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I Know Who Killed Me (2007)

Rate: 1
Viewed: 7/08

WhoK
7/08: Ah...the infamous I Know Who Killed Me.

I just had to see the movie to believe the overwhelmingly bad reviews, and yes, they're true. As the plot got stupider and stupider, the sheer incredibility of it was reflected on my face as I fumbled around for the remote control to find out how much more time there's to go.

When I say this film is bad, I place a great emphasis on the adjective as in OH, MY GOODNESS IT'S SO BAD. Afterwards, I had been asked to explain what the plot was all about. So, doing my best, I said:

"It's...uh about a girl who...uh...who's killed, and there's another girl who...uh happens to look like the other girl who has some sort of amnesia and loses her leg and arm through some ordeal...and tries to find out who killed the other girl...and whenever this girl is stabbed, she gets stabbed, too. Sometimes, her arm magically comes back, but I don't think her leg does. In the end, she finds the killer and also the girl...who happens to be her...uh identical twin that she didn't know she had. They both lie down in a burial plot to rest."

Does this make any sense to you? I didn't think so, either. Frankly, it's the gist of I Know Who Killed Me, and I'm not lying. There's a high level of profanity going on. When the characters say them, the words don't come out naturally. If they can be eliminated altogether, the film might be less hokey.

The characters show up and disappear. One minute, the lead female, whoever she is, has friends; and the next thing I know, she's all alone. She has a boyfriend, and they have good sex. After that, he's gone. The FBI shows up and has a theory which isn't followed through afterwards. Then, the agents do nothing else. The parents are worried about their daughter, and later on, they stop caring anymore.

Julia Ormond, who still can't act, goes nuts with jealousy and starts to lust for Tristan Ludlow when Lindsay Lohan does the wild thing upstairs. Speaking of the cokehead, a big part of the stripper job is nudity (in fact, it's a requisite), but she never bares anything. So, what's the point of casting Lindsay Lohan?

For some time, I thought I Know Who Killed Me was going to be a David Lynch flick that's not directed by the man himself, but as the story kept getting more ridiculous by the minute, I began to discard the theory. On the other hand, if it's truly a David Lynch picture, the appropriate title should've been Blue Velvet once again because there's a lot of blue everywhere for seemingly no reason. Either somebody had an obsession with the color or there was a clearance sale going on.

All in all, I can't believe I saw I Know Who Killed Me.