Arliss
(For optimum viewing, adjust the zoom level of your browser to 125%.)
Season One (1996)
Rate:
4 out of 5
Viewed:
8/25
8/25:
Which came first: Arliss or Jerry Maguire?
The former, of course. I watched that show every year without fail and thought it was extremely funny, being so
much better than the latter. What got my eye as well was the insane number of guest stars who happened to be
involved with sports in any capacity. Therefore, I had never forgotten it and was able to catch the
reruns on HBO streaming service. I love the ending each time: "My name is Arliss Michaels. I represent athletes.
These are my stories."
As for the main cast, Robert Wuhl is so much better here than he was in other movies such as
Bull Durham, Batman, and
Cobb. My favorite will always be Jim Turner as Kirby Carlisle; he's hysterical
in a Kramer way. Michael Boatman and Sandra Oh are good as well. Meanwhile, I didn't realize that Season One
was baseball heavy. It shows everyone how badly the longtime popular sport has been eclipsed by the NFL in
the last three decades.
Here's my analysis for some of the following episodes:
A Man of Our Times: It's extremely interesting to hear Jerry Jones talk and the illegal scheme to make
money on the point spread. I wish a real athlete was in the place of Mailon Rivera for Latrelle Shabazz because
there's a good chance of it being true for that said person.
Negotiating: It's Never Personal: The Southern cooking will get ya every single time. Ironically, this
episode could've been about Brent Barry because he sure missed tons of games during his career.
Athletes ARE Role Models: Yep, I cite two examples for support. One, Eugene Robinson, a fine upstanding
Christian, received the Bart Starr Award which was given annually to an "NFL player who best
exemplifies outstanding character and leadership in the home, on the field, and in the community." Hours later,
he was arrested for soliciting a prostitute for oral sex. The next day, the Falcons got smoked by the Broncos
in the Super Bowl, and Eugene agreed to return the award. Two, Tiger Woods and his porn stars...need I say more?
Guest stars include two criminals: Al Michaels (DUI) and Warren Moon (extensive history of wife beating).
What About the Fans?: Hey, Kobe...how do you say "rapist" in Italian? Anyway, it's interesting to hear the
possible relocations. For hockey, Las Vegas got its own team in 2017 while the Hartford Whalers moved to North
Carolina in 1997. In the NFL, the Rams and the Raiders did both move in 1995 and then repeated it in 2016 and
2020, respectively.
The Company You Keep: Ah, Barry Bonds...one of the biggest cheaters in MLB history.
The Client's Best Interest: Philly fans will love this star-studded episode which is the funniest of
Season One. Managed by Jim Fregosi, the Philadelphia Phillies had serious talent during the early 90's which saw
them go to the '93 World Series after beating the formidable Atlanta Braves: Dave Hollins, Darren Daulton,
John Kruk, Lenny Dykstra, Jim Eisenreich, Pete Incaviglia, Mickey Morandini, Mitch Williams, Curt Schilling, Terry
Mulholland, Tommy Greene, and so on. Who can forget Joe Carter's winning home run off Mitch Williams?
The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of: Obviously, Rocky Framaggio is Mickey Mantle who passed away the year
before at age 63. He was probably the greatest ballplayer ever, having endured so much pain from various
injuries sustained through his long career. It's uncanny how much Ken Howard resembles Mickey Mantle.
Season Two (1997)
Rate:
4 out of 5
Viewed:
8/25
8/25:
Season Two is great as usual.
I have no complaints. However, I notice that Michael Boatman isn't featured much. I'm okay with it as
long as Jim Turner has a great deal of screen time as Kirby Carlisle. He's the best.
Here's my analysis for some of the following episodes:
The Value of Loyalty: Carmen Policy is amusing, especially when he referred to the Dallas Cowboys
as the "evil empire." Plus, he remarked about the Chiefs poaching three of the 49ers' quarterbacks: Joe Montana,
Steve Bono, and Elvis Grbac. There were one before and one after: Steve DeBerg and Alex Smith. And there's
the legendary coach Bill Walsh who said he might be taking a trip to Kansas City. Uh oh...
Arliss Michaels, American: Obviously, the gay bowler is a spoof of Dennis Rodman, right down to
where he bowled one straight up to the photographer's balls. By the way, it's not "1616 Philadelphia
Avenue" or "1600 Philadelphia Avenue" but "1600 Pennsylvania Avenue."
The World at Your Feet: Let me guess: Comet is Michael Chang? Yeah, I saw him play, and he was really good.
The Real Thing: Roger Clemens a "future Hall of Famer"? That's funny. Just another huge cheater in
baseball history. Arliss said that Pete Rose would be in the Hall of Fame, too. Nope, it hasn't happened
so far. In the meantime, Cortez Kennedy died in 2017 at age 48.
The Truth and Responsibility: It's a riveting lineup of athletes, beginning with two of the
biggest cheats in baseball: Barry Bonds and Ken Caminiti. The latter confessed to steroid use and died of
drug overdose through speedball in 2004. Then, it's topped by the appearance of Pete Rose. Eric Karros? Eh, he
was mediocre and had never made a single All-Star team during his 14-year career. David Justice was a
popular player with the Braves, and rumors persisted for so long that he beat Halle Berry, but the truth is it
was Wesley Snipes who did. On the other hand, Jim Harbaugh was an outstanding quarterback back in the day,
especially with the Colts. I remain convinced that the end of the play during the AFC Championship Game against
the Steelers was actually a reception. If you watched billiards back then, surely you would recognize the most
famous Asian female player, Jeanette Lee, who went by the name of Black Widow and always wore the same black
clothes. By the way, Kirby is emulating Don Imus who eventually got himself in huge trouble in 2007 by using
racial epithets to describe some of the Rutgers University female basketball players.
Season Three (1998)
Rate:
3 out of 5
Viewed:
8/25
8/25:
Season Three is slowing down.
There are too much sex and cigar smoking. Both need to be cut down. While at it, the focus has to be on
sports. Many episodes have been bland.
Here's my analysis for some of the following episodes:
My Job Is to Get Jobs: Yeah, the best chance of being employed in the NFL is to commit a
felony. The more, the better. As for the black-and-white thing, that's also 100% true. At the time, and
remember the episode aired on June 14, 1998, there were fourteen NFL teams that hadn't yet started a black
quarterback: Arizona Cardinals (the first time it finally happened: 2003), Atlanta Falcons (2001), Baltimore
Ravens (1999), Carolina Panthers (2002), Green Bay Packers (2013), Houston Texans (2003), Indianapolis Colts
(2016), Jacksonville Jaguars (2002), Kansas City Chiefs (2000), Miami Dolphins (2002), New England Patriots
(2016), New Orleans Saints (2000), New York Giants (2017) thanks to the most racist owners in the league (the Mara
family), and San Francisco 49ers (2010). Here's a fun fact: Warren Moon holds the record of being the first
black starting quarterback for four different teams. Regardless, it's pretty pathetic, considering the NFL
had been in operation since 1920. How about that creepy asshole owner of the New England Patriots, Bob Kraft, who
was busted for solicitation of a prostitute in 2019 and got away with it cleanly despite the video evidence?
Whatever It Takes: An all-time asshole appears: Jim Rome. Where's Jim Everett? He needs to beat him up
some more.
Fans First: Oh, my goodness...Ryan Leaf in the flesh. Talk about the biggest bust in NFL history, and the
Chargers drafted him over Peyton Manning? Keep in mind that the crap hadn't happened yet when this episode first
aired. That means Arliss got lucky while Leigh Steinberg whiffed totally. By the way, remember the stupid incident
involving Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan? Oksana Baiu is the one who won the gold medal that year, and she was
16.
The Family Trust: Here's another scumbag criminal: Willie McGinest. Never trust his friendly face. By
the way, why isn't he in prison already after he beat up some guy at a restaurant in 2022?
The Legacy: Obviously, the said school is Notre Dame University, the biggest hypocrite in the history of
college sports by overlooking its high ideals in favor of talented but criminal athletes to make a lot of moolah!
To learn all about it, I suggest reading
Under the Tarnished Dome: How Notre Dame Betrayed Ideals for Football Glory
by Don Yaeger. Barry Switzer...pathetic. Since the Cowboys won a Super Bowl under him, they haven't
come close to the same level of success which makes it thirty years now.
The Working Man's Friend: Two cheaters appear: Jerry Tarkanian and Iván Rodríguez. The former
must have committed thousands of NCAA violations during his coaching career. And for the latter, anyone
associated with the Rangers in the early 90's is an automatic steroid user. Jose Canseco, Rafael "I Have
Never Used Steroids Period" Palmeiro, Juan González, Iván Rodríguez...the list goes on and on with all of
them being having been singled out in Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits & How Baseball Got Big.
Picabo Street was arrested in 2016 for domestic violence by pushing her daddy down the stairs and locking him
in the basement. Of course, the charges were dropped.
Stanley Babson... Win, Place, or Show: Curt Shilling and investments don't belong in the same sentence.
That's because he declared bankruptcy in 2012, losing $50 million of his own money on some stupid video game
company along with a $75 million loan from Rhode Island that he was forced to pay back later.
His Name Is Arliss Michaels: It's one of the best episodes in series history, using a clever tie-in
with the most pseudo-serious show ever, Real Sports, because nothing happens afterwards.
Season Four (1999)
Rate:
4 out of 5
Viewed:
8/25
8/25:
Season Four is better now by having less sex while focusing more on issues in sports.
Here's my analysis for some of the following episodes:
Cause and Effect: Hey, Arliss...how about giving up cigars and alcohol? Not so hard to understand the
correlation between them and cancer, is it? But yeah, it's true: Robert Wuhl was on The $20,000 Pyramid
for one episode in 1973.
The Stories You Don't Hear About: What the hell happened to Prince Naseem Hamed? The arrogant fuck used
to showboat all the time during boxing nights on HBO and then disappeared for good after losing the first match
of his career.
The Changing of the Guard: Terrible writing, probably because of Rick Reilly. By the way,
Helga Krupp is obviously Marge Schott, the most infamous owner of the Cincinnati Reds. She had a Saint Bernard,
was a chain-smoker which led to her death, blurted out tons of racist and anti-semite stuff, wouldn't pay more than
enough to acquire talent, and hated winning so much that she didn't celebrate her only World Series title in
1990. Worse, the episode made her look good.
You Gotta Love This Game: That's insightful which foretold 100% of what's to come in terms of
sex change and transsexual athletes. Listen to the lines such as "Terry, you and I both know
that half of America thinks it's all gay to begin with. Wait 'till they find out a transsexual's playing."
Of course, nobody watches WNBA; it's been losing hundreds of millions since day one, going back to 1997. And NBA
had a lockout? Ha! The league has been irrelevant since Michael Jordan retired for the second time.
D-Day: Matt Armstrong sinks to 5th? Do you want to talk about the most spectacular draft day fall of
all time? That would have to be Randy Moss in 1998. He was the greatest college football player I had seen
in my life. His talent was off the charts, and there hadn't been anybody like him before or since then. I couldn't
believe the number of teams passing on him including the Dallas Cowboys. After Randy Moss was selected 21st by
the Minnesota Vikings, they went on to destroy everybody during the regular
season and set an NFL record for the most points scored. Their loss to the Atlanta Falcons in the
NFC Championship Game was pretty shocking, and I'm convinced they were the true Super Bowl champs.
Ironically, Randy Moss makes a cameo appearance in this episode. Let's not forget that Thanksgiving Day
when he torched the Cowboys with three receptions for 163 yards and three touchdowns (51 yd, 56 yd, and 56 yd).
The Art of Give and Take: Ah, Juwan Howard...I hate him. He should've been immediately fired after
throwing a punch at a Wisconsin Badgers' assistant coach. Otherwise, Woody Hayes would've stayed on after he
threw the infamous punch. Regardless, college basketball has always been 100% joke. My advice to any fan who
wastes his time following it is to wait for five years or so to see if a team's NCAA title is for real. A case
in point: the Fab Five's two Final Four appearances.
Season Five (2000)
Rate:
4 out of 5
Viewed:
3/26
3/26:
The show is much more balanced now while keeping all elements intact.
Here's my analysis for some of the following episodes:
Making Things Happen: Yeah, they did make a movie about the baseball player who shot himself in the
leg, but he was out there killing animals, so no sympathy from me! Here's my review:
The Stratton Story. I'm surprised that Arliss didn't make a reference
to Ty Cobb because he was involved in a movie about him: Cobb. By the way,
Atlanta Falcons' Jamal Anderson would never recover from the knee injury and had been arrested plenty of times
for displaying bizarre behavior. There are stories around Georgia about him that's probably
due to CTE, and many say he's 100% gay.
Creatures of Habit: Frank Deford wrote the book that led to a film called
Everybody's All-American.
I Get Involved: It's funny to see Jerry Jones and Jeffrey Lurie in the same episode. Since it was aired
in 2000, the Eagles have been to eight NFC championship games and four Super Bowls, winning two, while the
Cowboys have been to exactly zero.
Comings and Goings: It's the very young-looking Tony Gonzalez. That woud be his fourth season in the
NFL, and he didn't retire until after the 17th season, missing just one game. I didn't realize it was Carl
Lewis at first because of his shaved head. Oh, man...Stuart Scott. I absolutely hated him back then and didn't
care when he died in 2015. He was the primary reason for ruining ESPN's SportsCenter because of his
foolish attempts to sound "cool" and "hip." As a result, I completely tuned out from the channel and had never
looked back. Of course, it eventually went in the shitter. Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann were so good in the
90's that they were easily missed.
The Value of Honesty: Like I've said before, nobody cares about WNBA.
The Sum of the Parts: Kevin Greene made into the Hall of Fame in 2016 and died four years later at
the age of 58.
Honoring Our Past: Pretty ironic episode that eventually came true with the Cleveland Indians becoming
the Guardians in 2021 with its iconic logo removed a few years earlier. It's funny when a Native American kid was
asked if Bruce Smith remained his favorite player and said that he was until signing with the Redskins.
Washington would change its mascot to the Commanders in 2022.
A Breed Apart: Jason and Jeremy Giambi were big-time steroid users with the latter dying of suicide
in 2022. Dan Wilkinson beats up women, having been arrested for it in 1996, and yet Arliss was okay
with him being on the show?
You Can Pick Your Friends...: Here's another female beater: Jim Brown. I didn't realize until now
that Robert Wuhl and David Keith looked alike.
Where There's a Will...: Yeah, true...Robert Wuhl was in Batman
and would be appropriate to say that the rest of the sequels sucked. By the way, why not find out who
married the dead jockey first? That should settle the estate question. And no...marriage to a guy
wasn't legal back then....unless it happened in Vermont which passed a law in 2000 about same-sex couples
being entitled to benefits. Massassachusetts would be the first state to approve same-sex marriage in 2003.
When Opportunity Knocks: Ah...spring football. It's always been fool's gold. Donald Trump used to own
the New Jersey Generals and had a bright idea of the USFL suing the NFL for being monopolistic. They won the case
but only got $3 out of it, causing the league to declare bankruptcy. That's why Donald Trump is blackballed by
the NFL in terms of buying a team. There are two simple reasons why spring football will never work, at least
for the long term: 1) The NFL runs from July to January/February and there's college football, too, but fans are
tired of watching any more afterwards and need a break; and 2) There's absolutely no talent in any spring football
league, making for a very slow and ordinary game. The only way it can work is signing the great players
for much more money than the NFL can possibly offer which explains why the AFL succeeded in the 60's, forcing
a historic merger, but they don't have it...so no deal! On the other hand, an athlete who can't speak clearly?
Very common.
Season Six (2001)
Rate:
3 out of 5
Viewed:
3/26
3/26:
This season is way worse than I expected: so much crude language with some sexual stuff thrown in.
Here's my analysis for some of the following episodes:
Setting Precedents: Yep, it's usual that multimillionaire athletes can't read or write.
Daunte Culpepper? Disgusting. Nobody should forget the Love Boat scandal that occurred in 2005.
You Are Your Priorities: "What Baltimore Ravens tackle tips the scale at a whopping 360 pounds?"
And that's why Tony Siragusa died of a heart attack at 55 in 2022.
The Price of Their Toys: Gross.
Of Cabbages and Kings: Obviously, the character is modeled after Bobby Knight. Indiana fired him the year
before because of the choking incident. Despite his unmatched sterling credentials in college basketball history,
Bobby Knight's assholeness for so many years became impossible to stand.
As Others See Us: Again, gross. It's hard to believe that Sparky Anderson was okay with being part of the
obscene roast. He should've known better. Speaking of that, I got one for Marshall Faulk: he's so fucking
stupid that he doesn't know the meaning of "sexual harassment."
Giving Something Back: An all-time fraud appears: Marion Jones. She would lie for years and years until
finally charged in 2007; as a result, everything she did in track and field from 2000 and onward no longer
counted.
Season Seven (2002)
Rate:
3 out of 5
Viewed:
3/26
3/26:
Again, they went overboard with the sexual stuff while losing luster by having less well-known athletes than
before.
Overall, Arliss is a great TV show that's accurate in pretty much everything, predicting a lot of
incidents that would happen the next 25 years, no matter how insane they may have seemed at the time. Robert Wuhl
and Jim Turner are indispensable while Sandra Oh and Michael Boatman are okay but can be easily replaced.
Here's my analysis for some of the following episodes:
The Immortal: It's the final acting performance for James Coburn who would die mere months later.
What You See Is What You Get: It's hard to believe that this show was okay with having double-murderer
Ray Lewis on. Hey, Ray...where's the white suit?
There's No I in Team: Good one, Kirby. I didn't see that coming.
Playing it Safe: Another track cheat appears: Maurice Greene. This episode foresaw what would come for
the NFL when Michael Sam decided to come out in 2014. As expected, he was shot down after given a phony chance;
the truth is that he wasn't good enough. For MLB, Billy Bean did in 1999...much after retirement. However,
he wasn't the first; that would be Glenn Burke of the Dodgers while he was an active player. Believe it or
not, Burke invented the high five that would become commonplace. Since then, both have died young: Billy Bean
and Glenn Burke at ages 60 and 42, respectively.
Moments to Remember: Gross. By the way, Jack LaLanne is the father of modern fitness. He invented
many products that are ubiquitous today such as the Smith machine, leg extension machine, cable pulley
machine, weight selectors on machines, health clubs (opening the United States' first ever in 1936), protein
supplement drinks, resistance bands, and protein bars.
It's All in the Game: Yep, Bill Romanowski...one of the dirtiest NFL players ever, but he was actually
good, finding himself on many championship teams, and I was a big fan of his.
Standards and Practices: Well, Marshall Faulk went to San Diego State and ended up having a Hall of
Fame career in the NFL. That's how the school landed on the map nationally, so what's the issue? As for the
coach suddenly leaving for greener pastures, it happens all...the...time. Sideline reporters? Who cares about
them?
End Game: It's a combination of Searching for Bobby Fischer,
Rain Man, and By the Sword. Primal
Scream Therapy? Please...that was a fad back in the 70's.
Profiles in Agenting: Two well-known black TV stars show up: Steven Williams of
21 Jump Street and Marla Gibbs of The Jeffersons.
All That Glitters: It's a disappointing series finale with some material reminding me of an awful show
called Twin Peaks.