and the baby because the bones will remain there, no matter what.

All in all, Pet Sematary belongs in where it should be at: the cemetery.