Arliss
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Season One (1996)
Rate:
4 out of 5
Viewed:
8/25
8/25:
Which came first: Arliss or Jerry Maguire?
The former, of course. I watched that show every year without fail and thought it was extremely funny, being so
much better than the latter. What got my eye as well was the insane number of guest stars who happened to be
involved with sports in any capacity. Therefore, I had never forgotten it and was able to catch the
reruns on HBO streaming service. I love the ending each time: "My name is Arliss Michaels. I represent athletes.
These are my stories."
As for the main cast, Robert Wuhl is so much better here than he was in other movies such as
Bull Durham, Batman, and
Cobb. My favorite will always be Jim Turner as Kirby Carlisle; he's hysterical
in a Kramer way. Michael Boatman and Sandra Oh are good as well. Meanwhile, I didn't realize that Season One
was baseball heavy. It shows everyone how badly the longtime popular sport has been eclipsed by the NFL in
the last three decades.
Here's my analysis for some of the following episodes:
A Man of Our Times: It's extremely interesting to hear Jerry Jones talk and the illegal scheme to make
money on the point spread. I wish a real athlete was in the place of Mailon Rivera for Latrelle Shabazz because
there's a good chance of it being true for that said person.
Negotiating: It's Never Personal: The Southern cooking will get ya every single time. Ironically, this
episode could've been about Brent Barry because he sure missed tons of games during his career.
Athletes ARE Role Models: Yep, I cite two examples for support. One, Eugene Robinson, a fine upstanding
Christian, received the Bart Starr Award which was given annually to an "NFL player who best
exemplifies outstanding character and leadership in the home, on the field, and in the community." Hours later,
he was arrested for soliciting a prostitute for oral sex. The next day, the Falcons got smoked by the Broncos
in the Super Bowl, and Eugene agreed to return the award. Two, Tiger Woods and his porn stars...need I say more?
Guest stars include two criminals: Al Michaels (DUI) and Warren Moon (extensive history of wife beating).
What About the Fans?: Hey, Kobe...how do you say "rapist" in Italian? Anyway, it's interesting to hear the
possible relocations. For hockey, Las Vegas got its own team in 2017 while the Hartford Whalers moved to North
Carolina in 1997. In the NFL, the Rams and the Raiders did both move in 1995 and then repeated it in 2016 and
2020, respectively.
The Company You Keep: Ah, Barry Bonds...one of the biggest cheaters in MLB history.
The Client's Best Interest: Philly fans will love this star-studded episode which is the funniest of
Season One. Managed by Jim Fregosi, the Philadelphia Phillies had serious talent during the early 90's which saw
them go to the '93 World Series after beating the formidable Atlanta Braves: Dave Hollins, Darren Daulton,
John Kruk, Lenny Dykstra, Jim Eisenreich, Pete Incaviglia, Mickey Morandini, Mitch Williams, Curt Schilling, Terry
Mulholland, Tommy Greene, and so on. Who can forget Joe Carter's winning home run off Mitch Williams?
The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of: Obviously, Rocky Framaggio is Mickey Mantle who passed away the year
before at age 63. He was probably the greatest ballplayer ever, having endured so much pain from various
injuries sustained through his long career. It's uncanny how much Ken Howard resembles Mickey Mantle.
Season Two (1997)
Rate:
4 out of 5
Viewed:
8/25
8/25:
Season Two is great as usual.
I have no complaints. However, I notice that Michael Boatman isn't featured much. I'm okay with it as
long as Jim Turner has a great deal of screen time as Kirby Carlisle. He's the best.
Here's my analysis for some of the following episodes:
The Value of Loyalty: Carmen Policy is amusing, especially when he referred to the Dallas Cowboys
as the "evil empire." Plus, he remarked about the Chiefs poaching three of the 49ers' quarterbacks: Joe Montana,
Steve Bono, and Elvis Grbac. There were one before and one after: Steve DeBerg and Alex Smith. And there's
the legendary coach Bill Walsh who said he might be taking a trip to Kansas City. Uh oh...
Arliss Michaels, American: Obviously, the gay bowler is a spoof of Dennis Rodman, right down to
where he bowled one straight up to the photographer's balls. By the way, it's not "1616 Philadelphia
Avenue" or "1600 Philadelphia Avenue" but "1600 Pennsylvania Avenue."
The World at Your Feet: Let me guess: Comet is Michael Chang? Yeah, I saw him play, and he was really good.
The Real Thing: Roger Clemens a " future Hall of Famer"? That's funny. Just another huge cheater in
baseball history. Arliss said that Pete Rose would be in the Hall of Fame, too. Nope, it still hasn't happened
so far. In the meantime, Cortez Kennedy died in 2017 at age 48.
The Truth and Responsibility: It's an interesting lineup of athletes, beginning with two of the
biggest cheats in baseball: Barry Bonds and Ken Caminiti. The latter confessed to steroid use and died of
drug overdose through speedball in 2004. Then, it's topped by the appearance of Pete Rose. Eric Karros? Eh, he
was mediocre and never made a single All-Star team during his 14-year career. David Justice was a
popular player with the Braves, and rumors persisted for so long that he beat Halle Berry, but the truth is it
was Wesley Snipes who did. On the other hand, Jim Harbaugh was an outstanding quarterback back in the day,
especially with the Colts. I remain convinced that the end of the play during the AFC Championship Game against
the Steelers was actually a reception. If you watched billiards back then, surely you would recognize the most
famous Asian female player, Jeanette Lee, who went by the name of Black Widow and always wore the same black
clothes. By the way, Kirby is emulating Don Imus who eventually got himself in huge trouble in 2007 by using
racial epithets to describe some of the Rutgers University female basketball players.
Season Three (1998)
Rate:
3 out of 5
Viewed:
8/25
8/25:
Season Three is slowing down.
There are too much sex and cigar smoking. Both need to be cut down. While at it, focus has to get back to
sports. Many episodes have been bland.
Here's my analysis for some of the following episodes:
My Job Is to Get Jobs: Yeah, the best chance of being employed in the NFL is to commit a
felony. The more, the better. As for the black-and-white thing, that's also 100% true. At the time, and
remember the episode aired on June 14, 1998, there were fourteen NFL teams that hadn't yet started a black
quarterback: Arizona Cardinals (the first time it finally happened: 2003), Atlanta Falcons (2001), Baltimore
Ravens (1999), Carolina Panthers (2002), Green Bay Packers (2013), Houston Texans (2003), Indianapolis Colts
(2016), Jacksonville Jaguars (2002), Kansas City Chiefs (2000), Miami Dolphins (2002), New England Patriots
(2016), New Orleans Saints (2000), New York Giants (2017) thanks to the most racist owners in the league (the Mara
family), and San Francisco 49ers (2010). Here's a fun fact: Warren Moon holds the record of being the first
black starting quarterback for four different teams. Regardless, it's pretty pathetic, considering the NFL
had been in operation since 1920. How about that creepy asshole owner of the New England Patriots, Bob Kraft, who
was busted for solicitation of a prostitute in 2019 and got away with it cleanly despite the video evidence?
Whatever It Takes: An all-time asshole appears: Jim Rome. Where's Jim Everett? He needs to beat him up
some more.
Fans First: Oh, my goodness...Ryan Leaf in the flesh. Talk about the biggest bust in NFL history, and the
Chargers drafted him over Peyton Manning? Keep in reminder the crap hadn't happened yet when this episode first
aired. That means Arliss got lucky while Leigh Steinberg whiffed totally. By the way, remember the stupid incident
involving Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan? Oksana Baiu is the one who won the gold medal that year, and she was
16.
The Family Trust: Here's another scumbag criminal: Willie McGinest. Never trust his friendly face. By
the way, why isn't he in prison already after he beat up some guy at a restaurant in 2022?
The Legacy: Obviously, the said school is Notre Dame University, the biggest hypocrite in the history of
college sports by overlooking its high ideals in favor of talented but criminal athletes to make a lot of moolah!
To learn all about it, I suggest reading
Under the Tarnished Dome: How Notre Dame Betrayed Ideals for Football Glory
by Don Yaeger. Barry Switzer...pathetic. Since the Cowboys won a Super Bowl under him, they haven't
come close to the same level of success which makes it thirty years now.
The Working Man's Friend: Two cheaters appear: Jerry Tarkanian and Iván Rodríguez. The former
must have committed thousands of NCAA violations during his coaching career. And for the latter, anyone
associated with the Rangers in the early 90's is an automatic steroid user. Jose Canseco, Rafael "I Have
Never Used Steroids Period" Palmeiro, Juan González, Iván Rodríguez...the list goes on and on with all of
them being having been singled out in Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits & How Baseball Got Big.
Picabo Street was arrested in 2016 for domestic violence by pushing her daddy down the stairs and locking him
in the basement. Of course, charges were dropped.
Stanley Babson... Win, Place, or Show: Curt Shilling and investments don't belong in the same sentence.
That's because he declared bankruptcy in 2012, losing $50 million of his own money on some stupid video game
company along with a $75 million loan from Rhode Island that he was forced to pay back later.
His Name Is Arliss Michaels: It's one of the best episodes in series history, using a clever tie-in
with the most pseudo-serious show ever, Real Sports, because nothing happens afterwards.
Season Four (1999)
Rate:
4 out of 5
Viewed:
8/25
8/25:
Season Four is better now by having less sex while focusing more on issues in sports.
Here's my analysis for some of the following episodes:
Cause and Effect: Hey, Arliss...how about giving up cigars and alcohol? Not so hard to understand the
correlation between them and cancer, is it? But yeah, it's true: Robert Wuhl was on The $20,000 Pyramid
for one episode in 1973.
The Stories You Don't Hear About: What the hell happened to Prince Naseem Hamed? The arrogant fuck used
to showboat all the time during boxing nights on HBO and then disappeared for good after losing the first match
of his career.
The Changing of the Guard: Terrible writing, probably because of Rick Reilly. By the way,
Helga Krupp is obviously Marge Schott, the most infamous owner of the Cincinnati Reds. She had a Saint Bernard,
was a chain-smoker which led to her death, blurted out tons of racist and anti-semite stuff, wouldn't pay more than
enough to acquire talent, and hated winning so much that she didn't celebrate her only World Series title in
1990. Worse, the episode made her look good.
You Gotta Love This Game: That's interesting which foretold 100% of what's to come in terms of
sex change and transsexual athletes. Listen to the lines such as "Terry, you and I both know
that half of America thinks it's all gay to begin with. Wait 'till they find out a transsexual's playing."
Of course, nobody watches WNBA; it's been losing hundreds of millions since day one, going back to 1997. And NBA
had a lockout? Ha! The league has been irrelevant since Michael Jordan retired for the second time.
D-Day: Matt Armstrong sinks to 5th? Do you want to talk about the most spectacular draft day fall of
all time? That would have to be Randy Moss' in 1998. He was the greatest college football player I had seen
in my life. His talent was off the charts, and there hadn't been anybody like him before then. I couldn't
believe the number of teams passing on him including the Dallas Cowboys. After Randy Moss was selected 21st by
the Minnesota Vikings, they went on to destroy everybody during the regular
season and set an NFL record for the most points scored. Their loss to the Atlanta Falcons in the
NFC Championship Game was pretty shocking, and I'm convinced they were the true Super Bowl champs.
Ironically, Randy Moss makes a cameo appearance in this episode. Let's not forget that Thanksgiving Day
when he torched the Cowboys with three receptions for 163 yards and three touchdowns (51 yd, 56 yd, and 56 yd).
The Art of Give and Take: Ah, Juwan Howard...I hate him. He should've been immediately fired after
throwing a punch at a Wisconsin Badgers' assistant coach. Otherwise, Woody Hayes could stay on after he
threw the infamous punch. Regardless, college basketball has always been 100% joke. My advice to any fan who
wastes his time following it is to wait for five years or so to see if a team's NCAA title is for real. A case
in point: the Fab Five's two Final Four appearances.
Season Five (2000)
Rate:
out of 5
Viewed:
9/25
9/25:
Here's my analysis for some of the following episodes:
Making Things Happen: Yeah, they did make a movie about the baseball player who shot himself in the
leg, but he was out there killing animals, so no sympathy from me! Here's my movie review:
The Stratton Story. I'm surprised that Arliss didn't make a reference
to Ty Cobb because he was involved in a movie about him: Cobb. By the way,
Atlanta Falcons' Jamal Anderson would never recover from the knee injury, and he's been arrested plenty of times
for displaying bizarre behavior. There are stories around Georgia about him that's probably
due to CTE, and many say he's 100% gay.
Creatures of Habit: Frank Deford wrote the book that led to a film called
Everybody's All-American.