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Anaconda (1997)

Rate: 5
Viewed: 2/15

Anac
2/15: The Jaws of snake pictures, Anaconda is probably responsible for many myths about the eponymous nonvenomous creature.

Part of the reason why the former worked well is that the shark looked real; this way, nobody could laugh about it afterwards. But the latter, the opposite is true. The snake looks so fake that it's the primary cause of the film's downfall. Hence, the acting, mostly from Jon Voight, saves it.

If the anaconda was more realistic-looking, my rating would've been higher. There are several effective scary moments. However, the implausibility of the ending is too much to overcome. Snakes don't normally attack on the offensive or go after more victims once they've eaten one.

It's been confusing at times when I was trying to figure out how many anacondas there were supposed to be. I counted only two, but there might be more lurking around. Hence, it's doubtful the surviving characters' adventure is truly over after killing two. On the other hand, I must ask this daming question: how did the South American Indians survive them, even with primitive tools? Like National Geographic, people who undertake such expedition trips for documentary purposes will have done the research first to be aware of what they are facing to prevent surprises. Hence, they should've known there would be anacondas.

So, anyway, yeah...it's Jon Voight, even at his worst, who's too good for everybody except for Eric Stoltz who disappears for a while which is actually funny. Truth be told, Jon Voight's antics have gotten worse over time because his mannerisms are repetitive, reminding me of Oscar "Manny" Manheim from Runaway Train. I half-expected Eric Roberts to jump out from nowhere onto the screen.

Jonathan Hyde provides comic relief from time to time. He's funny in a dry way like somebody who'll rather be drinking martinis and golfing elsewhere. Jennifer Lopez, who looks almost unrecognizable, is in dire need of growing back her eyebrows. The rest of the cast is dismal, even by B-movie standards.

All in all, Anaconda is only one level above the heap of trash that's shown regularly on SyFy (Sci-Fi Channel, Sci Fi, or whatever the hell it's called nowadays).