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Christina's House (2000)

Rate: 4
Viewed: 9/18

ChristinaH
9/18: What is it going to take to sell a bad horror film on an unsuspecting viewer?

It's simple: look at the movie poster and you'll have your answer. I fell victim to that. Anyway, Christina's House was going okay for an hour with a lot of cheap scare-'ems moments, but I had been more disturbed by the father's incestuous behavior toward his daughter even though Jerry Wasserman's bizarre presence as the sheriff came in a close second.

As soon as the killer's identity was revealed (which was predictable by the first minute he showed up), the movie fell apart during the last half-hour. Had it ended ten minutes early, what I saw hitherto might have been acceptable given the run-of-the-mill theme.

The close-ups were too many, making it annoying for me to put up with. I kept seeing Allison Lange's heavy makeup and wondered if she's ugly without it in real life. Ditto for the girl with the overdone red lipstick. By the way, Allison isn't related to either Jessica or Hope Lange; otherwise, I would've cried, "Nepotism!"

For a bit while, I thought about the booby trap in the foyer where the floor opened straight down underneath the rug, causing a fall toward the man-made pot that's lined up with circular saw blades, and therefore concluded the idea impossible. These two floors would have to be at least twenty feet apart to allow some leeway in the opening; otherwise, it wasn't a big drop as depicted.

After the dead body was found in the water at the front of the house, everybody seemed to have forgotten about it afterwards. There were no cops around, too. That's because the weird noises inside the house were more important.

All in all, don't fooled by the DVD cover of Christina's House as it's anything but.