Documentary Movie Reviews

(For optimum viewing, adjust the zoom level of your browser to 125%.)


How to Prepare for Prison (2016)

Rate: 3
Viewed: 4/26

HowPrison
4/26: Talk about a documentary failing to answer the main premise.

How to Prepare for Prison may be a catchy title, but it's more like Getting Ready to Face the Music. That's it. Everybody mopes around endlessly. No time is ever spent in prison; it's just boring talk. The inclusion of a guy with no legs is pointless. I didn't care about them. They all failed to understand the time-honored axiom: "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime." Their crimes are barely covered, so I'm left with vague details. The following is the best I can come up with by searching online.

On Joe Zambito from Windsor, Ontario, Canada, he was convicted of "two counts of possession of marijuana for the purpose of trafficking, marijuana production and theft of electricity for a hydro bypass at the building." The cops discovered "989 marijuana plants (worth over $570,000) growing under lights governed by timer boards. Under a work bench over which hung a few screwdrivers, police found a bag containing 1.8 kilograms of harvested pot. A second room was in the process of being set up as an additional cultivation area." Perhaps Zambito's wife should shut the fuck up, mmkay?

I couldn't find any info about Courtney Hills who embezzled $950,000 from her employer. As for Demario McMurray the gay black male, one newspaper recounted a victim's statement: "He picked me up and slammed me on the bed and started choking me. When I told him I couldn't breathe, he was like, 'Oh you can't breathe?' And he started choking me harder." McMurray passed away last year at age 29.

Demario McMurray's lawyer, Chris Kessel, is really bad. He's often inarticulate and sounds like a high schooler. At one point, he explained something to his client, but it didn't make sense to me. I agreed with the judge when Kessel went too far in his speech and was abruptly cut off because that's after everything had been concluded and his client had pled guilty.

All in all, How to Prepare for Prison is a waste of time, and you're better off watching others to learn what it is like to serve time such as Scared Straight!, The Shawshank Redemption, and Short Eyes.