# List of Movie Reviews
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10 (1979)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
11/13
11/13:
Although the premise is implausible, 10 is a witty picture with a pretty good performance by Dudley Moore and a great
script.
In fact, Blake Edwards' script is what makes the film. Of course, Dudley Moore lets the words come alive along with his
antics. On the other hand, Bo Derek, who's by default the cynosure yet is not much of an actress, obviously steals the show
with her blue eyes and, more importantly, distinctive hair style.
However, as soon as Bo's character is revealed as a pothead, there goes the novelty out of the window. Hence, the movie becomes
boring to watch with her appearing too often. No wonder why the musician opted for the prudish Julie Andrews.
All in all, 10 might come off as elitist, but it works out well for the most part.
10 Rillington Place (1971)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
6/10
6/10:
I had read about the English serial killer named John Christie and was aware of the movie 10 Rillington Place
for a while.
It wasn't until now I got lucky to catch it on TCM. 10 Rillington Place is a very British movie, and the
information presented matches the facts most of the time. It's surprising to see the alteration about the discovery
of the bodies behind the wallpaper because that's not how it happened.
On the other hand, the movie might create an impression for anyone willing to copy Christie's method of killing.
Filmed at actual locations, 10 Rillington Place is rare for playing a role in Britain's abolishment of the
death penalty. My sole reason for the rating of '7' is that the movie can be boring at times; thus, I can't see
myself watching it over and over with the same level of enthusiasm. Nevertheless, the hanging scene of Timothy
Evans is impressive for being so sudden. Stuart Freeborn and Joan White have done a masterful job with Richard
Attenborough's face.
All in all, 10 Rillington Place is a realistic-looking serial killer picture.
11:14 (2003)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
6/24
6/24:
I had been waiting for an anthology film that did the genre justice, and I got it through 11:14.
The problem with many others is that none of the stories has a connection. This one manages to by focusing on
what happens to all of the characters at a specific time. Hence, it's a well-made movie that may be at first
rubbish but becomes sensible by the end.
The funniest part is the boy losing his penis because he had it out in the air from the van while taking a leak.
I can laugh at him all day for that. Ditto for the shirt he was wearing: LEGALIZE CRIME. Given that logic, he
shouldn't complain when three men break into his house and take turns between raping and beating the shit out
of him. What an idiot. Ditto for the rest of the characters who are truly dumb.
As for the cast, everybody is good. 11:14 isn't a performance-driven picture but rather about how
everybody reacts and deals with the fantastic string of coincidences. By the way, it's interesting to see
Rachael Leigh Cook and Shawn Hatosy having the same story arc after they did
Tangled two years earlier. Also, Henry Thomas didn't learn anything
from this film as he was arrested in 2019 for DUI.
All in all, 11:14 is way better than either Amores perros or
Crash.
12 Angry Men (1957)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
9/13, 3/17
9/13:
Whoever wrote "the twelfth has no doubt of his innocence" on the back cover of the DVD case didn't either watch
12 Angry Men or understand what it's all about.
That wasn't the point of the discussion in the jury room. It's rather this: there was not enough conviction beyond a reasonable
doubt the accused murdered his father. That's all there's to the story. By the way, it isn't the twelfth but the eighth
juror who wasn't convinced enough of the boy's guilt.
Anyway, 12 Angry Men is a brilliant film that's entirely dependent on the script and performances of the actors. Minus
the introduction and the end, the film borrows a Hitchcockian technique from
Rope as it's shot almost entirely in one
room sans a trip to the bathroom. It is and remains one of the hardest accomplishments by a director because the conversations
have to be interesting enough to carry the film from start to finish. That's why
My Dinner with Andre didn't work because of the boring dialogue.
The best part is the human side. Strangers come together and lay bare their flawed logical reasoning.
Listening to a lot of speeches, it's apparent some of them are so wildly off the mark that they have nothing to do with
the case itself. But that's okay because it's human nature. The ending is powerful because after what the jurors had
accomplished as a group, they go their separate ways and never see each other again for the rest of their lives.
All in all, 12 Angry Men is an outstanding movie that paints a perfect picture how a jury should conduct itself and
decide on the charges; in fact, it should be required viewing for all Americans before they're ready to be jurors.
3/17:
If you want to see the greatest display of ensemble acting, look no further than 12 Angry Men.
It's one of the reasons why it is among the fifteen greatest films ever made. More importantly, 12 Angry Men is at its
powerful best based on how the jurors attack different points of the case while putting aside their prejudice, racism, and
emotions that have nothing to do with the facts. Bar none, it's the greatest example of how a jury works and should be required
viewing for all Americans.
Again, it's not about whether the accused is guilty or innocent but whether there's enough reasonable doubt to find him guilty.
If there's no doubt of it, then the guilty verdict should be rendered. Innocence is never part of the deal; one can get away
with the crime because there isn't enough evidence to convict him.
All in all, 12 Angry Men is among the greatest pictures ever made.
12 Angry Men (1997)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
3/25
3/25:
Since nothing about the case has changed, what I've said in my review of
12 Angry Men applies here.
I don't see why the movie had to be remade. Everything is the same but with a different cast and some changes in the
script, among others. Hence, the highest rating I can go is '7'. If it's original, then sure...I'll give it a '9'.
Why not William Friedkin try to change it up by having the jurors vote "guilty" across the board? He just needs a
persuasive argument to reach for the big swing.
Some of the dialogue during the first half didn't connect with me, but everybody was on a roll after that.
Whatever the awards anyone got, he didn't deserve it. Although their performances are very good, it's basically
a repeat. All I could think of was the original actor for each following substitute and how much better he did,
most especially Lee J. Cobb.
1. Martin Balsam: Courtney B. Vance
2. John Fiedler: Ossie Davis
3. Lee J. Cobb: George C. Scott
4. E. G. Marshall: Armin Mueller-Stahl
5. Jack Klugman: Dorian Harewood
6. Edward Binns: James Gandolfini
7. Jack Warden: Tony Danza
8. Henry Fonda: Jack Lemmon
9. Joseph Sweeney: Hume Cronyn
10. Ed Begley: Mykelti Williamson
11. George Voskovec: Edward James Olmos
12. Robert Webber: William Petersen
All in all, already perfect from the get-go, there's no point in remaking 12 Angry Men.
12 Monkeys (1995)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
7/05, 7/15
7/05:
12 Monkeys is an unparalleled sci-fi thriller with strong performances by Bruce Willis, Brad Pitt, and Madeleine Stowe.
The role was outside of Brad Pitt's range, but he rose to the occasion and, as a result, was given the nod for a much-deserved
Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor.
Terry Gilliam's direction elevates 12 Monkeys to another level. It's also a confusing movie to follow until the
fatalistic ending that'll substantially clear up the mystery. Drawn to the story, I can't help but be fascinated
by the seemingly jigsaw puzzle, and when the ending comes, there's a spooky disquietude about it.
All in all, 12 Monkeys is one of the all-time great sci-fi pictures and may get a '10' from me the next time I see it.
7/15:
A few things I remember the most about 12 Monkeys are: Brad Pitt's performance, the apocalyptic story, and the airport
scene.
Brad Pitt was a good, highly bankable actor until 12 Monkeys and
Seven rolled around in 1995. Afterwards, the
stamp was firmly planted on his status of a truly great actor who was serious about his work. Today, the sentiment still rings true.
What's impressive about 12 Monkeys is the number of red herrings, including Brad Pitt's character, which put
everybody on the wrong track. By the time Dr. Kathryn Railly realizes the true connection by seeing a newspaper picture of the
red-haired guy, the film is transformed into something wonderful in a spooky manner while setting up the fateful shootout at
the airport.
As the fatalistic event happens, it's interesting James Cole was shot dead for a minor crime when he was actually trying
to save the world. The other, which can be safely dismissed because it had already happened, is that Cole might have hinted the
idea to Jeffrey Goines of spreading a deadly virus worldwide to wipe out mankind.
In the meantime, one of the best parts is Railly starting out as an unbeliever because she has all the experience of dealing
with mental patients. When she puts the evidence together and starts connecting the dots, she finally sees the truth through
James Cole. It's a remarkable cinematic transformation for Madeleine Stowe because the audience already knows while she
doesn't.
James Cole is an intriguing character because he's often disorientated by drugs and time travel, being in different
periods of time while dealing with distorted memories. Yet he's recruited for the mission because of his mental fortitude and
ability to fight through adversity. Hence, it's unfair to say James Cole didn't succeed.
The best part is the Möbius strip effect when all of the characters converge to a single event that will clarify everything,
thus enhancing the film's replayability value. I say this because the first time I saw the movie at the theatre in 1995, it
didn't make a lot of sense. The more times I watch the film, the more impressed I am by the complex structure of
storytelling.
I will hate it if people fail to mention how marvelous Bruce Willis is. It's one of fewest movies when he's great.
In fact, from IMDb: "Terry Gilliam gave Bruce Willis a list of 'Willis acting clichés' not to be used during the film."
It's a smart move on his part to elminate the actor's "been-there, done-that" schtick. Bruce Willis' co-star Madeleine
Stowe is excellent as she was in
The Last of the Mohicans. By the way, I consider
12 Monkeys a Philadelphia, not
Baltimore, picture with shots of Eastern State Penitentiary, the Philadelphia Museum of Art, City Hall, Met Theatre,
Wanamaker's Department Store, and so on.
All in all, 12 Monkeys is one of the finest sci-fi pictures ever made, solidifying Terry Gilliam's reputation as a
master director.
13 Ghosts (1960)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
1/24
1/24:
13 Ghosts is a bland gimmicky horror picture at the hands of William Castle.
I fail to comprehend the need of all four signals to indicate the emergence of ghosts: USE VIEWER,
when somebody puts it on, the change of color on screen, and REMOVE VIEWER. Really, only the third will suffice.
Then, when ghosts appear, there's not much to see. Nothing dramatic happens. Nobody seems to be bothered or frightened by
them. Ultimately, the plot turns out to be money. That's what the movie is about: greed. The director might as well call it
13 Thousand Dollars to save me the grief. "13 Times the Thrills! 13 Times the Scream! 13 Times the Fun!"? Ha!
"13 Times the Rubbish" is more like it.
Nobody in the cast stands out. Save for Margaret Hamilton who's okay herself as she relies on her
The Wizard of Oz fame,
they're all patently ridiculous. The creepy-looking boy who plays Buck is Charles Herbert. Having been robbed by his
parents of his Hollywood income, he was left with $1,700 and then lived out his life abusing drugs before passing away at
the age of 66.
All in all, 13 Ghosts proves William Castle was no horror director.
The 13th Warrior (1999)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
4/06
4/06:
The 13th Warrior has somewhat nice cinematography, benefiting from the realistic gruff-looking Norwegian style, in
order to be a believable flick.
And that's it for the Braveheart wannabe. There isn't a story
going on; it's only a rip-off of
Beowulf. The problem is this: John McTiernan lost the touch he once had in
Predator and
Die Hard.
His distinctive feel isn't the same anymore.
I was hoping for action and exhilarating moments but no...all I got is twelve characters that I have no idea who they are.
Showing off his good looks, Antonio Banderas has two facial expressions: feigned disbelief and desperate search for words to
express himself. That, ladies and gentlemen, is not a great range for somebody who wants to be taken seriously as a big-time
actor.
All in all, The 13th Warrior is a top five box-office bomb for many reasons.
1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
7/10
7/10:
Oh, how pretty the Spanish costumes are!
That's all I liked about 1492: Conquest of Paradise. Gérard Depardieu does fairly in
playing Christopher Columbus, but I wish he had more screen time to develop his character. Armand Assante is
good as well, and he looks perfect for the era. Michael Wincott overdoes his part and may have been miscast.
The film is a tale of two halves with neither fleshed out well. I got lost during the last forty-five minutes
which feels like a rushed job. For sure, it's an ambitious picture, but the running time of 150 minutes is
simply not enough. If 1492: Conquest of Paradise is a four-hour epic instead, I can handle it because
of the right elements as long as they're properly developed. The whole tale when it comes to the discovery
of the New World is certainly fascinating.
Although Columbus was primarily responsible for the destruction of the American Indians, what he did to cross
the "uncrossable" ocean has to be a remarkable achievement if I think about it more. Anyway, it's so, so, so
cute that director Ridley Scott waited until 1992 to release the film officially to show how cool(!) it's
exactly 500 years after the fact. My goodness...he must be this ridiculous, huh?
All in all, 1492: Conquest of Paradise, a massive box-office failure, has left me desiring for more.
15 Minutes (2001)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
10/21
10/21:
Robert De Niro sells himself out for 15 Minutes.
It's clear he's too far talented for such rubbish and should have tackled something else. Interestingly, as this
does not occur often, the A-list star's character dies midway, and some unknown actor takes over. As a result,
the movie goes further south. Some kind of personality will help here; instead, Edward Burns has the face of a
doormat.
The concept as presented is nothing new. Oliver Stone did it before in
Natural Born Killers with better results although a great deal of
controversy emerged. I get it: the media makes bad people famous. But the plot is so unbelievable that it'll
never happen. I can't understand why the cops casually let the two killers go; what were they thinking?
It's a surprise to see a couple of small-time actors: Darius McCrary and David Alan Grier. Until this, I hadn't
seen the former in anything since Family Matters ended. As for the latter, well...it's a low point: being
tied to a tree. What the heck happened to him since the heyday of
In Living Color? Many people from the show broke out and became famous
as a result, but David Alan Grier never did.
All in all, 15 Minutes feels like it was all thought up in the head in that same amount of time.
2 Days in the Valley (1996)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
1/21
1/21:
A cross between Snatch
and Short Cuts, 2 Days in the Valley
may look terrible at times, but the performances shine throughout.
It helps a lot to have a big-name cast; otherwise, the movie won't have worked. Clearly, it's James Spader who's so good
that he can do no wrong. Hence, he's fun to watch. Of the cast besides the obvious two in cameo roles, newcomer
Charlize Theron went on to be the lone Oscar winner which is hard to believe. According to IMDb:
"In 1995, Charlize Theron was newly arrived in Hollywood after stints as a model and a dancer, living in a fleabag motel, and
running out of money. Her mother had sent the 20-year-old Theron a check from South Africa, but when she went to the bank to
cash it, they refused her. Fed up, Theron threw what has been repeatedly called 'a tantrum.' That argument, coupled with her
beauty, caught the eye of an agent, who promptly handed over his business card. Fast-forward a few months later, and Theron, in
white lingerie, towered over Los Angeles in billboards for 2 Days in the Valley."
The next one who walks a fine line between corny and charming is Danny Aiello. His rapport with Glenne Headley is
cute, making him a likeable character for a hitman. Compared to Danny Aiello, Greg Cruttwell is a disaster; he shouldn't have
been in the film, causing a loss of many points in my rating. Unsurprisingly, Greg never acted again after one more try.
If I'm most piqued by anyone, it's Jeff Daniels whom I didn't recognize most of the time. This is different for him. It's a
strong performance, regardless. The inclusion of Paul Mazursky is interesting because he's actually a writer-director who's
well known for Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice, Harry and Tonto, An Unmarried Woman, and
Enemies, A Love Story.
All in all, cutting out Greg Cruttwell will do 2 Days in the Valley many favors, but it's an entertaining movie
nonetheless.
200 Cigarettes (1999)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
3/21
3/21:
200 Cigarettes is about chain-smoking losers conversing about nothing and walking around until something "cool" happens
to them.
Given the strong ensemble of untalented thespians, it's a boring movie to sit through. Everybody pretends it's the early
80's when the look has been the late 90's the entire time. Trust me, anyone under 21 in 1999 will not know who Elvis Costello is.
The biggest letdown is, given everybody keeps talking about the New Year's Eve party they have to attend,
I wasn't shown any of it but the aftermath. So...what's the point of them droning on and on about the main event?
There are no standouts. It's tiresome listening to Paul Rudd (who kept confusing me when I thought it was either Ben
Affleck or his brother) and Courtney Love who's no great beauty. Dave Chappelle ruins every scene he appears in. What an
annoying guy. Jay Mohr and Kate Hudson try to make something out of nothing and are therefore mostly okay. Everybody else is
forgettable.
All in all, uninteresting conversations that are carried on by whiny characters in the absence of a plot isn't good enough
of a reason to make 200 Cigarettes in the first place.
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
1/05, 8/06, 9/11
8/06:
2001: A Space Odyssey is the space journey of a lifetime.
It's a brilliant visionary picture that's abstract, beautiful, complicated, and simple all at once. The general consensus
from the public is it's boring, but I beg to differ: 2001: A Space Odyssey is a singular achievement in the history
of cinema. Considering the year it was made in—and that's not 1968—but 1963 which is five years of work to make the
vision possible. What CGI? There isn't any. Hence, everything looks pure and natural.
What sets Kubrick's masterpiece apart from its sci-fi counterparts is the focus on what it's like to be up there in outer
space, allowing the viewers to be part of the journey that they'll never be able to undertake in their lifetime.
Interestingly, 2001: A Space Odyssey is an almost wordless picture about the other side that's largely unexplored.
Meanwhile, HAL-9000 is one of the great characters in the history of movies and is a true villain. It represents the struggle
between human and artificial intelligence. As powerful as computers are, how much are we willing to sacrifice control to them,
and at what cost?
All in all, 2001: A Space Odyssey has no competition.
9/11:
Birth, evolution, mankind, age, exploration, universe, and death.
2001: A Space Odyssey...you'll never see anything like it.
All in all, forget Star Wars; 2001: A Space Odyssey
is the real deal.
2001: A Space Travesty (2000)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
7/20
7/20:
Ladies and gentlemen, have we got a possible winner for the worst film of the century!
Whoever did the editing for 2001: A Space Travesty is a goddamn nutjob. It's impossible to make
any scene register in my mind because they're all moving so fast that I have no idea what just happened.
Originally, I selected the film because I thought it would have some funny play on Stanley Kubrick's classic, but there
are almost no references. The back of the DVD cover claims the film is a "hilarious comedy that dares
to spoof where no one's spoofed before: on another planet." Um, didn't
Spaceballs do that already?
Again, claiming to be a "comedy," 2001: A Space Travesty isn't funny. On the contrary, it's been a nonstop
marathon of disgusting, tasteless sex, body fluids, and fart jokes. At the same time, many moments are ripped off
from The Naked Gun because the creators are too stupid
to come up with anything original.
Forget the fact that Leslie Nielsen was Frank Drebin and did other comedies of high caliber in his heyday; he looks
old and, most of all, stupid. Obviously, his reputation has taken a massive hit by appearing
in absolutely stupid films such as Spy Hard, Mr. Magoo, and
Wrongfully Accused.
Forty-five million dollars was poured into this piece of crap, but exactly where did the money go? Was the film even
theatrically released in the United States at all? I can't find much of information in terms of box-office intake except
it grossed $101,833 and $24,706 in Austria and Czech Republic, respectively, with a worldwide total of $270,813.
All in all, money is better spent elsewhere.
2010: The Year We Make Contact (1984)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
3/08
3/08:
I'm sorry, but the phrase "something wonderful" has failed to enter into my comprehension.
Facing the tall task of attempting to live up to the expectations of the legendary prequel,
2010: The Year We Make Contact doesn't come close. In fact, it's futile to compare both.
Much of the story is average at best as the filmmakers are more interested in the how's and why's than the
exploration of an unknown territory despite the lingering unanswered questions. So, it's disappointing to see Peter Hyams giving
in to the desires of the American audience.
I'm not saying 2010: The Year We Make Contact is a bad film, but I've found it to be pointless. The visual effects
feel cheap at times but are passable enough. On the other hand, the acting is good, and the storyline isn't boring.
It's nice to see Dave again, but HAL-9000...eh.
All in all, 2001: A Space Odyssey remains
the indisputable king of sci-fi pictures.
21 Grams (2003)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
4/04, 10/11
10/11:
So...how many cartons of cigarettes does Sean Penn smoke every film he stars in?
Anyway, lowering my rating from '6' to '5', 21 Grams is too long as at least half an hour should be
cut out. It's also manipulative with misguided social messages and heavy-handed in the drama department.
Although the editing is adroitly done, I'm left nauseous because of the shaky camera effect.
The three principal players trying to make their characters' situations pathetic as much as possible is
overboard. Sean Penn is dull while Benicio del Toro should've taken his talent elsewhere. But it's Naomi Watts
who turns in a strong performance as the depressed widow who lost two daughters in a freak car accident and
had given up on her life.
By the way, it's not true that the body loses 21 grams immediately after death. It's always losing weight from
decay, and the time of death cannot be exactly determined.
All in all, the plot of 21 Grams isn't compelling enough to warrant attention.
21 Hours at Munich (1976)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
5/19
5/19:
Here's a long-forgotten event: the terrorist attack during the 1972 Olympiad in Munich, Germany.
21 Hours at Munich was shot at original locations, doing a nice job of recapping the events because I
had no idea what happened or how it went down. Now, I know. It's hard to believe the Olympics was still going
on during the hostage crisis.
Unfortunately, it's a boring telefilm. Shirley Knight's supposedly innocent blonde bombshell presence annoys
me most of the time. I wish Franco Nero's character would shoot her already for trying to be a conniving bitch.
William Holden isn't much of a consolation, either. He's too American to be of any help and acts like "Okay, I
am here. What can we do to alleviate the situation, so we all can go home and I'll drink myself to death?"
On the positive side, although starting off slowly and looking like a huge stretch to play an Arab, Franco Nero
acts well enough to steal the film, almost making me care, if briefly, about the subject matter. The final
showdown is eerily similar to what happened at the end in
Dog Day Afternoon.
All in all, 21 Hours at Munich should help anyone catch up on the hostage crisis that happened during
the 1972 Olympiad.
28 Days Later (2002)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
10/23
10/23:
What's with the cheap video quality in recent films?
Anyway, 28 Days Later isn't original as it's a rehash of
Night of the Living Dead,
Dawn of the Dead,
and mostly Day of the Dead. The premise is simple: the lead character
wakes up confused and doesn't realize he's now in the middle of a post-apocalyptic world that's filled with
aggressive "zombies."
What bothers me the most is the lingering questions. There are many that have gone unanswered. "What happened?" is
the first question I'll ask, but nobody attempts to explain. So, basically the whole movie is about survival.
I understand, but it's boring. There are impossible moments showing the ability of human beings to react quickly
to the attacking speed of the Infected. We can do a small experiment here and now with tigers and lions and observe
how human beings will fare with them in a steel cage match.
When the characters found the supermarket, I thought to myself, "Now, that's a perfect place to hole up." But
they decide to skip it. There goes logic down the toilet. If there's anything I'm surprised by besides the
oft-busy empty locations in London, it's Brendan Gleeson showing up for such a shitty horror film. Really, he's
a better actor than that.
Hey, Jim...just stop screaming HELLO all the time; obviously, everywhere is dead as a doornail. What an idiot.
He should've been infected earlier because of the blood on his eyes after he got attacked by one of the
"zombies." That's why I suggest "goggles" for the longtime survivors. More ridiculous is when Jim was
transformed into Rambo in mere minutes. It's impossible. He has to be trained first.
All in all, 28 Days Later is mostly a rip-off of Day of the Dead.
28 Weeks Later (2007)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
4/25
4/25:
I said in my review of 28 Days Later that it was a "rehash of
Night of the Living Dead,
Dawn of the Dead,
and mostly Day of the Dead."
Here we go again in 28 Weeks Later, but this time, intelligence is zero. Considering that Great Britain
was annihilated by the Infected, and remember it comprises of England, Scotland, and Wales, this
means what? There's still Northern Ireland which is part of the UK. So, why does the United States have the
authority to restore order in London? It has no business being there. If Northern Ireland can't do the job,
the European Union (EU) will deal with it [Note: England left the organization in 2020].
So...the U.S. Army declares everybody is dead and the situation has been contained? Uh, yeah. Never trust
anything they say. They always fuck up everything. How do you think the United States lost the Vietnam War
and mismanaged everything in the Middle East and Afghanistan? And why so soon? Six months isn't enough time;
I'll give it three to five years at least until the entire Great Britain has been accounted for. What's the
hurry anyway? Regardless, all of the returning British citizens made the mistake of their lives.
Remember in Night of the Living Dead that whenever anybody
had been bitten, s/he became a zombie? It always holds true, no matter what.
28 Weeks Later decides to bullshit its way around this by saying, "Yeah, a few can be infected and still
be normal with their intelligence intact." Will...never...happen. Once infected, you're done, period.
Why would the mother survive after all? She's supposed to be ripped apart and not be
in one piece anymore. How about the father? He's able to think critically after infection. Prior to that,
why would the U.S. Army grant him, a British civilian and recent survivor, full access to literally everywhere
including the military base?
The little boy should be done for after the blood had been on his body due to skin being permeable.
The same can be said for virtually everybody who got blood-splattered from infected people. Earlier, both
kids run away from the city, and the U.S. Army doesn't bother with them for hours? Some security. How about that
idiot helicopter pilot who thinks it's okay to transport the two kids out of Great Britain without having
them medically cleared?
I hate the annoying camera work which has become close-up galore. Why do I have to see the little
boy's protruding forehead and his sister's racoon eyes over and over? Everything moves so quickly that it has
been a giant blur. How can anyone have the energy to run all the time for miles and miles with no food,
drink, or sleep?
All in all, if you believe any of 28 Weeks Later, then your brain is officially dead.
3 Dumb Clucks (1937)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
12/07
12/07:
3 Dumb Clucks is an inconsistently funny picture.
Happily, Curly saves it from being a total turkey.
All in all, consistency needs to be worked on more for future shorts.
3 Ninjas (1992)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
12/14
12/14:
There's only one part in 3 Ninjas I found to be unintentionally funny, and it's when the mother
put her earrings on while smiling at her kids before closing the bedroom door with her right earring falling down.
I replayed it many times to my full amusement. Anyway, what was I thinking in 1992 when I thought 3 Ninjas was
a good film? I won't be surprised if the terrible child actors refuse to watch it to this day given how embarrassing they were.
The little boy's bowl haircut still looks terrible! He has stuff constantly outside of his mouth which probably
started with a pacifier before graduating to his thumb. The next thing I know, he'll be sucking on a dildo, engineering a
full-blown cleft lip.
When the action is far away, it's apparent the stunt doubles are used to perform martial arts. While at that, the
editing is atrocious as I don't have the required short attention span to keep up with the sequences. I refuse to believe
young kids, no matter how well-trained they are, are capable of inflicting such a force that adults will feel a considerable
amount of pain. Now, it's safe to say Oddjob look-alike's reputation has been forever tarnished.
All in all, there's no point to watching 3 Ninjas unless you don't mind cringing.
3 Strikes (2000)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
2/21
2/21:
Appealing to the lowest common denominator of the black race, 3 Strikes solidifies a lot of stereotypes, and you know
what: they're accurate.
Ever wonder why a large percentage of black people don't fare well in life? It begins with their low IQ. They do stupid
things that get them arrested and are eventually sent to prison. Racism has nothing to do with it.
The way they speak, especially the parents, is horrendous, causing them to lose immediate respect in society by large.
Ebonics isn't a valid language; it's a bunch of nonsense, resulting in a significant step down on the social ladder.
Speaking non-standard English and not paying attention to authority are why many of them can't get high-paying jobs.
3 Strikes indicates what I mean. It makes me wonder if director DJ Pooh was admitting the truth about the shortcomings
of the black race. Either way, he has done a good job. Honestly, the movie isn't bad, but it's crude in many
ways. The only failure is, for a supposedly comedy picture, it isn't funny. Had it been, my rating would've been higher.
All in all, riding on the coattails of Friday's success,
3 Strikes should make a lot of black people ashamed of their ghetto culture.
3,000 Miles to Graceland (2001)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
12/04, 3/06
3/06:
3,000 Miles to Graceland is an aggressive, testosterone-filled violent machine that becomes boring after a while.
The movie works the best when the attention is on Kurt Russell and Kevin Costner. I love the Elvis look on them. Both are
scene-stealers and make the film fun, giving it a cult feel. I even like the title, 3,000 Miles to Graceland,
because it's so senseless and silly.
However, when the focus is on the others, the entertainment value immediately goes down because the sight of David Arquette,
Thomas Haden Church, John Lovitz, Kevin Pollak, and the boy (whatever the hell his name is) has left me with a "what the hell"
feeling. At the same time, I wish everybody would take a trip to Elvis Presley's sacred, hollowed ground at the end, so I can
laugh at them all. Then again, it'll be too much like This is Spinal Tap.
All in all, 3,000 Miles to Graceland should've been all about Kurt and Kevin.
The 39 Steps (1935)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
4/05, 5/07, 12/13, 4/17
4/05:
The most definitive Hitchcock picture made, The 39 Steps is the gold standard that many in the espionage genre
have failed to match.
Lucie Mannheim sets the tone as soon as her character is knifed to death. The handsome Mr. Hannay, who's adroitly played by
Robert Donat, is off running along with the charming Madeleine Carroll. Their pairing is a delight to watch, and the mystery is
deeply intriguing as it reaches toward the climax which clarifies the need to frame Hannay, ultimately pinning the murder on
him.
All in all, the formula that's been repeated in nearly all Hitchcock films after 1935 is the original in The 39 Steps.
5/07:
The 39 Steps is a brilliant towering classic and the quintessential Hitchcockian picture.
Robert Donat is marvelous by the way he moves, speaks, and handles problems, and Madeleine Carroll's transformation from
the unbeliever to the believer is remarkable.
All in all, The 39 Steps is the greatest picture ever made by Alfred Hitchcock.
12/13:
The 39 Steps is bar none perfect.
5/17:
Alfred Hitchcock's formula can be readily found in The 39 Steps, having been repeated endlessly during the rest of
his career.
It's why I sometimes view him as a one-dimensional director. Robert Donat has never been better, and Lucie Mannheim should've
gotten credit for setting the tone. However, I find Madeleine Carroll annoying most of the time.
All in all, The 39 Steps is the best film Alfred Hitchcock had ever directed.
40 Days and 40 Nights (2002)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
10/06
10/06:
Oh boy.
If it can't get any worse, it can't get any worse. 40 Days and 40 Nights is that awful. Whoever thought Josh Hartnett
could act? Marlon Brando would've had a heart attack at the sight of him. Josh's retarded sideburns are so bothersome that I
feel like I want to jump into the picture and hold him down while using an ultra-sharp razor blade.
The script is puerile and unfunny. Brain-dead male fools show up and immediately drop out like mayflies, giving me
a hard time to keep up with any of them. A dude has a problem with going forty days without sex? Oh, come on. Many men have no
trouble doing that; it's called "staying busy."
Notice all naked women are white, so where are the others of different color? How racist. The worst and most lame moment
is when the parents talked about sex in front of their grown kids including the novitiate. Why does Hollywood keep insulting
my intelligence?
All in all, 40 Days and 40 Nights should've killed off Josh Hartnett's career.
The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
2/06
2/06:
The endless stream of profanity, stupidity, corroded values, unprofessional workplace behavior, perverted
sexism, misogyny, and latent homophobia quickly render The 40-Year-Old Virgin a tasteless viewing experience.
The message sent out by the characters is plain wrong, and the movie poster showing an innocent-looking male is
manipulative and thus makes me sick. It seems the people, who support the film, have lost their moral compass. That's why the
quality of cinema has been flushed down the toilet forever.
Is it supposed to be funny and okay that a drunk driver can weave side-to-side all over the road without any regard for safety
of the others? Is it supposed to be funny that an employee films himself naked in a Circuit-City-like environment with
televisions all over the store? Is it supposed to be cool to drop F-bombs at work as if they're living in
Pulp Fiction world?
All in all, thanks to The 40-Year-Old Virgin, I have a clear idea what a typical American moviegoer is like.
42nd Street (1933)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
1/17
1/17:
42nd Street is an okay musical; only the ending saves it from being a complete clunker.
A surprise hit in 1933, the movie was so financially successful that it saved Warner Brothers from bankruptcy and that it
was responsible for rescuing the musical genre. Now, it's a relic of the 30's cinema which is, in other words, interesting
but hopelessly dated. Everything you can possibly find in an old classic Hollywood picture is included here.
Even the fashion looks impeccable.
I'm not familiar with the names of the cast except for Ginger Rogers and Dick Powell. Warner Baxter gives a standout
performance as Julian Marsh, keeping me awake from start to finish. However, there are several troubles.
One, I can't tell most of the characters apart. Among the females, they have too many pencil-thin eyebrows with hardly
any other distinguishing characteristics. I don't know their characters' names and who goes to which subplot. Ditto for
the males. Two, the subplots are weak which serve mostly as throwaways just to pass the time. Worse, they have
little, if any, impact on the musical show which was going to go on, no matter what. Three, as impressive as the final show is,
I'm surprised to spot numerous faces because I didn't see any of them during the rehearsals.
All in all, if 42nd Street would have less pencil-thin eyebrows and more relevant subplots, I might have enjoyed it more.
48 Hrs. (1982)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
7/05
7/05:
48 Hrs. is full of crap.
The amount of profanity is too much to bear. When the sex-starved convict and the hard-nosed cop were
looking for the two cop killers, I wondered why the latter was doing all of the work. So, what's the point of
bringing the convict along for the ride?
Why is somebody willing to trade half a million for the girl? With that kind of money, he can get as many which is plenty
enough to forget about her. I admit 48 Hrs. has one of the best lines I've heard in a while: "I'm your worst
fuckin' nightmare, man. I'm a nigger with a badge which means I got permission to kick your fuckin' ass whenever I feel like
it!"
All in all, 48 Hrs. is a stupid movie with terrible jokes and lacks action which is typical of Walter Hill.
49th Parallel (1941)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
1/14
1/14:
While watching 49th Parallel, I had been admittedly unsure if the story was true or not because I was positive
the, mind you, English-speaking Nazis had never stepped foot anywhere in North America to start anything beyond the usual
politicking.
Regardless, the propaganda film displays so many simple-minded stereotypes that I've been confused whether I should laugh or
be dumbfounded. The Johnnie skit by Laurence Olivier, along with his accent, is clearly over the top to the point what I was
seeing so far has become an insane farce. Oddly, it seems like he was insulting the French Canadian trappers by mocking their
way of life.
Later on, the collective utopian socialist thinking of the Hutterite commune is funnily illusory. I was like, "Sure, life is
awesome, and this totally makes sense." All they got to do is to make bread...lots and lots of them. Next is the clash between
an ardent Nazi and an intellectual Thoreau who happens to live in a teepee with his valuable paintings (now, now...who the
hell will do something like that?). Oh, man...the sight of despondent Ashley Wilkes over his trashed paintings has gotten too
much for me to take. At that moment, I thought the tomfoolery was getting out of hand in a bad way, but it didn't end there.
Finally, the same ardent Nazi meets an American hobo on the train which turns out to be a pathetic battle of male chauvinism.
Comically, the Nazi becomes too smart for his own good by falling into the trap of going back to Canada. The ultimate message
of this particular moment is: Germans are dumb and Americans are smart. The end.
To top off the propaganda, everything doesn't take place along the 49th parallel. Equally funny is the concept of the
English-speaking Nazis, in their autumn clothes, managing to walk for a thousand of miles across Canada in the freezing
cold. Considering the fact that the Nazis froze to death during Operation Barbarossa, it's highly doubtful
they were hardy enough to survive these Canadian wintry conditions in such state.
All in all, the idiocy of 49th Parallel is tempting for me to get drunk and yell, "O America, the land of the free!"
54 (1998)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
2/08
2/08:
Imagine my reaction when I saw 54.
The movie is stupid and pointless. From start to finish, I'm amazed to see how plotless it is. Having a set of
undeveloped characters doesn't help, either. As many films as I've seen Ryan Phillippe star in, it's impossible to
cure him of bad acting despite his good looks. He literally undoes everything that Marlon Brando had set up.
On the other hand, Mike Myers opts for a detour in his career to take on a drama role by playing Steve Rubell, the owner of
the famous New York City nightclub Studio 54. I must say, what he did is so-so and shows no range. Instead, I'll like to
see a biopic of Steve Rubell. This way, Mike Myers might have thrusted himself to the front of the Oscar race for Best
Actor.
All in all, 54 is akin to looking at a painting with lots of colors, but to take a big step back to see the big picture,
there's no formation of anything.
633 Squadron (1964)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
1/25
1/25:
This is the film that George Lucas stole from for the final mission on Death Star in
Star Wars.
Ditto for Top Gun: Maverick. Compare these three by how the aircrafts go
through the tunnel-like path while being hit by gunfire with the same style of editing. Anyway, it's easy to
think of Mosquito Squadron while watching 633 Squadron. Despite
lifting some footage from the latter for the former, all I can say is they're highly similar.
The performances are fair. Like David McCallum, Cliff Robertson plays it practical and ends up being the
only worthwhile character. In real life, he knew how to fly but wasn't allowed to do in the movie
for insurance reasons. George Chakiris is matter-of-factly, but I don't understand why he was sent away for
a small mission given that he had been training with the other guy the whole time. Maria Perschy is merely used
to provide a throwaway romance.
If there's anything disappointing apart from the cheap special effects, it's the last five minutes which
sends the following message: "Win at all costs." Maybe that's why Cliff Robertson's character gave up on life by
knowing he was expendable, hence the purposeful killing of the blond-haired woman's brother. Also,
633 Squadron is a rare film with everybody dead at the end (don't be fooled; Hopkinson [Angus
Lennie of The Great Escape] won't live). By the way, the
resistance fighters shouldn't have exposed themselves by walking openly in the middle of the trail.
All in all, 633 Squadron and Mosquito Squadron should be
seen back-to-back.
The 6th Day (2000)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
2/24
2/24:
I have no idea what The 6th Day is about.
Sure, the topic is cloning, but that's an excuse for the ensuing mindless violence. Oh, yeah...it stars Arnold Schwarzenegger
for what must be his twentysomething sci-fi picture. Perhaps he should find a different genre or, better yet,
stop acting anymore. He's embarrassing, but I like the scene when Arnold was talking to himself for the first time which is
surreal.
Okay, I'm confused. Were there three Arnolds? If true, so what happened to the first one? I know one was cloned and he
confirmed it by showing the dot underneath his left eye, but the other one never did. If it's really two after all, then
why was he cloned in the first place? What value does he bring to the table? I don't get it.
Either way, the biggest problem is the script. The writers didn't clearly establish the conflict from the get-go. As a
result, I got left behind at the train station. It doesn't matter anyway; the movie bombed big time at the box-office because
it's like watching Total Recall all over again. One of the characters said, "You can't
clone a brain, but you can clone a whole body." Uh...I'm sure there's no latter without the former.
All in all, the first mistake of The 6th Day is rushing into the action without explaining the conflict.
The 6th Man (1997)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
11/03, 10/11
10/11:
The 6th Man is a hard picture to watch because it basically says cheating is okay as long as nobody is hurt in
the process.
It doesn't teach moral lessons but rather depicts selfish individuals who make me sick to my stomach. At the same time, many
scenes look awkward. Every game the team cheats in, it looks more of a fraud as they come closer to the national
championship game. That's why lately many schools in NCAA sports have been stripped of victories, scholarships, and
eligibility to participate in postseason games because it's illegal and ruins the fair play doctrine.
Things are worse, given between five and ten million spectators for NCAA basketball, there's not a single
skeptic pointing out how everything looks out of place. I mean, opponents are always studying the tape to prepare
for upcoming games. Of course, it's invariably omitted in the film because nobody wants to deal with the white elephant.
Obviously, the ending is as predictable as it gets, so why bother?
Hence, Blue Chips is perfect because it shows how real the world of NCAA basketball is and
why I, for the past two decades, don't want to watch or follow the sport. If I notice the irony in the cameos made by actual
NCAA coaches, they are Jim Harrick, Jerry Tarkanian, and Nolan Richardson.
Jim Harrick is the walking poster child of NCAA violations as his résumé includes academic fraud, improper
benefits, lying to investigators, and illegal recruiting. Next is Jerry Tarkanian who's infamous for illegal recruiting and
point-shaving scandals. The third is Nolan Richardson who may or may have not cheated, but his son certainly has committed
many NCAA violations and, at one point, brandished a gun in front of his assistant coach during basketball practice. Can that be
attributed to the proverb: "Like father, like son"? Also, why did the University of Washington, coming off a major football
scandal in 1993, agree to lend its name to a film that condones cheating?
All in all, The 6th Man is wrong, wrong, wrong.
8 ½ Women (1999)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
7/15
7/15:
If you aren't familiar with Peter Greenaway's films, then be forewarned that they are out-there.
It's been the case with 8 ½ Women as I knew what to expect after experiencing
The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover. A scheme starts off
slowly and is then fully realized by the time the father
and son begin to acquire women, hence the title for creating a harem at their home in Geneva.
Their initial inspiration comes from watching Federico Fellini's 8½ at a movie theatre after Philip's wife of
many years had passed away. He laments to his son they never did much sexually during their marriage, so his new aim
with women is to make up for it. The son obliges him because he likes the idea a lot.
What starts out as something simple becomes a nightmare for them. Thinking money will take care of everything, the two
men start to realize women are complex creatures because they have needs. So, out of frustration, they want to be rid of them,
but the father dies at the end from having too much pleasure and the son is rejected by the most desired female and is stuck
with a mentally retarded amputee who can't physically walk out of the house. The following is the list of 8 ½ women and
their idiosyncracies:
1. Simato: A gambling addict
2. Giaconda: Only happy when she's pregnant and sells her babies for a living
3. Beryl: A horse thief who has a sexual relationship with a pig
4. Palmira: A pleasure-seeker through sex but only with the right partner
5. Mio: A Kabuki performer who doesn't feel feminine enough
6. Clothilde: Philip's housemaid who wants to feel special by participating in the harem
7. Griselda: A wannabe nun who dreams of being a saint
8. Kito: A Japanese translator (by the way, does she have any idiosyncracy?)
8.5. Giulietta: A mentally retarded amputee
Making the film unique is the juxtaposition of visual images. A new perspective emerges in terms of how each scene is shot, and
there's nothing like it before besides Peter Greenaway's stuff. Also, the script is intelligent, and the conversations are
interesting. I wasn't bored for a minute yet tried to figure out the direction which turns out to be the plot that I spoke of.
John Standing and Matthew Delamere are excellent as Philip and Storey Emmenthal, respectively, and they feed off each other well.
All in all, thanks to Peter Greenaway, 8 ½ Women is deep.
8 Mile (2002)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
11/04, 12/11
12/11:
Raising my rating of 8 Mile from '5' to '8', I consider it to be a well-made film despite the fact that there have been
a number of Horatio Alger music stories the past thirty years or so.
My first impression of the overall acting was it's weak, but now, I feel everybody has done a great job. The best performance
of the show goes to Mekhi Phifer as Future. The most arresting highlights are the rap battles. They're well-written and creative.
To me, rap is a waste of time, but it's a big moneymaker for a lot of people, especially the blacks who deal drugs and
live on welfare because of their unemployability due to low IQ and lack of education. Regardless, this seems to work for the
plot of 8 Mile.
Eminem, a controversial figure in his own right, isn't bad. I'll like to see him in future
films to find out if he can act (probably not). No matter what, he won the Oscar for Best Original Song.
All in all, whether you hate Eminem or not, 8 Mile is worth watching.
8 Seconds (1994)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
1/13
1/13:
While watching 8 Seconds, I never knew it was a biography of a real rodeo competitor until the ending.
For the most part, I thought of it as Dylan McKay's film which is probably the only noticeable achievement of
his career outside Beverly Hills, 90210. Eventually, Luke Perry was faced with the truth that he had no
talent for Hollywood, so he begged the producers of the TV sitcom to be taken back, only to receive the
humiliating guest star treatment which is sad because he was the bona fide star of the show.
As for 8 Seconds, it's an unfocused picture that touches on a series of incidents while going through
the motions. The death of the protagonist did catch me off guard because I wasn't expecting it. As the closing
credits rolled, showing the life of Lane Frost in still photographs and video clips, it's the highlight of
the entire picture.
Because John G. Avildsen was the director, I had high hopes considering what he did with
Rocky and Lean on Me. He lets me down with
his cheesy direction. If I have to pick the best rodeo picture made, it's
Junior Bonner by far with Steve McQueen. 8 Seconds doesn't have
anything in comparison. After looking up the internet, it turns out some parts of Lane Frost's life were
made up in the film which is something that I don't understand.
All in all, 8 Seconds makes for an okay viewing on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
8½ (1963)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
9/15
9/15:
I can't stand Federico Fellini's films.
The reason why I got suckered into seeing 8½ is that it was used as a catalyst for
8 ½ Women. Regardless, I would've watched it anyway based on its bloated reputation.
Naturally, I knew the movie was going to suck, and during my viewing, I wasn't surprised at all. Nothing makes sense.
As a matter of fact, here's a trivia taken from IMDb: "All of a sudden, during the celebration, he [Fellini] got a new idea:
his film would have told about a film-director who was going to direct a film, but he forgot what it was about." No kidding.
All in all, Fellini's films are strictly for pseudo-intellectuals.
88 Minutes (2007)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
2/25
2/25:
88 Minutes is a misleading title.
I prefer short movies, but this one runs for 110 minutes. Worse is the filmmakers packing so many activities in
this said amount of time when they actually take hours to complete. It's an important point because the following
major plot hole has been created down the road.
How did Lydia Doherty manage to go over to the apartment where Dr. Gramm and his teaching assistant were last
at and snatch the female before returning to the university in the span of fifteen minutes or so? If Lydia stayed
on the campus the whole time after she was left by Dr. Gramm in the security office, that would be fine by me, but
she literally had to leave there and locate the teaching assistant, do the work to overpower her in front of
the FBI and others, drag her body to the car, and drive back to the campus, so she could set up the elaborate
"See...I'm the one who did it!" finale with Dr. Gramm.
Another way of viewing 88 Minutes is it's Al Pacino who's surrounded by bad actresses for 110 minutes.
While his eyes are paycheck-focused, somebody should've fixed his ridiculous hairdo out of fear of it
being blown off by the wind. With the exception of William Forsythe, it's obvious that Al Pacino is
far ahead of everybody, who's like forty years his junior, in terms of acting ability, making me wonder what he's
doing in this rubbish picture.
Then, we have the mother of them all: Leelee Sobieski. It wouldn't be long before she thankfully retired from
acting. She always has the same emotion that comes off flat every single time. I knew it had to be her doing all the
nefarious work for a couple of reasons. She's a "big" star which negates the idea of a cameo appearance.
Second, when her character's face was bleeding after the "attack," the first thought that popped into my mind was:
please wipe off the blood first to see if her wounds were for real. A couple of times, I did entertain thoughts
of the class having been involved the whole time
(Murder on the Orient Express)
and Al Pacino as the killer after all (Cruising), but I dismissed
them for making no sense.
It's interesting the story takes place in Seattle because the Pacific Northwest region was, once upon
a time, a hotbed of serial killers. That's because drug addicts, hookers, and runaways tended to flock
there which set them up as easy targets to disappear and nobody cared afterwards. There's also the woods that made
dumping their bodies easy without leaving much of evidence due to heavy rain.
All in all, 88 Minutes is really a '6' film, but the lack of logic keeps dragging it down.
8MM (1999)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
6/04, 8/13
8/13:
8MM isn't a bad film overall.
Having Nicolas Cage on board largely helps. Believe it or not, 8MM would be almost the last good role of his career; he
hit the final high point in Adaptation. The rest of his oeuvre from there on has been a series of bombs
that are mostly released on direct-to-video DVDs.
Henceforth, we're left with the all-important question: "What the hell happened to Nicolas Cage? He used to be a
fine actor." Well, the simple answer is: he's flat broke, owing back taxes after blowing his $150 million fortune due to his
insane buying habits which include:
*ahem* Drum roll, if you will please.
A 67-million-year-old Tarbosaurus skull, shrunken Pymgy heads, a pyramid tombstone, fifty highly priced works of art, two
albino king cobras (that's for his sexual activities, and please don't ask me why or how), a crocodile, a shark, and an octopus.
Wait...I'm not done yet. I just need a glass of water before I continue again. This is such an exhausting list...
A 40-acre island in the south of Nassau, fifteen estates around the world, two European castles, four yachts, a private
Gulfstream jet, thirty motorcycles, and fifty cars including a rare Lamborghini Miura SV, nine Rolls Royces, and a Ferrari Enzo.
It raises a question I've been long dying to know: when the hell does he have the time to enjoy all of them? Anyway, back to
reality and, more importantly, my analysis of 8MM. Joaquin Phoenix is surpisingly effective in his supporting role, but
everybody else is more or less a wannabe. Easily the worst performance comes from Catherine Keener. She's like: "Look at me! Look
at me! I'm important, dammit!" Please cancel the bitch.
The plot is good and easy to follow, but there are many simplified generalizations which make the film more ridiculous
than it appears. Of course, Nicolas Cage's character gets his man, and the world is all good and happy. At the same time, he commits
several murders along the way because he's the judge, jury, and executioner. That's just fantastic, Mr. Joel
Schumacher, but I'm yawning intensely.
All in all, 8MM, despite the running time of 123 minutes, is a watchable picture with certain neo-noir traits.
9½ Weeks (1986)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
5/06, 6/07, 2/09, 4/12, 6/15
5/06:
When I read the reviews in a stunned amazement after finishing 9½ Weeks, I'm dismayed by the low opinions of this
underrated and misunderstood motion picture.
It's an absolute classic and the most sexual I've ever seen. Starting with Kim Basinger, she has never acted this well before
or since then. Her characterization of Elizabeth is dead-on because she plays an innocent, curious seeker who can't foresee
how psychologically damaging the aftermath will be.
Mickey Rourke practically steals the film every scene he appears in. John's mysteriousness makes his character a compelling
piece of work, forcing the relationship between these two to suffer from his dangerous psychological games. As a result, the
buildup of tension through mind games brings a great deal of strain for Elizabeth, who becomes confused by the direction of
their relationship which will lead to the unforgettable ending, although the passion and chemistry
between them can melt a bowl of ice cream within seconds.
What makes 9½ Weeks great is how much more meaningful and powerful it is than
Last Tango in Paris.
Marlon Brando admitted he had neither an idea what it was all about nor a clue of what he was doing in it. But in
9½ Weeks, everybody feels a purpose by preparing themselves for the psychological sexual journey of feelings.
As sensually wild and exhilarating as 9½ Weeks is, the greatest assets are: the notion of "less is more,"
the control of subtlety, the cinematography, the limitations of getting to know each other, and the depth of the mysteriousness
within John. Ultimately, he, being a paradoxically sexy figure, is the most singular importance to the film's success.
All in all, 9½ Weeks is the number one erotic picture ever made.
6/07:
9½ Weeks features two outstanding performances by Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger.
The sexual masterpiece, from a psychological standpoint, brings forth a profound misunderstanding to the audience of how a
lustful fling works that's based on impulse and fear. It's because most had never experienced it. The movie depicts neither
mind nor body control but rather explores how far a couple will go to the point of triggering a confusion of feelings.
9½ Weeks' director Adrian Lynne does a masterful job...too masterful that he'll try again and again but
fail to recapture the same feeling in later films. I think a great deal of the success came primarily from Zalman King,
especially how the sex scenes were shot.
Playing the mysterious John, Mickey Rourke has the Brando quality about him as evidenced by the ending when, in fear of losing
Elizabeth, his character suddenly became real. At the same time, her vulnerability shows she's tired of the games and feels
forced to walk through the door and out of his life forever. What sets 9½ Weeks apart from soft pornos and trashy
romantic films is the sex scenes are not what it's about but the subtlety of feelings and emotions, hence the perfect
ending.
All in all, to understand why Mickey Rourke was one of the best actors ever during the 80's is to see 9½ Weeks.
2/09:
Is there a more puzzling and mysterious character than John?
When I think of his desperate attempt to win back Elizabeth in the final few minutes as he starts showing vulnerability, it
demonstrates the brilliance of 9½ Weeks. The psychological games, the exhilarating sense of danger, the cascade of
tests, the manipulation, the subtle shaping of obedience, the sex without love, and the confusion of feelings all spell doom
in the relationship between John and Elizabeth. Hence, Mickey Rourke is remarkable by pushing Kim Basinger to the very limits
that she has never done better work since then.
All in all, 9½ Weeks is a cinematic masterpiece of unbridled romance, sex, and feelings only to be undone by a
complicated set of basic human needs.
4/12:
9½ Weeks is the number one sexiest picture made.
6/15:
9½ Weeks still holds up well.
976-EVIL (1988)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
8/19
8/19:
A horror picture at the hands of first-time director Robert Englund, 976-EVIL fails to generate any scares.
I like the idea which includes a catchy word "horrorscope," but the whole thing reeks of low budget and
is so cartoonish. Fish falling from the sky? Um, okay. As 80's as it gets, bad acting is another problem.
The potential of making the reporter angle to work is there, but it's weakly developed.
Stephen Geoffreys is well known as Evil Ed in Fright Night, but it's hard for me to take
his character seriously as an intellectually disabled person; he seems advanced for his low IQ.
Getting into trouble with drug/alcohol addiction and money issues, Geoffreys ended up doing gay porn not
long after which went on for a decade. On the other hand, his co-star Patrick O'Bryan is a sad James Dean wannabe.
Starring in one of the last few films of her career, Sandy Dennis hit rock bottom due to health problems. As you see
there are cats all over the place, she was a passionate about them, owning over twenty stray cats while living in Westport,
Connecticut.
Back then, the area code of a premium-rate telephone number was first 976 before making the switch to 900. As everybody knows,
it used to be for kinky phone sex and connecting with psychics (think of Dionne Warwick) and various celebrities of mostly
D-list stature. These calls was expensive which usually went $2.99 for the first minute and $0.99 per thereafter.
All in all, The Washington Post sums it up best: "From start to finish, 976-EVIL is a sorry, wrong number."
976-EVIL II (1991)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
1/20
1/20:
If I thought the original was terrible, 976-EVIL II is way worse.
I fail to understand why there's a sequel since the other one barely made bank. Was the demand so great? In the words of
director Jim Wynorski: "I always wanted to make a sequel only if the previous film was bad. There wasn't much point to a
sequel if the previous release was really great. I wanted to make a sequel that was better than the first one."
Um, okay....that's strange logic. Then, he said of 976-EVIL II, "I hate that film...it was tough to make. I was
handed a script, and I didn't think it was very good." Then, why did he do it? "I wanted the money and the experience." Um,
okay...got it. Unsurprisingly, he ended up directing porn films...lots of them.
Of the original cast, only Patrick O'Bryan comes back, and it'll be the last of his brief acting career. On the other hand,
it's certainly a long fall for Brigitte Nielsen, marking the end of her cinema relevance after appearing opposite Arnold
Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, and Eddie Murphy in high-profile films from 1985 to 1987.
If there's anything strange, it's the black-and-white combination of
It's a Wonderful Life and
Night of the Living Dead. I just never thought of them this way. The
filmmakers got away with it because both classic pictures were in the public domain during 1991. Other than that, the
rest of the way is nothing but people getting killed while giving a life support to the threadbared storyline.
All in all, beware of films with low production values like 976-EVIL II because you'll get what you deserve: a
fucking cheap cinema experience.