11. Important Classic and Contemporary Films.
So sayeth the Criterion Collection. Yeah...okay. Here are some of them: RoboCop, Armageddon, Chasing Amy, The Rock, Ghost World, and True Stories. "Important"?!? The following had already been released on DVD before they were picked up by Criterion Collection, but there's virtually zero difference between them: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Videodrome, Sunday Bloody Sunday, and Babette's Feast. So, people are paying more for no reason. At this rate the company is going, it'll make every single movie that exists as part of their collection. Many are either overrated, crap, pretentious, or boring. That's why I think of Criterion as "Overrated Collection."

12. They Still Look Great, Regardless.
Characters are beaten up in the film. Their heads are constantly pounded with fists, metal pipes, and baseball bats, yet they still look good after the fight. There may be a bruise or a cut here and there. It's no big deal. The next day, their face is the same as before. What a wonderful world it is.

13. Why Did They Do It?!?
A classic movie is remade, but it's way worse than the original. Why? Why? Why? Think of Psycho, The Manchurian Candidate, and Get Carter. The purpose of a remake is to improve on the original by correcting the mistakes because it had potential to begin with such as Sorcerer, The Thing, and Cape Fear. Someday, Casablanca, Gone with the Wind, and The Godfather will be remade, but I won't be watching them. So...enjoy.

14. Don't Lie to Me: You Actually Hate Them, Too.
I can't stand foreign movies. Give me Stallone, McQueen, or Van Damme any time of the day. Always long, slow, and boring, they move like glaciers. Duuuuuulllll, slooooowwwww, and booooorrrriiiinnngggg...come on, hurry it up, let's get going. For goodness' sake, forget it. I'm going to sleep. Zzzzzzz.......

15. An Earthquake Has Come.
I'm used to watching scenes that are perfectly still. That's how it was done in most films during the 20th century. But some of the new ones aren't interested in sticking with the standard by wanting to shake the camera violently. As a result, I've developed a splitting headache.

16. I Love New York.
I hate New York City films. Almost every one of them that takes place there wants me to feel it's so, so, so special. Guess what??? I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE CITY. Just can it already, and while at it, find another location to shoot the picture in. There are millions of them in the United States. Not everybody lives in New York City...damn!

17. Once Beautiful but Now Ugly as Heck.
Some thespians were once at top of the world in terms of physical beauty, having been voted as sex symbols. Then for some reason, they just let themselves go! Some of it is due to plastic surgery, overeating, alcohol, and drugs. Mickey Rourke, Kim Novak, Marlon Brando, Meg Ryan, Tom Berenger, Bridget Fonda, Uma Thurman, Melanie Griffith...the list goes on and on. Why couldn't they, you know, live like normal people?

18. It's Like Playing 52 Pickup.
Some films have so many characters that I'm unable to keep up with, let alone remembering their names. War pictures such as The Longest Day and Is Paris Burning? are guilty of this. Recent movies like Gosford Park and Dreamgirls have done the same thing, too. It takes a skilled director to bring coherence to the mess.

19. Slow as Molasses in January.
The death knell of any film is slow pace. It doesn't matter what the actual running time is: ten minutes, half an hour, ninety minutes, or three hours. If the movie moves too slow, I fall asleep. Sometimes, I just stop playing it and watch something else. To get back to the other one, I'll break it down to ten- or fifteen-minute segments at a time over a matter of days until it's over, so I can review the damn film. It's very rare that I've completely given up on the film, but it has happened before.

20. The Ego of Really, Really Old Men.
A leading male star is paired up with a beauty. The problem? He's old enough to be her father. Some of the egregious examples are: Henry Fonda and Susan Clark in Madigan: 35-year age difference, Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt in As Good as It Gets: 26-year age difference, Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn in Charade: 26-year age difference, and Clint Eastwood and Rene Russo in In the Line of Fire: 24-year age difference. The ridiculousness just got to stop.